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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messa      Home login  
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 KaoticMisphit
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 1
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
So maybe its just me, and maybe there is always a thread on here about this. But I find it hard to get to know someone through messages on here, or through texts , even phone calls is a little hard for me. I personally am a visual learner, always have in no matter what i'm trying to learn. I learn just as much if not more from a persons body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice than the words they speak. So I message some one that sparks my interest, and yes I understand it seems pushy, I just feel that the message is the breaking of the ice, so if the messages goes well, I will ask them for a meet and great, for maybe a drink or dinner at a public place. So here it is, Why do woman think that is creepy? its not like I am asking you over to my house for a drink on the first meeting. anyone else have a little input, It would be greatly appreciated.
Here are the bullet points,
1. Do you think it is really obtainable to get to know someone through messages?
2. When is it too soon to ask for a meet and greet ?
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 2
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 8:59:41 AM
Do what works for YOU, if it doesn't work for THEM = adios

Here's what I do ( used to do when I was still optimistic ) :

1. send a msg
2. talk on the phone
3. meet in person

IMO this should all happen within a week , 2 weeks MAX

Remember this mantra :

" IT ISN'T REAL UNTIL YOU MEET "
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3
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History
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:03:45 AM
1. It's not possible to truly get to know somebody through messaging, or phone calls, or a few meetings because that process takes time.
2. I think what's creepy and too fast depends on the level of feeling comfortable with you that you can create with a person. Given your profile, it's hard for me to imagine that one email from you would make me feel comfortable enough to meet.

The process I preferred was a few messages back and forth (maybe 3 or 4 each). One (or more depending on how things worked out with any given person) phone call. And a meet no later than two weeks after first contact (and that's at the very most).

You have to figure out what works for you.

Of course if you don't get ANY takers with whatever approach you choose, you may want to adjust.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 4
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:12:56 AM
Ditto, ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ What he and she said. Exactly.
 KaoticMisphit
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 5
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:25:03 AM
Yeah i'm in the mindset I am too old for games. So generally if the first interaction doesn't progress, thats about it. time to go on to the next!
 KaoticMisphit
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 6
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:30:20 AM
see that last thing is, I am who I am, I have spent my life becoming the man I am, and I will not change for anyone, You take me the way I am or not at all. That is the main reason why I am still single, every woman I date wants to change something, like my clothes, my haircut, contacts, and of course the big ones, do you really need to smoke, or have that 3rd drink with dinner.
As I stated to all I court, ITS who I am and what I do.
JMO
no one is happy with their mate they are always trying to change something about them
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 7
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:31:05 AM
In the effort of prying someone off a screen, I'd say that the goal of the messaging process is to establish intention for meeting face to face rather quickly. No matter what you prefer, you can't establish real interest or attraction until you've met in person.

A lot of people play mind games, but those are usually the ones who won't meet after expressing interest in doing such, or will begin being wishy washy after meeting. In either case, they were just not interested and had an agenda different from your own. Don't hate the players, hate the games.

And about this whole attitude about not wanting to change? A relationship is a compromise and yes, there may be things you will have to change, even if you don't understand why the change is necessary. I in no way intend to change my boyfriend, I do however want to him to improve things about himself, and I will help him get there. I don't see it as me trying to change him, I see it as me trying to improve his quality of life, as such will improve my own.

Edit to add:

Oh GAWD, the gold digger fear. Imagine if a woman were so concerned about making sure the guy doesn't want to have sex with, that she dresses like a bum and doesn't bathe in a couple of dates. I don't think you'll be seeing her again either. You can't be out to be too on the defense either.

In my experience, gold diggers are usually people who don't have much and are after someone who has much more, with nothing to offer. Date someone like yourself if that's a concern, someone with equal footing, so that at least they are not after you because they need rescue, but because they want you.

No different than flesh diggers, they are after an amenity of pu$$y with no commitment to offer, so if you want to eliminate them, make sure you f*ck them because you want to, while expecting no commitment, or just don't f*ck at all. Problem solved!
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 8
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:32:59 AM
^^^^^MSG 6

" every woman I date wants to change something, like my clothes, my haircut, contacts, and of course the big ones, do you really need to smoke, or have that 3rd drink with dinner. "







I once had a woman, who was coming over just for sex , get on my case for not having my bathroom perfectly spic and span.


I thought, seriously ?

I mean, she would go directly to my bedroom and undress right away, no kidding.

Get real !

lol
 KaoticMisphit
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 9
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:33:54 AM
Also, that's the main reason I play off that I have a successful business, I surely don't want or need a gold digger, I use an old pick up that I have had for years to go on the first meet and greet, Just to see if the person stops responding to me because of what I drive.

No time for shallow woman either, its a shame dating has to come to mind games , and us men have a ways to go to catch up the games the ladies play, but we are getting closer to evening the playing field out,
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 10
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:34:15 AM
Based on your photos (seemingly unfriendly) and your profile (uninformative), I don't see much progressing for you unless your initial email is an absolute smasher.

EDIT: I think some information can be obtained through messages, but it is mostly negative information (like lies or scammer behavior) that would have me not dating such a person.
 KaoticMisphit
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 11
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:37:57 AM
exactly, the only way to see if there is that attraction is in Person, Face to Face, I have found that no matter what dating site you are on, It seems most just want a computer romance, maybe talk on the phone once and a while, but as far as going out on a date, HMM,

So here is Mondays date. Talked to a lady In Birmingham AL for a few days, messaging , texts and on the phone, make plans to drive the 5 hours from my house in SC to AL to take here to dinner. I get half way there and all of a sudden something comes up, and can't go out to dinner but wants me to come to here place. So yeah that wasn't happening for a first meeting, So I instead went to Nashville TN and spent the night there.
 KaoticMisphit
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 12
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:43:21 AM
And saying to Improve is just a nice way of saying I WANT TO CHANGE YOU, as I stated, if your with someone you knew going into the relationship the way they were, And saying improve, Naw I don't buy that BS, so as soon as someone talks about maybe i should do this different, its in your best interest, time for me to go,

Now if your talking about improving spending habits or job status to better prepare yourself for the future than thats different,
which is what I am NOT getting at.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 13
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:47:16 AM
So, what is the difference between 'improving' spending habits/job status/etc. to better prepare yourself for the future and 'improving' yourself to maintain a future healthy relationship?

EDIT: I don't believe anyone can change anyone other than themselves.
 KaoticMisphit
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 14
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:48:00 AM
So your the type that judges a book by a cover i take it, and actually I have revised my profile a hundred times over the years, I write poetry even had one posted on my profile at one point, then I found out that someone paste and copied it and tried to post it as there own in a poetry contest, sad for them, my poetry is all copyrighted so Yeah I got the notice about 3 months after they submitted it.

and what do you mean unfriend, I think I would like to hear that?

And as you can see I sadly have been on this site for years, too many to be exact, and yes I will say I am picky, I know what I want and what I am looking for, and will not settle for anything less.

But we are still getting off topic here,
I am talking about only the getting to know and meet someone, I am still talking about the initial meeting, My exact first message is this,

How are you doing today? Came across your profile and I am interested in getting a chance to talk if your interested?
Enjoy your day ,
LP

Because I do know that it is all about physically appearance that decides if they want to talk or not, and there are plenty of current pic of me up on my profile.
no sense wasting time writing a long first message since I know the first thing someone does is look at the pic, and if not attracted it gets unread , deleted and you get blocked,
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 15
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History
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:58:04 AM
Everybody judges books by their cover.

The cover has a picture and a write up of what's going to be in the book.

Only somebody bored out of her wits (or somebody on a deserted island with only one book in sight) would say to herself, Oh, look, here's a book. It says it's about new insights on the human DNA and has a picture of a double helix. I love a good romance novel. Let me read this book.

If the book doesn't look and sound appealing to me, I'm not going to waste my precious time with it.

If you think people will want to meet you because you may have attractive inner qualities even though your pictures and profile are not . . . well, good luck to you!
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 16
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 10:01:10 AM

and what do you mean unfriend, I think I would like to hear that?

While others on profile review will be much better, here's a quick countdown of my impressions of your photos.

Your first picture seems to be glaring.
Your second picture has two large dogs (I like dogs - GSD and Bloodhound? - but some women don't like indoor dogs - particularly on the bed(?) they might wish to share with you. Also the angle is odd. Oops, I missed the lab at first glance.
The third picture is a sunset - nice enough but somewhat clich├ęd. If you keep it (I think it's against POF policy) then you might wish to reference it in your profile... 'come watch a perfect sunset with me' or something else to explain why it's there.
Picture four and six - you lecturing. It's ho-hum by itself.
Picture five - I can't tell if you're at a wedding or a funeral, you're squinting although this appears to be your friendliest photo. Even so, I can't call that a smile.
Picture seven - blurry, even with my glasses on, otherwise not too bad.



So your the type that judges a book by a cover i take it, and actually I have revised my profile a hundred times over the years,

It's a very human thing to do - judge books by their covers. Though I don't make a final judgement until I've at least skimmed through the pages.
Have you revised your profile with the assistance of the Profile Review thread?

EDIT:

But we are still getting off topic here,
I am talking about only the getting to know and meet someone, I am still talking about the initial meeting, My exact first message is this,

How are you doing today? Came across your profile and I am interested in getting a chance to talk if your interested?
Enjoy your day ,
LP

Because I do know that it is all about physically appearance that decides if they want to talk or not, and there are plenty of current pic of me up on my profile.


Your message is boring and non-specific. How about
"How are you today? I came across your profile and am interested in getting a change to talk to you about (something from her profile) at Starbucks on Main Street. Enjoy your day.'
Further, if you know it's all about appearance, they put up your best photos and if these are them then have better photos taken.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 17
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 10:11:13 AM
I don't. I don't consider knowing anyone to start until I meet them face to face. Exceptions would be children who have penpals in other countries, etc... Not so much a dating site.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 18
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 10:18:25 AM

no one is happy with their mate they are always trying to change something about them


Bull crap!
The only thing I changed? Got him to change his mind over? He had never been in a hot jacuzzi tub, with the jets on.
"I'm not interested", he said. Somehow I have managed to drag him in twice now. LOL
Made motel reservations for A HOG rally this summer in Ohio. Booked a room with Jacuzzi tub. He said, "Oh great, that'll feel good on my back after the long haul down there."
Yepper, I "changed him"! LOL

LOL Somehow I'm not surprised, this thread turned south.
 KaoticMisphit
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 19
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 10:42:16 AM
Well see some of us like to put who we look like everyday, my pics are me, maybe some stubble and a little longer hair, but me in everyday images, Its not like I am going to get a Glamour shot done(hmm like some people do on dating sites) because that isn't me, I am a simple man and yes I do not take good photos, nor do I like photos taken of me because I have at one point in time hand to always have a photo taken multiple times a day in the job I was in, so Yeah, I really dislike photo taking an as they say now selfies,
 KaoticMisphit
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 20
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 10:46:35 AM
And no I didn't use any outside help, because again that isn't me. I put into my own words what I want to express, if they are interested they are if not oh well, it really isn't no biggie, I really had no expectations coming into trying to find someone on the net, and I have tried them all, Match, zoosk, eharmony, its all pretty much the same no matter what site you are on. So after 4 years, this is my last week, I will just go back to trying to meet people the ole fashion way, you know in real life.
so I guess the point is mute. I was just trying to get mindset of people who actually think they have fallen head over heels for someone when all they have done is exchanged a few messages,
 Mz_Dressup
Joined: 11/15/2014
Msg: 21
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 10:51:05 AM
Not "mute". You're looking for "moot".

Good luck to you in real life, in case I'm not around when that one week barrier comes crashing down.
 KaoticMisphit
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 22
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 10:58:09 AM
no mute, is I was looking for, because as with Moot I would try to bring up a subject, where as here it is Mute because I am putting the subject to rest in my aspect because I am going to delete the profile at the end of the week,

and as I just realized I have two profiles on here, One as Kaoticmispit which I had when I lived in NH, and the other which I started last year when I moved to SC as Lpratt73, Guess there are 2 I have to delete now,
 Mz_Dressup
Joined: 11/15/2014
Msg: 23
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 11:01:07 AM
Mute/moot, okay...

Surprising that PoF hasn't deleted either or both profiles as each user is only suppose to have one. You've had a good run.
 KaoticMisphit
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 24
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 11:07:39 AM
I had no idea, I didn't think about it until I saw that other post about my pic with the sunset, and that pic was actually taken in Texas on my way to Cali for work. as I am just to do I am deleting the one that I started this post with, though actually I just looked the only profile that is active and showing up on searches is the lpratt73 one, so I guess that is why they haven't been deleted, because I don't have to active profiles at once,
maybe? not sure,
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 25
Do you really think its possible to get to know someone through messages through Here?
Posted: 4/20/2016 11:40:15 AM
Well...It sounds like you have it all figured out and have made up your mind....lol.
Farewell to another happy customer.
You all come back now...ya hear!!!
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