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 Telly986
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 1
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How can i ask my co worker out?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
There's this guy at my work who just got hired 5 months ago. Initially, We hardly talked to one another and I was indifferent towards him. This all changed few weeks later when I ran into him in stairway-the first thing he asked was if I go to the gym, to which I replied yes and asked him why he was asking. He proceeded to tell that he saw me the previous day at the gym while he was on treadmill and I was on different machine -but wasn't sure if it was me and that I looked very familiar . I confirmed that he was indeed right. The funny thing is ,I didn't even notice him at the gym that day. After chatting briefly ,I came to conclusion that he variably visits that gym as me -He visits other locations .So it was mere coincidence that we ended up at the same gym that day. Similarly, I also use various locations .I've gone back to the same location few times but my gym schedules haven't coincident with his.

In addition,We work in completely unrelated departments.(we have very minimal work-related contact) However, we seem to run into each other walking in and out of conference rooms, hallways ,elavotors and staff rooms. He now always make it a point to smile ,ask how I'm doing .I see him see him around 1-3 times a week if I'm lucky.




There's no indication that he is anything towards me other than just-being a -pleasant friendly professional capacity but I'm curious about him, and therefore want to talk to him more, spend some time with him. For the past week, I've been trying to get his attention by talking to him more but I haven't been getting back any signs that he's romantically interested in me . I've tried to be around him more often. I ask him questions to prolong what he's talking about.He hasn't asked any personal questions about myself nor has he asked for my number. I try and look my prettiest for him (shiny hair, natural makeup, fitted clothes)... and no dice.Few days ago, he saw me eating a hamburger on my lunch break. Then when he ran into me upstairs , he said "hi' again and he brought up how I was eating a hamburger and how he wanted to grab it from me. Then today, when he saw me he was like" I made myself some hamburger yesterday when I got home because of you,LOL.I just can't tell if he only likes me as friend or romantically.


So is there any chance he might be interested in me? He said he is over 30 and he appears to be in his mid 30's.I want to find ways to ask him for a coffee happy hour .I know dating co workers is a bad idea but we don't directly work together and I will be leaving the company in a year to pursue another career when I finish College.Any advice?
 lilydreams
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 2
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 12:25:34 PM
Bad idea to have a workplace romance. As they say - don't eat where you poop. It mght work but why take a chance. Are you prepared to lose you job?
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 3
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 1:37:16 PM


I try and look my prettiest for him (shiny hair, natural makeup, fitted clothes)... and no dice.


:-) I just had to quote that... it's amazing how transparent, both men and women are, when one of them is interested.

To your question....



I want to find ways to ask him for a coffee happy hour .


A tried and true way would be for you to be around him a little before lunch... start a conversation about anything... either about something happening in the company, some business related question, something about the gym... anything... the idea is that after a few minutes go by... you can simply say... it's about time for lunch... want to have lunch together... and take it from there.

I suggest you do that but, I also *strongly* suggest that you let him be the one to ask you out on a date. Unless he is leaded rock dense, he's already figured out that you like him. Therefore, if he may have his own reasons for not asking you out.

You have gone about it the right way... :-)... you make yourself all pretty, coquetish and so on... now, the next smart thing for you to do is, to ensure that the fish wants to bite the bait ;-)

Lastly, as far as dating someone you work with, given that you have little, if any, work related interaction, I wouldn't be too worried about that. Plus, you'll be leaving the company in a year or so. Don't lose any toenail polish over it.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 4
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 2:13:09 PM
First things first. Do you actually know if he married, single, or in a relationship? Maybe you should snoop around to get some more information before investing too much into the chase.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 5
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 2:48:38 PM

Bad idea to have a workplace romance. As they say - don't eat where you poop. It mght work but why take a chance. Are you prepared to lose you job?


It's a calculated gamble. But I know people that are married or in a relationship with someone they had worked with.
 Telly986
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 6
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How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 4:56:09 PM
Yes I 'm already aware of that dating co workers can get messy so please don't just come and tell me that,it's not what I'm asking.Besides I've already established that we don't directly work together and I won't be with the company long-term
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 7
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 5:02:57 PM
well why not just ask him out?
Instead of all this angst
Ask him
He says no
you have your answer
 lilydreams
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 8
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 5:08:27 PM
Telly, if you have it all figured out and don't need anyone commenting about dating someone at work, how come you can't just ask a guy out? If you're all grown up, be a grown up.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 9
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 5:30:45 PM
The next time you see him at the gym, ask him to help you with your squats...


Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk
 Telly986
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 10
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How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 5:36:35 PM
I would like to make a move but I was just the under impression that the vast majority of the guys would approach a women if they’re interested but just need a little assistance by sending them the "signal" to approach (a look, smiling, being solo to be more approachable, etc). They're even guys who admitted on online that they prefer the initiative to be left for them. On the contrary I know there is exception to this. I'd rather know where I stand than sitting agonizing hoping he'd make a move
 lilydreams
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 11
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 6:17:26 PM
How will you know how you stand with him? Do you want a co-worker to go up to him and ask him "do you like Telly in accounting?" Or someone from the gym to ask him"do you like Telly over there on the bicep curl machine?"

It's 2016, go ask him if he wants to grab a coffee or a beer after work or after the gym. Ask him.

And "signal", are you Batman and have to send up the Bat Signal over Gotham City? This dude is supposed read signals orried your mind??

Clooney or GTO or Crook...tell this girl that guys don't mind women making the first move. Wayne Gretzky said "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Telly, print that quote out as it will get you through dating and life.
 Telly986
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 12
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How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 6:31:42 PM
Thank you Lily Dreams,I agree with you,I would rather know where I stand than stay in limbo...wondering what if
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 13
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 6:35:36 PM
Ditto what Lily said.

I would be flattered if a gal was forward with me by asking if I was single.

I would definitely take the hint.

So...the next time this dude walks by?

Ask him if he's single, and if he is, ask if he'd like to meet for drinks.
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 14
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 7:05:27 PM


I would like to make a move


You already have, you've given him more attention than you'd give someone you are not interested in, you've dolled yourself up to get his attention. Odds are very high, he has noticed.



I was just the under impression that the vast majority of the guys would approach a women if they’re interested but just need a little assistance by sending them the "signal" to approach (a look, smiling, being solo to be more approachable, etc).


You got that right.



They're even guys who admitted on online that they prefer the initiative to be left for them.


and that statement is equally valid in real life.



I'd rather know where I stand than sitting agonizing hoping he'd make a move


Just keep doing what you've been doing. If he is interested, he'll make a move, if he isn't, he won't. Take the suggestion I made in my first post, create a situation where you "slide" (that is without asking him out) into having lunch together. Being outside the work environment will be much more conducive for him making a move.

Good luck.
 lilydreams
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 15
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 7:28:28 PM
^^ again, it's 2016. You're giving dating advice to a 30 year old, she could be your daughter. Things are slighty different than when we were dating in our twenties. Mixed groups hang out and go to bars, concerts, Mexican vacations, share meals, etc. and some are paired up, many are not. The great divide of male/female has lessened and young folks are friends, pals, mates as opposed to guys just hanging out with guys or girls just hanging out with girls. It's more open.

So if things are more open, why act all coy and coquettish and "girly" and throw hints and play games. "Create a situation"???? Get in there and go for what you want, ask him out. Don't follow 1979 dating "rules". You're a young woman and its 2016.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 16
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/23/2016 7:48:59 PM
I kind of sympathize with her.

With today's politically correct work force environments, saying hello could be interpreted a million different ways.

Men's balls are cut off once we enter the work place.

Off topic, there was a gal that thought it weird that a guy always showed up to get coffee when she did.

He never said a word to her.

She went to HR and claimed he was weird.

So, yeah, creating a connection at work can be hazardous :(
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 17
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/24/2016 1:25:49 AM

Off topic, there was a gal that thought it weird that a guy always showed up to get coffee when she did.

He never said a word to her.

She went to HR and claimed he was weird.

Kidding me? Wow. Work situations sure are weird. When I worked for Chase, we would often go get lunch together, so I said to one of our sales reps that we could go grab lunch at Panera Bread down the street together, and he said "Well... we're both married people." ???
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 18
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/24/2016 1:31:09 AM
OP, my cousin met her husband at work. Things got serious, and he eventually got another job. Now they're raising a son.

I agree with the idea of chatting more during lunch. If you just slap him with "I like you, want to go out?" you may get an unexpectedly weird reaction (see my example above) and have to avoid him from that point on. But, if you are pretty comfortable you can do it in such a way that the outcome won't leave you mortified, may as well get it out of the way.
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 19
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/24/2016 4:37:45 AM


^^ again, it's 2016.


Yes, it is. Very observant of you. FYI, it is also year 4349 in the Korean calendar (Korean women must be asking guys out right and left.)



You're giving dating advice to a 30 year old, she could be your daughter.


Good parents give good advice to their sons and daughters. I don't see a problem, on the contrary.



Things are slighty different than when we were dating in our twenties.


You do have a point. 30 years ago, I never heard a guy state that women should ask men out. Come to think of it, back then, I never heard a woman stating that either.



"Create a situation"????


yes... create a situation... make things happen smoothly and enjoyably. It's part of having fun.



Get in there and go for what you want, ask him out. Don't follow 1979 dating "rules".


why stop there ?... rip his clothes off and fvck his brains out on the nearest desk... on second thought... the floor will do... just be on top, so you're comfortable.

Lily... you are missing the point... it is almost a given that he has already noticed that she wants to go out with him... for whatever reason, which none of us can know for sure, he hasn't asked her out. He may simply already have a girlfriend to whom he is faithful (even in 2106 there are guys like that.) If that is the case, asking the guy out will not fulfill her desires.

She shouldn't ask the guy out but, ultimately, it's her decision to make.
 lilydreams
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 20
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/24/2016 6:15:55 AM
So she can spend the next two years looking pretty, have her hair all shiny, look all demure or,

She can go up to him and say - good morning, I was wondering if you'd like to get a drink after work.

And...if he says "oh I'm sorry, I have a girlfriend/wife". Or even if he says "thanks but no thanks" the world will not end. She won't be out there slashing her wrists. She asked a guy out, he said no and this happens to men all the time and guess what, they survive

If she can't ask a guy out how will she ever go in and ask for a raise or a promotion or something similar in life where she has to put herself forward and ask for something?
 wineaboutit
Joined: 2/18/2016
Msg: 21
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/24/2016 6:41:49 AM
I had an experience with a work place romance a number of years ago and I suppose I forgot my "no dating co-workers" rule because it had been so long and I had a more recent experience that reminded me of why it remains at least for me a bad idea. Even if you work in different departments most work places are a den of gossip and rumors and if you do date and things go wrong it can still have social conequences. The reality is if this guy was truly interested in you he would find a concrete way to express interest such as asking you to go for coffee or asking for your number. The fact that he has asked you nothing about yourself is also very telling. I think this guy just sees you as somebody he runs into once in a while and nothing more.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 22
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/24/2016 7:21:49 AM

Lily... you are missing the point... it is almost a given that he has already noticed that she wants to go out with him... for whatever reason, which none of us can know for sure, he hasn't asked her out. He may simply already have a girlfriend to whom he is faithful (even in 2106 there are guys like that.) If that is the case, asking the guy out will not fulfill her desires.


Asking would stop the dreaded "agonizing" the OP is supposedly going thru right now. Or, in the simplest of terms, asking more than likely would result in a "answer".

Most of the time.
 Telly986
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 23
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How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/24/2016 9:00:33 AM
^^^^
Exactly, I would rather know than keep wondering what if. Besides,I know a married couple where a women made the first move
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 24
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How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/24/2016 6:38:34 PM

My first response would be never EVER date someone you see around work

I don't think it's an absolutist rule at all. I think err'ing Toward that notion is a good idea of course. But if it's someone working in a different dept in a big company, who you've rarely noticed before, I believe in the Possibility. IMO, it's best to only do so if you two click really well when mingling outside work, and both approach it (verbally discussed) to approach it cautiously. Kind of like dating someone in your social circle. Bringing this awareness and everything to prevent a Bad breakup is a good idea. It will also make each person pay attention to their Ps and Qs and avoid 'games' too, as a by-product of approaching it with caution and no-big-expectations.

Situation, Bobby & Sally meeting at a local bar near the big company:
Bobby: Oh, you work for ABC Co too? What Dept?
Sally: Accounting, what about you?
Bobby: Oh, I work in the tech department. Rarely see/deal with you guys. We probably crossed paths.
Sally: Yeah
[....fruitful conversation goes on for a good long while, flirting happens, good chemistry....]
Bobby: You seem like a great gal Sally. At the risk of sounding forward, since we do have work ties, I'd like to take ya out sometime. But no big expectations at all..
Sally: Yeah, that does make it a little (giggle) complicated... I would like to, and yeah we wouldn't want to ruffle feathers.
Bobby: Exactly. Hey, no expectations. Even if we're the worst compatible match in the world as a couple, our main goal is to be on genuine friendly terms, first and foremost. We just bear in mind that it's different than just another guy or gal we met at the bar.
Sally: Agreed. And hey, it's just a date. No expectations should really be had anyway, right?
Bobby: Exactly. (smile)

I think the concept should be reiterated when it Actually comes into play, if they start going out on dates and begin to be datING. At that point, they can have interesting/fruitful talk about stuff.

OP:

For the past week, I've been trying to get his attention by talking to him more but I haven't been getting back any signs that he's romantically interested in me .

By default, realize a guy's NOT going to want to chase a girl at work just by her being cheery/happy around him. He's going to need more than that. I would say stick to that at work, but at the GYM, bump into him and just tell him that you wonder if he'd like to grab a drink some time after work. That's it. See what he says. :)

The under-the-same-roof thing throws out the concept of boy-has-to-always-ask-girl-out.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 25
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/25/2016 12:15:58 PM
Well, since the agenda seems pretty clear, this is how you can go about it.

1. Go job hunting for another job, secure that job, pass probation at that job.
2. Reach out to the guy in question and ask him out...you know...like "would like to go to blah blah place on Friday night at 7pm?"

or.........you can use common sense and simply forget about him and put your job before anyone and anything.

I've done it plenty of times, I've chosen my job over any slight interest (whether mutual or not). I've turned out co-workers, supervisors, students, patients. You name it, I've turned it down. I like total strangers, that's why I always good at meeting strangers on the internet I knew nothing about. That's how I like it. My last 2 boyfriends (plus current) were fished from online. No conflict of interest (as long as they did not attend the University I work for, the Rehab I work for, etc).

I'm not sure I understand the whole allure of the "co-worker", I always thought it was the lazy approach to dating. It requires no effort to look a few feet away, flirt, get to know them, and you know the rest. Where's the challenge or mystery in that? In Spanish, we call that approach as "a ti te gustan los mangos bajitos", meaning something who goes for low hanging fruit, because it's easy.

It is generally not a good idea to mix pleasure with business, something gets compromised. Then when things don't work out or he starts acting weird, and you feel rejected, you're not even going to want to be at work.
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