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 LittleDreamGirl
Joined: 4/27/2016
Msg: 1
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?Page 1 of 1    
Was wondering if anyone has had this experience; you've gone out with someone on a few dates, and you were attracted to them. But then, for whatever reason(s) you decided not to pursue it any further. Maybe you had sex with them or maybe you didn't. But for whatever reason, you felt that after getting to know them a little bit, that you could "do better." You then returned to online dating in your quest to find your "perfect" match. Did you ever at any point weeks or months down the road regret having ended things so soon with that person? Did you ever think, after many other uninspiring dates, that you didn't give them enough of a chance? And if so, did you ever attempt to contact the person and rekindle things?
 AgentNinety9
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 2
Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 3:14:34 AM
Nope, I've never done that. I had somebody try that with me once though. He didn't like my answer, poor thing.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 3
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 5:46:49 AM
what you are talking about, is settling because you didn't find someone better. I don't imagine the other person would be at all flattered and would tell you to take a hike. It has happened to many I am sure, including me and, no thanks...
'
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 4
Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 7:12:39 AM
No. If I was still unsure about someone after a few dates, I would probably go out on another date and see what happens. If I completely know that I am no longer interested after a few dates, that door is shut without a key to unlock it. However some women have done this to me. We would go out on 1-3 dates. They stop returning my calls / texts. Then they contact me out of the blue 1-2 months later. By that time, I have completely moved on from them.
 AgentNinety9
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 5
Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 7:21:31 AM
LittleDreamGirl, if by some chance your post is related to the other one about that guy you dated 4x, I hope it's just wishful thinking on your part. Worse would be if this guy comes back around. In which case, I hope you'll follow south_city's example.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 6
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 7:39:26 AM

But then, for whatever reason(s) you decided not to pursue it any further.


In every instance the "reason" was sufficient to give me no pause for second thought.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 7
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 7:50:51 AM
I've never regretted ending it cos I'm not feeling it. I have ended it because I get a vibe that they could hurt me is, not be as into me as I am to them. But a while later I think I might of over reacted so will attempt to contact them. Funny thing is my vibe is often right. However, if I get that vibe, end it and don't make contact often they come back and it works out. No idea what that's about?
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 8
Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 7:57:26 AM

Nope, I've never done that. I had somebody try that with me once though. He didn't like my answer, poor thing.


Yepper, just change "somebody" to more than one.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 9
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 8:24:44 AM
I had one that got away at the end of 2003. I was starting to get to know her, but somebody I was interested in previously crossed paths with me. I went with what I thought was the more sure thing, but it was a complete disaster. I'm still kicking myself to this day.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 10
Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 9:40:33 AM
Nope.

Some were fun in bed but not long term compatible.

I've been tempted but declined to contact them.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 11
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 1:13:27 PM
There is a lot of “it depends” when I think about any answer to this question.

I think the odds of having a full blown, long term romantic relationship as a result of trying again are fairly slim.

But it is an excellent way to get into a FWB relationship. You have dated them, you know that you are not truly compatible for a long term, committed relationship. But you also know that you can have fun together, in and out of bed. So …

Of course, everyone here is 100% against the idea of a FWB. At least publicly. What they say in private is, well, perhaps different? (smile)
 Scaretale
Joined: 1/9/2016
Msg: 12
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 1:25:36 PM
At every crossroad I come to, I try to take inventory of the situation, and tell myself...

"No matter what happens in the future, and no matter how I may feel...I know that this is the best possible decision for me TODAY."

That has always kept me from dwelling on regrets.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 13
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 1:27:46 PM
"Of course, everyone here is 100% against the idea of a FWB. At least publicly. What they say in private is, well, perhaps different? (smile)"

It's NOT a FWB, it's only a GF that we often go out to dinner and back to her place for a little fun. See, it's the dinner thing that makes it NOT a FWB.

I think the old days were less confusing, no one tried to parse these relationships into 20 different types. We dated, we went steady, we got married or we broke up. Not much else.
 maybeebaybee1
Joined: 2/12/2016
Msg: 14
Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 2:42:27 PM
I've never done that. But probably 75% of the men I've met over the years have tried to recycle me at some point when they ran out of other options I guess.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 15
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 3:25:37 PM
The closest I've come to this, is a few instances where I THOUGHT the woman wanted to end things, based on how she was behaving towards me. Either ignoring me, or being overtly hostile.

And then after I did my best to bow out gracefully, the woman came back, demanding to know why I dumped HER.

But I had such a VERY bad time, trying to make things work after things went that way, I never want to risk going through it again, so I wont now go back.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 4/24/2016
Msg: 16
Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 5:46:15 PM
I listen to my gut, but regardless, like to think things through. As such, no regrets, as I knew it wouldn't work, if I ended things. I don't feel its fair on someone, to leave things open ended, or worse even--play it like I'm feeling them, when they generate no interest within me.

I think that's the most cowardly thing you can do to another--play it like you like them, when you really don't.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/1/2015
Msg: 17
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 7:35:07 PM

It's NOT a FWB, it's only a GF that we often go out to dinner and back to her place for a little fun. See, it's the dinner thing that makes it NOT a FWB.
I would disagree. It's the dinner that MAKES it an FWB. "Friends" (as in, enjoy spending some non-sexual/non exclusive time together, ie go out for dinner), "with benefits" (sex).

Without the dinner, it's just a FB (I'll politely use the description "sex buddy"). The only purpose to see each other is for sex, no other time is spent together.
 LittleDreamGirl
Joined: 4/27/2016
Msg: 18
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/17/2016 11:11:47 PM

what you are talking about, is settling because you didn't find someone better. I don't imagine the other person would be at all flattered and would tell you to take a hike.


I agree, that may be true in some cases, especially with people who cannot handle being single and would rather settle than be alone. But I could also see it happening for other reasons that would not involve the person settling. Perhaps the first time, the person made a hasty and impulsive decision to end things without giving it a proper chance beyond a superficial level. Maybe they were in a "weird" place in their life and that coloured their judgment at the time. Or maybe their expectations about finding the "perfect" one for them were unrealistic and after a number of months of dating other people they realized they made a big mistake letting the other person go. I could see someone regretting letting someone go for a variety of reasons depending on the circumstance.



if by some chance your post is related to the other one about that guy you dated 4x, I hope it's just wishful thinking on your part. Worse would be if this guy comes back around. In which case, I hope you'll follow south_city's example.


It's more indirectly related to my recent negative experience with that guy as well as a few other recent happenings that got me thinking about this in general and wondering what others' experiences were. We haven't been in touch since he ended things, but the other day oddly, he phoned me. I didn't answer and he didn't leave a message. Very odd, and I'm not sure what he wanted. The other thing that happened is that my long distance ex from last year recently got back in touch with me and wanted to rekindle things sexually with me. Not quite the same as wanting a relationship, but that also got me thinking about this boomerang concept.

I've been on both sides of this. Many years ago, I briefly dated someone who I knew from university (we took classes together). We got sexual a few times and then he abruptly ended things with no real explanation. Just that he wasn't feeling it. Said he wanted to stay friends. I moved overseas for 6 months and forgot all about him and also fell in love with/ became involved with someone else very deeply. I came back to Canada and as soon as I did this guy was contacting me and asking to hang out. We did and he practically begged me to get back together with him, saying how much he missed me, wanted me, etc. and that he had made a big mistake ending it and that he had been in a bad place at the time. I had totally moved on and told him no way - that he had hurt me, I had moved on, and had gotten involved with someone else. He was extremely upset and regretful and even started to cry!

On the other side of the equation, one time I was seeing someone for about 5 months. I REALLY, really liked him and was on the verge of falling in love with him. But he was 5 years younger and quite immature. Even though he was really into me, he acted like an idiot a lot of the time and it angered and hurt me. Even though I wanted it to work out, after a number of hurtful incidents (he didn't do anything terrible he was just insensitive with things he would say on a regular basis), I dumped him. He was shocked and he too started to cry. It was a very difficult breakup, I missed him terribly and within a few months I greatly regretted having dumped him. I second guessed myself and wished I could have been a less sensitive person so that when he acted like an idiot I could laugh, rather than be hurt by it. A year after we broke up we had a fling, but he had moved on emotionally and no longer wanted to give the relationship a second chance. For several years afterwards I regretted having dumped him. Funny enough, even though we haven't had contact in well over 10 years, I saw that he recently looked me up on LinkedIn and looked at my profile, lol (although he is now married with 2 kids). This example is not quite the same as my question since I had gone out with this guy for 5 months rather than a few dates and there were real feelings there on both sides. But it's the same concept - regretting ending things with someone, whether it was only several dates or several months.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 19
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/18/2016 8:53:23 AM
Right now, at this exact point in time, there is only one woman that I wish would come back into my life. There are a lot of women in my past, women that I have only dated, others that I have been romantically involved with, to various degrees.

And some of them I would be happy to hear from. Some of them, just to catch up, see where they are in their lives. With a few, maybe try dating again. But only one that would light up my face if I heard her voice on the phone. Do I still love her? No. Could I again? Most definitely.

But I did not “end things with her”. Circumstances intervened, sometimes life just kicks you in the teeth.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 2/13/2016
Msg: 20
Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/18/2016 9:32:21 AM
There was 1 man that I stopped seeing after a few dates. I liked him. But there were things happening in my life that were a bigger priority than dating at the time. When I resumed dating again, I found out from an mutual acquaintance that he had a girlfriend. That's the closest personal example that I have.
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 21
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/18/2016 2:55:31 PM

Msg. 16: The closest I've come to this, is a few instances where I THOUGHT the woman wanted to end things, based on how she was behaving towards me. Either ignoring me, or being overtly hostile.

And then after I did my best to bow out gracefully, the woman came back, demanding to know why I dumped HER.

But I had such a VERY bad time, trying to make things work after things went that way, I never want to risk going through it again, so I wont now go back.

^^^ If women were ignoring you or being overly hostile, it makes sense that the relationships didn’t work when trying a second time. Your relationships suffered from their negative way of being with you. (You seem to deserve much better!)

OP: I’ve regretted not continuing to date men when circumstances changed and/or I learned of a misunderstanding that colored my perspective. It sometimes happens that a dating partner who isn’t right during one phase of life can be right at another time, especially if the initial ending wasn’t due to a character flaw or other deal breaker.
 CountingOnMagic
Joined: 7/3/2013
Msg: 22
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/20/2016 7:51:28 AM
This has happened to me but I hesitate to say it was because I thought I could "do better"-- that has a negative connotation. I just thought I should find someone who was a better fit, a better match--and that benefits BOTH of us. I would politely end things and continue on my dating ways. Both times the other person reached out again asking for another go of it and I agreed. Both times it did not work out because my first instincts were correct. There was also one time when I thought I was overly critical of the person, ended it prematurely, and then asked for another chance. That also failed miserably!
First instincts are usually correct (but there's always exceptions!).
Good luck!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 23
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Have you ever ended things with someone after only a few dates and then later regretted it?
Posted: 6/20/2016 11:29:48 PM

Was wondering if anyone has had this experience; you've gone out with someone on a few dates, and you were attracted to them.

Nope! Never happened! Oh wait, okay.... maybe one time... or one hundred times, okay...

But then, for whatever reason(s) you decided not to pursue it any further. Maybe you had sex with them or maybe you didn't. But for whatever reason, you felt that after getting to know them a little bit, that you could "do better."

It's not necessarily that I could "do better" per se -- many times I wasn't feeling we'd flow on a lot of levels, etc. In the times that I actually felt I could "do better" -- that would have to mean I found them not so attractive.

You then returned to online dating in your quest to find your "perfect" match.

I don't go on those quests -- that's kinda weird. That aside, if all I did was get to know them a bit (as you put it), I wouldn't have "returned" online -- I would have still been rolling in the dating scene. Just sayin'. But okay, I get your point -- I stepped aside from the gal I went on a date or two, or maybe 3 with, sure...

Did you ever at any point weeks or months down the road regret having ended things so soon with that person? Did you ever think, after many other uninspiring dates, that you didn't give them enough of a chance?

Not weeks, but I would say months. Weeks would be someone I met who I got a # from, but never followed up thinking "Idiot, she seemed actually cool." But that's a whole different type of scenario. After going out on a couple dates with someone and stepping aside because I wasn't "feeling it" -- yeah, I have many months later, looking back. Sure.

When has that happened? When I was rolling in the dating scene. When I had the "hot hand" at the time. She wasn't my #1 draft pick, and I took some of her qualities for granted (and her in general) because I had multiples around... and when you're shooting with the hot hand and experiencing variety, you're not wanting to go steady with anyone quite yet unless they're Wow. You get a little greedy, and can, given bad timing, overlook a good catch that you treated like a "blah" one. Ya realize this when you're shooting from a cold hand for a while. :)

And if so, did you ever attempt to contact the person and rekindle things?

No, not really. Would be a waste of time. Not enough of those scenarios to run thru a bunch where there'd be an OK chance of one panning out, ya know? They're not that often. I probably have drunk-texted one before who comes Close to the type of situation you describe, but that's about it.
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