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 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 1
Menopause - I'm scaredPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
My mother was so irrationally crazy angry when (I assume) she was going through menopause that I'm terrified of what may lay before me. Granted, I have a different disposition from hers in general, but the thought of even being a little bit like that has always made me swear I would take all the hormone pills I could get my hands on when the time comes, for the benefit of those around me. Currently, I have a friend and a close co-worker experiencing menopause. The friend is still pleasant to be around, although her suffering is visible. The co-worker... Well, let's just say when she comes in to work I make a quick assessment of whether this will be one of those days where it's best to just smile and nod my head. I'm interested in hearing about other people's experiences.

(On a lighter note, all problems start with men: Menopause, menstruation, mental illness...)
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/4/2016 1:41:56 PM
I knew a male coworker once who I'd swear was experiencing permanent menopause combined with PMS. Guy was a real punk ass bitch.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3
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Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/4/2016 1:48:33 PM
I've had migraines increasing in intensity since 2011, now joined by seizures. Never had them before in my life, so, of course I have no proof but because there's nothing structurally wrong with my brain, there seems to be a high likelihood that it's the change in hormones. The doctor's have no idea what's going on.

In the meantime, no skipped periods yet - so this could go on for another five years or more yet.

I know a number of women who have had similar experiences.

Good times!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 4
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Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/4/2016 2:42:49 PM
I didn't suffer all that much, some hot flashes, which are weird, all that overheating coming from inside like you are a furnace. But I never found myself standing in front of an open freezer or screaming. I remember when my mom went through it, she never ever cusses, and she slammed a kitchen drawer and yelled DAMN! one day. It was so out of character that we all stopped and stared, but she didn't do anything like that again. I'm guessing we both had a fairly easy time of it, and we both ended up dealing with freaking facial hair after. : P
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 5
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/4/2016 2:59:36 PM
Migraines suck. Mine went away when I moved from the coast and working under fluorescent lighting. Not sure which factor was the relevant one.

Facial hair isn't bad if it's a nice full soft beard - not really fond of the scraggly, patchy ones.

Drinksthesunwithmyface: What the hell are you talking about? (Kidding.)


* Below: I find PMS to be waaay more tolerable now that I can identify it early on. (It only took 25 years to be able to do this.) I remember the first time I had the epiphany: I was embarking on a road trip with my boy and we were driving into the sunset. He said, "Mama, if we drove fast enough, would the sun never go down?" Cute and clever, right? I said "Just. Stop. Talking." And then it hit me and I apologized and said it was PMS. We were both relieved, I think. My mother never spoke of such things. Not a good thing, in my opinion.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 6
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/4/2016 3:12:59 PM
I've developed a nice bought of anemia with a couple pints of blood and a few units of iron. I feel better, but still a bit tired and cold.
My aunt who's doing the big M...actually several of my aunts....keep saying to me just you wait...hot flashes. With as cold as I am, I'm like "bring it".

I always know the day before because I have an overwhelming urge to cry at weird moments. It's serious like wtf are you a bit psycho today? (shhhh, don't say anything on my profile, I'll scare the boys off).

So I kind of think "oh dear lord what's menopause going to be like then!"

I think your different disposition will go a long long way and make a huge difference. Patience is the key to so much.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 7
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/4/2016 3:50:54 PM
I had Grave's Disease and the big M simultaneously. Symptoms so close that most docs don't get GD at all if it happens during that time period--it often gets diagnosed in emergency rooms during a thyroid storm. The good part was it seems to have fast forwarded me through menopause, a matter of months from start to finish.

I've not had any angry friends, but several who were massively depressed. There ARE natural hormones available: google wild yam cream, and black cohosh. . . .

Journey gently.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 8
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Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/4/2016 4:29:15 PM
If someone doesn't shave it off for her, my mother has a full goatee, not soft, and nose hairs that have reached her lips. Is this my future too? sigh We both also used to have well arched brows, not now, we have those stupid hairs that old men get, growing like crazy but the actual brows of yesteryear falling out. I mean seriously, WTF!
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 9
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/4/2016 5:15:43 PM

nose hairs that have reached her lips.


lolol.

my mom would get the nasty chin pube that would come back.

I find I'm getting more hairs that grow in the middle of my temple, like between my eyebrow and hairline. Just out there, by themselves. 'Scuze me but I have to pluck my forehead.
 AgentNinety9
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 10
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/5/2016 4:31:42 AM
I've noticed someone invented perimenopause so we don't have to kill them right now, we can think about it first.
 SrqDJ
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 11
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/5/2016 6:57:44 AM
Progesta-Care complete cream made by Life-flo works the best for many menopause symptoms. I tried several different wild yam creams before finding this one. Many wild yam creams don't contain enough to be effective in reducing symptoms.

Black cohash, chaste tree berry and red raspberry also will help with symptoms. Progest-Care Plus contains these...I think it's a new formula from that brand. Can be purchased from Amazon.

Black cohosh mimics estrogen in the body without actually raising estrogen levels. It therefore does not negatively affect uterine and breast tissue as synthetic estrogen might. Instead, black cohosh mimics the effects of estrogen via the hypothalamic and pituitary loop, which reduces luteinizing hormone surges that can cause hot flashes and night sweats.? Black cohosh can thus be used by women who are perimenopausal or menopausal.? It may also help to tone the uterus and prevent uterine atrophy.

I have PCOS which was undiagnosed for years and despite having had a partial hysterectomy at 36, still went through menopause because I had one ovary and tube left so that I wouldn't have to take estrogen therapy.

Some women also benefit from watching carb intake because they can cause insulin spikes and or resistancy which then can lead to more testosterone being made...opposite of what you need as your body is already lower in estrogen due to the peri-menopause natural decline in levels.

Progesterin creams and lower carb intake along with spearmint tea or green tea with spearmint help with the hair issues both the facial growth and the thinning of hair on the head-which stem from too much testerone in your blood level. Saw palmetto for some people helps too as does Dong Quai.

Using a cream, taking a daily herbal supplement and avoiding sugary foods and carbs along with regular sleep pattern helped me to get through without killing anyone lol although I still thought about it =) It also relieved the brain fog and "anxietyish" feelings that sometimes happen during menopause.
 desertsusie
Joined: 6/23/2016
Msg: 12
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/5/2016 8:16:54 AM
Read a few books, Christiane Northrup was a good read about women's health and menopause. One size does not fit all. I must have spent a small fortune at the health food stores taking all kinds of "crap" and in the end nothing worked so I went to my Dr. and got a prescription for Premarin in the smallest dosage and that got me through the worst of it. I stayed on it for a little over a year. Listen to your body. What works for some may not work for you.

And I watched two documentaries on what is in the stuff from the health food stores - sweet bugger all. The vast majority did not even remotely contain what said on the packaging. Black cohosh was among one that was sorely lacking in contents. The "health" food industry is not regulated and can say it contains whatever they want it to say. So we just go to the drug store or a health food store and pick up a bottle of XYZ because we read about it in an article and lo and behold, it doesn't contain what it says on the packaging. Buyer beware.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 13
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Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/5/2016 9:04:19 AM
I never went through menopause ... total hysterectomy at age 36 ... and have been on my hormone replacement therapy ever since.

They have tried to take my hormone pills away from me but I stood my grounds ... glad I did. I've never felt better in my life, never had any hot flashes, never experienced any "moodiness" that a lot of people assume goes with menopause. When they tried to tell me I'd get breast cancer if I kept taking my pills, I told them they can just cut off the girls ... I'm not giving up my pills.

Now they've decided that is not the case ... glad I stood my ground and still get my pills.

The lack of hormones can cause your body to suck gobs of calcium out of your bones and thus causes them to be very brittle and you can actually break your ankle by stepping down to hard from a high curb! I recommend that all menopausal women get bone density tests done and use calcium with magnesium as well.

Obviously, I qualify for prescribed HRT because my ovaries were surgically removed. However, there are all kinds of natural products out there to help those who still have their ovaries and there a numerous reasons to use them.

OP ... good luck and keep a positive approach to things.
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 14
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/5/2016 9:08:50 AM
(On a lighter note, all problems start with men: Menopause, menstruation, mental illness...)

Off topic, on an even lighter note---"You can't say happiness without saying 'penis' ~"
(Heard it on the radio, it's gotta be true---hahaha)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 15
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/5/2016 9:32:44 AM
In other cultures women claim to experience no problems re menopause. Either they are good fibbers or diet has a play. Soy.
Why would you be afraid of something natural? I have known women who are late 60s, still no menopause - that's spooky.
I don't trust the health food things either.
Red wine should work re the mood swings :/
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 16
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Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/5/2016 12:14:14 PM
My ex wife was on a medication that accelerated menopause. Had to go through all those hot flash & etc... problems when we were both mid-30s. Now, if I stick to dating my peers in their mid 40's - a lot of them are in the same ballpark. I can't win.

GUYS: Install ceiling fans in the bedroom. I don't care how much your current squeeze whines about being chilly or complaining about being a freeze baby - when they kick off all of the winter bedding at 3 am and smother you at the bottom of the pile, you'll be grateful to have planned ahead.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 17
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Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/5/2016 6:20:11 PM
I was considering posting about this too, but my concerns are sex, and I didn't want it to become some female sex bashing thread. My sister (16 months older than me) told me she's been 6 months without a period. I figure that gives me a year. I want to buy a couple cases of condoms and travel up and down the sea shore for a year. Seriously. I'm quite under served when it comes to sex as it is, and the thought of it all slipping by in a year never to return (as it was) makes me wish I had the guts to do it.

I do have concerns that I will enter my next relationship post menopause and will never quite build 'that' kind of relationship or bond with someone quite that way (like in the past) again. I suspect this relationship will come to a final end in two years or so when my daughter graduates and this big M looming makes me seriously question if I should do it now, but I know I won't within the year.

My mother said that the hot flashes were icky, but, what she hated the most was the sudden surges of anger. I think I'll deal with that ok ... she was more traditional suppressed wife of the times, so anger surges were probably difficult for her. She has no problem now in her 60's speaking her mind tho. She and my coworker said the sex was "just as good" but "different" or "takes more work". They both hesitated before saying it, so I think they were fibbing. Another said that sex was downright painful and another that it was getting really hard to orgasm vaginally (but not orally, which means I'm screwed because oral doesn't do it for me). I appreciated their honesty. Soy was recommended.

I think what I fear loosing more than sex (as it's good for me) is the sexual drive if that goes away. I like the times of the month when simple errands are eyebrow raising or make me smile (seeing someone that arouses you) and I will really miss the waking up from the nice dreams if they go away. I can't imagine what life might be like if that persistent state of low level arousal (well at least a few weeks of the month) is gone, whether I actually have a decent sex life or not. I don't care about KY being a regular staple in the nightstand or whatever, it might actually be nice, but I feel like I won't be the person I know and won't get as much amusement out of life if that drive leaves.

Of course, the loss of estrogen puts your heart at greater risk so that will be a concern and lifestyle change too. No more taking the ol ticker for granted.
 desertsusie
Joined: 6/23/2016
Msg: 18
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/5/2016 6:36:33 PM
I think the sex thing depends on the person, it's not a given...or given up or ceases to exist. I have talked to many women and they said their sex drive increased immensely. I recall my cousin telling me that when her husband returned home from work she had his clothes off in the mud room and had pounced by the time they hit the sofa and never managed to make it to the bedroom. I was the same, my sex drive increased, a lot, a real lot. Many women take up masturbation in a very serious way (or for the first time) during menopause.

Have also talked to a few women that could give a damn if they ever had sex again. I'm sure they weren't very sexual to begin with, I'm guessing. But knowing them, well, I can't imagine them being all that sexual to begin with as they have always seemed cold. I've talked to a few that divorced or had a husband die and they seem happy never to have sex again. To me, this is strange.

As mentioned, wine helps. So does chocolate and good coffee. And good sex.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 19
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Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/5/2016 6:46:35 PM
I could see that during menopause, with the hormones being all over the place, but what about after, when it all settles down. Good to know I might have another year or two during M . I'm 47 1/2. My sister started menopause at 48 1/2 and it was pretty cut and dry ... no skipped periods, just done. My mother went through it a while with missed periods and things, up and down, and said her last period was at 50. She declined any HRT. My time is so short :/ I'm not sure peri-menopause is a real thing, but I have been a bit more irrational with mood swings at times the past 5 or 6 months. BF suggested I was starting menopause, which really ticked me off ... lol. Maybe wanting to run away 'is' part of it.

Wine sounds a lot better than taking something else. I don't drink much, but, I'd rather do that than take meds. Oh... and I plan on trying the "hot" food from mid eastern tradition to try to balance my yin and yang first. Worth at least trying, since it's been recommended twice.
 Nancybythebay
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 20
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/5/2016 9:36:31 PM
Menopause IS a difficult time in our lives and affects us all differently.

My older sister had no symptoms at all. Mum went through a difficult time as am. I'm 52. I've had night sweats for the last 4 years and blush bright red during the day at times like a child being embarrassed.

Mood swings? Well I have those anyway because I have chronic depression and I'm Bi Polar. Having said that though, my moods swing from "normal" to tears at the drop of a hat. I don't get angry.

I'm on strict medication and probably will be for the rest of my life but at least it eases my panic attacks and delirium.
I have to be careful of HRT and herbal remedies in case of contraindications. (I'm on the maximum dose of Efexor).

Hang in there....Whatsamatter.......everyone is different. Try not to be afraid. It's good that you created this thread to vent and express your concerns. Women in our age bracket know all too well. Take care. x
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 21
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/5/2016 10:11:21 PM
My goodness, you all are supportive. Even the people who tried to scare me (no, I'm not going to mention any names, Daynadaze, ha) gave me a good laugh.


In other cultures women claim to experience no problems re menopause. Either they are good fibbers or diet has a play.


I did not know about the cultural differences. Right away I thought this might be partially due different attitudes about menopause. (We are a youth worshipping sort of society, for example.) As an analogy, I do know that physical pain has a psychological component to how it's experienced. The brain is part of the body, after all. Maybe if we were able to view this change in a positive light the symptoms would be less problematic? (Yeah, yeah, I can hear people going "You just wait, Whatsamattababy.")

I thought more people would comment on their experiences as the partners of people going through menopause.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 22
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/5/2016 10:19:42 PM
Bebe--ovaries stop producing estrogen at menopause, but not androgens. All else being equal, if you liked sex before the big M, you're going to like it fine after. Some women like it better, after, since the possibility of getting preggers is removed. Absolute best sex of my life was my fifties and sixties. Men that age are better lovers than they used to be, too. The best times are yet to come, lol!

If it comes, and goes, and you're still missing something, look into DHEA.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 23
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Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/6/2016 7:26:26 AM
OP -- I understand your concerns as my own mother was in the same sitch. She was irritable, angry and irrational, all the while priding herself on a completely complication free menopause. She prided herself on never taking or needing estrogen, while she turned into a prune. Eventually she suffered from dementia, and passed away with ovarian cancer.

When my own time came, I learned from her mistake. As soon as the symptoms hit, I got the correct estrogen, and took it faithfully. My own symtoms included feeling dry, scatterbrained, and missing a lot of sleep without the drug. As soon as I started taking it, the symptoms cleared up.

I never ended my sex life, so have no dryness problems.

Apparently my older sis, who is now 67 learned from our mother's mistake, too. Her symptoms cleared right up, and she is still sexually active.

Just take what estrogen your doctor prescribes, and, probably you'll be fine.
 AgentNinety9
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 24
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/6/2016 7:39:00 AM
Wondering if women who don't experience (or who don't *think they experience) any noticeable discomforts associated with menopause should be considering some kind of HRT anyway? I'm not sure if "it ain't broke don't fix it" applies in this case.

I have had the exact opposite problem with the hot flashes. Pre-menopause, they'd come on randomly, often in the middle of the night (this was happening ever since I was a kid). I was sure I'd reach the point of spontaneous human combustion. Post-menopause, I never get them. And I haven't grown a moustache yet, yay! I actually became less hairy and had to stop shaving my legs because there was nothing there anymore. So I'm okay with it but I might wake up crazy one day. Prolly half-way there already, hard to tell sometimes.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 25
Menopause - I'm scared
Posted: 7/6/2016 7:57:36 AM
Well OP, here's what you should do: start being mean and cranky right now. That way nobody will notice a difference if you do experience the ill effects you fear.

You're welcome.
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