Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > A NEW queston about an OLD topic......      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 1
view profile
History
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Ok, we all know about people who lie about their age and post old pictures.

But what if.........

You met someone on line who looked even more attractive than his/her picture, was in perfect health and in better physical condition than you. They were about the same age as you, but young for their years, and a lot of fun.

Now, say the two of you really hit it off. You fall in love, become exclusive and have dated for over a year.

You check them out and find that they never lied to you about one single thing ever. Except their age. They were actually about 5-7 years older than they said they were.

You knew you were both over 45 and didn't want kids. Your partner was financially independent, so wasn't looking for income subsidy in their retirement. The sex was wonderful This person really did seem younger than the age they told you that they were -- in every way.

Everything else was just about perfect. Except that they lied about their age.

How many of you could actually say that you would dump this person that you loved -- solely because they lied about their age?

And, BTW, this thread is completely hypothetical. It's not about me at all, so no need to comment that my tacky picture looks like I am 100. (lol)

Now, let's say that YOU were the age liar. At what point would you tell your partner that you lied about your age? Or would you?
 AgentNinety9
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 2
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/8/2016 4:49:48 PM
Everything else is otherwise perfect? Hell's bells! Where do I find such a man. He must be a homeowner. But yeah taking the scenario at face value, I think might not be that big of a deal. It could be, though. The longer you let this kind of thing go without 'fessing up, the more you look like an idiot. It becomes not so much a question about a white lie, but more about the principle and the motivation behind telling that kind of a petty falsehood to someone you claim to care about. It would *really call the rest of your so-called perfect self into serious question. So if it were me telling the lie, assuming that's the kind of lie I'd tell, I'd come clean within a month. But then again since it's a pretty dumb thing to do, maybe I'd just sweep it under the carpet and hope he'd never find out. Hard to get my head into that kind of space.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3
view profile
History
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/8/2016 5:03:59 PM
I can't imagine a scenario in which I'd lie about my age.

This is not to say I never lie.

I just can't imagine lying about something so petty and irrelevant. I don't see the point.

If I found out at some point that he lied to me about something so petty and irrelevant and everything else was otherwise good, I wouldn't break up with him, but I'd think it was strange.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 4
view profile
History
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/8/2016 5:15:51 PM

I just can't imagine lying about something so petty and irrelevant. I don't see the point.

I think part of "The Point" is that if we discover this fib sooner rather than later, it gets blown up into this incredibly huge wall of insecurity that becomes an instant 'Deal Breaker' for fledgling relationships.

They are a LIAR!!!! Doesn't matter if they fit all other categories to near perfection - they cannot be trusted!!! (said sarcastically)

We refuse to allow ourselves to see BEYOND the petty and irrelevant. The choice to run away when it's easier to do so is more seductive than even the sexiest of 'competition' out there.
 citizenjoe2
Joined: 7/3/2016
Msg: 5
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/8/2016 6:24:26 PM
If you meet someone in real life and hit it off and date, when do you say "by the way, how old are you?" I've never asked anyone that other than a little kid that happens to say proudly "I'm 5 and three quarters". Or a mother who says "he's 22 months". So, who has been brave enough to ask "how old are you?" to a man or woman you've been dating?
 StumbledN
Joined: 12/20/2014
Msg: 6
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/8/2016 6:55:22 PM

At what point would you tell your partner that you lied about your age? Or would you?

If she were really all that obsessive about age, or any other thing that seems hokey to me. (like what's my sign or favorite color etc) we probably wouldn't even make it to the first meet/greet. But I wouldn't lie about it. I just wouldn't tell her until I felt comfortable enough giving her my other personal ID information as well. Like my mother's maiden name for example. I really just don't get what the big deal is with certain people and the age thing.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 7
view profile
History
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/8/2016 7:59:11 PM
This more or less happened to me and I didn't run away screaming.

Nontheless it is disappointing. OTOH, I have been lied to about age by so many women I see it as almost expected.

I just learned to stop asking because the drama isn't worth it.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 8
view profile
History
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/8/2016 8:55:25 PM
Most people who lie about one thing will lie about another. What's the point of lying about your age? Your hypothetical is too involved for me, I wouldn't have gotten that far and fell in love without knowing whether or not someone was a liar. I dated a man who told me he was 33, I was 33, then he showed me his pilot license and he was 36. What a stupid lie, I asked why and he said he didn't think I'd go out with him if I knew his real age. ??? Crazy crap, I don't need it. Sure enough, he had lied about other things, whatever he thought I needed to hear. No thanks.
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 9
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/8/2016 9:17:37 PM


Generally, I think that misrepresenting oneself is a bad idea. I believe it is quite common for women to understate their age in OLD. I think it is inconsequential as long as she comes clean _early_ in the process of getting to know each other.

If she waited a year or more to come clean, I'd be disappointed and, for some time, I would wonder what else she may have lied about. That said, it wouldn't be enough to end the relationship but, a little bit of trust would be temporarily lost.

If I had lied (in my profile) about my age, I'd very likely mention it before even meeting her. Given that, I see no point in lying about it.

For the record, the age in my profile is correct.
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 10
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/8/2016 9:43:13 PM
I could lie about my age. People are always surprised when I tell them my age. I wouldn't do it because I feel like it would come out eventually, and I wouldn't feel good about it.
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 11
view profile
History
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/8/2016 10:39:32 PM
So it ONLY took a year to find out this lie--so if a person could continually lie to you for a year then it isn't just one lie is it--they have mislead you for a year ...doesn't seem so innocent when you think about it that way ...and if they are that good that they could hide that lie for a year then imagine what else they might be hiding!!!!

No, I am not someone who views age as a positive or a negative so how old someone is -doesn't matter to me; but, when someone lies about their age--meaning they literately thought about it and decided to do it --it shows much more than just a lie.

It shows they are uncomfortable with their age and they also feel entitled to lie about it based on their own perception. Now most people who do this swear they look younger and they are as good as anyone else the age they chose to be. But almost always there is some issue there--they don't look as good as they think or something else but this perception of theirs that it is ok to do things cause it is them doing it--that wouldn't make a good partner in a relationship--would it? They will continue to excuse their own actions based on the fact they feel they are entitled to do it.

I have talked with several who use one age and then post in their profile their actual age and I understand they want to appear in more searches cause they think they are a better match to younger vs older. I actually get that.

I just wonder how much better online would be if everyone was actually honest about things.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 12
view profile
History
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/9/2016 4:22:24 AM
For those who wonder what the point of lying about one's age would be --

Please remember, this is about ONLINE dating. On most dating sites websites you have to give an age, not wait to be asked.

An example would be a person person really does look and act younger that most their own age. And I'm NOT speaking of those who only think they look younger. I mean they really do. Some people enjoy good health, take good care of themselves and stay active. They not be compatible with another who did not.

Attractive people who might meet someone they are compatible with would never be seen by another who was right for them due to age filters.

I agree with those who said that asking another person their age is pretty uncommon. If one met someone IRL, and they asked them their age, they could simply say "none of your business". But no one can do that on line.




If I had lied (in my profile) about my age, I'd very likely mention it before even meeting her. Given that, I see no point in lying about it.



If you came clean before even meeting her, she might assume that your pictures were old, so you might never meet. So, I agree with you. There would be no point in posting a younger age in that case.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 13
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/9/2016 5:37:45 AM
Well if this fairytale occurred I'd not give a rats corpse :)
Everybody lies - this one harmed no one.
I must go get ready the Queen is popping by to bestow another title. Then off to Paris for dinner. Hope they have cleaned my jet to my satisfaction.
And for ppl who say " I never lie" hmm, never said " what a cute baby?' lol
 citizenjoe2
Joined: 7/3/2016
Msg: 14
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/9/2016 5:46:23 AM
My parents added a year to their marriage, they were pregnant when they got married. The year it was to actually be their 25 th anniversary, they came clean and all 4 of us kids found out about Mom being pregnant and them adding a year. No ne died, no ne kicked them out of the family and I never notice a tendency to lie because of this one lie.

How often in a year does a person's age come up? It's not something normally discussed over beak fast or even drinks with friends. It's rare I ask some extra this age. I go to birthday parties and I have idea how oldmthenperson is unless it's a biggie like 40 or 50. Much ado about nothing.

I disagree that if someone lies about their age they lie about everything. I think people who think that way are a little too literal and a little too anal.

As for meeting in real life and as the lady above says - when asked their age they can say "none of your business"...the literal and anal people might freak out a bit. I've never shared a drink, gazed into someone's eyes, stroked their arm and flirtingly murmurs "so Darlin, how old are you?"

We see profiles where average is fat and BBW is obese. Hair colour is grey but covered with blonde dye, someone says "Consultant" when in truth they haven't worked in a year. They said "motorcycles" which means they like them but don't own one. Walks on the beach means they like the beach when they went to Hawaii in 2009. Divorced, yes but actually divorced 3 times. So are they lying?
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 15
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/9/2016 5:58:35 AM
LuuLuu, have you noticed most people do look more attractive in person? All the ones I met on POF did. The first 3 were about 5 years older than what they had posted on POF. Two made that clear shortly after we met. Their age discrepancy didn't bother me.

One looked fantastic! She turned out to be my age at the time, but she was in great shape and looked a lot younger than her actual age. For me, after the first two enjoyable long dates I was hoping it might turn out to be a 'they lived happily ever after' thing. Sadly I never asked her out again following date 3. Somehow Mary Poppins turned into Glenn Close's character in Fatal Attraction by the end of that date.

The reason I never called her again might have had something to do with a full moon, but absolutely nothing to do with the misinformation about her age. (The hour drive to her house was also a tiny factor.)
 WhereforeAndWhyNot
Joined: 1/26/2016
Msg: 16
view profile
History
an old question in an 'OLD' forum
Posted: 7/9/2016 6:40:33 AM

“And for ppl who say " I never lie" hmm, never said " what a cute baby?' ”

(heh)

Yeah folks-- go do your taxes, and fill out a resume’ and an accident report or two, and then tell me you never lie. (heh)
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
History
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/9/2016 6:44:09 AM
My first thought on this is, that you are exactly describing the reasoning behind a lot of the people who DO lie, right now.

They are hoping for exactly that result: that you'll meet, and the person who was lied to, will realize how silly they were to have drawn the limits that they had, before finding out just how wonderful this codger really is.

Next: it isn't WHAT someone lies about which is the concern. It's WHY they lie. Lying to avoid small embarrassments, is usually understandable and unimportant. Those are the kinds of lies which go away, as soon as you get to know each other well enough to have confidence about yourselves.

But what your scenario describes, is someone who has shown that they believe in lying whenever a lie is required, in order for them to get what they want. I've had several experiences with people who thought that way, and every single one, ended up with me being severely emotionally hurt, and often financially damaged as well. So I would say that the chances of my NOT having my confidence in such a person as a mate be shattered, upon learning the truth, are tiny.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 18
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/9/2016 7:41:00 AM
I sometimes feel.... I am the only person being honest about my age, in my area....lol.
I'm with the group of a lie is a lie....Like Igor said...they obviously are lying for a reason.
If they think, they honestly look/act younger....they should be proud of the age they are, not insecure.

When a man mentions in his profile....How he is so much younger than his age or how good looking he perceives himself to be....good looking or not....next!
It's a matter of integrity and character...for me.
On line or not.....start with being honest!

As for the OP's question....I never lie about myself and/or any man I have met usually fess up if they're lying about their age.
I haven't had a year long relationship with anyone off online dating but if I did and it came to light, he had lied for that whole year.
I would be very disappointed in him....would be hard to trust him after that.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 19
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/9/2016 9:14:07 AM

How many of you could actually say that you would dump this person that you loved -- solely because they lied about their age?


I would. It really is a ridiculous thing to lie about. The reality doesn't change.

Number one, because at some point during all that time together (and probably fairly early on), I probably would have brought up the fact that I don't lie about my age and I expect people not to lie about theirs either, so they would have been put on notice what my feelings are on the subject.
Number two, it's probably not likely that someone would get away with a 5-7 year gap for that long as they would probably slip up in stories about themselves where ages and dates did not line up properly. (such as "oh, that was when I graduated college", and the year and age didn't match up)


Now, let's say that YOU were the age liar.


EXTREMELY unlikely.
In 59 years on this planet so far, I have never lied about my age.
It is what it is, and lying won't actually change it.


For the record, the age in my profile is correct.


So is mine.


An example would be a person person really does look and act younger that most their own age.


Then that person should tell the truth about their age, and take pride in looking and acting younger than it.
I don't look younger than my age, but I do act and feel younger.


If you meet someone in real life and hit it off and date, when do you say "by the way, how old are you?"


I don't specifically recall ever asking a woman that question first, but I'm pretty sure I have asked AFTER they asked me my age.
Some of the women I dated volunteered an age number, but I never verified it with a drivers license or birth certificate.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 20
view profile
History
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/9/2016 9:26:29 AM
Maybe it is just me.
I can not for the life of me, wrap my head around the concept of lying about ones age, for the purpose of dating.
I just don't get it.
WHY?
( I have no problem with the age "fudging", for the Forums, LOL)

"I'm with the group of a lie is a lie." I agree with Whiskey. I have never lied about my age. LOL There have been times, I joked about my age, "Holding at 29"/"No over the hill for me at 39"/"Not a day over, 49", ............but no, never lied.

There is, needing to tell the truth, show ID, if one is underage. It is a legal issue, for dating or drinking, etc. at the low/younger end and a matter of "senior perks" at the higher/older end. But in between?

Again, WHY bother to lie about ones age, for dating?
To the best of my knowledge, no one has lied to me.


I probably would have brought up the fact that I don't lie about my age and I expect people not to lie about theirs either.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ Thumbs up Fullmoonguy


............who Duran Duran is

LOL Huh?
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 21
view profile
History
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/9/2016 9:27:56 AM
Many people, particularly women, have lied about their age and weight long before internet dating. It's a white lie.

If they are honest on the big stuff, it might not be a dealbreaker. You'll have to decide.

That said, if you are thinking about doing it, don't. Trust level is directly proportional to love, and anybody who lies, even little white lies, is risking a less than stellar relationship. Why limit a relationship right out of the gate?

If you think it through, it's not necessary to lie anyway. Instead of looking for someone younger, find someone your age who looks younger.

If you are 50, do you really want some thumb-sucker who does not know who Duran Duran is?!

That said, don't give out personal information like birth dates on dating sites, change it a little. Safety first. (but keep the birth date you make up reasonable, within a couple years - not 10 years or even 5 years different.

vvvvvvv good one, Fullmoon
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 22
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/9/2016 9:32:43 AM

do you really want some thumb-sucker who does not know who Duran Duran is?!


Again with the Duran Duran.
What, is this some kind of "reflex" with you?
 WhereforeAndWhyNot
Joined: 1/26/2016
Msg: 23
view profile
History
A NEW question about a 1980's topic......
Posted: 7/9/2016 9:47:04 AM
^Maybe it’s because of the Olympics. He’s got “Rio” on the mind…?


“I can not for the life of me, wrap my head around the concept of lying about ones age, for the purpose of dating.
I just don't get it.”

…or about anything else, for that matter. What’s the use of pretending to be something you’re not? You’ll only attract someone who wants someone else.
 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 24
view profile
History
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/9/2016 10:06:17 AM
As Igor posted it is about the reasons behind the lie. Vanity entitlement?
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 25
A NEW queston about an OLD topic......
Posted: 7/9/2016 9:17:28 PM
Reflex and Kleenex do rhyme well :)
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > A NEW queston about an OLD topic......