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 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 1
Dating Someone That Has NothingPage 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
If you were single and on the dating scene, and you had your life together i.e. owned a home, owned a car, worked, finished or in college, and you found someone, that was AGED 30+ and they DID NOT work, go to college, drive, and lived at home with their parents, would you go for them, even if you had your life together, and they did not?

And what if they NEVER got their life together, never planned on working, going to college, or driving, and living at home with the parents forever and ever. Or would them not doing anything with their life, bother you and you just couldn't do it. Even if they brought you happiness, making you smile, laugh, was fun to go out on dates with and just being with, or would you expect them to do something and if they did not, you wouldn't date them?

What would you do?
 Robyn143
Joined: 7/19/2016
Msg: 2
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Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 2:36:55 PM
Please dont date that man, lol...I know you are asking a question, but there has to be something behind it. NO..you do not want someone that has no ambition or goals...the not having a job, or car etc..IS workable if he has goals and plans to change that, everyone falls on hard times at sometime in their life but dont ever date someone who is ok with being a bum and a loser.
 minimetoo
Joined: 7/13/2016
Msg: 3
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 2:38:25 PM
No. I would not go out with a loser like this.

If I had wanted to raise another child, I'd have given birth to one of my own and then I could teach them to be an independent, mature and productive human being. Who wants someone around that has no initiative, no drive, no job, can't support he selves and lives off others...like a barnacle stuck on th side of a ship.

A dog or cat would bring me just as much happiness...probably more.

OP, do you want a loser/user like this?? Don't date someone like this., and if this is YOU, you really, really needto work on yourself.
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 4
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 2:39:40 PM
Seems a nonsensical question< Are you talking about yourself and your own plans for the future, OP?

A joke a day to make me smile? Not enough<
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 5
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 2:56:22 PM
Yes I am talking about me, and I have tried to get my life together but it just isn't happening and I don't think it ever will. I am an only child to my parents and they spoiled me and are over protective of me. And while I have tried to work and have gotten interviews, applied to places, they never like the jobs I end up getting so I never work. Then I end up not wanting to work at all. As far as driving, I can drive, I have a license, but they won't put me on their insurance because they think I will get into a car wreck and we would get sued. As far as college, I gave it a shot and it was not for me.

I have always been in this format, of not working, driving, or going to school, and have managed to get boyfriends and long lasting relationships, but in the back of my mind, I really think the next guy I meet, won't stand for this or any guy and I will be single forever, because I can't offer them anything as far as working, driving, etc.

I can offer them love, care, trust, loyalty, faithfulness, I am not a cheater and don't mess around or cheat or anything like that. I can be there for them and help them in however I can.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 6
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Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 3:08:38 PM
Nataly,

I have a couple of questions:

1. how old are your parents? What is their cultural background?

2. do you have any medical/mental health history that has contributed to your parents over protection of you?
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 7
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Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 3:14:43 PM
I would never date someone who does not bring their own source of income.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 8
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 3:20:36 PM
Nataly.......

The choice to change or not change needs to come from within you.
It should never be based on this.....


"but in the back of my mind, I really think the next guy I meet, won't stand for this or any guy and I will be single forever, because I can't offer them anything as far as working, driving, etc."


Fear of being alone should not be the motivation for change......loving yourself and desiring to reach your fullest potential should be.


So change.....or don't......but own the responsibility of your choice. :)
 2016summer2016
Joined: 3/18/2016
Msg: 9
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Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 3:37:45 PM
I have been somewhat involved with a girl like that for about 6 years now. At first we dated, but I broke up with her because she didnt work, drive, or know how to be functional in society. We met at 19 and I have always pressured her to do those things, even though she didnt want to. She does want to be successful, but her parents have always been over protective. She is scared to drive because someone she knows died in a car accident. At 26 she has never had a job, another boyfriend, and is so shy she can barely order her own food if we go out. I just cant be with a woman like that and feel bad for the constant pressure that I have put on her.

However, sheltered partners can be both a blessing and a curse. She is much more faithful than anyone I have met, and is still in love with me to this day. She doesnt have that "kid in a candy store" mentality when it comes to dating. She was never really exposed to the BS that most people have been, and is a better person because of it.

To answer your question OP, no I would not date someone like that even if they had a great personality (and if I did date them, there would be nonstop pressure to do those things). My time is too valuable to spend it driving them everywhere, and a second income is too important to pass up. You, just like the chick that I mentioned, care way too much about what your parents think. Who cares if they dont like the job that you get? Get a job and get your own insurance. I have lived in the ghetto, the salvation army, and even joined the military because I did what I had to do. As an adult, you do what you have to do, and I just cant respect someone who refuses to do so. I cant help but look down on the chick that I mentioned, and even though she is a couple of months older, she has the mentality of a 16 year old.

As for others dating someone like you? I think POF people would, but mostly due to thirst. You will probably attract alot of players. The serious guys probably want someone who is successful in life. But I could be wrong.
Submit
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 10
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 3:51:28 PM

and have managed to get boyfriends and long lasting relationships,


Boyfriends and long-lasting relationships which are where now, exactly?


I will be single forever, because I can't offer them anything as far as working, driving, etc.


Would your parents still be controlling your life AFTER you get married, if you did get married?
Or would you then be able to develop yourself and contribute on a more tangible basis in addition to the intangibles you mentioned?
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 11
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 4:25:58 PM
Parents are reaching 60 and I am almost 30. I was born premature, so my parents have always said I can't do things like a regular born person can do. I was enrolled in special education classes to help me learn, having trouble learning just being the only disability. Besides that when I turned 18 I got anxiety and depression and have dealt with both since then. I have seen therapist and they have helped but those conditions still prevent me from doing a lot of stuff sometimes. I can handle going out in public at the store or the mall, but staying in 1 place like working somewhere not sure if I can handle it. When it comes down to it, I think my parents don't want me to grow up, even though they themselves complain and want me to work but yet when I get a job they don't like it and tell me not do it. When is true, for example, I had a interview and got the job at the retail store ROSS, it was for a graveyard shift and because I would work 1AM-5AM my parents were scared I would get attached so early in the morning and they didn't like the hours I was given, because they would have to drive me , drop me off or pick me up. YES I know I can drive but I know them they will NEVER let me drive.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 12
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 4:37:06 PM
Guess what, Nataly?


You are an adult at 28 yrs old! Yay! Isn'the that exciting?

YOU.....get to make your own decisions. Unless, of course, it's easier not to. :)


You always have a choice......
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 13
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 4:48:59 PM


And what if they NEVER got their life together, never planned on working, going to college, or driving, and living at home with the parents forever and ever.


The way you've described yourself is a major turnoff. Low self esteem. If you truly believe you don't have your life together, how do you expect others to view you?




Even if they brought you happiness, making you smile, laugh, was fun to go out on dates with and just being with


How can you bring those things when you admittedly don't have your life together? I don't believe it.

Why would I smile and laugh with someone who never got their life together?

Look, if a gal met a guy in a similar scenario, she'd be rightly disappointed. I seriously don't think his witty humor and charisma would get him anything other then a shag and definitely not a long term relationship.
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 14
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 5:01:16 PM
I don't have low self esteem. I think my life is fine yeah I don't work or drive or anything like that but I am a fun, loving, and happy person.

I just know people of today, I know they won't date someone if they don't work, drive, etc.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 15
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 5:11:40 PM
"I think my life is fine yeah"


Problem solved.....that wasn't a problem at all!

Funny how we make problems where none exist.

Just be you....happy fishing! :)


 VikingHoosier
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 16
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 5:36:14 PM
In addition to the things you say you can offer him, you should be rich in available time. Move in with him. You should keep a clean house. You should know how to cook and enjoy preparing good meals. If the household has pets, you should spend lots of time spoiling them. You should do errands that don't require a vehicle. When in a relationship, you should be able and willing to perform the actions that make the two of you more than friends. No excuses about having to work late, tired from work, car troubles, problems with the kids, etc.
 minimetoo
Joined: 7/13/2016
Msg: 17
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 5:41:01 PM
So will this work for you in a year or 10 years or 20 years? Will you be doing the same and asking the same question when you're 50?

Why would some guy want to support you, feed, you, drive you around? For sex? Guys can get sex anywhere. Because you're nice...they can get nice too. They want a partner and a partner means two people contributing and you're not contributing right now.

Maybe it's time to put on the big girl panties and take charge of YOUR life and get a job and build a life for yourself, to actually contribute to the world.

Get busy living. Your "cute" factor wore off a few years ago. Get busy living.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 18
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Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 7:19:01 PM
I would never date someone like this because I'd always get stuck paying for coffee.
 diaboloacetin
Joined: 12/20/2014
Msg: 19
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Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 7:56:16 PM
Nataly, if you feel you need to change for yourself, then go ahead. If you feel you have to change to fit in or be accepted by others, then that's the wrong reason. I've met people like you in my life, they may not be accepted by most others, but they are uniqhe themselves. Everyone has something to offer. True, most men may not want to date someone like you, but then again, those men would not be a good long term partner anyway.

But there are men out there who may be able to see past the live at home, no car and no job part and appreciate other parts... and I don't mean the sex part. As you grow older it mah be harder (older men tend to become more conservative as they age) but they're out there.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 20
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Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 8:01:35 PM
You DO realize that most couples in the USA met, dated, and married under these very circumstances until the 1960s, right...???

For men, it's not such a big deal. Men would treat such a woman as a free ride - a "fun" girl they could visit at will. Another name would be "mistress" or "concubine".

For most women, it would be a deal-breaker. Even women who are secure in money, family, and housing. Generally, women can't stomach a man who isn't trying to "improve himself", meaning earn money and gain social status. Woman want that status. This is why the date artists and bad boys for fun, but leave them eventually because there's no social status.

If you just want to be a homebody, I'm sure half the men in this country are just fine with that.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 21
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Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 8:11:07 PM

I was born premature, so my parents have always said I can't do things like a regular born person can do. I was enrolled in special education classes to help me learn, having trouble learning just being the only disability.


Nataly, I think you may be minimizing the degree of your disability. I sense from you various threads/posts that you have some developmental arrests in addition to your learning issues.



when I turned 18 I got anxiety and depression and have dealt with both since then. I have seen therapist and they have helped but those conditions still prevent me from doing a lot of stuff sometimes. I can handle going out in public at the store or the mall, but staying in 1 place like working somewhere not sure if I can handle it.


If you feel that you don't have the capacity to work....because of your anxiety/depression, then you have a problem Nataly....a far more serious problem than what you are portraying here.


When it comes down to it, I think my parents don't want me to grow up, even though they themselves complain and want me to work


It sounds like your parents do want you to grow up.....but you don't have the capacity/skills to grow up. Don't put this on your parents. They have supported you for the last 28 years. Did they enrol you in the special education school, did they pay for therapy, did they pay for your failed attempt at college.? What effort have you put forward in the last 10 years?



I had a interview and got the job at the retail store ROSS, it was for a graveyard shift and because I would work 1AM-5AM my parents were scared I would get attached so early in the morning and they didn't like the hours I was given, because they would have to drive me , drop me off or pick me up. YES I know I can drive but I know them they will NEVER let me drive.


Oh Nataly, your parents are not 'over protective' with this particular example. Do you not get that your parents are 60 years old. You expect them to drive you at 1am in the morning to a minimum wage job, and them drive back at 4 hours later at 5am to pick you up from work? No parent would do this!

Nataly, you are at a huge disadvantage in getting any kind of work if you don't have an education or work experience.
I would encourage you to trying volunteering/internships. Try finding a non-profit (hospital, school program, social service) where you can begin to build some capacity. You have many skills in web design, art etc.

You are very fortunate that your parents can support you while you get out of your comfort zone in doing volunteer work.
 minimetoo
Joined: 7/13/2016
Msg: 22
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 8:18:18 PM
^^^ I disagree. It's 2016. The OP is the only person, male or female, that I have come across that does NOTHING. NOTHING. No one gets away with doing NOTHING anymore. Most people looking for a partner want a partner or they'd get a pet.

BTW, your comment about women wanting men to "improve himself" , earn more, gain social status...all bullshyt. And if that's what you're finding out there, change your bait. Or maybe you don't have the right bait. Or get over your last relationship.

There is no excuse for someone to be sitting around doing nothing. Grow up.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 23
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 10:49:37 PM
" they DID NOT work, go to college, drive, and lived at home with their parents, would you go for them, even if you had your life together, and they did not? "


OBVIOUSLY,YOU would not date such a person, right? So, you are a hypocrite.

No, there would be nothing in common, and I will not play parent, drive them around, give an allowance. It's a lot of work for no payoff. Do you really think a dreamboat guy exists who would?

Are you living in a fantasy world (maybe you are with anime, cosplay)? LA is full of sugarbabies/marry for money types that are always going to be younger and cuter who will pop out babies, if that is what your dream is.



"And what if they NEVER got their life together, never planned on working, going to college, or driving, and living at home with the parents forever and ever."



Sounds disabled. You will attract the same, along with users, controllers, abusers, people that want a dependent, older guys that might be drawn to youth, or people who have issues and cannot get a date. Likely, you don't want them.

You are ignoring the fact you are afraid. Yes, your parents created this mess because they probably want you around, but they will be dead sometime, then what?

A man saving you? No altruists exist. They will use whatever it is you have to offer them, and likely leave.

The fact you think you are happy and it's all great means you might be mentally challenged or you are living in a dreamland, not cold, hard reality.

What is your purpose and contribution you want to leave behind and be noted for? We all have some talent or vision, or service to offer, or life becomes routine and dependent on circumstances.

Develop skills now, life skills like driving, cooking, cleaning, laundry, budget, office work, marketable skills. You have the time, and volunteer to put something on your resume.

I sense you are treated like a child because you sound entitled and spoiled and think some guy will step in and make it right, like you are a princess.

You will waste your life and potential on such a false premise, as this is not likely at all. Theses days ltrs do not come easily, too many choices, and money is ever the motivator, or at least equality. Right now, your level will not attract many except those in similar circumstances. Do you want to date a broke guy who lives with parents?

eta: You asked for opinions. Volunteering is to gain experience when you cannot get hired. It shows experience. You want somebody to do all this stuff for you, and it's unrealistic and hypocritical.
 nataly66687
Joined: 5/18/2016
Msg: 24
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/15/2016 10:50:21 PM
I AM NOT doing volunteer work PERIOD. It DOES NOT pay. And I am already working for free as it is, doing my freelance writing and photography for the music industry, working with bands, record labels, publicists and what not. So why go forth and continue working FOR FREE at other places? Thats pointless.

And I can't do internships, those are only available for college students ONLY.

You don't know my life alright, I know my parents and I know my life and how it is and how it is going to remain the same until I am dead.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 25
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Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 8/16/2016 12:26:52 AM
The point of volunteer work is not "giving away work for free".

The point is practice the art of HELPING others to make it through the day or achieve their dreams. The point is to open up your heart and learn to love the whole of humanity, not just the tiny circle of people you know. The point is to expand your mind, your experience and your perspective of life so that you can empathize and understand why people of different backgrounds do things differently. The point is to expand your reach by learning new skills, interacting with people you otherwise would not have met, and allowing them to teach you Life Lessons.

I've done volunteer work for a museum and did a lot of volunteer activities for hobby clubs.

It sounds like you're bitter that you're not paid for anything you do with bands. Maybe you should ask them for money, or submit an invoice for services. Be careful ... they might respond by billing YOU for transportation, snacks, entertainment, or any merchandise they give you.
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