Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Is conversation this hard at our age?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 David_Lang
Joined: 6/22/2015
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So been of POF for coming up on two years now. Was off it for a while but sadly back on. But I feel that it's even more diffcult chatting to the opposite sex. My messages are quite good I feel. First message is about things on their profile like what they do as a profession, education, their likes and anything else which could lead to a conversation. 3 out of 10 I get replies but normally they are very short and no effort "yeah lol wbu?, haha thanks how are you?" And once I got a reply with just "hey".
So after that I then message and ask them about themselves, what they do for fun, what things they like etc and the chat seems to dwindle to nothing. I mean I add in little bits of humour but only a little as I know humour via text can be taken the wrong way.

A lot of the girls state that all they want is a decent guy, a charming man or a non-player. I am a decent guy, OK job, own a car and has a lot of free time to do things with someone. But how am I meant to move it on to a date if the person is not willing to chat first to see if we would get on?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/24/2016 7:33:14 AM
Obviously, if a person is not willing to chat with you, she's not willing to go on a date with you, either. Move on to the next one.
 David_Lang
Joined: 6/22/2015
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/24/2016 7:47:34 AM
Oh yes I most definitely move on to someone else once I sense the conversation is lacking. But my question is that why do they not put any effort in chatting?
I mean I don't have a physical preference really. The only thing that they have to have is a nice kind smile. After that is if they have an personality. I have messaged women in different; shapes and sizes, levels of education, professions and what they are looking for. But most don't seem to have much chat.

Here is a transcript of one conversation. It is missing the first message where I asked her about her holiday to Austrialia.

BettyBoop4828/22/2016 923 PM
I absolutely love Australia. The first time I was there I travelled for two months then I went back two years ago. It was bloody freezing as it was just turning to spring. Its an amazing sight seeing Sydney Harbour bridge and the opera house, they're so icon. On the coast there are loads of surfer dudes, not so many in the city x

David_Lang8/22/2016 943 PM
Yeah suppose it be difficult for them to surf down the streets when it's raining. 🤘🏻
Two months is a long time. I guess you had friends with you or Was it just you? X

BettyBoop4828/22/2016 912 PM
Three of my friends were doing the year out thing after uni so I went out to see them. I travelled on my own for a bit too.

David_Lang8/22/2016 1052 PM
Oh nice. So what was the best part of your time there? X

BettyBoop4828/22/2016 1025 PM
Oooh, tricky question! I really liked Melbourne but only spent a couple of days there so would like to go back to see more of the city. Fraser island and the whitsunday island were really good to. Obviously Sydney is a really cool city too.

David_Lang8/22/2016 1049 PM
Wow! Seems like you enjoyed all of it. 😀
So are those two like main islands people go to? X

BettyBoop4828/22/2016 1040 PM
Yeah it was fab. Fraser island is the world's largest sand island and the whitsunday's are a group of amazing islands. I sailed around them for three days. The views were stunning!

David_Lang8/22/2016 1021 PM
So you were a Captian of a ship over there too? Did you pillage anyone? X

BettyBoop4828/22/2016 1017 PM
Haha no there was a captain and a deck hand who sailed and made us food

David_Lang8/22/2016 11:01:50 PM
I so would of mutinied and taken over the ship! So do you ever go to the beach here and just look at it like 😐 "these beaches are nothing!" X
 LittleDreamGirl
Joined: 4/27/2016
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/24/2016 8:33:10 AM
Seems like a pretty convo you guys were having. She seems to be making an effort. Would have been nice if she had asked you some questions about yourself too. But you did a good job keeping the conversation going - asking questions, making little jokes, and doing active listening. So what's the problem? What happened after the last line of your message? Did she just never write back?
 David_Lang
Joined: 6/22/2015
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/24/2016 8:56:27 AM
Hiya.

As i said above nothing.. Just stopped. like a light switch.

Poof!

Gone!

Her is another conversation as well with the same situation. We had been chatting for about a day before the top message and She asked me how long I have been on here and I told her and asked her the same.

Louise66818/15/2016 1043 AM
Bordem tbh ..u think its ok just sitting in at weekdnds but really you dont get anywhere if you aint onlin lol x

David_Lang8/15/2016 1100 AM
Haha!! So you come on here to be "entertained?" 😂😂
Meeting people in nights out are pointless. Both parties too drunk to communicate properly! 😂👎🏻
So plans for today? X

Louise66818/15/2016 1238 PM
Im working then playing badminton later ..wbu

David_Lang8/15/2016 1210 PM
Wow! I love badminton! Not played it in a long time but I'm guessing I'm still good. How long you been playing it for?
Today I was at work but finished early. So going home to pick up car and head for milkshakes! 🙌🏻 x

Louise66818/15/2016 1047 PM
Milshake own your own ? Lol
Yeah i love badminton too
Been playing for year and hal now ..good big crowd that play we all mingle x

David_Lang8/16/2016 958 AM
Morning. 😀
Oh no! Picked up my friend and we went together. Was a good laugh. Then went to Strathclyde park and done two laps. Then got home worked out and passed out above my covers. 😂
How was your night? 😀 x

Louise66818/16/2016 147 PM
O right ..lovely !
Where u from then ?
I.was at Ravenscraig badminton for a few hours was good !

David_Lang8/16/2016 204 PM
As I'm where do I live? I live in shettleston.
Oh that's good. Do you go many times in the week? C

Louise66818/16/2016 317 PM
Yeah where u live lol !
Yeah i go twice a week for 2 hours each night
So u been on any dates yet !
What u actually hoping for

David_Lang8/16/2016 4:09:33 PM
That's pretty impressive! 👍🏻
Honestly? Not been on a date since 🤔 late April.
I'm looking to meet someone to go out with. 😀
As simple as that.
What about you? Xx

Just again conversation ends..

Am I missing something?
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/24/2016 9:16:35 AM
You probably should not post examples that include actual usernames.

The first woman seemed engaged enough - were you planning to message endlessly, or take a concrete step to meeting? That was a lot of back-and-forth with no end in sight. I would have pegged you as the pen-pal type and dropped the conversation too.
 LittleDreamGirl
Joined: 4/27/2016
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/24/2016 9:20:24 AM
I don't see anything wrong with the way you're chatting if that's how you usually chat with women. The last girl could barely spell though, so your writing shined in comparison, lol.

I'm pretty new to online dating myself so I'm still learning myself but I have found that guys tend to ask me out pretty quickly after we begin chatting. With this last girl, it's either one of two things; she was just having fun with the conversation but wasn't really interested OR it's possible that her comment "So u been on any dates yet...What u actually hoping for" was her indirect, passive way of giving you the chance to ask her out. Maybe at that point, you could have said something like "well how about we continue this conversation in person over a drink?" (or however you want to put it). Maybe when you didn't ask her out she got bored or disappointed and decided to not bother with the convo anymore. Either that or she simply wasn't interested so just bailed at that point.

How long do you usually wait to ask a girl out after you've been chatting for a day or two?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/24/2016 9:22:17 AM
The second conversation, you missed a chance to ask her out.

You said you're looking to meet somebody to go out with, but you haven't been on a date since April. Instead of saying what about you, you should have said, so, want to go for a coffee/drink on Friday?
 David_Lang
Joined: 6/22/2015
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/24/2016 9:53:06 AM
Ahah!!!!

That is it!!

I actually never thought of it that way. I am not closing with a date! I feel silly now. It makes perfect sense. I am coming across more like a pen pal as you said. So time for me to change my tactic in asking for a date. How long do you wait? 3/5 messages a few days?
 ChrisArtXL
Joined: 3/13/2016
Msg: 10
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/24/2016 10:09:26 AM
A. Your answer to what you are looking for is weak. Like who isn't looking for someone to go out with. Maybe she wanted to see specifics, to see if you're a man who knows what he wants and has standards.

B. You guys have traded enough messages even before that point. Is this Pof messages or text? if PoF, you should have gotten the number and take the convo to text and or phone.

C. Possibly turned off by your mention of not having been on a date since April. Could have left this out and just said yes to her question. Always try to make yourself look like you have high market value. Too many guys are hung up on being "honest" and giving away the whole plot. No virtue in that and it's not a winning strategy.

D. Maybe she got busy. It happens. Should have tried to pick the conversation back up again, get her number

The conversation was going very well otherwise.
 David_Lang
Joined: 6/22/2015
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/24/2016 11:10:53 AM
Yes and yes. I agree with your points.

It was via POF. Just did not want to ask for number so quickly. But it's now something which I will try to acquire at an earlier time in the conversation.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 12
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/24/2016 5:10:07 PM

But my question is that why do they not put any effort in chatting?


The Internet, iphones, ipods, a gazillion phone apps, etc., have reduced many people's attention span to that of a gnat.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 13
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/24/2016 6:56:15 PM

But my question is that why do they not put any effort in chatting?


They're busy looking for the Pokemon.
 vaalkaar1
Joined: 7/29/2016
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/25/2016 7:42:29 AM
Same reason they don't put effort into profiles.

"Hey my name is barbiex1425 I like fishing and bonfires. Wanna know more just ask"

^^^^^^^^^
that's the average profile in my region.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/25/2016 8:06:44 AM

Just did not want to ask for number so quickly. But it's now something which I will try to acquire at an earlier time in the conversation.

As amazing and entertaining as chats can be, there's no reason anything said therein HAS to be real or authentic. People say whatever they want to say to get a date, and can change their mind in a moment with no regrets because until you two meet, there is no flesh-and-blood person involved, no reason to prove yourself or demand proof from others - you are still two Ghosts in the Machine. Getting OUT of the online messaging portion as soon as possible should be Priority One.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 16
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/25/2016 9:26:45 AM
There's no problem with your messages, you just need to find a match. Dating is a processes and new prospects can flake at any moment due to lack of interest, talking to somebody else, or just plain craziness........ that just means it was not a match, so don't take it personally.

I see you were conversing with one on day two but did not close, that's your problem. If they are still conversing with you on day two, ask to meet or for a phone number. If you wait too long, they can loose interest.
 David_Lang
Joined: 6/22/2015
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/25/2016 11:52:55 AM
Ever since I took the advice here. I now have three dates for next week. All I did was after a few messages giving them a laugh I asked for their number. And now when they hint at all about plans etc I aske if they want to meet up. Total success! Thanks for the help. 😀
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 18
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/25/2016 12:15:20 PM

The second conversation, you missed a chance to ask her out.


I agree with this statement.

Were you texting? Were you emailing?

I had a rule. No texting or messaging until we met. Period. If they ask me to text on the dating website, I would tell them that most texting ends up being pointless. That I would be happy to email, but better yet, get together. When would it be a good time for her to get together?

Also, before that first meet. Do not spend too much time on the phone either. It becomes pointless, and if they can talk, they will ask you a million questions that need to be addressed in person.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/25/2016 12:27:19 PM

Ever since I took the advice here. I now have three dates for next week. All I did was after a few messages giving them a laugh I asked for their number. And now when they hint at all about plans etc I aske if they want to meet up. Total success! Thanks for the help.


That's a wrap.
 LittleDreamGirl
Joined: 4/27/2016
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/25/2016 1:17:14 PM
Wow, 3 dates already! Look at you OP, you stud! LOL
Glad we were of help :)

Let us know if any of those dates lead to more interesting dates!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 7/1/2016
Msg: 21
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 8/26/2016 11:47:31 AM
I think conversations (social skills and manners) have gone the way of
dial up internet.

I can't tell you how many people will look at me in the bookstore and
say "Do you work here?" when I clearly do (as evidenced by the badge,
ptd, phone and stack of books I'm rearranging) instead of saying
"Excuse me could you help me" or "Hello" or ANYTHING because IMO,
they have no idea how to engage someone.

They also have no problem asking questions behind your back, when
you're not looking, asking a question while talking on their cell phone,
or talking to you while you're talking to someone else.

It doesn't surprise me people are unable to talk in here.
It's a lost art.
 MarsWarGod
Joined: 9/9/2016
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 9/24/2016 10:44:27 AM
How early in the conversation should you ask to go out? After her first reply?
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 23
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 9/26/2016 10:25:03 PM

How early in the conversation should you ask to go out? After her first reply?


Not really, that comes across as too desperate.

Realize this. Dating IS a game. Regardless of what anyone tells you. If they respond you have several jobs, one, create interest, two, create a sense of trust, three, create a sense of desire.

Notice the order. You move desire to the first one and she will think you are too sexed up and delete you. Pretend to create too much a sense of trust and you are going to come across as a fake, "trust me." Interest is simple. You ask her questions about something she likes and you relate to and understand. Don't try to fake it. Either you know about it, or you don't. Trust is very important because out of that they will feel comfortable to give you, a perfect stranger, their phone number and be willing to meet you somewhere.

Have some conversation back and forth but do not go past a week with this or more than about 5 emails. But there are no rules, but go for early instead of later.
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Is conversation this hard at our age?
Posted: 11/1/2016 4:19:29 PM
Personally I feel my messages are not that lacking either and they get ignored 11 out of 10 times. The 11th is the one I didn't send, because she is religious and I definitely am not. But I am quite confident she would have ignored me too. But oddly enough I have found that in the off chance a woman sent me a message (and every time I really don't have a physical attraction to them) it was usually "Hey" or "HRU" or some other monosyllabic message one would expect from a cave person. I always reply back, because it is only polite and nothing else going on when I do come here. Again I read their profile, talk about things they have as interests and I barely get responses back still. I honestly think the art of conversation is starting to become so inbred from modern texting lingo and such that when an actual structured sentence is received their minds are totally blown, (like in those commercials with peoples crowns popping and purple smoke comes out) and they just don't know what to do anymore. The only place within POF one can remotely get a conversation is in the forums. Am I speaking english? I totally think I am. I mean I have seen on websites where you choose your language there are 2 options for english, US and UK..... maybe I am speaking the queens english instead of murican? Perhaps that is the problem?
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Is conversation this hard at our age?