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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Hopscotchbutter
Joined: 7/9/2016
Msg: 1
Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?Page 1 of 1    
Maybe its because i'm relatively new again to the dating scene but I think it is rude to not respond to a text, even if the response is just something like, "Sorry, i'm busy" or whatever. Okay, here is the situation.

Ive been sorta of seeing this guy for a few weeks. Several dates, all went well. During the week he will sometimes text me first, sometimes not. But even on the times he does text me first to say whats up or share some funny little comment, i'll respond and then he will just drop the convo? This last time he texted me a pic of something that happened in his day, we went back and forth for a bit, then I suggested hanging out the next time he was in town. No response and its been days. This is pretty typical. It makes me think hes not interested but then he does stuff like this...

Two weekends ago he texted me after a few days of silence and was basically like, "lets hang out friday AND saturday AND then i'll take you to breakfast sunday" (in so many words, obviously not these ones). We ended up just hanging out saturday and sunday morning, but then it was silence from him for like a week. He reached out recently with the pic, described above, but then when I suggested hanging out this weekend, no reply? Even more, when someone doesn't reply to me I don't feel comfortable reaching out again until they have replied or initiated contact for a fear of seeming clingy or desperate, which im not. But then this puts the ball continually in the other persons hands, which I don't like.

Whats the deal? Is he interested, is he not? I like this guy but don't appreciate the nonresponses and am starting to think I should just get over this whole deal because the back and forth drives me crazy. Am I alright to tell him he has horrible texting habits and it bothers me lol?

And I know, texting is the death of relationships and whatnot, but unfortunately our situations are such that most of our communication (unless we are hanging out) is limited to this means of communication.
 Mz_Dressup
Joined: 11/15/2014
Msg: 2
Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/1/2016 7:47:30 PM
This is the FWB's guy?

Seems he's got what he wants.

Do you have what you want?
 Hopscotchbutter
Joined: 7/9/2016
Msg: 3
Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/1/2016 7:57:37 PM
No, I don't! I guess that alone means its time to move on, huh?
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 4
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Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/2/2016 3:47:30 AM
^^ You got it toots!
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 5
Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/2/2016 5:37:04 AM
stop obsessing over some guy not in to you. Takes no time ro reply to a text and you get silence for a week. Gee, wonder what he;s doing.
Date others
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
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Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/2/2016 10:26:59 AM
What the deal is, is that he's not compatible with what you want in a man, so why spend time analyzing it.
Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/3/2016 1:15:37 PM

But even on the times he does text me first to say whats up or share some funny little comment, i'll respond and then he will just drop the convo?

not sure what you're expecting here. do you want a text that's a formal statement of termination of the conversation? is that the way you conduct text exchanges with your GFs or family members? or do they sometimes just trail off because people can have other, more immediate demands on their attention that text chitchat, like a class convening or having to take care of a customer or watching the road, stuff like that?
 Scaretale
Joined: 1/9/2016
Msg: 8
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Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/3/2016 9:30:28 PM
He's just not that into you.

Some people don't have the restraint to cut off communication when they decide the other person isn't for them. Instead, they still initiate communication when they are lonely. When you ignore, it presents a challenge, and then they get interested again....flirt...say what you want to here...do what it takes to get your attention again. Then once they have it, they bow out.

It's up to you to recognize this behavior and end things. It's not on him anymore, but on you.

Good luck!
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 9
Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/4/2016 6:23:38 AM
Not responding within 24 hours is rude. Try finding someone in your area you can actually date.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 10
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Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/4/2016 9:44:14 AM
I have the perfect response to any text that someone sends me- A live voice!

A simple text with a few words takes me ten minutes to compose. I can quadruple the words in just 30 seconds, by just talking. Oh how efficient! What a time saver! And so very personal!
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 11
Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/4/2016 12:08:20 PM

Even more, when someone doesn't reply to me I don't feel comfortable reaching out again until they have replied or initiated contact for a fear of seeming clingy or desperate, which im not. But then this puts the ball continually in the other persons hands, which I don't like.

Whats the deal? Is he interested, is he not? I like this guy but don't appreciate the nonresponses and am starting to think I should just get over this whole deal because the back and forth drives me crazy. Am I alright to tell him he has horrible texting habits and it bothers me lol?

And I know, texting is the death of relationships and whatnot, but unfortunately our situations are such that most of our communication (unless we are hanging out) is limited to this means of communication.


To answer your question, it's hard to tell if he is interested or not~

It does seem from what you wrote,that you have a low tolerance for uncertainty, are somewhat impatient (to hear back!) and want to be in charge of the situation (and the relationship?)

And if as you say, most of your communication (a big part of any relationship) is limited to texting and as you also state 'he has horrible texting habits' (whatever that means), then by all means, let him know! ASAP

If he doesn't shape up and improve his texting habits, I'm sure there are other fellows out there willing to 'thumb their way' into your heart~
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 12
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Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/6/2016 7:35:20 PM
Texting. Chatting. Random verbalizations.

I've actually paid attention to some stuff that a lot of people don't pay attention to.

That is, what could be called "chat dialogs." Stuff the people say to each other while they are just randomly wandering around. I hear "chat" dialogs that go something like this, every day:

Long silence, people walking a long.

Him: "I think I just saw a wild duck fly past the telephone pole."

Her: "Wow. Cool."

Long silence. More walking.

Her: "Want to go somewhere out this weekend for dinner, instead of the usual?"

Him: nothing for a few paces, while he thinks about what to say back, where to suggest going, how much it might cost, whether she meant that she doesn't like "the usual" or not.

Her again: "I think I saw that duck again."

Him: " yeah, okay." He's answering the older question, hasn't noticed the duck comment, thinks it might be filler chat.

Her: nothing. She's listening to hers own recorded playback of her standard internal gripe tape about how men never communicate clearly and directly like women do.

That's what I think of, with this particular description of "vexing texting." Most humans have an inner dialog running at the same time as their outer dialog. Most people are also unaware that the other person can't hear their inner dialog, and can't follow the subject shifts accordingly.

That gets magnified with remote text communication, as each person imagines the environment the other is in, usually incorrectly, and deduces what response times and content should be, based on what they ASSUME is true.

Because texting FEELS so much like regular idle chatting, people often ASSUME that it follows the same lack-of-real-structure "rules."
 Ifishforkeepers
Joined: 10/17/2015
Msg: 13
Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/16/2016 8:25:12 PM
Time to move along he is just playing games actually also other women are also involved. My third eye says so :)
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 14
Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/16/2016 8:48:06 PM
He is interested in having occasional relations with you, when it's convenient for him. What do you think you have, a relationship?

Not sure if he knows that you want that, or you know this is just for no ties/expectations kicks.

Yes, he is interested in keeping you on the roster. Who knows if that will dry up. You cannot expect much here.

If you want it to come to a head--tell him what you said here, and what you want in general.

Or don't lie to yourself if he said nsa, but you think you can convert him into a bf. He does not seem bf material.

Btw, texting is not particularly satisfying, imo, but maybe I am unaware of why it's so enjoyable. It seems distant.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 15
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Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/19/2016 2:02:28 AM
You seem to be at his beckon call.. What more could a man want?
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 16
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Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/19/2016 6:28:30 AM
Not replying for half a day is understandable; people have lives and jobs and families. Not replying for several days implies that you're waaaay down on their priority list.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 17
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Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/23/2016 9:05:19 AM
OP...I think this guy's playing the field. I prefer a phone call over texting. I can say so much more in a shorter period of time and it feels more personal for me.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 18
Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/23/2016 9:19:09 AM
This topic began Sep 1 and she hasn't replied since then so .... I don't think she still requires advice folks
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 19
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Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 9/27/2016 9:58:03 AM
Hopscotchbutter and Butterchickenchuck...making wonderful butter together.
 FoodPhoThought
Joined: 8/23/2016
Msg: 20
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Horrible at communication/texting or not interested?
Posted: 11/10/2016 10:59:38 AM
if a guy is really interested in you what he will do is

1)If he's strait up he will respond to your text as soon as you send it
2)If he's not very confident, he will want to seem he is not desperate and will wait maybe 10 or so minutes to text you back. Sometimes hours.
3)If what you texted him required a very thought out response, he will think about it over a period no longer than a day and respond to you later

There are some circumstances (and I will admit that I do this too sometimes because I'm human) where a guy just works alot and in hard labor and may only contact or respond to you on an off day or day when his body isn't fatigued. He's worried that if he responds to a text you sent him on the beginning of his work week that he might have to act upon hanging out with you when he's really tired and all he wants to do is rest when he's done at work.

The best thing to do is see if there's a pattern to which days he responds to you and talk through it. If you both share the same off days then it's ideal to hang out then. If you don't share the same off days, then maybe think about changing schedules or talking out ideal times to meet.

Don't just assume he's not that into you, people have physical limitations and not every man is superman and can perform hard labor and hang out with his girl everyday.
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