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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Getting my stuff back from the ex      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 exclamation_point
Joined: 12/27/2015
Msg: 1
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Getting my stuff back from the exPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Dated this guy I met on POF for a couple of months. All indications were that we really liked each other, never had issues. Then, he found out his father is dying and decided to move to Florida to spend his final time with him. He told me his feelings for me never died, but lately, he cut off communication with me (for a few weeks, he was still sending me random texts and was amicable; sort of mixed msgs). The last he talked to me, he said the only reason we couldn't work out was the distance, that he didn't want to hurt either of us. But I just want closure. It ended so abruptly, the last time we saw each other, he kissed me and said he'd see me soon; we were making plans with his family.

The main thing is, I lent him my mom's camera for his work. I've reminded him numerous times I need it back and that I also have some of his things he left here. He has said don't worry, he'll drop it off before he leaves. The last time I reminded him was a week ago. I'm not sure when he's moving. Do I bother him again over this camera, should I wait or what? I don't want to come off as a clingy ex. I'm trying so hard to move on, but I feel like I have a right to ask for something back that isn't a gift. I told him he can keep everything else; we were both good to each other. I just want closure now. I even offered to drive to a central location so he wouldn't have to drive to my place to drop it off, but he keeps saying he will drive here, then never does. I only text him about once a week over this, and it's been a month since I saw him. What should I do now?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 2
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Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 8:55:41 AM
You tell him when you're going to be there to pick it up. It's not even your camera. It's your MOM's!
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 3
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 9:15:50 AM
i agree with lili. don't even make plans, just tell him you'llbe there at this time to pick it up. if he's a shady guy he'll make excuses he wont be home, otherwise he'll say "ok".
Take the work away from him.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 7/1/2016
Msg: 4
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 9:23:03 AM
I agree as well.
Tell him you're coming.
And then do it.
 exclamation_point
Joined: 12/27/2015
Msg: 5
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Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 9:53:11 AM
So what if he says he can't make it?

I was trying to give him the benefit of a doubt. I went away last weekend and told him I wouldn't be around. And, He was always so thoughtful when he was my bf, but I barely recognize him now. I know he's going through something, but I don't know why he's acting like this towards me. We never fought or anything. Now, it's like he can't even face me for something so simple as a goodbye and exchange.
 _Cinnamon__Girl_
Joined: 3/28/2016
Msg: 6
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Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 10:03:01 AM
If he really can't deal with seeing you, tell him to leave the camera on his front porch. Plan the time so it won't be just sitting out there, and get stolen. Just pick it up and leave- no contact.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 7
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 10:30:49 AM
Such a drama queen...over a camera.

t's like he can't even face me for something so simple as a goodbye and exchange.

He probably knows...it's not about the stuff and has no interest in any more good byes.
Cut your losses and move on....when some people are done with someone they don't want to keep being "friends".
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 8
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 10:58:08 AM
Don't give him an option. Tell him your mom needs it back for something this weekend and are dropping by to get it. If he can't be there suggest a safe place to leave it.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 9
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Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 11:03:07 AM
This is not about your relationship - it's about property. You should have a good idea of his work schedule and times he's home.

Go to his house, knock on the door and get your camera. Don't worry about the relationship - he said he's moving across the country anyway. Bring His stuff in a box and leave it there, even if he's not home. Take a photo of it by the door with you camera and text it to him so there's no question that his stuff was returned.

Bummer for all, but for now there is no relationship. Get your stuff and move on.
 exclamation_point
Joined: 12/27/2015
Msg: 10
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Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 11:13:41 AM
Um, I never said I wanted to still be friends with him. I don't believe in being friends with exes. He's the one who still sends me occasional random texts. I'm just trying to figure out the camera, which still has my mom's pictures on it and isn't mine.. How does that make me looking for drama because I want to handle things like adults and end this? I don't want to just drop by because he lives with a roommate... Specifically not looking for drama, that's why I'm asking.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 11
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 11:28:53 AM
"I don't want to just drop by because he lives with a roommate... "




Um.....SO ?????????????
 browneyesboo
Joined: 7/1/2016
Msg: 12
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 11:32:35 AM
So what if his roommate is there?
What's wrong with witnesses?
It's your camera...you need it back.
Easy peasy.
 blackbirdfly2u
Joined: 8/23/2016
Msg: 13
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 11:47:23 AM
It always amazes me how grown adults can't discuss things like adults or act like adults. You have some guy who has probably been inside your body and you can't get a camera back??

Pick up the phone, make a call and say something like, "I'll be over Sunday at noon for my camera" and follow through.

Easy peasy as someone said.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 14
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 1:39:35 PM
" I lent him my mom's camera for his work."
What kind of work does he do where he has to take pictures for work using his own camera, instead of the employer providing the camera? If he's self employed and uses a camera, why wouldn't he have a camera to begin with?

If meeting face-to-face is such a problem, tell him to mail it to you, or get it delivered by Purolator or similar same day delivery service. And ask him how does he want to pick up any of his stuff-if he wants any of it back.
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 15
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 2:22:36 PM
Why cant you just stop over and have the room mate give the camera to you? The ex doesnt have to be there at all. It sounds like he doesnt want to face you.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 16
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 2:35:42 PM
Don't think you getting the camera back. ever. lesson learned. Since he has your camera if his stuff worth anything, sell it or drop it off at his place. Guilt him into maybe returning the camera
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 17
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Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 3:00:11 PM
Give him the benefit of the doubt. In your heart, do you believe he is being up front with you?

I like the suggestion of telling him to leave the camera on the porch, under the porch , with roommate....
And have his things in a large bag... and LEAVE IT.

I did that to someone I stopped seeing who left all kinds of things at my house. I knew when he was working and left them on the hood of his car.....
Done.
He shouldn't have to keep one of your possessions as a foot in the door or you on a shelf for when he wants if that is what he is doing. Hopefully he isn't

Good luck
 Llookingformynextmistake
Joined: 5/29/2016
Msg: 18
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 5:35:54 PM
I agree you should leave a time that you will be there. Will he or his room mate be there or does he have a better time?

Pin him to the wall on a time. If he is not there or going to make the camera available to you by X time, get your mom and go file a theft report with the local law enforcement. They will go see him.

Good luck OP, hard situation. Hope it works out for the best.

LePew
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 19
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Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 5:52:38 PM
He has a roommate?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Holy cow! Stop reading POF right now and go over and get your camera!
Jiminy Cricket ---- !!! Is the roommate someone you've never met? A psycho-killer? Does he have the VIKA virus?
Go get your camera! If roommate asks you to prove it - show him pics of YOU or YOUR MOM still on the memory card.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 20
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Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 6:11:04 PM
I bet he has lost that camera or sold it. Lesson learned, never lend other people's stuff out. I think he wanted out of the relationship and is probably lying about the reasons. He does not want to see you for whatever reason. I would be dropping by his place if it were me and demanding the camera back. However,. dont be surprised by what you may see.
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 21
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Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 6:19:56 PM
Another thought --
If all you are getting is random text messages -- how do you know he hasn't moved yet?

Drop by. Get it done and over with (if he still even lives there)

Or - buy your mom a replacement camera and cut all ties for good.
 perspektiv
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 22
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 8:40:17 PM
He's avoiding you, on purpose. Its pretty clear.

I'd honestly send someone neutral to go pick it up. If you did, there would be drama. No need to ask his permission--its your camera.

Personally, if I left belongings with an ex, I keep them there. So not worth the drama.
I probably have thousands of dollars worth of clothing and items, stuck with exes.

I avoid the drama, by not even asking for it, and if they ask for something, mailing it, or giving it, immediately. Last thing you want to do, is prolong things.
 exclamation_point
Joined: 12/27/2015
Msg: 23
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Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/10/2016 4:55:26 AM
Just an update…

I did finally worked up the nerve to text him. Honestly, it is hard for me to talk to him. He told me that he actually texted me on Tuesday about it, but I never got this text… Who knows what happened. Maybe it was all just a misunderstanding. I do feel like he is holding it hostage sometimes to maintain some connections at a distance. I don't know…

And responding to the messages about his roommate and all that, it's complicated. He is in between moving, so I really don't know exactly where he is at, could be staying at family's house as well.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 24
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Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/10/2016 9:32:38 AM
I don't see any reason why he can't just put it in the mail or UPS. He's probably just stalling because he wants an excuse to see you face to face again maybe? I think you do deserve the camera back; I would not just "write if off" to experience.

I had a fling with someone and it was cold in the morning, so I wore one of her sweatshirts home. I thought I would just keep it, it was just a sweatshirt, but she felt differently. A week later, she left a nutty, screaming VM demanding the shirt back. Never returned the call....I just dropped the sweatshirt in the mail, no note, no nothing, and called it a day.
 IReallyShouldnt
Joined: 9/6/2016
Msg: 25
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Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/10/2016 12:07:32 PM
^^^ Just curious SS... was that before or during your current long term relationship? I ask this based on the new thread you just created upstairs in the Relationship threads.
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