Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Missed chance      Home login  
Joined: 1/20/2013
Msg: 1
Missed chancePage 1 of 1    
There was a guy who I liked in school and he liked me too, but as I was shy he did not realise I was interested too. We went our separate way but he contacted me 3 years later in 2005. We met up, it was clear he was interested in me but I had a partner. I felt torn as I always liked him but chose my partner as I wasn't going to end the relationship based on one reunion.

Over the years I thought of this guy. I have not seen him in over 10 years. I regret staying with my partner as he was very abusive. I have been single for a while now but the guy I liked is married now with a 2 year old. I would not contact him as he married so he is not available. Does anyone have any regrets about not pursuing someone? How would I know it was not meant to be? I feel quite upset right now as he was a nice guy.
Joined: 11/15/2014
Msg: 2
Missed chance
Posted: 9/13/2016 6:51:11 AM
If you are "quite upset" over missing out on a guy who you haven't seen in ten years, I suggest professional help.

And you know it wasn't "meant to be" because he's married and has a child.

Move on.
Joined: 1/9/2016
Msg: 3
view profile
Missed chance
Posted: 9/13/2016 7:56:17 AM
Life is full of regrets...especially when it comes to dating. :-)

We make mistakes in who we choose to date because we're sometimes selfish, don't want to commit, need to learn lessons the hard ways, etc...

Don't obsess about missed opportunities - just be happy. Life is too short to be unhappy, and we are all in control of our own happiness.
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 4
Missed chance
Posted: 9/13/2016 9:40:31 AM

How would I know it was not meant to be?

Ummm..maybe because he married somebody else. Youre almost 30 boo boo, time to get over highschool.
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 5
Missed chance
Posted: 9/13/2016 9:47:33 AM
"How would I know it was not meant to be? "

You DO know it wasn't meant to be by how it turned out.

Nice guy, shmice guy....for all you know he might not have been so nice once you got to know him better.
In fact, based on 99% of the population, I can GUARANTEE he wouldn't have been so nice based on the fact that he's HUMAN.
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 6
Missed chance
Posted: 9/13/2016 12:56:46 PM

If you did not pursue, well, you didn't have the balls (or ovaries). If they did not pursue you, they didn't have them either. And then if you were tangled with life, it was not meant to be.

Eventually you may develop the balls or ovaries to pursue what you want. But realize that what you pursue is in the future, not the past. So move on and instead of living through regret look at the next opportunity that comes your way and take it with total gusto. And Live.
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 7
Missed chance
Posted: 9/13/2016 1:14:05 PM
Cindi nailed it. So after 11 years you think he might have been the one? The Neo if you will?
What about some famous movie star? He might be the one/ It might be meant to be ( which is why there are anti stalking aws)
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 8
Missed chance
Posted: 9/13/2016 2:34:29 PM

I feel quite upset right now as he was a nice guy.

I'm assuming you thought the same thing when you met the guy you were in a relationship with-how nice he was. So you never dated the guy, never had a relationship with him, just knew him from school, and yet, 11 years later, you have a fantasy image of how life could've been if only you two would've dated and started on the journey to happily-ever-after. Obviously, he didn't feel the same way about you, since he never pursued you when you were both single, and chose someone else instead.
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 9
Missed chance
Posted: 9/13/2016 3:20:49 PM

There was a guy who I liked in school and he liked me too, but as I was shy he did not realise I was interested too.

You should have passed him a note in history class.

Does anyone have any regrets about not pursuing someone?

I have regrets about not pursuing every unmarried European princess over the last 40 years.
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 10
Missed chance
Posted: 9/13/2016 3:22:10 PM
"Cindi nailed it."

No - msg 5 nailed it

Hmmph !
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
Missed chance
Posted: 9/13/2016 5:05:07 PM
Seriously, the only people I regret not pursuing at the time, were the women (girls, really) that I might have suffered heartbreak from, or at least had wild sex with once or twice, back when I was very young.

And that is NOT because I am, or wish I were some sort of randy, cad, guy-at-the-bar-who-brags-about-conquests type.

It's because if I had had those BAD young life experiences, I might have learned what I needed to know in order to not have gone through the vastly more destructive "lessons" I ended up having smash my life instead.

But entire people? No. There was a woman here and there, who I might well have had a good life with, if the timing had been right when we crossed paths. But I am pointedly aware at all times, that what is real, is what is real. I had the life that I actually HAD. The result of that life, is that I am who I am, and I am where I am. Pining about might-have-been doesn't make anything better now, doesn't help me find the right person for me NOW, heck it doesn't even make a good enough short story to write out.
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 12
Missed chance
Posted: 9/15/2016 2:45:17 PM

heck it doesn't even make a good enough short story to write out.

I turned the whole episode of my divorce into the first chapter of a novel. I put in there about all kinds of crazy dates I had.

I had to let it go, because at one point the story felt too painful to continue and I did not want to live in that past.

I also turned the whole relationship with the woman that developed breast cancer into a story. I liked it. Sent it out several times, New Yorker, Paris Review, Plowshares. Got rejected.

Several stories I got published related somehow to my ex wife.
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 13
view profile
Missed chance
Posted: 9/15/2016 9:39:08 PM
Nataly? Nataly? Is that you Nataly?
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 14
Missed chance
Posted: 9/16/2016 7:05:01 AM

"Cindi nailed it."

No - msg 5 nailed it

Hmmph !

No - msg 13 nailed it

Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 15
Missed message
Posted: 9/17/2016 6:45:20 AM
Apologies.. I misspoke you ALL nailed it. :ole the hammer of Thor
Anyone else know that Thor joke when he beds a peasant girl?
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 16
view profile
Missed message
Posted: 9/18/2016 7:09:39 AM
I'm willing to bet that you're mooning over this guy because you're currently going through a dry patch. If you were dating a hottie, your school chum wouldn't get a second thought.

It's never a good idea to have what ifs about schoolyard crushes. People change when they hit adulthood. Too many relationships ended up on the rocks when social media came along and people went a-hunting on Friends Reunited and Facebook and later found that Little Jimmy or Pigtails Patty weren't as we remembered.
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 17
Missed message
Posted: 9/18/2016 9:17:45 AM
For a year, my senior year of high school. Dated "the love of my life".
He was a year behind me, I graduated, went onto college. I left "the religion".
....................and life goes on.

We parted on friendly terms. On the highway of life, I chose the left exit, he chose the right exit.
Ran into each other years later. We live miles apart. The religion alone, places us in two different worlds. No regrets!
Keep on movin'!
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 18
Missed message
Posted: 9/20/2016 8:42:22 AM

I had a very similar experience to yourse . VERY.

Went to high school with her late 70s, she found me on FB Dec/2013, the sex was great but outside the bedroom we found we had less and less business being together AT ALL as the months went by.

Still, I'm not going to say I didn't enjoy the novelty of having sex with a girl I had the hots for in high school.
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 19
Missed message
Posted: 9/20/2016 9:33:21 AM
This was my first love. I began dating her when I was 13 and she was 15. Then moved to another city and kept it long distance for a couple of years. She was and still is my older sister's best friend. I tried to revive it again when I went back to South America and I was 18. But there was no future. I came back to the States, she moved to a city at the edge of the Amazon. She stayed in touch with my sister all these years. Many times getting together and so forth. She had three daughters. She once came to the States with her daughter and asked for some advice about animation schools. Then many years later, after my divorce, after the end of a 4-year tumultuous relationship, and now having contact through Facebook, she told me that she wanted to see me as she was passing through to go to Canada, where one of her daughters now lives. I first said okay, and she began to write me these letters about how as much as she loved her husband, he had become nothing more than a room mate. She began to hint other things to do in her trip up. In the mean time, I started to date different women and there was one that I was getting to know quite well.

I realized that she had a very special place in my heart, but that memory of the past and what the present could be, were not congruous with each other. I did not want her to end up having an affair, which is what we would have done. Because there were still big emotions that were always there.

I had to cancel our reunion. I told her that it would not be wise to meet. We still make comments here and there on Facebook, but back as being the brother of her best friend. Not some distant lover.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Missed chance