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 MrSensicle
Joined: 8/22/2015
Msg: 1
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So...a 'friend' is staying over...Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Ive been seeing this gal who lives about 5 hrs away for 4 months now. Things got off to a great start, but about 2 months in, it got kinda rocky. Over the last 2 weeks weve been patching it up and moving in a good direction. She mentions to me about 2 weeks ago about this guy who used to live here and was her room mate a few years ago. Well yesterday I find out that the guy is now back in town and she invited him over for a game of radio bingo. I was fine with that as I have alot of faith in this gal. Today she tells me point blank that bingo is going to be late and that he is staying the night since he has no wheels. There was no discussion about this, she just told me how it was. Im pretty pee'd about this and this is where I have a problem. I casually asked her if she was thinking with a clear mind today and she said yes. Is it a trust issue or could it be an insecurity coming out here? What would you say to her?
 halforhalfnot
Joined: 9/13/2016
Msg: 2
So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 9/30/2016 7:34:48 PM
That's the problem with dating women. They think they can make their own decisions about their own lives. That's why I avoid it.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 3
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So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 9/30/2016 7:54:28 PM
Weeeelllllll Mr Sensicle, Let me ask this first.
What is Radio Bingo? Why does one need to play it "Late?"
Was this guy the only one invited?
How is he getting there with,"no wheels?" Where will he stay tomorrow night, "with no wheels?"
Those are just a few of the questions stuck in my head.

I openly admit to a healthy amount of skepticism. When things give me reason to say, Hmmmmm????
I answer, with, "What would I do in his/her shoes?
Would I expect/ask, a man to trust me, IF I had an old roommate, another man staying over, all night?

LOL I wouldn't expect/ask him to trust me. I wouldn't invite another man to stay all night. I wouldn't invite "Trouble".
But that's just me.

My only suggestion? ASK her, "What would you do in my shoes?"
 MrSensicle
Joined: 8/22/2015
Msg: 4
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So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 9/30/2016 8:07:32 PM
I will be talking to her about this tomorrow. I knew she went to pick him up today, she told me that right before she said he was staying the night. This has me stirred pretty good and Im not sure if this is a way of her testing me, or what to make of this really. Radio Bingo is...well...Im not really sure. She tried to explain it once, but I didnt understand. I dont know why it 'has' to be played right till the end, but apparently it does. If I was anymore frustrated with this, I would be getting in my truck right now n driving down there to see exactly 'where' he is staying there.
 MrSensicle
Joined: 8/22/2015
Msg: 5
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So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 9/30/2016 8:09:09 PM
She had invited 2 other female friends, but she was hoping that one of them couldnt make it, and she doubted the other one would show up. Opportune time for something to happen IMO.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 6
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So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 9/30/2016 8:36:27 PM

hoping that one of them couldnt make it, and she doubted the other one would show up. Opportune time for something to happen IMO.

I do believe you will make sense of this..........and not in a good way.
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 7
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So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 9/30/2016 9:19:03 PM
Arrogance is the new respect and consideration.She is just letting you know
who'll be calling the shots.Don't even bring it up.Sounds like this was planned
well in advance.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 8
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So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 9/30/2016 10:14:36 PM
If you trusted her and this didn't bother you, then you wouldn't have posted about it, so you should tell her what you really think and let the truth fall where it may. I'm guessing it's time to think about casually dating her while you keep looking, if you want to, or just move on. If I was in your position I'd wonder why I wasn't invited, introduced to this friend and taught how to play radio bingo.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 9
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Mr NON-Sensical...
Posted: 9/30/2016 10:41:17 PM
-> Paranoia will destroy ya! <-
She's 5 hours away so she can do anything she damn well pleases, no need to discuss it with you, Mr. Johnny-Come-Lately. Besides, how would you know the difference? She didn't have to tell you a damn thing - she could have cranked the radio loud enough for neighbors a mile away hear "BINGO!" You have no freakin' clue about how many nights a week some dude is tuning her radio - or not, so YES - it's all about YOUR mistrust and insecurity.

"this guy" was a former roommate, so nothing odd about him staying overnight. Did she say they planned 3-way Twister with a goat, too? Sheesh...

Advice: Date someone who lives closer, so you can park outside the house and listen, the way you really want to.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 10
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Mr NON-Sensical...
Posted: 10/1/2016 12:00:12 AM

That's the problem with dating women. They think they can make their own decisions about their own lives. That's why I avoid it.


First and last laugh of the day. Glad there was one today. Thanks (lol) :)
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 11
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Mr NON-Sensical...
Posted: 10/1/2016 12:15:36 AM
I agree she didn't have to tell you but I'm not sure why she did or if that makes it better or worse? I don't think your insecure I would find it dis-respectful and be hurt by it.

I don't think I would continue the relationship.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 12
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So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 10/1/2016 3:56:22 AM
Sounds like a control issue to me. She wants control of you, and you're letting her do it.

Take notes. Watch how she handles this, and you. If she manages to make this situation work between you two, then expect it to happen again. And again. And again. And again.

Once this is resolved between you two, ask yourself this-

"Do I want to deal with her like this?"

Chances are, since you're asking us, you don't like the situation at all. If she plans to to continue playing games, let her. Without you in the picture. Your peace of mind is more important that her.
 halforhalfnot
Joined: 9/13/2016
Msg: 13
So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 10/1/2016 4:16:46 AM
He's a former roommate.

You have to think that they weren't knocking boots while actually living together, but waited until she was in a relationship to arrange a one night tryst in order to mess with you.

But clearly I'm in the minority.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
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So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 10/1/2016 4:24:07 AM
The main thing missing from the story, is whether the two have agreed to date only each other or not.

If she's just trying the OP out, this is a classic portrayal of the Theory of Dating Relativity:

to the OP, the stay-over guy is a huge problem/threat. To the stay-over guy, The OP is the problem/threat.

What decides whatever truth there is in the situation, as I said at the top, is whether the people involved have or have not agreed to set boundaries.

If the woman has NOT agreed to such boundaries, it's the OP who is in the wrong, for jumping the gun about his assumptions about the relationship.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 15
Mr NON-Sensical...
Posted: 10/1/2016 4:31:30 AM

Ive been seeing this gal who lives about 5 hrs away for 4 months now.


Since there is so much distance between you two-and I'm assuming you both work, how often do you get to see her? With winter coming up in a couple of months, will you being seeing her even less? If I were you, I would learn how to play radio bingo. Or look for someone closer, since long distance relationships are hard enough to maintain as it is, and you are already casting some doubt about it. Once the seed of suspicion is planted, it's hard to get rid of, and the distance apart makes it worse.

I don't get the part about her inviting two girlfriends over, thinking one won't show and hoping the other one doesn't show up either. What's the point of inviting them in the first place? Is that what she said, or is that what you're thinking will happen, so that she could have alone time with the guy? I don't see a happy ending to this.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 16
Mr NON-Sensical...
Posted: 10/1/2016 5:23:14 AM
Internet Bingo for Half :/ Totes agree with him. Why we you checking up on her so much that evening OP? She was transparent, told you he was coming over, etc.
Soon you'll be wondering why she is wearing short sleeved blouses.
Doesn't sound like you wanted to drive 5 hours to play Radio Bingo .. not a big deal imo
Oh, don't know if it exists elsewhere, it is a Bingo game a country music station hosts. You buy your cards .. play like a reg game of Bingo dabbing til you or someone else calls in a winner.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 17
Mr NON-Sensical...
Posted: 10/1/2016 6:55:47 AM
If she's even making this up to get a jealous response, the best reaction you can have is to be...cool and supportive about it. And listen carefully to what comes next. There's nothing else you can do but let it happen. If she has no intentions with the guy, then she's showing you respect to tell you about it--she could have hid it to avoid any issues. But if she hopes to get drunk with him and blame it on the booze...few people can keep a secret for very long.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 18
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Mr NON-Sensical...
Posted: 10/1/2016 8:51:38 AM
I've had personal experience of this sort of thing. You either trust her or you don't. If they get it on, you two were never meant to be.
 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 19
So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 10/1/2016 10:04:41 AM

Over the last 2 weeks weve been patching it up and moving in a good direction. She mentions to me about 2 weeks ago about this guy who used to live here and was her room mate a few years ago. Well yesterday I find out that the guy is now back in town and she invited him over for a game of radio bingo.


Something seems VERY odd about the timing of these 2 events: 1) patching up the relationship, and 2) mentioning her former roommate's existence.


Today she tells me point blank that bingo is going to be late and that he is staying the night since he has no wheels.


Then 10 days, later, WHY would she tell you about a single male staying overnight at the same time she is trying to "patch up" things with you? Perhaps she fears you will see this as an opportunity to date others, while she is "entertaining" her friend?

Anyway, at 5 hours travel time, you will have to take her word for what happens, since hiding in the bushes does not seem to be convenient.

P.S. Does radio bingo involve taking one's clothes off?
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 20
So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 10/1/2016 10:21:00 AM
OP....you never mentioned, if you had been invited as well?
I agree, long distance relationships are difficult for this very reason.
It's hard to wait for that once a week visit or whenever I can get there...thing. Trust...is huge!!
Considering the distance....plus, you have already had issues and you obviously don't trust her. I'm not thinking, it's gonna
end well.

In my opinion....It's probably harmless because she didn't have to tell you anything.
And/or....if she invited you as well....not thinking there is anything to hide.
Sometimes...it helps to ask perspective others....if they would like or accept the same scenario...if it was reversed.
Good Luck!
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 21
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So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 10/1/2016 10:37:03 AM
She really did not have to tell you that he is spending the night. You are 5 hours away and it isn't like you were stopping by while running errands or after work. You would have never known. She was honest

She was also honest when she said he was a ROOM MATE. Note -- not a guy she was dating and lived with --- A roommate. Now if you have reasons not to trust her, that is one thing. But from what else you said - that's not the problem. I am guessing that you are trying for a relationship and see another man staying at her home overnight as disrespectful to you.

I have had male "friends" spend the night. Once - traveling through while moving to another state. Another, it was the holidays and another friend stayed also. The key word is FRIEND.

If you let this incident get to you, next thing you will be worried about "what is she doing right now??" What is she doing on weekends you are not there? With the distance, you have many moments when you are not together
Don't let doubts unnecessarily mess up a good thing.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 22
So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 10/1/2016 12:27:14 PM
You feel hurt and disrespected and no one can tell you you're wrong.
That's not cool of her to disregard your feelings like that, or not even consider them in the first place. Lack of emotional maturity if you ask me. on her end, not yours.
 Blue_Highway
Joined: 5/11/2016
Msg: 23
So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 10/1/2016 2:31:56 PM
This could be a test to see your reaction, which in her mind could be an indicator for the future of you two. Some women like to play passive aggressive games like this.

What was the 2 month rocky point about? That may clue us more into her next step.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 24
So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 10/1/2016 2:41:02 PM

There was no discussion about this, she just told me how it was.

Show her who's boss. A woman needs a man to keep her in line.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 25
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So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 10/1/2016 3:05:58 PM

Ive been seeing this gal who lives about 5 hrs away for 4 months now. Things got off to a great start, but about 2 months in, it got kinda rocky. Over the last 2 weeks weve been patching it up and moving in a good direction. She mentions to me about 2 weeks ago about this guy who used to live here and was her room mate a few years ago. Well yesterday I find out that the guy is now back in town and she invited him over for a game of radio bingo. I was fine with that as I have alot of faith in this gal. Today she tells me point blank that bingo is going to be late and that he is staying the night since he has no wheels. There was no discussion about this, she just told me how it was. Im pretty pee'd about this and this is where I have a problem. I casually asked her if she was thinking with a clear mind today and she said yes. Is it a trust issue or could it be an insecurity coming out here? What would you say to her?


Don't say anything. You're looking for something different than she's looking for. Just leave it at that and walk away.
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