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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?      Home login  
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 GhettoFoot
Joined: 9/4/2016
Msg: 3
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Who knows why they aren't answering to your liking? Like we are going to know the innermost mental workings of the men who have been messaging you. One-word answers, no effort, etc. is all part of the online dating game. If that bothers you so, then try meeting men in the real world who are engaged in an activity that you both enjoy. The conversation may not be so stale then.
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 5
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/9/2016 1:38:17 PM
[QUOTE]seem to get a mental block as soon as they have to speak to a female[/QUOTE]

While I would accept that excuse/ reason when talking in person, there is no reason for it in messaging. They have plenty of time to craft a well thought out reply. It bothers me as well. I'll try to answer their questions in complete sentences, and ask a question in the return, to keep things going. Some times it works, mostly not.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 6
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/9/2016 1:48:01 PM

I don't know what the answer is I am afraid.

Actually you just answered it in your words...
"I don't know what the answer is --- I am afraid."

Messaging / texting conversations are uneasy at best - we have NO idea what the context of the other person may be on the other end. One item that I've noticed is that women have no problem chatting and texting with friends they've met (both men AND women) because they HAVE met - and understand each other's character and context. Sarcasm - joking lines - emoticons that mean more than just a smiley face - ALL come from a place where a connection has been made in real life already. A lot of women text guys from dating sites and internet strangers from that very same place - and can't understand why they are misunderstood. It's because you are still STRANGERS. You don't know their frame of perspective, you don't have any idea what their timing and availability may be to chat - you really have no idea what each others' communication style may be. It's a lot of vague guessing -- and instead of being thorough with explaining our thoughts , ideas and context, we lose patience and/or start to fear and second guess ourselves - and silence seems to be the only 'safe' answer.


I usually end up just going quiet because I have nothing to say.

That can be a HUGE part of the problem. Don't 'go quiet'.
My spin -- is that silence is deadly. Granted, some people aren't always going to have time for immediate replies and texting 'banter' that rivals a direct phone call - but people generally should be good about replying in a few hours - or at least provide a reason why they can't. Make the time to provide a proper reply - FULL, descriptive sentences and at LEAST a couple questions to ask back. None of that text-speak crap or emoticons. There's nothing more put-offish than a smiley face reply and nothing else when you are asking a question that wants a detailed answer. It's not like sitting next to someone at a public place and smiling when your nonverbal actions and body position and other stuff gives people a good idea what you are feeling - it's a tiny little cartoon on a glowing screen.

Shy people do warm up to better, more intense text conversations over time - but when you are still connecting with a stranger, you're still shooting in the dark.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 7
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/9/2016 3:23:38 PM
Consider this- I don't think it's lack of conversation, or interest. I think it's that they don't want to type, or text that much. Another, is spelling. Seems like few use spellcheck. My old pc didn't have it, so I sat with Webster's within reach. I know I didn't catch them all, using a dictionary. But at least I tried.

But then, how much conversation is kindled by yes and no answers? (And nothing else)
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 8
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/9/2016 4:22:05 PM
90% chance the actual reason for this behavior is:

The men in question are communicating entirely by cell phone. It takes a lot of wrestling to type cogent, thoughtful messages into a cell phone, especially if you are trying to do two or more additional things at the same time (all too common these days).

Anyway, on a phone, texting a few words SEEMS like real chat, even though it's not.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 9
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/9/2016 4:59:42 PM
The first thing everyone must understand the art of conversation is a two way street. Another thing, emailing/texting sucks shiat as actual TRUE conversation. That's right, sucks shiat. Igor pointed out a couple reasons. Another reason would be that words typed are NOT words spoken. You are not hearing, you are reading. He's not talking, he's typing. You're not seeing, you're looking/reading.(no body language/eye contact)Not everyone can type or write well. And with that, you better remember, not everyone is quite "open" even when talking until things get a little comfortable between the two of you.

I personally can talk the ear off an elephant if the conversation if I feel some reason to. I've also been known to sit silently, staring blankly into an abyss listening to nothing but blah, blah, blah, blah. Idle chit chat bores the phuck outta me. I shut down. Get me interested, and boom, you gotta talker again.

I also have to point most of us are brutal communicators. I honestly believe it's gotten a little uglier with our technology. Half the shiat some people text me looks like it Martian talk. I can't/won't reply, cause I have no idea what the phuck you are talking about. As a lot of people have said in other threads, I believe the voice is much better, and even better when you have a voice, and a pair of eyes with body to go with it.
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 10
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/9/2016 5:47:02 PM
Personally I have no trouble speaking to women. Talk about anything really. But I experience quite similar things with women in my area. IF by some holy miracle a woman replies/sends a message it is quite often "Hi", or "Hey" or just about any other monosyllabic greeting that could exist. If they replied, they generally just answer a question with as few words as possible, then no more messages after that. Conversation on this site is seriously difficult to attain for anyone who can string together more than a couple of words into coherent sentences. I agree with Walts in regards to people using text speak when they have entire keyboards at their fingertips, but still choose to abbreviate every word into some illiterate b@stardized version of communication (phucking swear word filter, look I have to do it too Walt). I don't think that our schools have spelling or grammar class anymore either. I feel for our futures as we get older and our children start to run things......


A lot of men on POF aren't here to invest in anyone (or potentially invest), they're here to be selfish. IMO.


Not all of us. But I feel you, as it feels the same way in regards to women who are near me (within 100 miles). Maybe I am unattractive as I have played the numbers game and lost.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 11
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/9/2016 5:53:13 PM
OP-you're talking about guys you never met in real life, right? A total stranger who sends a message out of the blue. And you're wondering why they aren't spilling their guts out. Talking to an internet stranger is as exciting as talking to a telephone solicitor or door-to-door salesman. The only way to gauge someone's "talkability" is to actually talk to someone, and preferably face-to-face. A very unique concept in today's world.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 12
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/9/2016 6:25:04 PM
I'm with Igor and Walts on this one.

Just recently got a new smartphone. I hate all the swiping. LOL No I'm not a "swiper".
I write/text, less now, than I did before and I wasn't fond of texting to begin with!

Modern technology is limiting our need to converse.
 GhettoFoot
Joined: 9/4/2016
Msg: 13
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/10/2016 8:02:54 PM

Talking to an internet stranger is as exciting as talking to a telephone solicitor or door-to-door salesman.


Exactly. All of these threads from both men and women complaining that the conversation online isn't as scintillating as they think it should be. Wtf do y'all expect from strangers? Just because you put some pretty pictures on your profile with a couple of paragraphs does not mean people are going to cater to your every conversational whim.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 14
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/10/2016 8:12:54 PM
But we all manage on the forums-as strangers- to converse in full sentences and get our ideas across.

I have lost interest, too many times to speak of, with men that can't spell and use text talk and can't say more than three word relies for any given topic! I get totally bored and stop replying.
 GhettoFoot
Joined: 9/4/2016
Msg: 15
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/10/2016 11:09:17 PM
^ The subject at hand is getting conversation (or lack thereof) from people via a 1-on-1 messaging avenue, not talking to a wide audience like a message board. The reason the former is more frustrating is because many people see it as goal-oriented. The goal being a date, meet or even a relationship. Trying to concoct a love connection with a complete stranger is tedious and contrived. However, it comes with the territory of OLD. If you can't box, get out of the ring.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 17
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/11/2016 5:25:38 AM
Maybe the men are reluctant to say much because they fear their words may be misconstrued. Since ppl seem to be hunting for red flags less said sooner mended.
 MarsWarGod
Joined: 9/9/2016
Msg: 18
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/11/2016 8:59:16 PM
I think guys are turned off from too many women not answering them, no matter how much they write. Even if a guy writes a paragraph that focuses on something that he's seen on her profile, no one is required to answer him. This might explain the minimal word answers, which isn't very articulate, but does indicates interest.
 MarsWarGod
Joined: 9/9/2016
Msg: 19
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/11/2016 9:09:04 PM
Another problem is that some women's profiles are incredibly vague because they are a) don't want their information on the internet, b) they'd rather tell a man that they ARE interested in, in person or c) lazy. Without some insight as to what the woman is like or her passions, goals, likes, hobbies, lifestyle, family life, career or other experiences, guys struggle with something to write about to break the ice with. You'd have to hope that there is something in her photos that you could write about. IF that.
 MarsWarGod
Joined: 9/9/2016
Msg: 20
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/11/2016 9:18:09 PM

OP-you're talking about guys you never met in real life, right? A total stranger who sends a message out of the blue. And you're wondering why they aren't spilling their guts out. Talking to an internet stranger is as exciting as talking to a telephone solicitor or door-to-door salesman.


It doesn't have to be, if you bring up something that the person likes. That way, you aren't like so many of the other solicitors. That's what I always try to do. Best way to gain their interest, unless they like your appearance regardless.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 21
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/12/2016 6:30:28 AM

Maybe the men are reluctant to say much because they fear their words may be misconstrued.


My problem is that they understand completely what I mean when I tell them I physically enjoy looking at their pics.

Tis true.
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 22
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/12/2016 2:25:46 PM

It doesn't have to be, if you bring up something that the person likes. That way, you aren't like so many of the other solicitors. That's what I always try to do. Best way to gain their interest, unless they like your appearance regardless.


I quite often ask about things they like.... or at least I assume they like. Such as, they list a dog under pets. "What kind of dog have you got?" would be one of the questions. Usually 2 or 3 questions they can choose from or answer them all..... Unfortunately they all find me unattractive apparently since no one responds anyway.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 23
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/12/2016 7:46:23 PM
Here's the deal: Women tend to use 3x as many words in a day than men. A guy could cut his arm off with a chainsaw and not talk about it - because in a man's world, the pain is obvious, what is there to discuss? A woman would be talking all night and into morning about 15 future scenarios where the bleeding stub would interfere with her plans.

Ain't nobody got time for that. You want to chat all night, do it with your gal-pals and your Mom. We'll be on the sofa watching zombies - they don't say much either.

OTOH, I am a storyteller, and I can bore the curl out of your hair with stories of how some rookie auto salesman tried to get me into the showroom to talk $$$ while I kept badgering him about a type of car that should have been on his lot, but they only had 2 models.
"Are you looking for a car?"
"NO....I'm looking AT cars...except you don't seem to have the kind of car I want to look at."
"We can talk about it inside the building...."
"Do you have this type of car on your showroom floor?"
"....no...."
"Then there no reason for me to go inside, or stay on this car lot. Let me know when you have this type"
" I don't have your NUMBER!"
"No, you don't"

I can do this every day - and I'm sure a lot of guys can bore you to death with 1000 words you don't care about. Women should be happy to go on and on and on about themselves so that when you go on a date, there is no excuse as "He didn't know me well."
If a guy just asks = a gal should just tell
Are your secrets getting you a date?
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 24
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/12/2016 11:32:01 PM
welcome to OLD, where no one is required to behave as you wish. that's all to the good, though. these guys who bore you are self-selecting out of your dating pool, leaving you to focus on the prospects with more potential. you should thank them.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 25
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Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/13/2016 12:05:03 AM
I love talking, but messaging/texting is painfully slow, choppy, and robotic.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 26
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/13/2016 8:49:37 PM
I agree with Igor and others about the app and typing on the phone.
I usually don't respond to those, because that's how it's going to be all the time. zzzzzzzz
 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 27
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/14/2016 9:34:34 PM
Whuttt?!?!

Isn't the REAL question -

Why would you bother to reply to a message that you feel does not meet your standards?

 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 28
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/15/2016 9:58:36 AM

I agree with Igor and others about the app and typing on the phone.
I usually don't respond to those, because that's how it's going to be all the time. zzzzzzzz


I used to get those short messages from men on Match, long before texting and phone apps became the norm.

After awhile, I would get irritated with them and cut them off with:

"At the rate you're communicating, it will take at least a month for you to say anything substantive, so I'm going to terminate our conversation now. Best of luck with your search."
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 9/27/2016
Msg: 29
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 11/15/2016 5:20:39 PM
As another poster alluded to:
Many men start to play the numbers game so they send a brief one liner cut and paste job to any picture they like hoping 1 or 2 will respond back. They don't want to invest too much time because they assume it won't be responded to.

BUT once it is responded to, it should NOT feel like pulling teeth to get a convo. After that point if he's not chatty it's because he's lazy or socially inept - in which case, cut 'em.

Lets get honest: because men play this numbers game we literally have thousands of potentials to choose from, so why bother with the ones that can't put a paragraph together? They don't want to waste their time? Fine, I won't either with a response then, I'll just move on to another one of the thousands of potentials.
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