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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Am I too busy for a relationship?      Home login  
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 Tempered_Soul
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 1
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Am I too busy for a relationship?Page 1 of 1    
There's been a recent pattern that starts out when I'm talking to a lady.

Lady #1. We hit it off. I only sent her messages once or twice a day because that's the only time I had to send her messages. I even explained it to her when we first met, that I was busy with work, school and training, and I likely would be sporadic with my communication. After our first date, she lost contact with me. I think she thought I wasn't attentive enough and she simply stopped talking to me.

Lady #2. We also hit it off. From the looks of it, she's also kind of busy too. However, I feel like she's losing interest because I've been sporadically messaging her. I'm sporadically messaging her because I simply don't have enough time until the end of the night to message her, if I'm lucky.

Lady #3. We hit it off. She met me where I worked and we messaged each other for a while. However, we were supposed to go on a date. I told her that my hours were sporadic due to my work schedule (I work at a sports stadium, so I really don't have any days off unless the team has an away series). She thought I was blowing her off when I told her I couldn't go on a date that day. I literally had to tell her that the team was in town and I had to go to work. She still thought I was blowing her off. I was kind of annoyed because it's not like she couldn't check the team's schedule and see if the team was in town that week.

Lady #4 got upset at me because I didn't call her when I said I would. I had a surprise project to take care of at school. She started sending me abusive messages, to that point, I simply cut her off and had nothing to do with her anymore.

I made it known to them that I was a very busy person off the bat and work and school comes first. In fact, if you look at my profile, you can see that I'm a very busy person. There's a reason why I'm busy. I got out of a situation where I had to leave my friends and family behind late in my life. (I won't talk about it here, but you can PM me.) I'm trying to develop some skills and some capital. That way, whenever I get old or injured, I can take care of myself without depending on my family.

Thoughts?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 2
Am I too busy for a relationship?
Posted: 11/27/2016 9:56:55 AM
"Busy" is a word, relative to how you decide to define it. And when we decide how to fill our time, be it, work, play, family or whatever, by default, there are things that will not be part of your time. It is a personal thing. You have made decisions/choices on how to fill your time. Trying to invite another into your "busy" schedule seems to be your problem not theirs. That is what they are telling you when they are no longer around. It ain't rocket science.

Texting sucks, and takes no time at all. It also sucks for true communication. Actually talking on a phone, or even better, meeting up for a face to face, actually takes time. From your examples, you text but, you can't seem to make a call? Filling time with texting is like playing a video game, except, you have to remember there is an actual person on the other end of the game.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 3
Am I too busy for a relationship?
Posted: 11/27/2016 10:07:01 AM
I don't think you're too busy for a relationship - your priorities are your priorities. Your priorities make sense and for the 'right' woman, they will display that you're a solid man who takes care of his business. Your post makes it sound like you've recently changed, or are in the process of changing, your social crowd. If that's correct, then you may also need to adjust the criteria you use to select a lady for a potential mate.

It sounds like ladies 1-4 judge your level of interest based on a certain amount of time you devote to them and that time needed to be on a particular schedule. Not all ladies are like that. Some will judge your level of interest based on your actions when you're together. Or, some ladies place more value on delayed gratification. NOT saying that you can go weeks without communication or seeing each other. But it sounds like you are messaging them daily and trying to get together when the team is away which should be 10-14 days (my ex-husband works for the Seattle pro sports teams so I got VERY used to scheduling around the teams being home or away).

Unfortunately your priorities will mean your potential dating pool is smaller, potentially very small. So it comes down to a choice - do you change your priorities to gain a mate who requires you behave differently, or do you stay true to what you believe you need to do and keep looking for the girl who will appreciate it.
 Tempered_Soul
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 4
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Am I too busy for a relationship?
Posted: 11/27/2016 11:13:26 AM
"I don't think you're too busy for a relationship - your priorities are your priorities. Your priorities make sense and for the 'right' woman, they will display that you're a solid man who takes care of his business. Your post makes it sound like you've recently changed, or are in the process of changing, your social crowd. If that's correct, then you may also need to adjust the criteria you use to select a lady for a potential mate."

It happened a long time ago. It's just that with the choice I made, I had to start off from ground zero. I don't really have any other family in the states and all of my childhood friends have stopped talking to me because of my decision to walk away from my former situation. (Think of somebody walking away from Scientology) It's only now that I'm catching up and building a new life.

"Unfortunately your priorities will mean your potential dating pool is smaller, potentially very small. So it comes down to a choice - do you change your priorities to gain a mate who requires you behave differently, or do you stay true to what you believe you need to do and keep looking for the girl who will appreciate it."

It's very small, but from what I can see, it's worth it. People who tend to appreciate hard work tend to be more loyal partners, in my personal experience.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 5
Am I too busy for a relationship?
Posted: 11/27/2016 12:32:27 PM
Maybe you need to become more time focused, even super busy people can remember to make a call, or at least send a fast text saying work schedule
You don't sound busier than most people btw.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 6
Am I too busy for a relationship?
Posted: 11/28/2016 12:32:18 AM
TemperedSoul, I can relate.

For the last few months I been busy editing an independent film to get it ready for Public Consumption by December 18th as well as holding down a regular 9-5. During this period I talked to some women off and on on different websites and apps and like your situation they haven't been patient or understanding of my schedule.

One in a particular who I didn't have much time to meet we kept in touch off and on, but as of yesterday she told me that she's seeing someone and she doesn't date several people at once. We had so much in common, but it wasn't meant to be and she got with someone who fit her schedule. I liked that she kept it real with me because that's rarity in the online dating realm and I pop my collar to her.

As a friend of mine said the right one will come your way who is understanding of your work and in most cases will wait, so when you find them or they find you hold on to them. I plan on doing the same.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 7
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Am I too busy for a relationship?
Posted: 11/28/2016 2:04:25 AM
It sounds like you are getting high maintenance women. You need a low maintenance type that has her own life. If she has a life where she understands where you are coming from with juggling all these work and priorities, she will work with you to make yall's relationship happen. At least that is my opinion. I only know of one woman like that, so they might actually be rare. I don't know. (shrug)
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 8
Am I too busy for a relationship?
Posted: 11/28/2016 7:46:15 AM

It sounds like you are getting high maintenance women. You need a low maintenance type that has her own life. If she has a life where she understands where you are coming from with juggling all these work and priorities, she will work with you to make yall's relationship happen. At least that is my opinion. I only know of one woman like that, so they might actually be rare. I don't know. (shrug)


This is an ideal situation. I notice that some relationships require a great deal of compromise, but even if you do that, it's not a guarantee it'll work out. Finding that one who understands and is willing to work with you, is like trying to find a cactus in New York City. Impossible. Now that's just online. IRL it could go either way depending on the person and what the interest level is.
 rockstartrucker82
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 9
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Am I too busy for a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2016 1:05:05 PM
There is no such thing as being too busy to date. Nobody is too busy to send a simple 5 second text saying that you're at work. You don't go through your work and school day with absolutely zero breaks where you'd be able to respond to someone while you're eating your lunch. Even your surprise project at school, just a simple text before you start?

Ultimately, you made the choice to not talk to them. You're not too busy to not keep them in the dark, NOBODY is.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 10
Am I too busy for a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2016 2:45:26 PM
Thoughts?
I'm thinkin' you're too busy to step off the startin' line. Too involved to blow the whistle and start the game.
I'm thinkin' when the time is right, for the right lady, you will need to make time adjustments.
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 11
Am I too busy for a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2016 2:45:54 PM
First

We hit it off

Then

I likely would be sporadic with my communication
Ive been sporadically messaging her
I didnt call her when I said I would

IMO it doesnt sound like you were too interested in any of these ladies. Going on and on about how busy you are while youre on a date? You cant be too surprised they lost interest.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 12
Am I too busy for a relationship?
Posted: 12/2/2016 9:08:01 AM


Lady #4 got upset at me because I didn't call her when I said I would. I had a surprise project to take care of at school. She started sending me abusive messages, to that point, I simply cut her off and had nothing to do with her anymore.


- don't make promises you can't keep.

If you can't make an appointment in the future, as in a date, and you keep breaking dates, it's going to be tough - they will think you don't like them.

If you want a relationship, I'd look into a career with regular hours - and less of them. Otherwise, you will have to talk to a lot of women and face a lot of rejection before you find one who will just accept spontaneous dates.
 moonbeamlover1
Joined: 11/10/2016
Msg: 13
Am I too busy for a relationship?
Posted: 12/2/2016 9:06:18 PM
you know... there is no time because s person literally is on someone else's clock every minute of every day and there is no time because someone feels that spending any mental energy wasted time they don't want to waste.


i work full time... am out of town now... will be out of town next week will be out of town the week after that and after one whole week home will be gone the week after that ( 2-5 days per trip). I am in s jazz trio do other music collaboration on the side and yes when I was seeing someone this past year I still had no issue having a couple lines of text ( it takes ten seconds). he called at night when I was not there snd I saw him two to three times s week. I had no problem carving time and was still able to do everything I needed to do and still had girl time with friends.

time is valuable. if you want someone who just wants once a month get togethers when you want that op? there are women that actually want that too. but others if you treat them like they are dead last in your radar and you think of reaching out as effort not something you get to do because it floats your boat to interact?

don't see someone where focus matters. I am extremely independent but if someone won't make time for me why should I make time for them?

find someone your style op or just stick to tinder. ;)

best of luck
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