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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > masturbation helps. or even if it doesn't, its worth trying      Home login  
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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 2
masturbation helps. or even if it doesn't, its worth tryingPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
some of us can beat it (heh).

Lack of physical contact hurts babies. the older you get, the more you can do something about its effects on mental health, simply b/c you see the world in more complex ways. For example, if you think you worth isn't dependant on people wanting to touch your body, it won't affect your self confident as much as it would if you think contact is the only important thing in the world.

still, I like the whole concept as an ice breaker. "Excuse me, I haven't been touched in almost a decade, you wouldn't want me to commit suicide or do something dangerous to others, right? Great! should we have sex at your place or mine?"

:)
 ANewBeginningStartsHere
Joined: 12/3/2016
Msg: 4
masturbation helps. or even if it doesn't, its worth trying
Posted: 12/29/2016 6:19:46 AM
I recommend going to talk to a professional, such as a psychologist. It could help you understand why you're feeling the way you are, and posting what you did. Because... that's not normal. I can tell you are not happy with yourself and grasping for straws.

Start going out and doing things you love to do... maybe that person isn't online, they are OUT THERE. Not everyone single is on POF or a dating site... as a matter of fact there's more single people NOT on a dating site out there waiting to be found.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 5
masturbation helps. or even if it doesn't, its worth trying
Posted: 12/29/2016 9:03:42 AM
Well, sex is good for the prostate, but wanking off can substitute. There is a release of pleasure chemicals in the brain, and that can be good for general well being as well. Tho having a loving pet, or passionate hobbies, can also release some of them. Thinking you're the ugliest bloke might simply be a device to explain things to yourself, to blame looks rather than something else about you that you fear might be scaring off women. It could just be that you need to ask out more women to find the ones who like you the way you are. Or perhaps you need some fine tuning how you present yourself.

Sex is like a client who actually buys what we're selling. We can take a client to dinner, they can tell us how much they love our presentation, how much they think of us as a friend...but if they aren't putting their money where their mouth is, they don't really mean what they say.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 6
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History
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 12/29/2016 7:11:43 PM
Born Again Virgin? Time to hit those fundamentalist dating sites!!!
 johndh82
Joined: 4/24/2016
Msg: 7
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History
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 12/31/2016 2:51:20 AM
You think 7 to 8 years is bad, try never. I'm 34 and still waiting for my first time. Keep in mind, I haven't been serious about dating for most of that time; so, never had much of an interest in having sex. However, my right arm is a bit bigger than the left; so mini-me does get to work out some. XP
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 8
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History
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 12/31/2016 11:55:28 AM
^^^ If you don't mind driving to California - the Forumites have a date for you, and she's free on New Year's Eve.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 9
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History
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 12/31/2016 3:58:41 PM
How does it affect you personally??. Not what you hear or read about the situation. Sure you can get down because no woman wants you sexually and you are not getting any affection, but we dont know your circumstances and why it has been such a long dry spell. It is more the emotional deprivation I would say that is injurious.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 10
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 12/31/2016 4:00:07 PM
^^^^


Pssst .....He's gone
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 11
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History
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 1/24/2017 3:26:46 PM
Been way longer than 8 years for me. Affection is way more important than sex. You can give yourself an orgasm; you can't give yourself a hug.
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 1/25/2017 4:32:06 PM
Don't think that lack of sex intrinsically affects mental health or self esteem. That would happen for other reasons, having to do with how the person derives their self esteem, etc.

8 years without sex. Been about that long for me, I think. But before that wasn't very much anyway. Was a 30 year old virgin myself on top of that. And it didn't make one bit of difference concerning my mental health or self esteem.

However, I'm ok concerning physical health. Though I'd rather not do it this way, I have no problem giving myself quite a good time now and then. And I do mean quite a good time. Yea baby, yea. Some woman out there is really missing out.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 13
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7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 1/26/2017 9:19:53 AM

Just read an article online about it that it can harm an individuals self-esteem


- So can a bad relationship or marriage.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 14
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 1/26/2017 1:02:24 PM
"You can give yourself an orgasm; you can't give yourself a hug."




Sure you can !
Just wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze


Sheesh !
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 15
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 1/26/2017 1:25:41 PM
^^^
You can give yourself an orgasm; you can't give yourself a hug."




Sure you can !
Just wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze


So true---or just get yourself a 'straight jacket'----some people have no imagination!

hahaha

;-)
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 16
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 1/26/2017 3:34:36 PM
So many people seeking validation when SELF VALIDATION is right at their fingertips !

If you need to look lovingly into someone's eyes , um hello , ever heard of a MIRROR ?

: D






In order to gain the highest quality whacky tobacky...can not post to this thread.
 Trevallenman
Joined: 1/18/2017
Msg: 17
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History
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 3/1/2017 5:16:12 PM
It's weird how different people will have different perspectives, and interpret the same situation vastly differently. I'm actually glad I've finally managed to stay abstinent for 2 years. It would have been more, but I did end up giving in. That being said, its not nearly as bad as you think, it only seems that way because you make something of it.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 18
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 3/1/2017 7:50:51 PM
well, it is better when its by your own choice :)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 19
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 3/6/2017 7:49:13 AM
Probably depends on the reasons why. Did a person choose not to have sex when not a committed relationship, turn down some opportunities because (s)he wasn't interested in the other person or was looking for sex, but was unable to get it. The first 2 examples are more by choice. The last reason could produce low self esteem and depression because that person was unsuccessful in his/her attempts.
 therainman2
Joined: 3/4/2017
Msg: 20
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History
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 3/7/2017 4:50:10 PM
Sexual contact isn't NEEDED but actual contact is just for mental stability. Oxytocin deficiency is very common in men and it only takes a few hugs a day to help it. Masturbating actually further depletes it which makes you less connected to the real women around you.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 21
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History
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 4/3/2017 4:57:52 AM
When my long-term partner or 15 yrs and I seperated (rather unpleasantly) about 6 years ago, I didn't date or have anything at all to do with women in any sort of romantic/erotic capacity for about 3 years. Sure I did the 'mrs palmer' thing but even that wasn't regular. I just had zero interest in sex for a long time (at least a year) before very gradually feeling like it was something that interested me again.

Even now it's very irregular. Less than a handful of times a year would be the best I get. But I find I just don't 'need' sex most of the time. Partly my work (very irregular hours, no predicable roster, etc.) which always makes me very tired and low on stamina, partly I just don't socialise much or at all (because of work), partly because I don't feel/understand how the emotional/romantic stuff is supposed to work as I feel I've never understood it, don't make friends, and normally live alone. I don't have any regular female friends that I'd be likely to have any chance of intimacy with most of the time. I never go out socially 'at random' and don't try picking up women (since the thought of doing that makes me feel sick - especially when I think about how good it might end up!).

YMMV of course and everyone's got different reasons for why they might not have a regular sex life.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 22
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History
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 4/4/2017 11:20:38 PM
even worse would be to have sex due to obligation or just the routine. sexual release can be easily gotten. It is the lack of human warmth and connection that can be harmful.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 23
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 4/5/2017 6:10:23 AM
I wouldn't want a helpless woman to fall into my arms,or more likely, call me at late hours for help with something she caused herself. I'd rather date an adult than a child, a Daddy's girl, or a princess. I think it was Henry Kissinger who said something about the war of the sexes was undermined by fraternization with the enemy. Any woman who is a PITA, can be replaced by many more, so I don't see the concern over Feminists. Its the radical fringe that can be a PITA, but that's true in every field.

On the flip side, lack of human contact and warmth, can define some workplaces trying to avoid any HR issue. Sometimes flirting in the workplace occurs TO spite it rather than IN spite of it.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 24
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History
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 4/8/2017 1:02:59 PM
I have not gone that far without sex. It has been 5 years for me. I agree that the personal connection, touch and warmth is missed more than the sex for me. I think I will have a lot longer than 8 years for this dry spell. When no one wants anything to do with you, you don't really have a choice.
 LittleDreamGirl
Joined: 4/27/2016
Msg: 25
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History
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 5/9/2017 1:29:47 AM
I was in the exact same situation as you Uncle Tom90 (and almost still am). Ironic, since I've always had a healthy sex drive. Although I'm sure the reasons for you are quite different from mine.

Without getting into what it was here, back in 2008 when I was 37 I experienced a life-shattering, horrifying and deeply traumatic event that completely destroyed my life in every way possible. And I do mean in EVERY aspect. Not a 'normal' trauma that most people deal with at some point in their lives, but one that is so rare, you have a 1 in a million chance of being so unlucky. The aftermath was even worse - my long-term boyfriend and I broke up under the stress. I developed SEVERE PTSD for several years (thank god I no longer suffer from it anymore). I also plunged into a deep depression for many years which affected my relationships with my family and friends. It's much better, but even now I have to work hard to keep it at bay. All to say when your life is chaos and you endure years of emotional suffering and hell, you're happy to just survive the day, let alone have sex or a relationship. I isolated myself socially and did not even WANT a man in my life for many years. I gave up on love and resigned myself to living like a nun for the rest of my life. I purposely shut down my sex drive. It was rare that I would masturbate.

The years went by, and I gradually became more social, going out a little bit more. Then 2 years ago (2015) a man came into my life who was so persistent that he broke down my sexual defenses. It was mostly a long distance relationship but for 5 months we had a very active mind-blowing cyber-sex life. Let's just say this brought my libido back from the dead with a vengeance! We called off the relationship because of the distance, but boy, I was all revved up and ready to date again for the first time in over 7 years! Signed up for POF, met a guy, hit it off, dated him for a month, and finally had REAL WORLD sex for the first time in over 7 years!! I had multiple orgasms and it was great! What sucked was that he had a cold sore so we couldn't kiss during sex, so that did put a damper on things. Well too much of a damper for him I guess, since he dumped my ass 3 days after we had sex for the first time :'( I was crushed. Not so much because I was super attached to him or anything, but just the fact that FINALLY after 7 LONG years of abstaining from sex by choice, I opened up and allowed myself to be vulnerable for the first time and WHAM! It was like getting kicked in the stomach. And it wasn't just a bad dating experience, but frankly probably the worst of my life. No man has ever ended it with me after only one roll in the hay....they all couldn't wait to keep coming back for more!

So basically I went over 7 years without sex, finally had sex and was looking forward to continuing to explore things with the guy, and I got dumped before he even gave it a chance. Well that was almost exactly a year and I have not been intimate with anyone since. Like a turtle who's hurt or scared I'm back in my shell now.

So the final result? I have had sex only ONCE in the last 8 years. And couldn't even kiss the idiot 'cos he had a cold sore.

So I feel ya.....all you peeps out there who go ridiculously long periods of time without sex......some of us it is by choice because we are not in a place emotionally to have a relationship (even if we normally have high sex drives), for some they just don't have a high sex drive so they don't try very hard But it totally sucks when you DO want a loving, sexual relationship and it's just not happening. Even though many men find me attractive, flirt with me, would date me, my self esteem and confidence has taken a serious beating...because the rare guy I DID want to have a relationship with rejected me. To answer the original question - yes for me it has badly affected my mental health and self-esteem not being in a loving relationship for over 8 years now.

Sorry, didn't mean for this to be an autobiography! lol Just feel it's more helpful when people share personal stories that they share the details.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 26
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History
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 5/9/2017 5:21:37 PM
you can give yourself a hug both psychologically and physically it is possible.
 bigcitymodesty
Joined: 11/15/2016
Msg: 27
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 5/17/2017 8:58:58 AM
That is very true
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