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 dantheman158
Joined: 12/29/2013
Msg: 1
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Wrong to reference looks in first message?Page 1 of 1    
Hi ladies.

Now, I am not one of those guys who is all about looks. Yeah sure, looks are nice, but I'm not going to be worrying about my partner's looks when we're 60 years old. So I'm someone who's big on personality.

However, there is this girl that I'd like to message and her "About Me" section is 1 line about how she studies full time and works two jobs but still has time to do things she loves. After that she says she doesn't know what else to say.

Obviously I've introduced myself and made small talk about the insane heatwave that's currently happening where we both live and I'll pad it out with questions about what she likes and statements about what I like. But there is these two photos on her profile where she looks absolutely gorgeous. My question is, would it be off putting for a girl if I was to say in the first message that she looks beautiful in those two photos, even with all the other stuff about what she likes and what I like?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 2
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Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 12/30/2016 7:04:13 AM
As a complete stranger off the internet. my advice is avoid the physical trait comments. Most women that are outstandingly attractive already know it, because they get a bazillion messages from guys saying, "Hi, you're real purrrdy" and stuff like that. You gotta find a unique avenue to connect. If she's not giving you an angle/a direction to communicate in her responses, you can pretty much assume there is NO future in it. Plenty of people are in here just to chat, get attention, and have people fawn over them because they really don't need the internet to land a date. They are good and polite at small talk, but won't talk any 'harder' because they don't want to.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 3
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Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 12/30/2016 7:24:46 AM
Dantheman, Yes it is wrong, just don't. enuff said.
 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 4
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Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 12/30/2016 9:36:24 AM
Think of it like in an Real Life conversation

-Guy sees girl he likes the look of in a bar and decides to walk over

Guy: hi, this is a nice place isn't it? Drinks are a little expensive though. You look beautiful.
*Girl walks away a little creeped out*
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 5
Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 12/30/2016 10:07:27 AM
"Guy: hi, this is a nice place isn't it? Drinks are a little expensive though. You look beautiful.
*Girl walks away a little creeped out*"




Girl : Hi....has anyone ever told you you look a bit like Kevin Costner ?

Him : Your place or mine ?


Conclusion : men and women don't exactly react the same way to compliments.
 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 6
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Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 12/30/2016 10:50:21 AM
Girl : Hi....has anyone ever told you you look a bit like Kevin Costner ?

Him : Your place or mine ?


*Girl walks away VERY creeped out*
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 7
Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 12/30/2016 10:52:24 AM
^^^^


Speak for yourself ... " bud "
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 8
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Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 12/30/2016 11:29:11 AM
Strangely over the years, a weird situation has developed with women and their photos on dating sites.
Women post pictures of what they think are their best looks, their healthy looks, and their sexy looks ( bikinis, mini skirts, & bedrooms ).

However .... if you, as a male, say that you expecially LIKE any of her photos, you will be branded as a CREEP. She will assume you are masturbating to her photos. You cannot win. Just don't mention the photos at all, unless you're trying to guess what city it's in.

YES. Women post their sexiest pics and get offended when men get aroused by their sexy pics. That's life. Don't talk about it.
 IReallyShouldnt
Joined: 9/6/2016
Msg: 9
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Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 12/30/2016 11:58:41 AM
^^^ " YES. Women post their sexiest pics and get offended when men get aroused by their sexy pics. That's life. Don't talk about it."

Maybe some women. And there are women who have tasteful pictures and still get creeps making comments. That's life.

I remember once upon a time I had an account on Match and this "less than a gentleman" contacted me (his first message before I blocked him) and told me he printed out my photo from his computer. 8' x 10"!!!! Now that was creepy.

To answer the OP's question I too would recommend not mentioning her looks.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 10
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Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 12/30/2016 12:25:05 PM
I don't think it's wrong, per se. It's just kind of stating the obvious. You're writing to her, so, obviously you think she's attractive. If you didn't, you wouldn't be writing.

But, I personally don't have a major problem with it. After many negative experiences with writing no, thank you notes, I ended up not responding to people I wasn't interested in. And when I was interested, it didn't bother me much to have to say thank you for the compliment, as long as there were also other things in the message that I could respond to.

I don't think I ever responded to a message that said nothing BUT you're cute/beautiful/sexy, though.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 11
Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 12/30/2016 3:52:02 PM
Lol aintnodeal. Yah, sexiest describes my photos.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 12
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Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 12/30/2016 4:38:05 PM
As a girl, I wouldn't find it a put off, personally. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I get a lot of "cute pics", "you're pretty, beautiful" etc. from guys but not everyone finds me attractive.

If there's no other stuff in the first message apart from how I look, I'm unlikely to reply. So imo, you've done the right thing by trying to get the convo starting. Telling her that you find her photos beautiful won't do harm.

Best of luck.
 MohawkMayhemRebel
Joined: 12/30/2016
Msg: 13
Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 1/6/2017 4:44:08 AM
It's only off putting if that's all you mention.

Try adding more to the conversations after you comment a lady, it goes a lot further and gives her something to discuss with you.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 14
Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 1/8/2017 9:56:27 AM
Not necessarily a bad thing. But it's something that I never did on the first email. However some women that contacted me first asked me what I liked about their profile in a subsequent email after I had replied to them. In that case, I would often mention that I liked their pictures along with other things in the profile.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 15
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Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 1/9/2017 8:43:27 AM
I think it's ok if you just point out that she is very attractive, and add some comments about common interests and something that lets her know you have read her profile.

Be SURE to avoid using words like "hot" or "sexy".
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 16
Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 1/13/2017 10:26:55 AM
Wait until you meet to tell her she's pretty, and then only sparingly. It's too soon now. Playing hard to get works better.
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 17
Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 1/21/2017 6:12:30 PM

Wait until you meet to tell her she's pretty, and then only sparingly. It's too soon now.


This. Personally, I can't stand getting messages that mention anything about how I look. I don't care if he's read all through my profile and writes a 1,000 essay about it. The moment he mentions anything about my physical appearance, he goes into the 'delete' section. Like someone else mentioned, there's no reason to bring it up. Common sense says that if you're writing her, you find her attractive. To me, it's not creepy, it's just unnecessary and generic. Just the same as those dumb "hey beautiful" messages. It's generic, shallow and a lot of men who send it think that they're some kind of gift to women. I am not here for it.

For me, the only thing it'll get him is blocked and deleted.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 18
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Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 1/21/2017 8:30:55 PM
you know that if she is really gorgeous then she is not real or is never going to meet you. She would be a young girl and have plenty of opportunities to meet guys in real life. If she wont give you her phone number for you to hear her voice and make arrangements to meet, then stop fantasising and move on. You have been here since you were a teenager. Time to get out in real life and make connections.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 19
Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 1/22/2017 6:26:58 AM
^^^^^

"If she really is as good looking as you say then she hears it all the time and is bored of it. "


Exactamundo
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 20
Wrong to reference looks in first message?
Posted: 1/22/2017 6:27:34 AM
....is the OP even reading this anymore ?
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