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 Diane6020
Joined: 3/9/2010
Msg: 1
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I start talking to guys on these sites and they within minutes, hours or even initial contact start calling me baby, doll, sexy... or otherwise imply an intimate relationship that could not possibly exist SINCE i HAVE NOT EVEN MET THEM YET. This annoys the crap out of me. It seems so insincere.and to me sounds like someone who is just looking for a hook up. But it is like EVERY GUY I TALK TO!!
I am having a great conversation, he sounds intelligent, has his poop together, and I'm thinking I want to meet this guy and BAM... this crap.

Am I being old fashion? Does this bother you? What do you say? Do you just let it go? If you let it go, and you got together was he respectful? Was he just looking for a hook up?

The last guy seemed great but I called him out and that ended that. I dont want to miss a great guy, but that poop irritates me. Meet be first, be sure w like each other before you get down to flirting with me.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 2
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/1/2017 7:23:48 PM
The quickest, simplest answer is -- Gals that want to do more than chat; will flirt back.

If you don't want pet names AT ALL, from ANYONE in here - then put in your profile text. Simple as that. If you feel that hurts your chances - sounding like a sourpuss, then realize this... You're not going to change anyone in here from doing what approaches they like to do. Best you can do is ignore them and move on, because that's all the rest of us can do, too. Crying over wasted time spent with the same kind of guys doesn't mean all men don't 'get' it - it means you keep deciding to start conversations with the same type of guy - YOU are the common denominator in the math, not them.

People try all kinds of communication styles in here, trying to get it right - but we're texting introductory messages in a way that used to happen face-to-face for generations. Using words on a screen to create the same impact is kind of like trying to power a diesel submarine with lemonade. You can play along, or move along. Sometimes a stupid, awkward moment can become a helluva lot more - if you'd bother to give them a second glance.
 Diane6020
Joined: 3/9/2010
Msg: 3
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/1/2017 7:36:34 PM
I dont mind pet names.. if I have met you! If there is any basis for a pet name.. I am not crying over anything. I am asking if it bothers other girls. If they feel it sounds insincere?

And no I dont believe that girls who want to meet someone will necessarily give fake pet names to guys they have never met. They will spend time to get to know them, they will arrange a time to meet up and see if they like each otherr and then go from there.
 rwildlove
Joined: 11/29/2014
Msg: 4
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/1/2017 7:44:21 PM
It happens to guys too, several seems things are going just fine and we talk about grabbing lunch or something and then silence. Or more so a friendly message just saying, hey I would like to get to know you better, and mention something in their profile and end with a ? just like the recommendations annnnnd nothing. Most of the time just no response, part of the time they delete it and don't even read it. sucks
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 5
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/1/2017 9:00:26 PM
All. Of. The. Time.

The one thing that really bothers me are the generic adjectives. Sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, etc. I HATE being referred to as those things by men that I don't know. It's not truthful, it's just a thing that they say because they think they'll earn p***y points by using it. And yes, I have put that in my profile before. What happened? Men have wrote me basically telling me that "they're calling it as they see it" so they're going to "go ahead and say it." and then end with "hey beautiful". By no means and I a feminazi but if I put my name on profile multiple times and then ask to be referred to by my name, that doesn't mean disregard what I wrote and call me what you want and then tell me that I need to pretty much accept it. I also had a dude tell me that not wanting to take the compliment "is ugly". I told him he was ugly and I am not obligated to accept anything that I don't want to.

I seriously don't use pet names for anybody. I don't even call my child honey, sweetheart, baby or anything else so I don't expect a grown man to do it. Plus, that stuff seriously skeeves me out. Some random dude writing me, calling me baby, boo, etc. It's just creepy to me and I'm sure to tell them--do not call me that because I am not your baby, boo, love, queen, sweetheart or anything else.

After that, I usually get called a b***ch and then some other typical insult used by hurt males.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 6
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/1/2017 9:20:40 PM

And no I dont believe that girls who want to meet someone will necessarily give fake pet names to guys they have never met.

That's your opinion - and it doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way.

Internet meetups are a lot like a blind date - some people are OK with blind dates, can have fun with blind dates, don't mind being flirty or calling each other pet names even though it's the first time they have met - because they realize the meetup is just for fun, and they enjoy being in the moment --- not some sort of evaluation process for a lifelong 'loan' on a relationship.

It's OK to be nervous or suspicious on a blind date, too. This person is basically a stranger. Just keep in mind, what you feed into the relationship, is generally what you're going to get out of it. If you can't just relax and be yourself and enjoy the moment - there's absolutely ZERO reason why the guy should be any friendlier.
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I had a first date one time - going out to dinner. A waiter approaches and starts asking his nosy questions. I called her my 'girlfriend' so that he understood we were not married and just dating. Her jaw pretty much hit the floor at the mere idea of being called something like a "girlfriend" on a first date. I explained later that I just did it to give the waiter a frame of reference for how to treat us at the meal; not like it was a current status or something worth posting in Facebook. She could have been revolted and bolted -- but she didn't. She rolled with it, and we ended up dating each other for a year and a half.
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There are plenty of things to worry about in a new relationship - but pet names are really harmless compared to what other chips they have on their shoulder or hidden agendas they may carry. If he calls you a pet name, maybe start calling him "Shmoopie" like that Seinfeld show episode and see what happens. Dish it back out at him. If you two can play that game well, as stupid as it seems - you may find out you share chemistry in other, more mature aspects of a relationship.
 Diane6020
Joined: 3/9/2010
Msg: 7
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/1/2017 9:38:56 PM
Preach it !!! You said that so much better than me. That is EXACTLY how I feel.
 Diane6020
Joined: 3/9/2010
Msg: 8
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/1/2017 9:42:46 PM
Sweet danimal I am guessing you are still single... this post was written for girls opinions on the issue. I suggest maybe you read, internalize what we are saying and apply it to your dating life.
 Mz_Informed
Joined: 11/15/2016
Msg: 9
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/2/2017 12:06:57 AM
Really, it's a matter of opinion, isn't it? And quite subjective.

If it offends your sensibilities, inform them. If they insist on the pet names, ignore/block them; you are not a match.

It's interesting that you are addressing women as girls. Some might find that offensive. Just food for thought.
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 10
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/2/2017 12:59:32 AM
Diane,

I totally understand what you're saying. It drives me nuts when these guys do that and then they really get p*ssed if you don't accept their little halfa*sed "compliment".
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 11
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/2/2017 6:16:40 AM

Am I being old fashion? Does this bother you? What do you say? Do you just let it go? If you let it go, and you got together was he respectful? Was he just looking for a hook up?


All this over someone calling you a pet name??????

Maybe, while questioning the reasons why any guy would do it, why not question your reaction at the same time. As in, does it "really" matter in the end???? I mean, like, there has to be more important shiat to worry about????

Isn't there??????
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 12
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/2/2017 6:30:56 AM
I get more annoyed when people scream.
Clearly Men get some rewards by using pet names or they would stop.
Since they are a stranger I don't get all wound up over it.. again since I'm not looking doesn't matter to me.
Just don't call me Bae. :/
Or late for wine thirty
 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 13
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/2/2017 8:05:50 AM
Put this in your profile:
I dislike pet names from people I do not know.
Meet me first, be sure we like each other before you get down to flirting with me.

Then, you will know if they read your profile.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/2/2017 8:54:35 AM
Frankly, I've always been surprised that more women (especially) don't find this kind of nonsense to be a sign of a rude, self-centered jerk.

I think I've seen two kinds of males behave like that. One kind are relatively innocent, and just don't know any better. They learned their "patter" from tv shows and cartoons, and actually think all women like it. Maybe they suffer from an extraordinarily small vocabulary.

Much worse, are the straight up player types, who use the instant familiarity trick to discomfit the women, in the same way that they use negging (look that up if you need to).

One of the basic tricks that ingenuous people use to fool others into victimizing themselves, is to get them upset. People who are upset, tend to set aside their entire tool bag of socially nice ways to keep themselves on an even keel, and the players take advantage of that, to steer them at least into conversational areas where they can become confused, such as getting them into a discussion of what is and isn't polite, or whether they are being "uptight" or "prudish." Some even accuse their target of some kind of social prejudice, trying to use their POSITIVE notions of good behavior, to get them to set aside their own sense of decorum.

Many people who have opened the door to their inner private self by becoming personally angry with someone else, wont emotionally close that door and start over (as they should), when the trickster suddenly switches to charm.


Anyway. That's a long way of saying that I 100% disagree with Danimal on this. But then I am concertedly "old fashioned," more so than my own entire generation, and I disagree vehemently with the use of any kind of trickery or disrespect for others, when trying to form a genuine relationship bond.

One other thing I have noticed, on the other side of this, is that in general, the reason why lots of guys do this, or try the trick versions of it, is simple: women who like their looks, or something else about them, will ignore the disrespect, just as they will ignore the clumsy use of a crude, immature "pickup" line from someone they are already attracted to.

And too, a well enough studied psychologist could probably explain to us, that one reason why some people end up choosing NOT to behave respectfully, even though they can, is that such behavior can accidentally trigger their desired "target" to subconsciously classify them as a non-sexual element of their social circle. Ironically, being a jerk to start with, rather than a gentleman, does serve to establish from the beginning, that the interaction is not going to be "all business."
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 15
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/2/2017 8:56:43 AM
I sometimes get called baby, sweetheart, pretty, beautiful.... I usually ignore it if the convo has been going well. Maybe it's just a slip or they try too hard to impress.monce I met a guys in person who once called me baby, he was alright but wasn't what I was looking for, so I didn't continue to date him.

I tend to delete any first message that says "hi baby/pretty/cutie etc." because these guys can't hold/continue interesting conversations, IMO.

Why don't try ignoring it if it's just a one-off? Especially if you like his profile. You can indirectly hint that you'd rather not be called baby..etc. a good guy will comply eagerly.

Best of luck.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 16
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/2/2017 12:12:57 PM
I never use pet names on a stranger. Kind of lame. I usually wait until they've given me one.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 17
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/2/2017 12:40:25 PM
What Igor said.

You could put it in your profile that you don't like it, but there's almost no point.

A good guy wouldn't use them in the first place. A guy who uses them - don't waste your time trying to get him to stop.

 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 18
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/2/2017 1:41:04 PM
^^^^ What about a "good girl"?????

I've been called all kinds of things without really knowing a woman. I don't take it any other way than they are at least "trying" to be nice.

What really gets me is when they start calling me a-hole.

Only my friends allowed that.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 19
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/2/2017 1:54:31 PM
I get tired of being referred to as " beef injector ", " sausage supplier " and " meat " but .... for me , at this point, I'm just happy if someone wants it at all !
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 20
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/3/2017 5:21:25 AM
Chuck, I'm rather hurt you revealed my pet names for you :)
Sausage supplier LOL
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 21
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/3/2017 9:01:00 AM

Much worse, are the straight up player types, who use the instant familiarity trick to discomfit the women, in the same way that they use negging (look that up if you need to).
One of the basic tricks that ingenuous people use to fool others into victimizing themselves, is to get them upset.

These kind of guys are the toenail fungus of the dating scene. They don't go away easily.

My point about turning the pet names back on them - or playing their game, is that you don't give them the luxury of upsetting you - because THAT IS WHAT THEY WANT. If you keep your cool, and don't play into their script - it flusters THEM instead.

Crying about wanting these bad people to 'go away' will never make it happen - because they WANT to victimize their targets. That little amount of fear and intimidation is like a shot of cocaine to their dating game.

Fishing for confidence is what everyone wants. There's no magical way to prove fakery until you make an effort to interact with them. Guys who belittle women simply cannot handle the idea that a woman can play their game - and play it better than they can. Confident guys who just want a decent relationship aren't going to care who has the best 'game' because they know in the long run it doesn't matter.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 22
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/3/2017 9:23:06 AM
"Chuck, I'm rather hurt you revealed my pet names for you "


I hate to burst your bubble Ouij but NONE of those names are originals


#back to the drawing board with ya
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 23
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/3/2017 5:26:24 PM

I usually wait until they've given me one.


I'm partial to "Studmuffin".
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 24
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Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/3/2017 7:32:43 PM
^^^^^ I'm not partial to "Scrotum Scum"...
 AbandonedByCupid
Joined: 6/15/2015
Msg: 25
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 1/3/2017 10:37:27 PM
In the long list of things I dislike to hear from men I don't know well, this is something with which I can deal. I don't love it. I completely disregard it if he doesn't know my name yet. I gently correct him if he does. Then again, it varies. I don't mind the right man calling me "baby" every now and then.

I may be more relaxed about such things because I'm from the south. Terms of familiarity/endearment are tossed around everywhere you go down here.

I may have also have become slightly less picky when it comes to such things because other issues weigh more heavily on my list of priorities now. Not saying that every woman should allow such behavior from men.
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