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 theonerm2
Joined: 6/26/2010
Msg: 1
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Still Single after 7 yearsPage 1 of 1    
Does POF not work? Am I doing something wrong? I want to meet somebody special. Is that special person just not on POF? Here's what usually happens. I send about 20 or so messages per day to different girls. I don't get on every day though. But the days I do get on that's about how many messages I send. I get about 5 to 10 replies. Then 1 to 3 make it to my facebook. We chat on facebook for a while. Then I either get blocked for reasons unknown to me or I get to meet them. Then I usually either don't like them or they don't like me for whatever reason. No connection or whatever the reason may be. I don't usually talk about sex right away like a lot of guys do on here. So that gets me further than a lot of them get. I've ran out of girls to talk to in my local area. So I'm going to have to go out 300+ miles now and not a lot of people are willing or able to have a long distance relationship. So do I move or do I just stay single for the rest of my life? What do I do? What can I do?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 2
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Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 1/8/2017 9:14:09 AM
Your profile says you have been a member since 2010. How can you possibly NOT know what has been THE most common experience of most men in here for the last several years?

Go ahead and try other sites if you think it will help. Keep in mind, most online daters are repeat offenders on multiple sites as well.

Asking women to message you first isn't what women want to do. Ever. It reeks of date repellent. Get that out of your profile right-quick.
 VikingHoosier
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 3
Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 1/8/2017 9:21:11 AM
Definitely don't move.

The local pond might get restocked slowly. I "fished out" POF a year or two ago, but have seen decent numbers of new profiles in recent months. You might not find 20, but one or two per week makes it worth looking.

Any way you can expand your search locally without compromising your requirements? Expand the age range a bit, view profiles whose photos aren't quite as good?

Real life is your best bet. Online, try Tinder if you haven't already. Your match rate will probably be lower than your high POF response rate, and you might discover incompatibilities because profiles there have less info, but you should see new gals.

When taking communication away from POF, try a phone number or "real" email instead of Facebook. Many people on Facebook have family members, coworkers, and other people they might not want to know about their dating escapades.

It's possible some of the girls who lost interest did so because you weren't bold enough. Some of those guys who talk about sex get rewarded. Some of your communication might be with time vampires who stay in touch because you're not a "threat".

If you view forum threads, especially in this section, you'll see countless dudes who can't even get responses to messages, so you're doing better than many people!
 2ufo2
Joined: 8/29/2016
Msg: 4
Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 1/8/2017 9:31:01 AM
Post in the Profile Review thread.

Asking... two or three times... to be messaged is really pathetic. A pretty girl won't have the impetus or time due to all the messages in her own inbox. A girl who isn't so pretty wants to feel cherished, that you picked her.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 5
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Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 1/8/2017 3:12:25 PM

Does POF not work?
It's not POF's job or mission to get you a date. Not at all. Any dating site is like a big billboard for people to advertise. When someone responds - EVERYTHING is up to you. EVERYTHING. It's about what you PROMISE and what you DELIVER.

Then I usually either don't like them or they don't like me for whatever reason.

Failure to be accurate/honest in your profile AND/OR failure to deliver the experience women require. That's it. Your experience will be the same on any web site you choose, regardless of how many upgrades you pay for.

You have to be HONEST. You have to DELIVER what women want.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 6
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Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 1/8/2017 3:29:11 PM
http://www.statisticbrain.com/online-dating-statistics/

Online dating doesn't work for everyone, everywhere.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 7
Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 1/8/2017 5:37:45 PM
theonerm2- I understand.
I've been here a while myself.
I consider that as much my fault as anything else, just being honest.
I have the same thing happen when I meet people. They like me and I don't like them or visa versa, it happens.
I'm not trying all that hard. I haven't even filled out my new profile yet, I might, but I doubt it.
There are a lot of people like us that online dating doesn't work.
It doesn't mean either of us has something wrong with us, or we are doing it wrong (well, on that last one I might be), it just is what it is.
I always make the SAME suggestion for these kinds of questions (yes, it's what I concentrating on NOW)...........
Get out there in real life.
I am actually starting back to college tomorrow. I'm also on meet up. Meet up is NOT a dating site, it's a site for clubs/groups in you area. I JUST joined a group and our first meeting is Sunday.
I suggest the same for you.
I know there are people who DO find someone online, but even as popular as it's become, I STILL think our best chance is IRL.
Good luck. :)
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 8
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Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 1/9/2017 10:11:08 AM
Online dating isn't for everyone. Like other means to meet potential mates, it's just another platform to increase your chances. I, for one, don't do blind dates. They didn't work for me.

Both men and women have problems when it comes to online dating. Women do get a lots of messages, let's say 100 messages. Around 10% will be worth replying and continuing the chat. Less than half of those chats will become telephone chats/Skype sessions. Less than half of those phone calls will become first meets which might not lead 2nd, 3rd dates etc.

I guess everyone has quite a bit to go through before a first meet happens. But patience is a virtue, even IRL. The more people you message, the more likely to go further along the process to meeting someone.

Don't give up. And also please get your profile reviewed on the profile review forum. It'll help a lot.

Best of luck.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 9
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Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 1/9/2017 1:56:48 PM

Ladyinred0407
http://www.statisticbrain.com/online-dating-statistics/

Online dating doesn't work for everyone, everywhere.

Thanks for posting that link. Some very interesting numbers, and I like numbers. Numbers are much easier to understand than people. (smile)


A woman's desirablility online peaks at 21
At 26, Women have more online pursuers than men
By 48, Men have twice as many online pursuers as Women
Men lie most about; Age, Height, Income
Women lie most about: Weight, Physical Build, Age


Allow me to point out one glaring discrepancy here. If you are one of the beautiful people, those rules or statistics or averages do NOT apply to you. A beautiful 48 year old woman will have 100 times more pursuers than the average 48 year old man.

It is what it is.


forumslady
There are a lot of people like us that online dating doesn't work.

Get out there in real life.

I know there are people who DO find someone online, but even as popular as it's become, I STILL think our best chance is IRL.

Quoting again from the article that Ladyinred linked to:


Percent of marriages in the last year in which the couple met on a dating site 17 %

Percent of current committed relationships that began online 20 %


So 83% of marriages last year came from meetings other than OLD. And 80% of committed relationships came from other beginnings.

 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 10
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Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 1/9/2017 2:14:56 PM
How long is 'a while' chatting on Facebook?

Personally I think if she shows interest by replying you should show interest by suggesting a meet up.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 11
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Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 1/12/2017 7:06:41 PM

http://www.statisticbrain.com/online-dating-statistics/

Online dating doesn't work for everyone, everywhere.


Where do you find these statistics? Page 78 on Google?

I highly doubt that any of it is accurate. Lemme guess, the only reason they do is, is to see their name tied to a bunch of phony statistics they made up one night during a drug induced haze.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 12
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Posted: 1/12/2017 7:42:28 PM


http://www.statisticbrain.com/online-dating-statistics/

Online dating doesn't work for everyone, everywhere.


purplerider1200
Where do you find these statistics? Page 78 on Google?

I highly doubt that any of it is accurate. Lemme guess, the only reason they do is, is to see their name tied to a bunch of phony statistics they made up one night during a drug induced haze.

I think you need to get back on your meds.

I have done extensive reading in this area, and everything that I have read agrees with the numbers quoted on that web page. Is there any number on that web page that you disagree with? Care to provide a reference, or a link to any site that disagrees with their numbers?
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 13
Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 1/13/2017 10:20:28 AM
Forget Spacebook. Ask them for their phone number so you can call them for a date.
 superchillie
Joined: 7/21/2015
Msg: 14
Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 2/1/2017 6:48:32 AM
l loved seeing those stats and your research.
l've really been wanting to know for awhile now just what is what in all that. And people seem to have become so effg fkd up from all this OL stuff .
l know people get screwed over and bitter in RL too but the OL thing , crazy shit. l've wondered if it even amounts to anything but when l've tried to find out myself l see numbers l find a bit hard to believe like marriages for example are roughly 50 50 now , RL or OLD .
Few dating sites throwing those kind of numbers out there everywhere l reckon.

lt seems harder to get a life these days though too , and meet people . Half the time you think they must be all at home to looking at these silly bloody things , a screen.
But funny thing , when l was first single , l realized there were only 2 or 3 girls l'd met in 12mths , that l would seriously go for and they were all in RL. And l'd only met 3 or 4 in RL at the time , so almost 100% , and l'm picky.
Yet as l was on a date site to during that time and l met 30 or 40 girls , and yet not one l would go for in RL. l only met 3 or 4 for coffee out of all those but talked to a lot. But those 3 or 4 were the only ones l wanted to meet and out those not one would l normally have gone for in RL , if only we would have come across each other in RL circumstances.
These are the things you seem to find out in reverse in OLD , it's all ass about.
The very things nature provided us with , are all denied on a computer and OL and come last, and after lots and lots of bullshit.
Yet in nature , RL , that all comes first, within seconds at that, no bs , no effg profiles or emails or FBs or pictures, but from across a room or standing beside you , in a second.

But here's something that might encourage a few. l met my exw in an old fashioned OLD version. Our local paper ran a singles club.
Once you joined up they'd send you out matches every wk on paper in an envelope , 1 page for each.
l still remember coming to my ex wifes page and knowing straight away she was the one.
So l called her and went and met her and yep , 1 minute l knew l'd marry her.

Sooo , this is the modern version of that so l'm living proof, it can happen. We were together 20yrs and still would be but life and stresses got on top of us.
But this is all way way more fucked up that that to l must admit. And people were still sane back then and there was no bullshit. You just rang them up and f you liked each other you'd go meet her.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 15
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Posted: 2/2/2017 12:26:11 AM
20% may date from online, but the marriages or any sort of enduring relationship more like 5%
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 16
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Posted: 2/3/2017 3:15:38 PM

I have done extensive reading in this area, and everything that I have read agrees with the numbers quoted on that web page. Is there any number on that web page that you disagree with? Care to provide a reference, or a link to any site that disagrees with their numbers?

I applied what my experiences have shown, in my area, to what I read. Personally, I refuse to live in the armpit of the universe, namely, a big city. Had I, you'd have read my name on the front page of the cities paper, talking about the rooftop sniper that shot a good many people. Large concentrations of people living together, isn't my idea of nirvana. How you deal with a sea of dummies is beyond me. Unless, of course you like living in a feedlot.

Stats mean nothing when you apply nationwide numbers to a small area. My reference is how I see it.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 17
Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 2/3/2017 6:39:55 PM
purplerider1200- There is statistical data, mathematics, that is used to get to most numbers where they come out with these percentages.
I don't have much faith in it either and haven't for some time now.
Math is factual, but it's mistake to think you can apply something like math to human behavior.
The results of the presidential race certainly should have taught EVERYONE that.
The rest of what you had to say was, ummm........interesting. :o
I grew up in a small town.
I now live in a big city.
My chief complaint between the two is the traffic. However, the trade off is convenience.
The whole "dummy" thing, well that's a matter of perception.
Living in a small town doesn't seem to have done much to improve your attitude about people.
I promise you life gets MUCH easier when people learn to just chill sometimes.
I know that probably sounded glib.
The last thing I like to be is glib.
I realize life is often made more difficult by other people, but what a sad world it would be without them.
Loneliness and anger can be a self imposed choice.
Isolation is a solution, but is it living?
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 18
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Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 2/3/2017 9:54:36 PM
It is if you can entertain yourself. There were no kids my age that lived close to me. Since I learned to do by my own devices. To me it's living. It kept me from doing things that would make me sick. Like drinking and drugs. Peer pressure only made me double down on stubborn. If it looked like I'd get in trouble for doing it, I'd tell them to take a flying leap, and went on my way. Where other kids had to be in by a certain time, I never gave my parents anything to worry about. So I could come in any old time, and never got questioned about it.

Now I heard of people being in unbearable situations, that won't leave. I admit, that I can't understand the reasons why people would put up with it. Not dealing with them just makes life simpler.With people, they bring grief. I'm not interested in your sob story that you brought on yourself. I know you won't like my opinion if you ask. My attitude about people was brought on by them. Most won't own their mistakes. I will, because they're mine.
 superchillie
Joined: 7/21/2015
Msg: 19
Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 2/3/2017 11:19:48 PM
Yeah it's funny really bc l'm not into stat at all myself and you know 3/4 of them are bullsh@t , that's why l was really interested in the stuff mentioned here because he did a lot of reading to get to that. But if your trying to figure something out it's often only all you've got that's the thing.

Also funny that the city /country things turned up on this one because l've had both myself. l now live 3hours form our main city this state in a small town , 20 mins down from a larger main town for the area.
Also done a lot of thin king about that too because l see a lot of older people alone and you know they'll probably always be that way so do l wanna end up like that , or would that happen to me. ? Never has before but this is new territory for me.
But then the city was a cold lonely place many times too . Just stuff l've pondered last few yrs since divorce.

l'm with someone now but it is long distance and we're alone more often than together and that will be the way for a yr or 2 yet.
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 20
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Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 2/4/2017 10:03:25 AM

Msg. 9:
“A woman's desirablility online peaks at 21
At 26, Women have more online pursuers than men
At 26, Women have more online pursuers than men
By 48, Men have twice as many online pursuers as Women.”

If you are one of the beautiful people, those rules or statistics or averages do NOT apply to you. A beautiful 48 year old woman will have 100 times more pursuers than the average 48 year old man.

If a woman’s desirability peaks at 21, and by 48, the average woman is competing for men who are being pursued by twice as many women as they are collectively pursuing, what does this say for those of us in our 60s?

I agree with the idea that, as women age, they generally become more and more assertive (sometimes aggressive) daters. In response, men seem to become less and less assertive because they simply don’t need to be – it’s raining women! This may not be true all over the country, but it’s plainly visible in my little town.

(With respect to dating, passivity in men is not attractive. Assertiveness, in the right context, can be very attractive.)

I’m old fashioned enough to believe it’s best when women don’t pursue. (Handkerchief dropping is okay, but that’s just providing an opportunity – not an outright invitation.) I’ve come a long way, though, and I’ll happily and fully befriend men. Sometimes I invite men to go out as friends, and everyone knows the score. It’s win-win because friends are good to have; both of us have fun; and occasionally we’ll meet new people during our outing.

Asking a man out with a romantic agenda? For me, it will never happen. I need to know that, at least in his mind, he chose me, handkerchief notwithstanding. If I were to pursue, whether online or in real life, I’d immediately lose attraction for the man because I wouldn’t feel the way I want to feel with someone I’m dating.

OP: At your age, you’ll probably have more luck meeting women in real life. (See statistic above about 26-year-old women.) Have fun. Be a gentleman. And watch for dropped handkerchiefs.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 21
Still Single after 7 years
Posted: 2/4/2017 10:11:29 AM

It's not POF's job or mission to get you a date. Not at all.


WHAT???!!!

I want a refund.

Even if it is free.


Men lie most about; Age, Height, Income


60, 5' 8", none of your business.

Easy enough.
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