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Joined: 1/24/2017
Msg: 1
need advice, long story, help ladies!!Page 1 of 1    
Ok so let me just set the grounds for this before I get into it.. I am a 31/m and my now ex is a 24/f.. we were together for 3 years, moved across the country together away from our families and started a life out west.. things didnt start out great as i got laid off within the first month of being here, and she was lucky enough to have a decent job selling cell phones... she paid the bills for a while and got a bit fed up as i couldnt find work. i eventually did and heres how the story goes..

so we had a bit of an on/off relationship for the last year of our relationship.. probably 5 times in total.. each time it happened, i never chased her.. she always came back to me.. anyways, things started to all change in the summer.. i left her after getting so tired of her nagging me everyday, wanting to have sex maybe once a week, and so on.. i told her what she was doing but she didnt listen, so i left her.. packed my things one day and moved in with a coworker.. i called her and told her that i had left and she was upset.. i really didnt want it to be like this because i knew she could be better than that, she begged and pleaded with me and i told her we could take it slow but that i just needed a bit of a break until things turned around.. she didnt really want that, but accepted it anyway.. we spoke everyday, hung out every couple days, and had sex pretty regularly as well.. things started to go good.. until i found out the inevitable.. i was informed that for two weeks that we were hanging out and sleeping together she was actually IN A RELATIONSHIP on facebook through a mutual friend.. i was disgusted.. i called her out on it and she just admitted that she was seeing someone.. i was pissed but i let it go, made no effort to initiate any contact after that..

about 2 weeks later, she called, crying, saying she made a huge mistake and that she loves me and wants us to work out.. well i told her she knows what she had to do.. but she ended up staying with him for another week or so until she ultimately ended it with this guy (we will call him Jay).. she told me she never slept with him at all because all she could think about was me (ive always told her if she slept with someone else, we would be done).. so we started to work things out and shortly after, i moved back in.. everything was fine for the first few weeks, but then it all came down one night.. she started being so selfish, wanting her needs met and only hers, didnt care about my feelings.. so i got fed up one night, packed my things up while she was there, and left. she would not budge an inch, and im a pretty lenient guy.. i moved back to the coworkers.. she called me about an hour later crying, saying she was a fawk up, didnt know what she was going to do etc.. i told her to calm down and relax and that this might be for the best.. she wouldnt have it, she said she needed me and wanted me.. so me being the sucker i was, i continued to hang out with her and have very sporadic sex..

well, her texts became more sporadic and less informative.. her calls were to a minimum and she only wanted to see me like twice a week, and didnt really want me staying the night.. thought this was very weird, but i continued.. boy should i have took those warning signs serious.... i went to her house 2 weeks ago.. i was laying in her lap and i noticed she was texting someone secretively on her phone.. i popped my head up and sure enough i saw "jays" name on the phone, but she closed out of it pretty quick.. i asked why she was talking to him.. she said "i wasnt, what are you talking about?".. her hands shaking and voice trembling... i asked her to show me her texts, she let me, but he wasnt in there... i was weirded out by this... but then i remembered that when you block a number on your phone, you still get their texts in a spam folder.. i asked her to let me see it, she said "what spam folder?" i got fed up with asking, so i turned my head for one second, and i look back, and there she was deleting his messages.. f**king unreal!!! caught her in the act! i stood up, called her some explitive names, grabbed my stuff, spit on her floor, gave her the middle finger and slammed the door on my way out..

then i got an idea to message him on facebook.. so i did.. i asked what was going on and we proceeded to tell each other the stories about her.. .turns out she DID sleep with him when they first dated, as well as just a week prior to me messaging him!! this explains her not wanting sex anymore... i told him everything as well.. that she had cheated on him when they first dated, that she called me almost every night they were together etc and i provided screenshots for proof. he said he "had been dealing with this c**t for weeks now"... unbelievable... i thought i knew her better than this... but are you ready for this?????? heres the kicker...

i created a POF account a few days later.. because why not? lol anyway, i received messages from this account, no picture, no info about them, other then that she was 24 and a leo (as she is).. found that strange and coincidental but anywyay, we got to talking.. i got this person to send me a couple pictures of them.. they were screenshotted photos.. found that strange... anyway, i wanted more info.. only things this profile would tell me is her first name, thats it.. would not provide any other proof... so i took that with a grain of salt and kept talking.. heres where things took a turn.. she started asking about my last relationship.. what happened, how we broke up, is she with anyone now etc.. i got really weirded out by this, but kept going anyway.. this person claims to have known my ex's ex from the summer and that she went to school with him.. by this point i was VERY skeptical about it, so i told them i was going to message him and find out who she was.. right away, i was blocked on POF, and i got a phone call from guess who? yep.. her... she told me that it was over, and that she wasnt with him but didnt want to be with me (bunch of bulls**t if you ask me).. i was so mad, i couldnt believe after everything, she would actually make a fake POF account and stalk me online to get info out of me, denying it was her the whole time!! wow...... we havent spoke since, that was almost 2 weeks ago..

anyway, fast forward to today, ive been having a lot of trouble deal with the pain of all this.. i know i was just had by a sociopath who wanted their cake and to eat it too.. i have a feeling those two are together (which is none of my business i know that) despite what he knows about her and what she has done.. she is a beautiful girl, but will crush your soul... i have blocked her on every social media platform as well as from calling/texting and emailing.. (which she gets by, by blocking her number and calling).. i did notice however that a week ago, she actually unblocked me from facebook.. two people can block each other on there, but you know someone has unblocked you when their comments have shown back up on previous pictures/posts... so strange.. why would she go through the trouble of unblocking me? is she still trying to stalk me?? is she trying to play more games? i need some insight from a female here as im having so much trouble getting past her, even though i shouldnt.. i want it all to stop and i want her to disappear, so do you think its actually over, or am i going to be in line for some more phone calls in the future like shes always done when things didnt work out? i wont be answering i just want to know what others think about her and why she is doing this. thanks ladies :)
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 2
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need advice, long story, help ladies!!
Posted: 2/1/2017 10:26:13 AM
So, what are saying is that you don't like her, and she has the audacity to not behave in the way you demand her to. Why beat a dead horse, you don't like her, you don't like her actions, you are unhappy because you can't control her, etc., in other words, you do not like her. Move on. Whether or not she has sex as many single people do, and she sees other men as many single people do, is really not for you to decide. Your choice is whether or not you want to stay in this soap opera and get attention complaining about the bad woman who done you wrong, or you want to move on and find someone compatible. And really, she's too young to be seeing someone in a serious relationship.
Joined: 10/11/2009
Msg: 3
need advice, long story, help ladies!!
Posted: 2/2/2017 4:20:27 PM
Well, you could start by unfriending her on Facebook and not adding her back. It's hard to stalk someone who is unfriended and blocked. You just happened to notice she unblocked you because you unblocked her or else you wouldn't see her either. I thought only teenagers kept "friends" they didn't like.

Yes, she is playing games - same as you. You move in, you move out, you move in, you move out. What is she supposed to think? You are mutual manipulators. She's just better at it than you. You are 31 not 21. Try growing up and moving on. You won't be answering because you are an attention whore. Again - grow up. You attract what you are - a childish, manipulating ass.

Good luck!
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 4
need advice, long story, help ladies!!
Posted: 2/2/2017 8:46:37 PM
"Ok so let me just set the grounds for this before I get into it..............................................................................................

i wont be answering .

Well there ya go.
Easy peasey!
Joined: 9/6/2011
Msg: 5
need advice, long story, help ladies!!
Posted: 2/6/2017 4:15:04 PM

ive been having a lot of trouble deal with the pain of all this.

I feel ya. Separation and/or of being used can hurt worse than physical pain. Telling someone to just "move on" from it is a bit like telling someone to ignore a cracked rib. Fortunately both heal.

And be glad you're not her! Your pain is proof you can feel--loss, yes, but also a real sense of love, integrity, and shared purpose. You can look forward to finding those again. She can't, at least not fully. To her, those things are sunsets to people who are 100% colorblind. It's sad, really. But I hope you can see your pain as evident that something is RIGHT with you, not wrong.

so strange.. why would she go through the trouble of unblocking me? is she still trying to stalk me?? is she trying to play more games?

My guess is you're still on her radar. Ever notice how women like her can't bear to be without a man? Heck, even one man isn't enough. They need two or three. So whenever she finds herself without male attention (and desperate for it)'s very likely she'll return to previous sources. But it's not out of love, appreciation, or any kind of virtue. It's just to feed off the validation, reassurance, and stimulation those guys provide.

i wont be answering i just want to know what others think about her and why she is doing this. thanks ladies :)

Very good! Don't respond to her! Pretend like she is the T-rex from Jurassic Park. Don't move or make a peep, and she'll go away ^__^!
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
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need advice, long story, help ladies!!
Posted: 2/6/2017 4:36:55 PM
It isn't telling someone to just move on, it's telling them they will have to move on (after their grieving) or stay where they are and keep feeding the pain. It's not anything like a broken rib, you have no choice with a broken bone, you do have a choice of staying involved, beating a dead horse, or moving on. Nobody says it doesn't hurt, nobody says it's easy, but it is a choice you can make. When you find out who someone is, don't like them, don't like their behavior and yet keep falling for it, what do you expect other than to keep taking it up the wazoo?
Joined: 1/26/2017
Msg: 7
need advice, long story, help ladies!!
Posted: 2/12/2017 12:19:12 PM
it sounds like she doesn't love you but she also doesn't want anyone else to have you. It also sounds like you don't have enough self esteem to tell this broad to hit the road.
-- when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time --

There could be many reasons why she unblocked you.. the fight you guys had is over, the waters have calmed so she unblocked you. Or it could be another manipulation game.
But really, if you don't want to talk to her just don't respond to her at all, eventually she will go away.
She may very well contact you again.. and I think that's what you want.. you are going to allow this chick to ruin your life, why?
Really though, if you keep this chick in your life at all you are a victim of your own demise.. one day you will wake up and will realize you forgot how to be happy

move on. who cares if you are single for a little while.. meet new people.. find new interests.. learn to love you for a little while and you will see that you deserve a hell of a lot more than what she will ever give you
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 8
need advice, long story, help ladies!!
Posted: 2/12/2017 12:22:56 PM
Pssst ...The Op is GONZO !
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > need advice, long story, help ladies!!