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 mikem275
Joined: 10/12/2016
Msg: 1
Tons of dates but no relationships Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
To clarify this, I've been using pof off and on for the past 5-6 years and have met around 50 or so women, my issue isn't with meeting I just have a hard time getting past the first date. People always tell me to treat rejections like a learning experience but so far all that's happened is confusion. I've had quite a few goodnight kisses but that's about as far as my dates go, am I possibly attracting women who are only looking for flings? or have I offended the girls I've been out with? For example I had two dates from here last weekend which I thought went quite well, first one was a movie date and the second I took for Japanese Cuisine, both dates ended with goodnight kisses and both women blocked me shortly after. This has happened many times in the past with me as well and none of the girls ever give me feedback so I remain scratching my head as to what's going wrong, any suggestions as to what's happening ?
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 2
Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/8/2017 6:09:44 PM
mikem275- Speaking from the woman's perspective, explaining why they don't want a second date can be uncomfortable at best, at worst, it can lead to the man going into explanation mode, asking for another chance, even becoming a bit of a stalker.
I know this isn't you, you take no as an answer and move on. I'm just telling you as a woman why we don't always give a reason to not go out with someone again.
Getting the answer is possible, but it's going to take doing something difficult.........
Think of someone you are close to, a family member or a good friend. It needs to be someone honest who will tell you the truth.
Then ask them if there is something about you that you don't see, something that could be repelling to women.
You may not like what you hear, but if you get an answer, work on it.
I don't know you, so I don't know what it is.
You could be arrogant, you could not be talking enough, or talking too much. It could be any number of things.
Your best course of action is to find out what it is and do something about it.
One thing......A movie is not a good first date idea. You sit and watch the movie, but don't really talk. Movies are better for when the relationship is going somewhere already.
I like the Japanese cuisine date idea, that was good.
Do more of that, choose situations where you can talk with your date.
That's the best I've got.
Good luck :)
 mikem275
Joined: 10/12/2016
Msg: 3
Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/8/2017 7:06:14 PM
Thank you for the reply, I understand it being uncomfortable but what I don't understand are the women that make out with me and then agree to a second date it leads me to believe the date was a success so it just seems I never know who's sincere and who isn't. I know movie dates usually aren't the best but when I feel the pressure to constantly talk my brain freezes and there's usually awkward silences, I've been an introvert ever since I was young it's just part of my personality so a lot of conversations drain my energy.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 4
Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/8/2017 7:38:40 PM
mikem275- You're young. I'm guessing the women you date are young.
Some of what is happening is an issue of maturity.
Women your age still think they have to be nice, they don't have the guts to be honest with you.
They would rather be coy, fake it to make it.
You will have to keep looking until you find one mature enough to not play that way.
I'm a bit of an introvert myself.
The safest bet is to think of questions ahead of time that get them talking about themselves.
People love to talk about themselves.
They might start talking about something that catches your interest and then you can chime in.
Nobody said this is easy.
Heck I'm twice your age and then some and it's hard for me too.
All you can do is your best.
I wish I had better news, but I think you want the truth, so I'm telling you the truth.
It takes time, a lot of patience and sometimes just blind luck to find someone.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 5
Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/8/2017 8:04:18 PM

I've been an introvert ever since I was young it's just part of my personality so a lot of conversations drain my energy.


Being an introvert is not regarded as a "plus" by most women...and if it affects your convo, then it could be a root cause of your problem..but I can't say for sure.

If you get nervous then having some wine at the begining might calm you down!

You should go on what some call a MOCK DATE....with some woman you know, or who someone who can set you up who doesn't know you; just to give you feed back on what you did right...and what went wrong...... (minus the kissing).

Its important to be yourself, and there has to be an honest feed-back for this to work.


am I possibly attracting women who are only looking for flings?


Looking at your Bio...I have to say that it gives the impression that you might be a player.
You don't say much about yourself and what you aspire for
You indicate that you are looking for "dating" with no age brackets....which can basically mean flings
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 6
Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/8/2017 8:31:06 PM

Both dates ended with goodnight kisses and both women blocked me shortly after.


LMFAO, sorry but this was hilarious. Anyhow, I'm sure you're the same guy that said that you don't talk too much on dates or something. What's the point in spending time, energy and money to go out with someone that's going to bore you to death? That's probably why you're getting blocked. You're boring.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 7
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Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/8/2017 9:51:59 PM
you have been here for five or six years on and off and you are still young? You are evasive about your profession and it may be once the girls know what you really do or dont do, they may lose interest. You seem to get the first dates okay but somewhere along the line they lose interest. Next time I would not offer a dinner but just a drink and see how they react. If you hit is off then that is the time to arrange a more extended date such as a dinner. Movies are not a good idea as you cant really converse and it may be that the girls are just filling in time with you especially if you offer to pay.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 8
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Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/9/2017 1:30:41 AM
Over the years, I have seen a lot of negative vibe here about movie dates. I myself still like movie dates. The idea is to not do only a movie. After the movie, go somewhere for a meal and drinks, or just drinks, or ... The movie itself will give you some common ground for conversation.

Maybe it's just a generational thing. The women that I meet seem to like the idea of a movie date.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 9
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Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/9/2017 3:24:56 AM
I'm not surprise that you've met a lot of women, OP. You're young and handsome. However, the first meet doesn't always lead to a real first date and relationship. OLD is a bit trickier than IRL because you don't get to see the other person before you actually meet them. Once met, there're other things to consider than physical appearances.

I'm not saying that your dates were disappointed by you. Not at all. But we all have imagination/expectation of the others when we see their profiles on here. If you don't match the expectation (whatever it is), some people just don't want to continue.

If you search on a topic like this on the forums, you'll see that a number of women on here have been in you shoes. They thought the date want well but didn't hear form the guy ever again. Confusing for them too.

Don't dwell too much thinking why others don't want to see you again or running through the dates that had already finished. Keep going, keep optimistic. Don't expect another meet/date to happen after the first meet. If the girl wants to see you again, great. If not, well, there's plenty of fish in the sea.

Best of luck.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 10
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Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/9/2017 6:13:50 AM
"Maybe it's just a generational thing. The women that I meet seem to like the idea of a movie date."

Beats miniature golf!
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 11
Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/9/2017 6:26:53 AM
I know you are doing some stuff wrong, but without the full story of one of these dates, it's hard to say what. Giving gifts early on is a no-no.

Get a sales job, you'll learn how to socialize. Think of it as paid training.

Most first meets won't go anywhere.... so you will have a lot of first meets. Keep in mind you only need one good one to turn into a relationship.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 12
Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/9/2017 1:51:09 PM

People always tell me to treat rejections like a learning experience


That would make me the most learned man on the planet, then.

Mostly I just learned that I don't like rejection.

Duh.

I already knew that beforehand.


am I possibly attracting women who are only looking for flings?


Yes.


or have I offended the girls I've been out with?


Yes.


so I remain scratching my head as to what's going wrong


Scratching your head on the dates?
They will "assume" a problem with fleas.


none of the girls ever give me feedback


Yes, they treat it like it's a classified secret.


any suggestions as to what's happening ?


The simplest and most obvious answer is that you're not living up to their expectations when they set up the meet/date.
You would need to take along an impartial observer to verify the specific reason(s) more exactly.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 13
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Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/9/2017 6:12:34 PM
ohenryx

I made the mistake of going to a movie with a stranger that I had only just met and he saw it as an opportunity to paw me and to want to hold hands etc. It is an intimate setting for a first meet and I feel that to have a conversation first is more sensible so you can suss out whether you want to continue. Who pays for the movie in that situation?? I had bought my own ticket beforehand as it happened but he still felt he could get familiar.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 14
Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/9/2017 6:16:34 PM
Movie dates: I was talking w/ a friend the other week who is out of work with medical issues and bored (and not calling me :) ). she went to a few movies, as retirees would when they can't find anything to do either. I was surprised/not surprised to find she isn't big on movies (she is rather lame and unimpressed in life). She couldn't remember the names of what she saw, and wasn't interested in the plots. I do realize there are people like her, and perhaps the VCR stole the magic of going to an air-conditioned theatre and sneaking in some candy or a pop. just the fun of GETTING OUT, esp. if the movie theatre was in the city and you live in the sticks. Tho nowadays, at least out here, movie theatres are also where the young riff-raff hang out.

An old theatre out here that does second-run movies, says Netflix and the like that also run movies before they hit DVD are competing with it. Too bad, it was nice to go to an old theatre I used to go as a kid and pay less for a movie.

I think there are movie people, and there are not-movie people.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 15
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Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/10/2017 1:06:57 AM
I'm gonna get straight to the core: DID YOU ASK THEM FOR ANOTHER DATE?
Soon as the movie credits roll, "Can I take you out next week?"; "Would you like to get together tomorrow?"; "Let's do this again - what would you like to see?"

YOU have got to make a move while that woman is still there. I get the impression that you're doing a catch-and-release, and these women block you because you don't try to move to the next level. If they are kissing you, you need to go for the ass-grab, you need to invite them over for "coffee" at your place, you need to take them to a get pie & ice cream at Denny's at 1am.

Do you ever check if these dates post to the Forums? Maybe there's 50 threads about a guy who "Shows no interest at the end of the date". You need to read up, bro.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 16
Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/10/2017 4:34:22 AM
Movies can be a great place to judge attraction/love level. Maybe she will hold your hand. Plus, you have something to talk about afterward.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 17
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Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/10/2017 12:32:41 PM

LetitiaLeGrande
ohenryx

I made the mistake of going to a movie with a stranger that I had only just met and he saw it as an opportunity to paw me and to want to hold hands etc. It is an intimate setting for a first meet and I feel that to have a conversation first is more sensible so you can suss out whether you want to continue.

As a general rule, I do not invite someone that I haven’t met to the movies.

Two Sundays back, I had an initial meeting. We sat down over a very casual meal, at 6 p.m. on a Sunday. I liked her, by the end of the meal I asked if she had somewhere else that she needed to be, and if not, maybe she would like to take in a movie with me. As in right now, let’s pick out a movie and go, which we did.

gtomustang
I do realize there are people like her, and perhaps the VCR stole the magic of going to an air-conditioned theatre and sneaking in some candy or a pop. just the fun of GETTING OUT, esp. if the movie theatre was in the city and you live in the sticks. Tho nowadays, at least out here, movie theatres are also where the young riff-raff hang out.

Well, I do understand the appeal of DVRs and Netflix and Redbox. I have a very nice home theater setup, and I like watching movies. I would love to get back to a dating relationship where my friend, my date, my lover would be comfortable hanging out at my place. But you have to date for “a while” before you reach that level of comfort.

And here lately, I don’t seem to be able to get over that threshold. And I’m not sure why. The last 2 women with whom I had 3 dates, when asked after the 3rd date if they would feel comfortable coming to my house to hang out and watch a movie, said “No”.

Who knows? Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Who knows what weird outrageous thoughts lurk in the minds of the women of OLD?
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 18
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Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/10/2017 12:45:06 PM
^^^ "Who knows what weird outrageous thoughts lurk in the minds of the women of OLD?"
She was considering asking you to come over next Saturday to trim the hedges, clear out the closet, steam-clean the carpet, take the garbage to the dumpster, break down the bunk bed so her cousin could come pick it up, and for your time, she'd offer a cheese sandwich and green tea.

The Women of Old want a crew of drones to do the dirty work....or just one guy who'll zip his lip and be happy he's getting a snack.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 19
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Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/10/2017 2:14:40 PM
That's far more than twice as many women as I've met in about 20 years on all of OLD, much less 10 years (come this weekend) on POF. I have no answers for you, but I'm curious: what percentage of these meetings resulted from women initiating contact with you vs. you contacting them?
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 20
Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/10/2017 2:29:03 PM

Who knows what weird outrageous thoughts lurk in the minds of the women of OLD?


We have sworn to secrecy, I can not tell....................I can't even give a hint! (LOL)
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 21
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Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/10/2017 3:04:09 PM

As a general rule, I do not invite someone that I haven’t met to the movies.


I will never forget my impulsive poor choice in a first date movie, back around 1973 when I was ~21.

Deep Throat, with Linda Lovelace.

Myself still being a late bloomer, (virgin at 21), I was mortified and it made idle chit chat difficult.

The folly of youth.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 22
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Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/10/2017 4:10:03 PM
aintnodeal

It is up to you to agree to do all these things you are stating that OLD women are expecting you to do. You are being very general and only stating an instance you may have experienced. I imagine if the woman is hot enough and you think you may get between the sheets for your efforts, you would go along lol!
 NoxzemaWA
Joined: 2/19/2017
Msg: 23
Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/14/2017 9:12:18 PM
Meh, I'm definitely wary when an attractive person gets plenty of dates or attention but is unable cultivate a relationship when they want one. Must be some vibe or energy you're giving off that results in this continual rejection.

Btw, there's no way for us to know what your deal is. Font won't tell the story. We are not on the dates with you. There is no hidden camera whose footage we can watch and decipher after your dates are over.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 24
Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/15/2017 8:22:00 AM
Most first dates / meetings from OLD won't turn into a relationship. Many people in particular on dating sites want "instant chemistry" on the first date / meeting. Otherwise they will quickly lose interest. Most of the time there won't be instant chemistry. Although there can be other reasons, it's often because 2 people are virtual strangers. Or some people are a little bit shy or nervous at first.

When a first date / meeting goes well for both people, there is still no guarantee of another date. People can change their mind for any reason at any time. Even some people that had a long term relationship from OLD had dozens or hundreds of first dates / meetings or they had used OLD for multiple years before finding a significant other.

In other words, it can be more about the nature of OLD than what the OP or others in the same situation are doing wrong.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 25
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Tons of dates but no relationships
Posted: 4/15/2017 8:22:17 AM

Meh, I'm definitely wary when an attractive person gets plenty of dates or attention but is unable cultivate a relationship when they want one. Must be some vibe or energy you're giving off that results in this continual rejection.

Btw, there's no way for us to know what your deal is. Font won't tell the story. We are not on the dates with you. There is no hidden camera whose footage we can watch and decipher after your dates are over.
Think this is the same guy who last started a thread that a date went to the bathroom, and disappeared on him. She did this after remarking how quiet he was.

OP, you are young.....you are getting dates, so you are doing something right. Quiet guys get women, but it probably takes a lot longer. You probably need to try to get a part time sales job or something to force you out of your comfort zone, to practice small talk with strangers. Or take a public speaking class. There are Carnegie or Toastmasters groups out there everywhere. You will find all of this will help you gain some confidence in speaking to crowds or strangers.
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