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 vastwilderness
Joined: 7/14/2016
Msg: 1
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How does this work, and how can I be successful?Page 1 of 1    
To be quite honest, I can't figure out what social expectations or how online dating like PoF is supposed to work, and didn't really have much success in the past, but am willing to figure out the mores / expectations here, and how the system works.

So, first off, how does this go? From what I can tell, my only two options are a meet me selection, or to message someone? As a guy, how often exactly do girls click meet you, or message you? I'm going to guess that it's expected for the male to initiate, but how many meet mes should I be receiving per day, should I be messaging these, or random, and if so, how much 5-10 20-50 etc? I'm seriously clueless on the correct message to send, but I guess I'll have to figure something out.

Otherwise, there's the profile picture. What exactly is the expectation here? So, the first one is supposed to be a headshot? Should I be smiling, should it be brightly lit? Should I be looking away or towards the camera? Should I be showing in additional photos my hobbies, like playing guitar, hiking, and my cat?

I know that I do not making hundreds of thousands of dollars (I could lie, though), I know I don't exactly look like a clean cut Ken doll, and I know I don't have giant abs (have big leg muscles, atleast), but, really I'm just hoping that I can setup my profile so I don't get 0 messages/matches, which probably will destroy my ego and make me worse off, or that I have to constantly cater to females. I think it's ridiculous that men have to spend all of the energy initiating and that girls have a buffet of suitors to choose from, but there's not much I can do if that's 'the way things are'.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 2
How does this work, and how can I be successful?
Posted: 4/9/2017 7:02:54 AM
Instead of trying to figure out online dating, get some gigs and develop a fan base. Women love musicians........ not on a dating site, they have to see you live. Your single days will be over quickly, trust me.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 3
How does this work, and how can I be successful?
Posted: 4/9/2017 1:37:49 PM

how online dating like PoF is supposed to work,


How it's SUPPOSED to wok:

Mature, intelligent people make mature intelligent decisions leading to happiness.


How does this work, and how can I be successful?


'the way things are'.


How it DOES work in 2017:

Be 6 feet tall.
Be a male model, or at least look like one.
Own and drive a $1.4 million Ferrari LaFerrari.

Your inbox will likely be flooded.

Anything less and you will....


get 0 messages/matches, which probably will destroy my ego and make me worse off,


Prepare your ego.
 vastwilderness
Joined: 7/14/2016
Msg: 4
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How does this work, and how can I be successful?
Posted: 4/9/2017 3:01:28 PM
Hey guys. Thanks for your honest response.

It's strange because I thought guys were the shallow ones. Personally, I am attracted to all sorts of women, and they certainly don't have to look like Barbie in my books, but from what you're saying, your saying that all women on dating websites are attracted to the Hollywood image of men, which, to be quite honest, means you look like a douche bag.

Anyways, I don't think I look that bad, but yes, I certainly am not a male model, 6 foot tall, or own a ferrari.

I could very well improve my images, lose a bit more weight, and probably update my bio, but from what you're saying, you're making it sound like musicians are a write-off.

It's strange because in real life I see girls attracted to me, of course, getting the confidence to approach them is another thing, but basically what I've gotten from this thread is that girls on dating websites are completely shallow, and there's no point trying.

Sure, I may start a band and start pick-up, but I was hoping that in 2017 girls would look for more than status symbols or the worm-brains seen in Holywood films.

Depressing to think that the only way to pick up girls is by standing on a stage, that's not certainly how I've met girls in the past..

Oh well. Have a nice day.
 vastwilderness
Joined: 7/14/2016
Msg: 5
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How does this work, and how can I be successful?
Posted: 4/9/2017 3:26:52 PM
Well, a really hot girl wants to meet me. Unfortunately, all I can see is her profile pic in notifications, and it says 'I must pay' to see her profile name. Why do they make this so hard?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 6
holy shit its Jack White! :)
Posted: 4/9/2017 5:23:01 PM
online dating should not be a substitute for meeting people in person, it should be a "Side hustle". If you live in a populated area, the odds are in your favor, if you live out in the boonies, the chances of finding the right person dwindle, unless you have something every woman wants.

if the answer to that is, "uh, tell me what it is and i'll be sure to get it", then...well, you can guess what my answer is, and I don't even have to meet you :) nothing personal, but obviously, if you have "it" then you don't even wonder if you have "it", the success is enough. its like wondering if you can breathe, only asthmatics worry if they're doing it enough.

If you want to date a lot, find out the gal who is the best fit and go after all of them. just like making a sale, figure out your client. But if you want a good date, and only need one, then figure out the women you would do best with, and only go after them. of course, there's still a chance they can look at a photo and go, "eh". We all tend to look better in person than in our photo, assuming the photo isn't 'shopped, b/c in real life people can see how we move and carry ourselves. they see our energy, our joie d'vivre.
 IMayBeCrazy_But
Joined: 12/28/2016
Msg: 7
holy shit its Jack White! :)
Posted: 4/9/2017 5:29:46 PM
If you adjust your notifications to get an email every time someone "wants to meet" they'll email you a username. Then you can do a username search to find out who it is.

http://www.pof.com/basicusersearch.aspx

You'll have to be logged off your account for it to work.

Don't bother upgrading....it's a waste.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 8
holy shit its Jack White! :)
Posted: 4/9/2017 6:03:51 PM

If you adjust your notifications to get an email every time someone "wants to meet" they'll email you a username. Then you can do a username search to find out who it is.


Unless it is different for men or just me but POF is onto that one. The meet me's I get now do not have the user name.
 IMayBeCrazy_But
Joined: 12/28/2016
Msg: 9
holy shit its Jack White! :)
Posted: 4/9/2017 6:11:57 PM
Well then...men are getting shafted...it seems.

I'm still getting usernames in my email after someone swipes right or left or whatever.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 10
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holy shit its Jack White! :)
Posted: 4/9/2017 6:58:01 PM
More than normal?
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 11
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It only works if you Give People A Chance
Posted: 4/9/2017 11:23:05 PM
I get usernames for every MeetMe click. I check them out. Usually a woman 5 years older and/or within 50lbs. of my weight. Not my target demographic.

Online dating isn't much better than blind luck. Sure, you get to pick, but you don't know if anything in the profile is TRUE until you meet them face-to-face and can get some confirmations.

If you want to date, you need to cut a wide path - basically, STOP BEING PICKY and date anyone that matches even one or two of your requirements. The point is that it's UNREASONABLE to expect an exact match for what YOU like to also like YOU. Ease, up, give people a chance to show they are genuine, likeable, dateable, pleasant people. Half the people posting VENTS about their dates complain that the other person LIED, or the other person DID NOT GIVE THEM A CHANCE.
 vastwilderness
Joined: 7/14/2016
Msg: 12
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It only works if you Give People A Chance
Posted: 4/10/2017 5:08:15 PM
So, I've received three meet me notifications in my email. Unfortunately, they don't include usernames like when I used PoF a few months ago. Basically, unless I pay, there's absolutely no way to find these people, believe me, I've tried.

I liked the Meet Me feature because then I can be assured there's some interest. Unfortunately, it looks like PoF is trying to rope people into paying 87 dollars (insane).

I guess at this point I just have to message a bunch of people, since I'm a guy, and am expected to initiate?

Could it be there's a glitch, or that I'm doing something wrong?

Cheers.
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 13
It only works if you Give People A Chance
Posted: 4/11/2017 8:39:39 AM
You really should not be basing your online dating on who clicks "meet me". Its a crappy system, and most are going just on your look and not reading your profile.

You need to rethink your approach. Sit down and look at profiles. Find women that you find attractive, read their profiles. Is there something there to base a conversation on? Send messages. A lot of messages, to different women. The percentage that respond will be small. Its ok. Just keep trying, until you get a conversation going with someone.
 LexiInMDR
Joined: 8/25/2015
Msg: 14
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holy shit its Jack White! :)
Posted: 4/13/2017 6:33:39 PM

Unless it is different for men or just me but POF is onto that one. The meet me's I get now do not have the user name.


Indeed. If you watch the url bar, every profile has a number. All you have to do is cut and paste it, it works even better than the now-discontinued username search. Close one door, another opens up...
 BLUEMISS
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 15
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holy shit its Jack White! :)
Posted: 4/13/2017 9:35:40 PM
Username search isn't discontinued. It's on the login page. I believe you can only use it if you haven't logged in yet.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 16
holy shit its Jack White! :)
Posted: 4/14/2017 4:30:57 AM




Unless it is different for men or just me but POF is onto that one. The meet me's I get now do not have the user name.



Indeed. If you watch the url bar, every profile has a number. All you have to do is cut and paste it, it works even better than the now-discontinued username search. Close one door, another opens up...


Got a meet me message last night, this is the link to the profile, no name or number.

Whole message


Dear Dragracer428,

Someone wants to meet you! Click below to view their profile:

http://www.pof.com/meetyou.aspx?mtXVguDdTkyWeVsA_2RJBw


To check your messages click on this link:
http://www.pof.com/inbox.aspx?mtXVguDdTkyWeVsA_2RJBw

Replies to this email will be automatically deleted. You will not receive more than 8 meet me notifications in a 24 hour period. If you do not wish to be notified by email, please unsubscribe here: http://www.pof.com/mailsettings.aspx?mtXVguDdTkyWeVsA_2RJBw
Here is the link to POF's Help Center: http://www.pof.com/HelpCenter/helpcenter_faq.aspx?mtXVguDdTkyWeVsA_2RJBw
Plentyoffish Media Inc. #142-757 West Hastings St., PMB 670, Vancouver, BC V6C1A1
 IMayBeCrazy_But
Joined: 12/28/2016
Msg: 17
holy shit its Jack White! :)
Posted: 4/14/2017 9:26:46 AM
Hmm. Maybe it depends on how long you've been registered? The username search disappeared from my log in page a long time ago, but here's what POF emailed me...


Dear IMayBeCrazy_But,

504worldtraveler wants to meet you! Click below to view their profile:

http://www.pof.com/meetyou.aspx


To check your messages click on this link:
http://www.pof.com/inbox.aspx?R9KTssz5UkKi7mVpc77w6A

Replies to this email will be automatically deleted. You will not receive more than 8 meet me notifications in a 24 hour period. If you do not wish to be notified by email, please unsubscribe here: http://www.pof.com/mailsettings.aspx?R9KTssz5UkKi7mVpc77w6A
Here is the link to POF's Help Center: http://www.pof.com/HelpCenter/helpcenter_faq.aspx?R9KTssz5UkKi7mVpc77w6A
Plentyoffish Media Inc. #142-757 West Hastings St., PMB 670, Vancouver, BC V6C1A1


I agree with Pluto about the "meet me" feature...it is a crappy system and most users don't bother reading the profile then swipe left or right based on the main pic. POF isn't Tinder.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 18
How does this work, and how can I be successful?
Posted: 4/14/2017 11:08:48 AM

I have to constantly cater to females. I think it's ridiculous that men have to spend all of the energy initiating and that girls have a buffet of suitors to choose from, but there's not much I can do if that's 'the way things are'.


WOW!..................no.......... not in a nice way.

When I was looking to date, for long term, I used approx 7 different OLD sites, one at a time, with in a ?3-4 year time period. I paid a fee for all but POF. That was over 2.5 years ago.
The "freeness" of POF has slowly been changing. Match wants to make money.

POF is owned by Match. Both are million (? billion) dollar making companies. They provide a service for you WITH your money. All the bells and whistles, options, buttons to click on, "Meet me", are there at your fingertips. A means of getting you to spend your money.Yes, ............. it's that simple.

Do your homework, research OLD sites. Use the one site, most likely to assist you in your search for....................whatever you desire.

Later tonight I'll ask BF to "cater" to me.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 19
to be successful at business, you have to go where the business is
Posted: 4/15/2017 6:59:19 AM
"men have to spend the energy initiating"

>>>many times, the fellow who has success is the one who responded to a woman showing initial interest. Like in business, where the easiest customer is the one already interested in buying. You may find it easier to get a date from the women who are already interested in you. The ones who aren't, require the most work. Like dragging the horse to water and then trying to get it to drink. The women who are interested in you, you'd be surprised at how much they will cater to you. Some women even make fools of themselves over men who don't care much about them.

"that girls have a buffet of suitors to choose from"

>>>well, the extremely hot ones do, but the rest of the girls who don't look like Megan Fox may disagree with your sentiment. they'd like a nice guy, but all the "nice guys" are busy panting at the feet of the ice queens.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 20
How does this work, and how can I be successful?
Posted: 5/26/2017 7:53:10 PM

It's strange because I thought guys were the shallow ones.


Urban myth.


Personally, I am attracted to all sorts of women,


Me, too.
Physically.
Mentally, a whole other story.


Could it be there's a glitch,


Oh, there's a glitch alright.


Do your homework,


I did, but the dog ate it.


If you live in a populated area, the odds are in your favor,


I'm beating the odds.
By a mile.
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 21
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It only works if you Give People A Chance
Posted: 5/29/2017 12:30:18 PM
Forget the 'Meet me' or match features on any dating site. You can do better. And you should put a little of your own effort into doing your own searches. Use the search function, and then read profiles.

You need to get some practice. Start sending messages, talk about anything. Send messages to women some distance away to get some experience, those that will talk/chat with you will give you honest advice.

You're worrying about who should initiate? Get going, just start sending messages! also use the free site o k cupid.
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