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Show ALL Forums  > UK forums  > How did you decide to become a parent?      Home login  
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 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 2
How did you decide to become a parent?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Even if it wasn't "highly insulting", I'm sure some old bstard on here would have voted to have it deleted. Bloody NAZIs. Anyway, I'll be following this one now.
 scareymush
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 3
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 12:59:35 PM
I had an overwhelming desire to be a mother, the primitive urge to reproduce was so strong in me, it was animalistic. I remember thinking to myself that I am truly mother nature's daughter with these urges of mine. So, I had a baby or three as a result....being a parent is so much hard work and it's a never-ending responsibility, why can't the parenting thing be a lot easier?
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 4
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 1:02:22 PM
^
There you go..3 innocent people condemned to a life of misery and sadness just to satisfy her own urges. That's what I call uber selfish.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 5
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How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 1:04:06 PM
I put it a slightly different way, I got about 5 pages of responses, just a FYI you can add to your thread and what people thought.

=================================================
Was having children worth the effort?

https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts15270767.aspx
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 6
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How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 1:23:42 PM

We both shared horror stories of friends and people we know where it has all gone disastrously wrong. The guy who discovers that they have a child after 16 years not knowing... you know the stories as I am sure we all know of one.

Parents. How did you decide? Was it a case of it would be nice lets stop the contraception and see how we get on? Was it a case of whoops but actually this is fantastic news? How did you make that decision?


Funnily enough, I ended up dating someone when I was 24 who left me wondering if I was going to get a knock at the door when I was 42... I never did though.

My eldest was a whoops but the second was a conscious decision.

To answer dragonbyte's question: yes, it was worth it. Apart from the odd run away down the road to peek around the corner moment, neither child has caused any problems or heartache. The proudest moments I feel are those when I catch them interacting with others outside of the family environment. It's a pleasure to see how mature they are, because that means we were positive influences as parents.


Saw there was a topic on this but it was deleted before I could read it. Presumably because it was started by 10ky and I assume it was highly insulting as is his usual.


Spot on, Jelly.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 9
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 1:41:08 PM
I think it should be MANDATORY for people to take a course on parenting covering the important issues such as nutrition ,instilling healthy self esteem , etc BEFORE deciding to become parents


We have to take a test before getting a driver's licence so why not a " parent licence " as well ???????
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 10
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 1:49:16 PM
-jack

No! I thought you loved me. I thought you were on my side! ... (gutted) (mopes)
 Squareslice
Joined: 10/17/2016
Msg: 11
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 1:49:50 PM
I know a guy of 29 who has no less than 7 sons to 4 mothers.
He actually had custody of all 7 until recently. Maybe he would be ideal to answer this.

On my own part, I never wanted to bring a child on to this severely screwed up planet. My ex wife talked me round and I'm the proud father of 2 well adjusted young adults.


As for the resident onanist, his parents must be proud. How come "Leon" has gone missing? Is the offspring of his Ma sitting on a wankstain on his meds?
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 13
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How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 2:19:31 PM

I think it should be MANDATORY for people to take a course on parenting covering the important issues such as nutrition ,instilling healthy self esteem , etc BEFORE deciding to become parents


We have to take a test before getting a driver's licence so why not a " parent licence " as well ???????


That's an interesting idea and looked at from afar, there's some justification considering where some people's issues stem from. However, who would decree the gold standard for this course and examination? Not all cultures are the same. What if someone failed an examination and failed to get a parenting licence? There are plenty of people running around in cars, unlicensed, untaxed and uninsured. Does that mean the state would be policing parenthood? How does that fit in with personal freedom and human rights? Moving on from parenting, what about external infuences? Other members of the family? Friends? Peers? Teachers? What happens if family circumstances change? What if one parent leaves, becomes ill, or dies? What if a new partner comes into play?

Although there are limitations when it comes to adoption (and that's somewhere again where there's a question of whether the state interferes too much or doesn't interfere enough), I don't think mandatory parenting courses are necessarily the way forward.
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 14
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 2:23:34 PM
-jelly
Time to cut on the bull n the philosophy. Bring you arse down here n I'll do the rest. You'll thank me later. Nae bother.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 15
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How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 2:24:58 PM

I am at the point where I would love to be a mother but am in no rush despite what my age would suggest.


I hope things work out for you in their own time, Jelly.

I met someone a few times back in 2013 who had a infant child. It was her only baby. She'd been on fertility treatment three times before giving up and then fell pregnant naturally. At the age of 50. Sadly, she and her husband broke up shortly after the birth. I can't remember why.
 Squareslice
Joined: 10/17/2016
Msg: 16
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 2:28:29 PM

-jelly
Time to cut on the bull n the philosophy. Bring you arse down here n I'll do the rest. You'll thank me later. Nae bother.


Stay on topic, wee sack.
I suggest you go ask YOUR parents as to why they had you... then follow up about their deep regrets.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 18
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 2:35:35 PM
^^^ msg 15....so romantic
I became a parent by accident, I'd never intended to take on that kind of responsibility. At the time I couldn't even keep a houseplant fed and alive.
But when I saw their frightened little faces I knew I had to do the right thing. No one was ever going to love them as much as I did.
I had to make sacrifices, but to see them growing into smart beautiful kits was enough reward.
After losing one then the other a few years later I decided I was never having any more.
RIP Jethro 1 and 2
 TucsonPug
Joined: 6/17/2015
Msg: 19
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How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 2:37:19 PM
We talked about it beforehand, made plans as I had no intention of giving up work, I stopped taking the pill and was pregnant within the week, not quite what we were expecting but yeah we were chuffed to bits. Pregnancy was a doddle and He was 37 in April and I've never regretted it for a minute. 8 years later we decided we'd like another and again became pregnant immediately, I found parenthood a bit of a breeze tbh and both my Sons are wonderful individuals. I'm really proud of the way they turned out and so glad we decided to have them. I never doubted for a minute that I'd chosen the right man and trust was never an issue between us.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 20
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 2:38:09 PM
Orange


I don't think it would HURT to give the wanna be parents who lack common sense ( they do exist ), some BASIC POINTERS.


If they fail ?

Try , try again just as when you fail your driving test
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 21
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 2:38:49 PM
-roxy

Very sorry to hear that. Xx

-Square

Prolly cause they had 5 girls before me. I see you filthy mouth is still tripping aye? Ya old lanky bstrd. I missed you though. X
 Squareslice
Joined: 10/17/2016
Msg: 22
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 2:42:38 PM


Back on the track.... my ex wife n me were late starters family wise.
I had no interest, as I said, on bringing more life on to this spinning rock.
I guess it started with her talking me in to getting a cat... that became two "for company" then being informed she was allergic to cats.

I would like to say the promise of nookie was an enticement, but being expected to get on the bones after a 12 hour shift was not conducive to a happy partnership.

For someone that never wanted offspring, I'm lucky. Have 2 young adults that I nurtured all their lives.
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 24
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 2:49:48 PM
-all

Vote this thread not to be deleted. The usual bstrds are voting delete for some reason.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 27
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How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 3:12:39 PM
imanorangetiger There are many comments in the forums that those 40+ don’t want to date those with children. They say they dearly love their adult children but have no desire to repeat the experience of being a parent to a youngster. Then they usually say how hard and difficult it was.

Most often people don’t want to repeat the experience.

It’s very similar to veterans of a war or military service, they very much value the experience but would never want to go through it again.

This was the reason I had asked the question in the first place, conflicting answers from poster.

========================================================================
Professional studies also offer a mixed picture.
"I'm happy," I say to myself. I may be stressed, sleep-deprived and sorely in need of "me" time, but I am very satisfied with my life. Isn't it possible that I could be just as happy as someone without kids -- even if they have more time to sleep and take care of themselves?

According to two recent studies, the answer might be yes and no.

“People with kids living at home tend to have more money and are more highly educated, more religious and in better health, said Stone, a professor of psychiatry and psychology at Stony Brook University. "All of those are factors that go along with people having better life evaluations."

Once those factors were statistically removed, the study found no difference in how satisfied the two groups felt about their lives.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/12/06/health/parents-happiness-child-free-studies/
Jacknher
For some reason I don't seem to be allowed to vote on new threads nor to edit my own posts.


Your profile is too new, you must have a profile for some length of time before you can edit or vote. Not sure how long.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 28
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How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 3:19:09 PM

Oh either way is fine by me. I am not going to worry about it. Heck I haven't found anyone I want to spend my life with yet let alone raise a child with so no point putting the cart before the horse. Hence why I ask the question. Because how do you know if it is right or not? Most people do not have to make that choice in quite the way I would have to... So how do you know?


Being a parent means completely running the gamut of emotions. I don't think anyone is completely prepared for what lies ahead. I still have stories that I tell prospective fathers about the first week from taking the mother-to-be into the maternity wing.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 31
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How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/14/2017 3:45:08 PM

imanorangetiger There are many comments in the forums that those 40+ don’t want to date those with children. They say they dearly love their adult children but have no desire to repeat the experience of being a parent to a youngster. Then they usually say how hard and difficult it was.


I'm also one of those with older teenagers, who wouldn't necessarily want to get overly involved with someone with children in primary school again. I have done, but my children were closer in age at the time anyway. Even some older children can be problematical. It all depends on the family dynamic. I've found that women are the same too.
 Justanotherchap
Joined: 12/4/2013
Msg: 32
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How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/15/2017 2:17:17 AM
Me and my ex-partner were at the opposite end of the spectrum on this. She didn't want kids but I did. So we decided to let nature take its course. We ended up not having kids. From her point of view that's great, she os happily remarried but for me, come the times when people get together with their families, I do regret the course life took. Nothing to be done except to get on with it.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 33
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/15/2017 8:07:34 AM
No need for shame, I imagine there are plenty of people, if honest like you, would be the same.
Like you say, a great achievement :)
If most people waited till they were ready (financially/emotionally/etc) they probably never would become parents.
 Jo van
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 34
How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/15/2017 8:46:14 AM
As a full-time SJW., from a very early age, I always said I wouldn't have any.
But my 'ex' was desperate for a child, and I thought "why not? I've tried everything else. Might as well give it a go".
TBH it was the trying part I enjoyed.
She kept getting pregnant, but kept "dropping" them. We had 3, or maybe 4 'miscarriages', the last one, actually in the hospital, they did tests (on it), but couldn't find any obvious reason. The medical term is "spontaneous abortions", nice.
I always joked that she was "rejecting" my "alien genes". Strangely, years later, medical science concurred, somewhat.
While I was patting her on the back, and "comforting" her, (much more emotionally painful for the women, than the man) I was already looking forward to more "trying".

When she finally managed to keep one in, past the first 12 weeks, I was 28, and shitting myself, thinking there might be "something wrong" with it, because of all those previous failed attempts.
There wasn't. he'll be 35 this year, he's a lovely man. (IMO) And announced his engagement last year, to his long time GF.

Tried for a second, when he was about 2, but it didn't happen, so we forgot all about it, 'til she got pregnant when he was 7!
So quite a big age gap.
But they're both lovely.

The younger one spent nearly all day with me yesterday, we watched "Wild at Heart", which he'd never seen before,
and we talked about politics, and religion, and "racism".
Just like I used to, with my dad.

I wouldn't say it's "the best thing I ever did", that's a bit melodramatic, IMO., but it's another aspect of being alive that I've experienced, and I'm very glad I did.
No grandchildren yet, but I'm hopeful.
I wouldn't have minded being childless though, it's not a big deal IMO.
Happy Saturday.
 heavenlivesnear
Joined: 8/29/2016
Msg: 35
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How did you decide to become a parent?
Posted: 4/17/2017 3:59:45 AM
i didn't decide to become a parent... we'd got married, bought the house, started the business so it was just the next thing to do...

i never stopped to actually consider if i wanted children... thankfully.... if i had, i might have decided against parenthood, which given tbe sheer and absolutely perfection i created, would be a serious loss to my life and the world in general.
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