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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out.      Home login  
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 LittleDreamGirl
Joined: 4/27/2016
Msg: 1
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So long story short, I dated this guy briefly (about 6 weeks) last year who I met off this site. We got along great, had fun when we went out, and there was no question we both found each other physically attractive. But for whatever reason, he decided not to pursue a relationship with me, before we had a chance to really get to know each other. I still haven't been able to quite figure out why given our physical attraction and the fact that we have so many common interests, and whenever we went out we would talk for hours...etc. etc. But anyway. I was pretty pissed off when we ended things about 9 months ago (not to mention my ego took a major bruising). Didn't plan to stay in touch with him. But for the last 9 months he has persisted in staying in touch with me on a semi-regular basis and we end up having an extended online chat about once or twice a month (through private messaging on Facebook). Nothing deep, just shooting the breeze, catching up, and inevitably he ALWAYS asks how my dating life is going. We also almost always end up flirting playfully with each other during these chats. No question we're both still physically attracted.

In January he invited me and treated me out for a movie. For the entire week following the movie he messaged me every day to chat. Half of it was asking me how my day was, but the other half was him making it clear that he's still very attracted. Still he never came out and said "I'd like to date you again." Just lots of implications, including a suggestion that he come over to my place (booty call alert!). He has tried booty calling me a couple of times since we ended things last year, but I have made it VERY clear to him that I'm not interested, and that I only sleep with a man if I'm dating him. By now he knows I'm not into casual sex.

A couple of weeks after we went out for the movie in January, we were online chatting and it came out that he is actually seeing someone AND was dating them even when he invited me to the movie and that whole week following when we had very flirty chats and he tried a booty call. I was pretty shocked but played it cool and told him I was happy for him that he has met someone. Next thing you know, a couple of weeks later this woman has posted a photo of the two of them for her Facebook profile pic! And changed her status to "in a relationship." And they even went on a trip to Niagara Falls! WTF. Who does that after only dating for 3 months??? Seems pretty needy and rushing things to me on her part, but whatever. Meanwhile he has no pics or indication of her on his profile.

So to get to my question...well a couple of weeks ago he messaged me, we chatted, and he asked when I would be free to get together for dinner. But meanwhile he's still with this girl with no signs of an impending break-up. So my question is - why the heck does he even want to hang out with me? He has a new girlfriend...wouldn't he rather spend his free time with her? And he knows he's not going to get a booty call from me, plus he's obviously getting laid, so trying to have sex with me can't be the motive. He finds me physically attractive but only wants to be a platonic friend? I just don't get it Why would a guy who dated a woman briefly and broke it off with her, want to stay in touch and hang out with her, despite having a girlfriend? Is there a small part of him that is still interested in me? (But obviously not as much as her). I should also mention he is still active on this site. Don't think she would be too pleased with that.

Any insights welcome! Truly baffled. Thank-you!!
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 2
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 5:35:40 AM
Because he's a player and he's not limiting himself to just one woman. He likes the excitement of trying it on with you, and you're available for whatever he's offering you.

He's attracted to you and enjoys your company. You SAY you're not interested in him, but you go out with him, you chat with him, you flirt with him.

It's fun for him, so he's doing it. Why shouldn't he?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 3
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 7:00:12 AM

So long story short...


The story isn't that short.




So my question is - why the heck does he even want to hang out with me? He has a new girlfriend...


Because you are a willing participant. If you think it's wrong, end all contact. You are in control of your actions.




And he knows he's not going to get a booty call from me


At least he can try, since you're still interested in him and make no effort to stop the contact, and even went on a date together to the movies, when you knew he has a girlfriend. That, along with the statement: "We also almost always end up flirting playfully with each other during these chats. No question we're both still physically attracted." makes him think he has a shot at sleeping with you again.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 4
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 7:14:54 AM
Just another player. You slept with him in the past, so he'll forever think he has another chance at a booty call with you.

That's just the way some people think.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 5
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 7:35:41 AM
"And he knows he's not going to get a booty call from me, plus he's obviously getting laid, so trying to have sex with me can't be the motive"


BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ - WRONG !


This guy loves the challenge and it's ALL about getting you in the sack.


No offense, but I'm putting my money on him based on your behavior so far
 Mz_Informed
Joined: 11/15/2016
Msg: 6
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 7:58:31 AM
I especially like the part where OP offhandedly admits to stalking the new girlfriend's Facebook profile. Cute.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 7
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 8:30:23 AM

Next thing you know, a couple of weeks later this woman has posted a photo of the two of them for her Facebook profile pic! And changed her status to "in a relationship." And they even went on a trip to Niagara Falls! WTF. Who does that after only dating for 3 months??? Seems pretty needy and rushing things to me on her part, but whatever.


Meeeooowww!!!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 8
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 8:30:37 AM

Is there a small part of him that is still interested in me?


There is a part that's interested, but we can't comment on the size. It's funny how you never unfriended or blocked him from your Facebook. You left the door open for him to contact you. I agree with BCC-I'm putting my money on him getting his way, regardless if there's a girlfriend in the picture.
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 9
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 9:48:59 AM
I think you should permanently cease all communication with him. Block him on FB.
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 10
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 11:26:51 AM

I think you should permanently cease all communication with him. Block him on FB.
Either that or she should F him again (which seems to be what she really wants but won't admit it.)
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 11
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 11:55:53 AM
Dump this guy and run the other way asap.

He's shown you who he truly is. He's got a GF but still wants to hangout with other women. What kind of person is he? He has no integrity and is looking to cheat on his GF. Do you think he's relationship material? I don't think so. Even if he broke up with his GF, it wouldn't be wise to stay in touch with him at all.

Doesn't matter why he wants to hang out with you. Definitely not as friends. Some guys want to have sex with as many girls as they can. So the fact that he's got a GF who has sex with him doesn't prevent him from wanting more from other girls.

Forget this loser. There're far better guys out there.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 12
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 2:31:59 PM
Is this the same "cheap" potential boyfriend who you were friends with, and he didn't really want to be more than friends and that frustrated ya? That was going on in January, so I have to ask. :)

Next thing you know, a couple of weeks later this woman has posted a photo of the two of them for her Facebook profile pic! And changed her status to "in a relationship." And they even went on a trip to Niagara Falls! WTF. Who does that after only dating for 3 months???

Some people do. Especially if they at least knew the person before starting to date (and, I'm sure, he has female friends, so wouldn't be out of this world) -- or even just hitting it off and things going smooth. Some people will run to Niagara after only dating for 1 month if things are going swell. It's not to bring them there to propose. :) As far as posting pics with someone they've been dating for even less than 3 months -- yes, people do that on FB all the time.

Meanwhile he has no pics or indication of her on his profile.

Which is weirder If he actively uses FB. But, no surprise, as he likes chatting with you and keeping the "LittleDreamGirl" seat warm. :)

So my question is - why the heck does he even want to hang out with me? He has a new girlfriend...wouldn't he rather spend his free time with her?

Yeah, but, she's used socks at this point. Sure, they're good socks he wants to keep, but, he wants to try others on too. Why the heck only have 1 when you can have another on the side once in a while, Too? ;)

Why would a guy who dated a woman briefly and broke it off with her, want to stay in touch and hang out with her, despite having a girlfriend?

There's a 3-date-rule, and there's a 3-month-dating trend. For the 3-month trend, after 3mo, some folks end up noticing other options. The desire for variety kicks in if they are the type who doesn't want to really settle down. He seems like that type.

There's not much mystery to it. You like the attention and don't necessarily want to shoo him away -- but really, you should ask HIM this, and be direct. But I think you don't, because you want the attention, and don't want to scare him off. :)
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 13
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 4:30:07 PM
LittleDreamGirl- Why does he do it?
Because he can.
You are letting him.
You are his fall back girl.
Meaning, if the girl he's seeing dumps him, or he dumps her, he isn't without booty until he can find someone else.
Are you worth more than being a booty call?
If are aren't and being used like yesterday's Kleenex seems like the way to go, keep this up.
If you have ONE shred of dignity and you ARE worth more, cut off ALL contact with this azz and find someone worth your time, because this guy isn't!
 AngryGroceries17
Joined: 1/9/2017
Msg: 14
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 4:45:46 PM

Any insights welcome! Truly baffled. Thank-you!!

Why don’t you read what you wrote and see if you can come to a rational conclusion! Maybe you will find the answer in there somewhere. But then to my horror I noticed that you are not an 18 year old girl….you are 45!!!! Henceforth, this must be a troll post as I refuse to believe that a 45 year old woman can be this naive.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 15
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 4:46:34 PM
Why? .......Why not? Who is stopping him?
He has his cake and eats it too, served with coffee!
Yah, Why not?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 16
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 5:13:06 PM
Yes,you are a willing participant and he is sure he can get you back in bed. Guys like this know that if you really had no interest in him, you would not keep in touch with him. He most likely doing this while with you.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 17
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/19/2017 6:39:40 PM

He is keeping you around as his "fall back girl".

And she's keeping in contact with him because it's nice to have someone who still confesses they find her desirable - at least, until a better looking hunk of meat comes along...

The pattern repeats because you BOTH repeat the pattern. It won't break until one of you changes it - significantly.

Stop looking him up online, stop communication, and let him go. Find a better life elsewhere.

By The Way -
How do you know the guy is getting laid, or a three month dating period isn't enough to trust the guy on a vacation trip? Sounds like some serious projection and speculation based on fragments of truth.
 greatgal1977
Joined: 3/1/2017
Msg: 18
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/21/2017 12:50:03 PM
OP, why don't you forward this to his current gf? They may or may not break up over him wanting to bang you occasionally but he will likely never contact you again.
 RefinedRibbon
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 19
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/21/2017 1:16:45 PM
Sounds like a player don't enter.
 _girl_next_door_
Joined: 2/23/2013
Msg: 20
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/21/2017 6:23:59 PM
Something to think about...
There is a woman out there who thinks he is HER boyfriend, and he's making the moves on YOU. Does his girlfriend know about you? I've maintained friendships with some of the men I've dated in the past, but I am never a secret from their current girlfriend. If one of my exes made the moves on me while they had a girlfriend, game over for me, no more friendship. You have a choice about the kind of person you are. Choose wisely.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 21
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/21/2017 11:23:38 PM
You are 45?? I am betting that you are having sex with this guy, may be not a midnight booty call exactly. He has another woman in his life and as long as you are willing to connect with him, he will go along with it. It is up to you to end it.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 22
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/22/2017 7:04:12 PM
I've changed a lot in the last 10 years with respect to how I would feel about the situation is that you shouldn't give a shit why he is doing anything. Either you enjoy the behavior and know that he is never going to date you and you actually want him for a friend or you don't. It's really that simple. He isn't sending you mixed messages. He doesn't want to date you but he likes to hang out and might even hope to get a shag, but who cares?

What do you want? If you don't enjoy the situation you can easily unfollow him and not respond when he IMs you, or you can unfriend him. I'm friends with numerous guys I have dated but as another poster said, I am not a secret to the girlfriend or wife. Why are you friends with this guy and um do you really want to be something more when he is not honest with the other woman in his life? He has been honest with you, she's the one that is in the dark as to who and what her boyfriend is.
 sugarlandguy
Joined: 1/3/2013
Msg: 24
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/23/2017 3:46:47 PM
If you want to play 2nd base, stick around. He is padding his chances as in, if it does not work with her then he will be back for a while until he finds another and then the process process begins all over again. Some men can not stand to be alone so they pad their black book. I know this sounds selfish & harsh but this is the way some men/women are and they will never change.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 25
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Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/23/2017 7:02:15 PM
Maybe a better question would be.

Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but I still want to hang out with him...WHY?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 26
Guy I dated briefly has a new girlfriend but still wants to hang out. Why?
Posted: 4/24/2017 7:53:12 AM
A situation like this could work IF after a few dates both people mutually decided that they would be better off being friends. However that doesn't sound like the case here. He may want some "action on the side" or have the OP as a backup option. The OP probably still have some romantic feelings for him.
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