Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Date has staring problems?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Mooncastle
Joined: 1/7/2017
Msg: 1
Date has staring problems? Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Not sure if its just me and found another thread regarding this particular topic about guys checking other woman in public. My first date/meetup went pretty smooth and after eating we walked around a bit before getting a drink. After sitting down to have a conversation, I noticed in the middle of me talking his head would turn to almost every young girl walking by. Sometimes he would start to regain attention when less attractive, fully clothed girls would pass. Something has been rubbing me the wrong way, I'd hate to come off as jealous..but the feeling is more..like its rude? I'm not talking to myself am I or is he bored? I've been texting with him for about two/three weeks now and was asked out on a second date next Fri..but..I'm second thoughts. Should I mention this? Will this come off as controlling or be looked at in a negative light? I get that guys will look every once in a while, but everytime a girl walks by wearing shorts and cut tops? (The mall happened to be filled with teenies chicks everywhere) Anyways...advice?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 5:04:31 AM
I suggest that it's a matter of how you go about addressing it.

Perhaps instead of calling it rude or immature, or other such terms that could be construed as "controlling," or as you chastising him, talk about it a bit more obliquely (and accurately).

That is, you could tell him that one particular quality that you are looking for in a companion or mate, is SELF DISCIPLINE. Someone who can focus on what they are there to do, including especially getting to know each other. I do very well remember being that young, and being surrounded as I imagine you must be in Florida with acres of scantily clad members of both sexes, keeping your attention on what you are there to do (get to know each other) can be tough.

Another possible thing to try which is more along the "sneaky but honorable" route, is to think up a particular VENUE for your next date, which would be less likely to present him with so many temptations. I have no idea what's going on down there, but if there are places to go which require more formal attire, that would be the way to go.
 swedishtextiles
Joined: 2/2/2017
Msg: 3
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 5:24:24 AM
^^^My first thought was along those same lines---stay away from the mall or the beach or wherever beautiful scantily clad people parade around<

Maybe go to a movie? I know the 'movie date' gets a bad rap in this place---but I think sharing experiences like that and talking about them afterward is also a good way to get to know someone. And the 'movie theatre experience' beats (the literal) 'netflix and chill' any day of the week.

Good Luck, OP
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 4
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 5:47:17 AM
Ugh. I wouldn't have gone on a second date.. I agree Op it is terribly rude and shows him in a bad light.
Hope the second date went better
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 5:53:37 AM

but everytime a girl walks by wearing shorts and cut tops? (The mall happened to be filled with teenies chicks everywhere) Anyways...advice?


OP, I can understand your hesitation. It may be a problem ............or not.

LOL Now me....................I'd position my self to be facing the same way he is, and as his eyes wander I'd make a comment, about whatever comes into view.
"You think her shoes are comfortable?" "I wander if she's wearing that fake tanner stuff or if she really spends all day in the sun?
"I was thinking of wearing my hair like hers but then I'd be stuck in the bathroom for 2 hours."
"See that guy, he's gonna trip on his shoe lace". .......................................

Can you see where I'm going with this? LOL People watching is more fun when both of you join in..............Have fun!
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 6:07:42 AM
I got blamed for this when I was married. I agree with you, it's rude.

Are you being controlling? I'd say, to an extent, that you are. Has he treated you any different, with other women going by? If he doesn't, then you're worried over nothing. I'd look at them for the clothing they were wearing. If the passing woman was about the same size as my ex, and she looked good in what she was wearing, I'd guide my ex into something similar, or even go out and buy it and surprise her with a gift. Since I didn't read women's mags, or knew exactly what was available in women's wear, that was the next best thing. Some men do care what their women do wear.(And it sets them up to answer that inevitable married couple's question-"Do I look good in this?")

I would look for a whole 'nother reason. I ride Motorcycles. A lot. For, 48 years I've managed to never be involved in an accident. Because I see movement of anything, like people, cars and trucks, critters. In order to stay safe, I react to that. As much as I tried to turn that off when not riding, I can't. I really don't mean to be offensive about it, but it happens. I put up with the complaints about it for years.

And I was around for years TO put up with those complaints.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 7
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 7:32:28 AM
I think what he's doing is disrespectful, and doesn't bode well for your budding relationship. If he's displaying a roving eye so soon into the getting-to-know-you phase, I'd hate to think what he'd be like once you were in a full-blown relationship with him. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't accept a second date with him.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 8
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 8:15:49 AM
Golly, if we stare at her breasts, its a problem, if we stare at the floor, its a problem, if we look at our cellphone...:)

OK, i'm sorta teasing...but if he was looking at his cell rather than other girls, wouldn't that be just as telling about his intentions with you? I could be flattering and say I can't imagine why he isn't looking at you if you look like you do in your photos, but basically, he sounds like he hasn't been let out of the institute much and now he's a kid at the candy store trying to sample everything. Does that mean he will never change? Well...no. he might commit to you and someday never need to sample the other candy.

but, do you really need to wait to find out? Isn't there a better guy to date who gives you more attention, or at least, hides a sneakpeek better? I agree with the others, this is enough of a red flag you can, well, at least bring this up to him. I doubt you'll get a satisfactory answer, but you'll do future women a favor at least. this is as rude a habit as staring at your bits or at his phone, he needs to work on his first impression with other people. you said he isn't doing this to everyone, just the teenage girls wearing the teaser clothing, and igor is right, that's a matter of self discipline on his part he has to work on. obviously, it could be a sign of lacking discipline in other places.

still, if the rest of him seems ok to you...give him a chance to fix it. but keep in mind, a lot of times, the "Fix" only lasts for a short period of time, b/c you're witnessing a behavioral pattern, not a mistake.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 9
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 9:29:33 AM

Anyways...advice?


You're a Virgo, you should know the answer.

Time to toss this one back.

People are supposedly on their best behavior in the beginning.

If this is his best behavior.....not a good indicator.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 10
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 11:23:14 AM

...but everytime a girl walks by wearing shorts and cut tops? (The mall happened to be filled with teenies chicks everywhere)


If he's around your age-mid 20's-and is intrigued with teenybopper girls, that's a different issue. He might have a case of Trumpitis (when he walked into a dressing room full of teens in various stages of undress in a beauty pageant. Maybe he was pre-ordering his next wife).



You're a Virgo, you should know the answer.


That's the ticket. Use astrology to figure out who are the starers, who are the quick sneak-peekers, and who are the ones who will only stare at the floor to ward off any feelings of lust.
 Mooncastle
Joined: 1/7/2017
Msg: 11
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 11:53:07 AM
Lmao at Trumpitis..I don't know if that might be the issue here, but that is a funny thought to keep in mind! I would never want to control someone and that is not my intention, hell even I glance a look when an attractive guy or girl walks by! When in the middle of talking and their head takes two turns after just glancing the first time or doing often peaks in the middle of a discussion..yeah it rubs me the wrong way. The place our date was held, might of not been the best setup for lesser distractions..my bad.. I'll possibly go out on another date in a less crowded area but, if this frequent double glancing occurs again it will be our last. I cannot put into words how grateful it is to receive a bunch of advice on this thread and I'll be taking every comment with the fullest considerations, thank you so much again!
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 12:06:52 PM
Well, guys should not look at other women when they are with one. Maybe that's a reason he is single.

Guys, do yourselves a favor and buy mirrored sunglasses. Problem solved.
 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 13
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 1:09:18 PM
If this guy is glancing at other women that is fine. But to all out stare?

Come on. Have some self respect and throw him back in the pit. Its not worth your bother or time and you owe this one nothing at all. Get rid and get moving on to the next one.
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 14
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 1:20:33 PM
On a date they should have your full and undivided attention whether you look a glance, or they do both signs are rude.
If you initiate the sequence whether it is a quick glance, or otherwise you are just as guilty as he is. He responded in kind to you, I would have ended it with you, and not been a second date as I didn't keep your full attention, if a waitress/waiter interrupts you too that is totally different as they need to do their job.

There are disorders that dont allow people to maintain eye contact and your attention but you should be aware of those before the date. Like ADHD I would imagine a date with them you would keep to places where you are not surround in public, like hikes, walks, other activities that has very few distractions around so you can keep their communication and attention to you.

I would say use that as a guideline for men or women who can not maintain consistent attention as an alternative before making a decision. If their eye contact or they falter there they could have a disorder, the other thing is maybe they weren't taught to maintain attention. You get upset at them but if they are unaware of their rudeness cant blame the student for it.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 15
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 1:39:14 PM
If this happens on a first meet/date, it probably means he's not feeling it-that instant spark.chemistry-and is zoning out, which means, more than likely, he won't be interested in a second get-together. It's better that way than stringing you along and pretending he's into you. If he was really into you, he wouldn't notice anyone else around.
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 2:03:49 PM
I am guilty of this OP. Sadly, I don't know why I do it. I chalk it up to used to being single and I don't realize I do it. I haven't cheated on any of my a boyfriends and it was not like I wasn't happy in the relationship at that time. Whenlose in age to you, my ex-husband almost dislocated my shoulder because I was looking at some guys ass. In my defence, what an ass that guy had.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 17
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 3:39:57 PM

The place our date was held, might of not been the best setup for lesser distractions..my bad.. I'll possibly go out on another date in a less crowded area but, if this frequent double glancing occurs again it will be our last.


Good idea. If the rest of the date went well, give it another shot and see if it was the location or if this would be an ongoing problem for you. Sometimes I like to people watch although I tone down when I'm out on a date.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 18
Date has self control problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 5:42:33 PM
Its probably just me, but I feel like if I have to date someone in certain locations, so that they can avoid the temptation of not paying attention to me...they may not be a great fit. But then, I don't drink either so I don't date in bars by default. The OP looks attractive enough in her photos she can afford to be picky and want a fellow who has a sense of self control, but then maybe there aren't that many good guys to choose from in her area and so that's moot, as well.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 19
Date has self control problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 6:01:32 PM
I guess she might try putting him in a bubble.
He so distracted at the freakin Mall god help them at the Beach
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/22/2017 9:17:04 PM
He should have jerked off before the date and then he wouldn't have been acting like such a hound dog. Yes, it is rude. It's rude when they look down at their phone every 3.666 minutes or even scroll. He was obviously not focusing on you to try to get you to believe that all of these ladies were "noticing" him. He's a blow hard. Kick him to the curb. You deserve to have a man act like a gentleman and pay attention to you. Cutting you off mid sentence to gawk at another girl used to happen in high school. He is an a$$hat. Don't explain, he knows what he was doing. He was waiting for your response. More ego monster crap. Don't mention it. Tell him Friday night you have to wash your hair and lose his number. You are dating a 17 year old child stuck in a man's body.
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 21
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/23/2017 6:06:28 AM
His behavior on the date was def rude. I wouldnt have accepted another date with him.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/23/2017 7:43:22 AM

There are disorders that dont allow people to maintain eye contact and your attention but you should be aware of those before the date. Like ADHD I would imagine a date with them you would keep to places where you are not surround in public, like hikes, walks, other activities that has very few distractions around so you can keep their communication and attention to you.


I have ADD, but I tend to hyperfocus.

So on a date with someone new, I tend to shut out the whole world and my focus would be on my date. I have had friends that turned up in the same venue try and get my attention while on a date, they have had to tap me on the shoulder to get my attention.

I suppose my date finds it flattering, but it's more about my own personality.

Now if I am in a full blown relationship, after a year or two my attention would tend to wander.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/23/2017 8:07:59 AM
The guy is a classic stare raper...
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 24
Date has self control problems?
Posted: 4/23/2017 10:12:30 AM

Its probably just me, but I feel like if I have to date someone in certain locations, so that they can avoid the temptation of not paying attention to me...they may not be a great fit.


The point is if he is constantly looking at other people or things in a place with fewer potential distractions, then it is likely he will do this on a regular basis. If he doesn't do this on a potential second date, then it's possible what happened on the first date was out of character for him. That's assuming everything else on the first date went well.
 greatgal1977
Joined: 3/1/2017
Msg: 25
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/23/2017 12:14:20 PM
You should've walked out on him but instead you are considering another date with that individual???????????????
Just imagine you dating a guy who is constantly checking out teenage girls, what could possibly go wrong? lol
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Date has staring problems?