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 FriscoPhantom
Joined: 4/21/2017
Msg: 1
Single moms and babysittersPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Why do I get so much kickback and resistance from the single moms I date when it comes to finding a babysitter for their kids?

• Babysitting requires virtually no skillset.
• Any 14 year old girl can do it. Provided she's not a 14 year old murderer.
• 14 year old girls are in abundance and can be found on any street corner in the neighborhood (not in a prostitute-y way, there's just a bunch of them around and they all want easy money to watch your kid).
• Your little snowflake isn't special. He doesn't require someone with superhero skills to watch him.
• I don't want to hear "I'm not going to do that to my kid" like getting a babysitter is such a horrible thing to do? I don't get it.

I keep suggesting to girls to have a list of babysitters as contacts that you can call at a moment's notice, and almost unanimously, I'm told "that's not the way it's done/it's not that easy/I'm not going to let some stranger watch my kids" and the excuses keep coming. It's highly frustrating and women that are girlfriend material otherwise almost instantly become non-girlfriend material for refusing to work within the system, which is, by the way, their system, not my system, as I have no kids and don't have any restrictions.

So why are single moms such gigantic titty-babies when it comes to getting a babysitter?
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 2
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/5/2017 2:52:59 PM
You dont grab some teenager because they are a girl or because they might be good as they are a girl. You need assurance if she say has problems cant handle it police are called, babysitter faces charges, parents face charges for child endangerment as the teenager was not qualified, and it put her child at risk. For what because you think any teenager can do it, and you should stay away from single mothers, and their children because you have little or no respect for them.

Truth every babysitter should care about your child and are willing to put their safety above everything, fire safety, cooking safety, first aide/cpr, how to care for disabled children if you have them, trustworthy and you just dont hand your most cherished to someone who dont give a shit if they live, or die. You have little or no care of their children so you dont think a child safety is an issue that is a real big issue with all parents who put their kids first.

Not one stranger ever watched my kids, it's not an excuse it's a fvcking human life, you want to get a piece of ass and not care about the risks involved just to stick your****in a lady. What is a matter with you? Parents drop you on your head? Someone not teach you morals? You actually believe a date with you should be above her flesh and blood? Seriously get a grip on reality do those women a favor and stop trying to date them.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 3
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/7/2017 2:12:40 PM

• Babysitting requires virtually no skillset.
• Any 14 year old girl can do it.


According to a report I heard on the radio, babysitters in San Jose CA make an AVERAGE of $16.68 an hour.

And most of that is going to be tax-free.
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 4
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/7/2017 2:21:36 PM
You should tell that to my former co-worker Tina who had the same mind set as you. The 14 yr old girl's grandfather was home across the hall, so Tina thought everything would be fine. She didn't count on the 14 yr old talking on the phone for hours while the three year old tried to bath the 18 month old. Tinba came home to a dead 18 month old. Even though this happened 23 years ago, it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it, so i cant imagine how Tina delt with it. Yes, this kind of stuff rarely happens, but it does happen.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 5
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/8/2017 5:15:21 PM
friscophantom- Before you said, toward the end, that you don't have kids, I knew at the outset that you don't.
Jesus, entitled much?!
I wouldn't let a 14 year old dog sit for me, much less baby sit.
You are a prime example of how a douche bag acts and talks.
Get over yourself!
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 6
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/9/2017 2:43:51 PM
Maybe they come up with the 'no babysitter' excuse after you order them to stop talking to other people online. Just saying...
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 7
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/10/2017 12:21:30 AM
You cannot be serious. There is no way that a 40 year old man is seriously talking the way that you are, especially given the fact that you obviously are no prize. You need to take what you can get.

Be humble cause any woman that decides to date you is definitely lowering her standards or she simply doesn't have any.
 Robyn143
Joined: 7/19/2016
Msg: 8
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/13/2017 11:12:04 AM
ummmm..maybe because they are leaving their most prized possessions in the hands of a stranger. You tend to be a little picky on that. but that is cool...all you have to choose is which tissue brand and which lotion is going to keep your ugly ass company..oh..that means ugly on the inside and you sure are.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 9
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/13/2017 9:38:39 PM
Never mind
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 10
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/20/2017 2:30:09 PM

Simple solution,
Date women who have no kids

Not easy to find, notably on POF, when you're looking for 35+ yo gals. "Package Deal!" is droned on and on and on. Severely limits your options if you cut out women who have offspring.

• Babysitting requires virtually no skillset.

I disagree. It's more about trust and being the responsible type...

• 14 year old girls are in abundance and can be found on any street corner in the neighborhood

Yeah, true -- just ask Anthony Weiner. But it'd be ridiculous to ask a mom to find Any random teen to watch their kid. 14 year olds can be fine for watching kids, but there's gotta be a trust issue. Like a relative -- or family friend's teen... yeah. You have to understand those without connections to teens to babysit aren't going to go on Craigslist to find some teen to watch their kid.

(1) Gals can be stretching the truth about it. They just don't want to go out of their way to have a date with You, when babysitter options aren't so easily had. With The Rock? Oh yeah, she'll find one.

(2) Like (1), it may be because they don't want to leave their kid being a strong part of it. It's their niche, which is a part of their life. Many young moms have to be told to get out of their comfort zone. It's their comfort zone keeping many in.

(3) You can tell them that it's not just about going on a date with you, but from an objective standpoint saying they should start building connections to find some for convenience, which isn't going to happen overnight nor are you asking them to. That way, in the not Too distant future, whether it be a date with "me" or some cool guy -- there's no stress about having to find some babysitter, and it is best to get out of the house some despite the comfort zone of staying in. Build those connections to find a couple trust-worthy teens or young adults or friends to be able to baby sit -- you'll be glad ya did.

In the end though, from my experience, there are many gals with kids who aren't attached to them like glue without a viable babysitter in sight. I think you're just frustrated with a couple that you've ran into -- but that isn't how all women are in their kid situation.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 11
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/23/2017 1:04:11 PM
Your profile says you do not want kids. So why on earth would you date single mothers?

Just an FYI, teenagers are amongst the most unreliable people in the world. I've had more babysitters call in 'sick' 5 minutes before I needed to leave the house than I can count. The younger ones make you nervous and the older ones will bail on you if there is even the slightest chance of going out with friends that night.
Plus the cost of getting a Babysitter for a Saturday night is borderline ridiculous. 18 years ago I was paying $25-30 for a 3 hour night out, plus I had to arrange dinner for her and my kids.

Your best friend in the world is not going to let you drop off your kids for the night just because some guy from the internet wants you to be available to him at a moment's notice.
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 12
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/26/2017 7:22:24 AM

Your profile says you do not want kids. So why on earth would you date single mothers?


Well who is supposed to date single mothers?

The narrative on this any many other dating sites is that single moms don't need a man for their kids and keep their dating lives separate. So thats a moot point correct? The women the OP is courting are putting themselves out there to date. So if they cant procure baby sitters maybe they should not be dating?


Why do I get so much kickback and resistance from the single moms I date when it comes to finding a babysitter for their kids?


See I typically see the opposite from my experience. Most single moms I know pull all the stops to get baby sitters when dating. They typically pool friends and relatives to frequently baby sit so the picture they convey to the guy she is trying to pursue thinks that her situation is not as bleak as it actually is. He thinks, "man, she has kids but she has a good life balance." Once you move in and she gets in her comfort zone the babysitters magically disappear and you end up driving little billy to soccer games.

A friend of mind told me that his mom watches his sisters young kids so her and her boyfriend can go out on dates. He asked his mom why she babysits on top of everything else she does for her ( she lives with her mom, surprise!). The mom's reposnse was, " It's an investment that I'm hoping will pay off".

My advice would be to date multiple women and not put your eggs in one basket so when you have enough plates spinning at least one or 2 per week should open up to date. Of course you don't tell them about the others.

The only reason single moms put themselves out there to date and wont get sitters is because they are probably broke and they are looking for their ticket out of poverty (YOU) and/ or they are trying to expedite the dating process by having you introduced to the kids so she can rush the move-in process (S.O.S)
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 13
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/26/2017 7:27:29 AM


You dont grab some teenager because they are a girl or because they might be good as they are a girl. You need assurance if she say has problems cant handle it police are called, babysitter faces charges, parents face charges for child endangerment as the teenager was not qualified, and it put her child at risk. For what because you think any teenager can do it, and you should stay away from single mothers, and their children because you have little or no respect for them.

Truth every babysitter should care about your child and are willing to put their safety above everything, fire safety, cooking safety, first aide/cpr, how to care for disabled children if you have them, trustworthy and you just dont hand your most cherished to someone who dont give a shit if they live, or die. You have little or no care of their children so you dont think a child safety is an issue that is a real big issue with all parents who put their kids first.

Not one stranger ever watched my kids, it's not an excuse it's a fvcking human life, you want to get a piece of ass and not care about the risks involved just to stick your****in a lady. What is a matter with you? Parents drop you on your head? Someone not teach you morals? You actually believe a date with you should be above her flesh and blood? Seriously get a grip on reality do those women a favor and stop trying to date them.




@Nestaron


https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DAFD--qUIAAZh4P.jpg
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 14
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/26/2017 12:52:32 PM

The only reason single moms put themselves out there to date and wont get sitters is because they are probably broke and they are looking for their ticket out of poverty (YOU) and/ or they are trying to expedite the dating process by having you introduced to the kids so she can rush the move-in process (S.O.S)

Pete, you stopped short of the whole truth. The elephant in the room is that single mothers don't care about their kids. If they did then they wouldn't be single mothers. At most children are income streams and ready made excuses for their own short comings. If so then where do we get the bubble wrap society? Married mothers, grandmothers, effeminate men and, strangely enough, single childless women. Single mothers put on a show of it but just enough of a show to make sure that they don't lose their meal tickets.

The babysitter stuff is just a manipulation. There is no 14 y/o babysitter that is less responsible than a single mother. If it were not for the social and legal pressure from the bubble wrap group, single mothers would be willing to leave their children with a pedophile on parole for a chance to nail a respectful sucker or ingest the semen of a criminal.

Some guys won't date single mothers for moral reasons. Some won't date them for practical reasons. I don't think that either of those positions make much sense. Single mothers are neither moral nor practical. Men throwing a tantrum about it won't instill either in single mothers. We, as a democracy, have collectively decided that single motherhood is to be our future. Accept the will of the people. Just don't pay the babysitter. Since single motherhood is a long established government policy, having a relationship with a single mother would be unpatriotic.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 15
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/26/2017 1:24:21 PM
"date multiple women and not put your eggs in one basket so when you have enough plates spinning at least one or 2 per week should open up to date. Of course you don't tell them about the others. "



Of course you DO tell them about the others - what motivates more than...COMPETITION ?

You have to drop comments like :

" Hmmm, when SUSIE brings me a beer it's usually COLDER "

" I NEVER feel teeth when JULIE does that "


You get the idea
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 16
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/26/2017 5:16:08 PM
^^ lol good point
 Jackcrusto
Joined: 2/27/2017
Msg: 17
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/26/2017 5:53:41 PM

The elephant in the room is that single mothers don't care about their kids. If they did then they wouldn't be single mothers. At most children are income streams and ready made excuses for their own short comings.


I don't know about all that I think it depends on the individual. I think the situation can and does happen and it maybe out of that person's control. Do you or have people run into people that could be described in this way? of course. If there are single mothers then there are in fact single fathers associated with these children. Are these single fathers not caring about these children or they wouldn't be single? Are we only referring to primary parents or non-primary parents? Me personally I wouldn't date a non-primary mother period and a primary mother it really depends on the story involved. I think you have to get to know someone and discern what you think the reason is they are in the position they are in.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 18
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/26/2017 6:25:13 PM

I think the situation can and does happen and it maybe out of that person's control.

Oh, they ALL have a sob story of some sort. Their divorce case didn't file itself.

If there are single mothers then there are in fact single fathers associated with these children. Are these single fathers not caring about these children or they wouldn't be single?

Now you are talking about people who have no control. Fathers are helpless in these situations.

I think you have to get to know someone and discern what you think the reason is they are in the position they are in.

The numbers don't lie. Being a child of a single mother is the worst living situation that a kid can be in. More likely to drop out. More likely to go to prison. More likely to live in poverty. It is a worse handicap than race. Worse than abuse. Worse than lack of education. Worse than foster care. They do this to their kids voluntarily. No excuse is good enough.
 Jackcrusto
Joined: 2/27/2017
Msg: 19
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/26/2017 8:50:42 PM

Oh, they ALL have a sob story of some sort. Their divorce case didn't file itself.


I'm sure they do I mean most people who are older at least old enough they have children and are single have a sob story of one kind or another. I didn't say the divorce filed itself but maybe the father of that child/ren got on drugs or started drinking heavily and getting abusive I mean you don't know till you know. I'm not saying I'd take that woman's word for it right out of the gate but I'd try to see if she seems like a liar or not. It is possible to be divorced and it not be your fault you do know that right? Also it could be she likes d!ck a lot and just got pregnant by a guy she had no intention of being with. I don't think you or any man would think that is a terrible attribute for a woman to like d!ck alot.


Now you are talking about people who have no control. Fathers are helpless in these situations.


Yeah to an extent they may of had no control but they may of forced her hand. No way to know till you know. You might even be able to find the guy and get the other side or what have you. I'm sure someone in her circle is going to have the truth. I wouldn't paint them all with the same broad brush brother because there are good women that are single moms and I wouldn't let the bad apples push you away from the idea.


The numbers don't lie. Being a child of a single mother is the worst living situation that a kid can be in. More likely to drop out. More likely to go to prison. More likely to live in poverty. It is a worse handicap than race. Worse than abuse. Worse than lack of education. Worse than foster care.


This is all true but if they all get shunned even the good ones then their kids will always have these issues due to the absence of an adult male role model. That's what you seem to be promoting. Have you seriously never dated someone for a length of time and they changed drastically over that period of time? Like drug and alcohol abuse can sneak up pretty quick and also someone who didn't have a mental disorder can develop one at some point in their life even after they have children. As in a woman can marry a man and he develops a mental disorder that was laying dormant and 5 years into relationship reared it's ugly head and made her better off without him in the picture rather than in. these things can happen man you shouldn't exclude any of your potential dating pool over such silliness because you maybe missing out man.


They do this to their kids voluntarily. No excuse is good enough.


Man when I was growing up I had a really good friend who lived across the street and his dad started drinking heavier and heavier and started getting violent. Like I knew these people forever and he started hitting my friend often and the mom exed that sh!t quick and she was a very good woman and mother man. It wouldn't of been something she would of chosen and it was a good enough excuse because I was there and I saw it. I think you are being too narrow minded on this and need to reconsider.
 debbiedunn
Joined: 10/23/2012
Msg: 20
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/27/2017 7:21:49 AM
Most single moms that I know are single because the father of the children had an affair so they divorced.
In those instances, the father did not care enough about the kids not to have an affair.

Babysitters are around. Maybe the women are codependent on their kids?

Maybe women are judged more harshly when going out on a date than single dads?

Maybe the women have no one to trust with the children and no relatives to help them?
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 21
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/27/2017 9:35:42 AM
When my children were "babysitter" age I didn't date. I was busy taking care of them and working. I really didn't have free time and made the choice not to date. Dating just wasn't a priority. My children were. It was my choice and I have no regrets.

The OP seems so angry. I imagine that comes across in his interactions. Saying you couldn't find a babysitter would certainly be a convenient excuse to not spend time with a person.
 Jackcrusto
Joined: 2/27/2017
Msg: 22
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/27/2017 7:43:38 PM

Most single moms that I know are single because the father of the children had an affair so they divorced.
In those instances, the father did not care enough about the kids not to have an affair.


Let's be real here. First off rarely is a divorce as simple as they cheated so we divorced. Could it be? I guess I've never seen or experienced that I may of heard someone say that but when you get to the meat of the issue it usually isn't that simple. I knew a guy who's wife just stopped having sex period. 3 months go by and he is asking her and she is like she doesn't feel well and whatever whatever. 6 months and I'm like dude you ain't cheating? He said no and just kept rolling with it. 9 months go by and I'm like this dude is a monk or a hell of a man because if it was me 1 month and I'm out dude. So a full year goes by and he is finally like well I'm a man I have needs she knows this so she must not care what I do. So he found him a little side girlfriend. It ain't long she senses something is up but he is treating it like the military as in don't ask don't tell. Of course she can see he is coming home in a better mood and all the signs of cheating so she knows even if she doesn't admit it as all people have an inkling in that situation. So she starts snooping and of course he gets caught. Right? She files for divorce right away. Tells the story that he cheated and so they divorced. So I call bullsh!t on that way oversimplified story. Usually there was a problem long before the cheating. Are some people just cheaters? Yes but you should date and get to know someone long before you are married and have a good idea of what you are getting into. The story people tell is rarely the truth or at the very least the whole truth.


Babysitters are around. Maybe the women are codependent on their kids?


Well the rhetoric from the late 80s 90s and even 2000s of I don't need a man to help me raise my kids is a complete and total statistical failure on every single level. Just walk into any men's or women's prison across america and ask the inmates if they came from a single mother home or both parents or a single father home. The family court and society is very tired of this utter failure and that is why you see more and more primary fathers every year. When fathers were giving the opportunity to be the primary parent they have stepped up and done what primary mothers seem to be unable to consistently do. That's not to say every single primary mother is a failure that is to say it is like walking up to a roulette table and betting on green.


Maybe women are judged more harshly when going out on a date than single dads?


Well as a man who has been a primary single dad at a certain point in his like I can tell you I wouldn't go with a non primary mom because she just didn't need me. Her kids were already in good hands with their father. If a woman was codependent on their kids I wouldn't go with her as she would likely interrupt my opportunities to parent her children. That would mean I had hoodlums living under my roof I'd have no control over. Not fun. So I'd say yes and no. I think a primary parent of any sex is going to have the playing field leveled with only people that are interested in you enough to handle certain life pressures. That is more desirable anyway as you would hate to get with someone and spend the time and effort on them only to find out they are going to run when life gets tough.


Maybe the women have no one to trust with the children and no relatives to help them?


That is not uncommon but what is far more common is her children are such untrustworthy unruly sh!ts that no one wants to watch them and runs for the hills and makes excuses anytime she asks. Have a date with her and the kids and if you have kids of your own just make it two parents having a playdate and see what is really going on.
 debbiedunn
Joined: 10/23/2012
Msg: 23
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/27/2017 10:13:19 PM
You are divorced because you cheated and are still making excuses.
 Jackcrusto
Joined: 2/27/2017
Msg: 24
Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/27/2017 10:51:15 PM

You are divorced because you cheated and are still making excuses.


Huh? What are you talking about? You literally addressed nothing in my post and try to make it about I'm guessing me. No I never cheated on a wife but I have on girlfriends in the past. Not sure what that has to do with anything though.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 25
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Single moms and babysitters
Posted: 5/28/2017 7:35:33 AM
Babysitting? That is so 20th century...
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