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 LadyD750
Joined: 6/23/2015
Msg: 1
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Dating to RelationshipPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I've been dating a guy for a month. We see each other quite frequently. He told me in the very beginning that he wasn't seeing anyone else and that he ultimately wants a relationship. Is it too soon for me to ask him about us being exclusive and our relationship status? I don't want to be that annoying female but I do want to know where I stand and if he still sees us moving forward.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 2
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/23/2017 3:48:57 PM

Is it too soon for me to ask him about us being exclusive and our relationship status?


Based on this....:


He told me in the very beginning that he wasn't seeing anyone else and that he ultimately wants a relationship.


No, not too soon.

If what he said in the beginning was true and not just telling you what he thought you wanted to hear.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 3
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/23/2017 6:42:32 PM
From one "Lady" to another, your question has no simple answer. Sometimes you are damned if you do.........damned if you don't. ...........Ask him.

As fullmoonguy, mentions above, if the man you are dating has told you he isn't seeing anyone else, then I lean in the direction of asking, "I would like to be exclusive, in dating, are you on board with this?"
If he hesitates, I would cool my heels. Not that he isn't willing, just maybe not ready.
You should know one way or the other around the 2 month mark. (LOL Recently did a Google search)

Good luck and best wishes!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 4
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Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/23/2017 10:54:11 PM
If you see each other quite frequently -- like talk through the week consistently, and see each other on the weekends and such -- and need no "plans", as it's default that you Will see each other...

... yeah, it's fine. I wouldn't say "relationship status". Just bring up the concept that you two have been seeing each other and you'd like to know if "we" could make it a rule not see anyone else. If there's any talk about it for clarity, you say it's to be "exclusive"... to be an item, but you're not trying to put any big labels on it or anything. Just want to clean up any ambiguity at this point, is all.

I think you should be fine there. If he gets weirded out, which he shouldn't -- then he was BSing about ever wanting a relationship. Again, you're not saying "Can we be boyfriend/girlfriend?" Ya just get the seeing each other exclusively / don't see anyone else thing out of the way. That should be fine for you -- as if another 6 weeks go by after that, then you can bring up being bf/gf or something, if it never came up before. :)
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 5
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Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/24/2017 8:01:15 AM
Asking to be exclusive is a positive approach. Wanting to be with each other -- sounds far better than 'being with nobody else'. You get better results with sugar than vinegar.

Demanding that profiles be pulled or all online activity cease is negative, and unnecessary.

Just keep in mind - what happens online is NOT REAL LIFE. Cheating - and dating - and being insecure - are real-life activities and should be based upon what happens out there - not on what happens in 'here'. If either of you can't keep your focus upon what's real - then you're already losing it.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 6
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/24/2017 8:03:26 AM
A different approach OP. Don't ask him anything about relationships. If you want him, simply take him. There are some guys that can't be tied down. From what you said, he isn't one of them. I would bet anything that he is wondering, "When should I ask her about exclusive?" "Where do I stand with her?"

Don't be pushy about it but plant your flag in an off hand way. Something like this:
On the phone -- "Gotta go mom. My boyfriend is here."

Trust me... When he hears you say "boyfriend" for the first time, he will walk back to his car two feet off the ground and drive home singing all the way.

When you ask him, then you are subordinating yourself. Also, he might hesitate because of all of the propaganda about clingy and needy. Give him a done deal and he will almost always go along and be very happy about it.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 7
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/24/2017 8:56:19 AM
It's best to wait for about two months of dating. Why? - because it takes that long to fall in love. This way, he'll be more likely to say, "Yes!"

Sounds like things are going well, good for you!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 4/3/2017
Msg: 8
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/24/2017 11:38:07 AM

Don't be pushy about it but plant your flag in an off hand way. Something like this:
On the phone -- "Gotta go mom. My boyfriend is here."

Trust me... When he hears you say "boyfriend" for the first time, he will walk back to his car two feet off the ground and drive home singing all the way.


Okei, where'd you bury the real kitty?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 9
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Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/24/2017 12:11:25 PM
^^^^^^^^

Hahaha, that's exactly what I was thinking, too.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 10
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Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/24/2017 10:52:40 PM

Don't ask him anything about relationships. If you want him, simply take him.
Don't be pushy about it but plant your flag in an off hand way. Something like this:
On the phone -- "Gotta go mom. My boyfriend is here."

Good lord! Only a month...?? You BARELY know each other and you're trying to tie him to the rails. It gives the impression that you'll NEVER be happy or TRUST him because every week you're thinkin more about "if he's going to leave" than "I'm having a great time with him now".

WHY do you have to brand him already? Will you get govt. subsidies for ownership? Do you have competition that's threatened to drag him away? Will you erect a cage, a chain, and text him every 22 minutes to be sure he doesn't walk outside your boundaries? What is your obsession about possession about....?
 a_fleeting_glimpse_
Joined: 5/20/2017
Msg: 11
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 1:46:57 AM

Is it too soon for me

It only matters if it's too soon for him.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 12
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Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 3:22:15 AM
I'm not really understanding this. You said you were dating exclusively from the beginning? But now you want to know after a month whether it's a relationship? So, how do you distinguish dating exclusively from a relationship? And why does it matter what label you give it if it's exclusive anyway?
 LadyD750
Joined: 6/23/2015
Msg: 13
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Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 4:17:21 AM
Thanks, I'm going to have the talk tonight if all goes as planned.
 LadyD750
Joined: 6/23/2015
Msg: 14
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Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 4:21:08 AM
Hmmm this is interesting concept and I kinda like it but it is a bit risky.
I'd hate for him to say don't start claiming me yet, etc...
 LadyD750
Joined: 6/23/2015
Msg: 15
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Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 4:25:29 AM
We never said we are dating exclusively. He said that he wasn't seeing anyone else when we met. That doesn't mean he hasn't or won't date someone else.
I'm not saying we need to label anything yet.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 4/3/2017
Msg: 16
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 6:44:32 AM

Good lord! Only a month...?? You BARELY know each other and you're trying to tie him to the rails. It gives the impression that you'll NEVER be happy or TRUST him because every week you're thinkin more about "if he's going to leave" than "I'm having a great time with him now".

WHY do you have to brand him already? Will you get govt. subsidies for ownership? Do you have competition that's threatened to drag him away? Will you erect a cage, a chain, and text him every 22 minutes to be sure he doesn't walk outside your boundaries? What is your obsession about possession about....?


Good lord indeed.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be exclusive or wanting to know if you're heading in the direction
of a relationship...even after a month.
She's not asking for a ring, isn't making wedding plans, said nothing about moving in together or sharing a
checking account.

"Brand him"? for pete's sake...he knows if he's interested in pursing something with her. She wants to know
if they're moving forward or if he's still pondering his options.

There's a difference between being exclusive and being engaged.
Tie him to the rails...gads like being exclusive with someone is akin to 19th century torture?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 17
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Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 7:11:11 AM

There's a difference between being exclusive and being engaged.

Aside from an expensive piece of jewelry - what IS the difference?

I bring that up because some people USE that promise as a reason to hold the others' social life hostage, even though they barely know each other. With the additional help of being able to track each others' lives through the internet, it makes no difference what people commit to - and they don't really HAVE to trust each other - just know enough to make themselves feel confident.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 4/3/2017
Msg: 18
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 7:38:08 AM
I can see the difference between being in an exclusive relationship
and being engaged. I think most women can...or maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe that's the problem.
Men think exclusive means engaged.

I also think from your post, people come up with things to make their
lives more complicated...and possibly overthink things. I assume you're
using assumptions based on your experiences...either that or you're making
things up just to make a statement.

Either way.
I still stand by most post.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 19
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 7:45:25 AM
"With the additional help of being able to track each others' lives through the internet..."

That's the weird part with modern dating. Some people. particularly young people, see nothing wrong with texting-or whatever is the latest trend is in cyber-communicating-100 or a 1,000 times a day with mostly meaningless crap-"What ya doing?/How was breakfast/ lunch./supper?/How's work/school?" etc., as well as expecting an immediate, instant reply. In the days before texting, if someone was to call by telephone constantly all day and night, everyday, that would be considered stalking. But if it's done by cell/smart phone, it's the norm for cell phone junkies.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 20
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 5:34:00 PM

.............the difference between being in an exclusive relationship
and being engaged. ..................


Oh, ......about $ 1,600 for a half carat, give or take a few dollars.

Boo, I do believe we are on the same page here. Correct me, if I'm wrong.
"Exclusive" is to be interpreted as, "I see you, you see me" That's it, no one else in the picture.

This can go for days, weeks, months, years even. No shared address, no joint bank account, NO RING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good grief, WTF? How on earth did "Exclusive" turn into an instant marriage proposal?

Need some kinda' relaxing technique here for all this hypersensitive testosterone floating about!

LadyD, I hope all goes well for you!
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 21
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 6:28:39 PM
Been in 4 serious relationships in the last 10 years, never had the "exclusive" conversation. After a few weeks of dating and the dating was going really well and spending a lot of time together I just assumed we were exclusive. Since the subject never came up the ladies obviously made the same assumption.

Does age make a difference in how these assumptions are made, the women I date and myself are not kids b by any means? LOL
Did the conversations we had, the unspoken words, the trust built up over the long long conversations that are the start of a relationship get us there?
See this topic come up on a regular basis here on the forums and always wonder.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 22
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Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 6:49:30 PM

Some people. particularly young people, see nothing wrong with texting-or whatever is the latest trend is in cyber-communicating-100 or a 1,000 times a day with mostly meaningless crap-"What ya doing?/How was breakfast/ lunch./supper?/How's work/school?" etc., as well as expecting an immediate, instant reply.

What's interesting is that sometimes these people don't really converse when they're face-to-face in the same room. I was at a New Year's party where a group of cousins were all glued to their phones, texting and checking social media. So I asked them "Why aren't you talking to your cousin right now? Why aren't you telling each other stories of what you've been doing since you last met?"

I told them they shouldn't be waiting for a social media feed or a re-post of a re-post to find out what their family is doing, when family is right there. Who gets the updates? With social media - everyone doesn't find out at the same time - it depends on how often you check, the priority of certain members to show up in your feed, whether or not you even check, etc. Why make everyone WAIT when they're all together?

Are people just assuming all their posts are being read by EVERYONE and don't bother to tell people in person anymore?
Are they choosing asynchronous messaging over talking with people in real time? A roomful of people only sending asynchronous news-bits to each other? Is that still .....social?
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 23
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 7:20:48 PM
My 76 year old GF / housemate, tells me who is doing what, with whom, and where, for her family ............ALL from Facebook.
I'm like, "No one called you?'
"Of course not, no one does that anymore".
"Bullcrap, not everyone lives and breathes Facebook,
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 24
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Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/30/2017 2:44:12 AM

It's best to wait for about two months of dating. Why? - because it takes that long to fall in love. This way, he'll be more likely to say, "Yes!"

I don't think it takes 2 months of solid consistent dating between two parties who were ideally not wanting to casually date, to be on the level to not see anyone else. I would say more like 1 month. More like 2-3 months to be using labels like "boyfriend" / "girlfriend".

Aside from an expensive piece of jewelry - what IS the difference?

I think there's a big difference between agreeing not to be chasing / dating others VS being engaged. One doesn't even have a label of being all that Serious. Heck, even many 1-on-1 FWB will agree to not see anyone else to avoid complications -- and to let the other know if/when they meet someone else they Would like to, thus reverting back to being just friends at least temporarily -- and they're far from engaged. Engaged means you're getting married and at least deciding on a wedding date in the near future. Merely agreeing not to see others just means let's just not see other people.

I bring that up because some people USE that promise as a reason to hold the others' social life hostage, even though they barely know each other.

I think some people can try and use many things as a (lame) excuse to try and hold their social life hostage. I wouldn't say after a month, given OP's synopsis, that they barely know each other (like the new guy at work ya had lunch with and had some conversations with in the break room). Again, all it is, is an agreement not to see anyone else at a certain point when there's a lot of consistency, nobody has to "ask" the other out anymore, it's a given you're going out this weekend without any plans mentioned, etc. It doesn't mean things are serious... although for Some, they want to be able to see other people -- even if things are going great with Sally they've been going out with for a month and have talked to nearly every day -- until it Is really serious and established. I think the key point is -- no, understandably, people want to agree to merely not see other people after they've hit it off and have been seeing each other (despite not wanting to rush into things meshing lives, etc).
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 25
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/30/2017 9:55:59 AM
Next time youre out somewhere and see someone you know, introduce him as your boyfriend. Watch for his reaction. That will tell you what you want to know.
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