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 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 1
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowessPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I cannae, by the life of me, find a suitable metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess. The best one I can think of is the product of the number of redheads (of course, decent-looking, young ones... not some shite-old bearded redhead) a man has shagged and the maximum number of times he has done the same red chick. That is because them women can take c0ck for hours on end without ever having enough - i.e. they're hard to please.

What metric would you propose? Soreness would also be good but that is rather difficult to gauge in the first place nae? Any ideas? Asking the women to score their level of satisfaction would be rather impractical imo.
 scareymush
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 2
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/1/2017 9:12:43 AM
What are you talking about? Everybody knows chicks with red plumage are c0cks.
 Squareslice
Joined: 10/17/2016
Msg: 3
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/1/2017 9:34:16 AM
Must be monthly pay time for jobseekers.... twat is bolloxed early this weekend
 Justanotherchap
Joined: 12/4/2013
Msg: 4
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A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/1/2017 9:46:24 AM
Why didn't you just ask her after you'd paid the bill? (just joshing - walks off mumbling and laughing etc).
 scareymush
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 5
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/1/2017 10:09:38 AM
I keep forgetting the OP is just four months shy of his 13th birthday...so I'll take his mathematical quandary seriously (just to be helpful)

https://www.parcelhero.com/en-gb/support/how-to-calculate-length-plus-girth

Little fella, when you post the exact measurements of your package as in the above link, I will then advise you on a proper equation for calculating your potential prowess and which performance rating you might expect along with other helpful hints and tips.
 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 6
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/1/2017 10:16:51 AM
If he can walk within 10 minutes after I have not put much effort in.

Guess you could use the same guide.
 duracell_bunny_one
Joined: 1/21/2015
Msg: 7
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/1/2017 10:27:50 AM
Chappie - I think you may be out of date?
'Modern' ladies of a certain profession expect payment on arrival.
(Or so I'm told)

 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 8
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/1/2017 10:29:11 AM
-square
Well, well .. I suppose some people prefer being jobless, starving and homeless than taken up jobs likes yous ... i.e. wiping arse in public latrines ... ya bassa.
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 9
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/1/2017 11:06:30 AM
-chap

Well, I took you advice and she rated me 9/10. She also told me to tell you that she loves you ... her one and only beloved son. x

Just kidding of course.. kinda, you mum must be 8.25 centuries ole by now aye? It's not that I'm gonnae stick me thingy anywhere of the sort ...

kiddin .. kiddin.. :/
 Squareslice
Joined: 10/17/2016
Msg: 10
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/1/2017 2:08:38 PM

-square
Well, well .. I suppose some people prefer being jobless, starving and homeless than taken up jobs likes yous ... i.e. wiping arse in public latrines ... ya bassa.


I dinna dae cattaging like yo do, ya numpty lol

psst... nice tae see ye're tryin tae pick up Weegie


Anyway, OT, dae ye no have access to a micrometer, wee sack?
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 11
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 5:22:30 AM
^
Flutter, honey, thing is that unlike men, women vary way too much in this matter. Believe it or not, there's plenty of women who have never had an org in their lives ... some have to masturbate for hours and some have multiple in a 10 minute span (probably small ones but that's tough to really tell).

The reason for that is rather simple. Women will/can get prego whether they org or otherwise. On the other hand, unless a dude orgs, she won't be peein no ked. That's the selective pressure right there.
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 12
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 5:26:01 AM
-jelly

You should bring your arse over here.. we'll see who'll end up limping first... (o_0)


In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread. Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 13
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A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 5:42:24 AM

What? Oh you silly silly boy it's obvious and so very simple. It's how many orgasms you've given her isn't it ?

Or is it ?


The female orgasm is a wonderful thing in all its shuddery goodness, and I don't consider my job done until a lady has had as many as she can take. Although the human grape professes to know all about it, the percentage of women who have never had an orgasm at all is actually very low, and far from having to frap away for hours, those women who are familiar with their bodies can usually manage some self-enjoyment within a much shorter time. A lot of men, however, are totally clueless and home in on tits and fannies within the first thirty seconds. What a waste.
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 14
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 6:41:50 AM
^
You are an ignorant, illiterate, old wee slob...

"The female orgasm is a wonderful thing in all its shuddery goodness"
wtf is that? wtf does that even mean in the first place? This is not a fu.ckin poem for allah's.

"and I don't consider my job done until a lady has had as many as she can take. "
Then you are a fu.cking human vibrator. A lackey by any measure.
For starters, I don't see pleasing a woman as a "job" and I don't consider nothing started and nothing done. I just enjoy it MYSELF. That is the only way it should be else it would all just be an act. Nothing is more of a turn off to a woman than you working your chubby arse off to try to impress her. If you haven't yet realised that at your age, then you are, as I always suspected, a mummified, wee, fat, poof, basssa of a turdy old virgin loser.

"and far from having to frap away for hours, those women who are familiar with their bodies can usually manage some self-enjoyment within a much shorter time."
That is a lie you've fabricated simply to try to appear "nice" to the ladies on here... the ultimate proof of your servile character. A lackey par excellence. Truly I tell you that .... YOUR LIKE DISGUST ME!
 heavenlivesnear
Joined: 8/29/2016
Msg: 15
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A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 6:44:17 AM
dont knock the wham bam thank you mam approach... ^^^^. i mean orange...

sometimes its flipping hard work and time-consuming to have multiple orgasms. i can do that for myself anytime i want it but a quick shag is harder to achieve and less fun on my own.
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 16
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 7:22:32 AM
^
.. and what you are saying is very realistic imo... the self enjoyment in a much shorter time bollocks the old man is bubbling about is bollocks and goes to show how inexperienced and idiot he is.

correction:
Msg 15: "pleasing a woman" should have been "pleasuring a woman"
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 17
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A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 8:12:09 AM
Love it when the human grape gets all defensive about his virginity. :)))))

I mean: just look at his sad little premature ejaculation expression there. No doubt heaven would like his three strokes and I'm done approach but that isn't really the norm, is it?
 heavenlivesnear
Joined: 8/29/2016
Msg: 18
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A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 9:05:31 AM
i didnt say it was the norm... i said dont knock it.

maybe if you took the time to read thing properly, you wouldn't get yourself in such a tizz
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 19
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 11:12:09 AM
^
Nah, if my partner considers having s3x with me to be a job, then, I'd rather have her not have any s3x with me at all. I'm pretty certain many/most women see it the same way. (<- women, give me some input here)

I want her to genuinely *want or need* to have s3x with me not merely have s3x just to have done her job or for mutual sharing or any other philosophical bollocks which you prolly pinched off some corny soap or other garbage of the sort.

Here's something veryyyyy important, woman:
Good s3x is all about instinct. It happens by itself. You don't have to do it. You (desperately) want to do it. If you disagree with that, then you've never had a good shag in you life. The rest (dynamics, sharing and yada yada) simply don't matter one wee tiny bit. Me word. x
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 20
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 11:22:23 AM
Personally, I would substitute the word " job " with goal, intent or DESIRE
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 21
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 11:45:25 AM
Personally, I believe that flutter knows very well what orange meant but she is unwilling to acknowledge what his words imply about his character. Aye, for good or for worse, orange is a lackey/pleaser/loser ... the kinda guy who will go to great lengths just to keep a woman or win her favour or even simply to picture himself appealing to a woman. It's sad but that's the way he is. I can understand that given his circumstances. It's not that women are falling in his lap or ever did in the first place. Not that they are falling in my to be entirely fair but I'm not that weak of character. I never did do that kinda shite and never will... I just don't see the point anyway. As I said, if I am not wanted, I don't want.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 22
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A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 1:25:08 PM

Anyhooo .... pleasing our partner is the job, the whole job in hand actually, because unless you're completely devoid of understanding the concept of mutual sharing it takes two pleasuring each other to create a good dynamic....


Absolutely. Obviously old grape face isn't going to understand that, but then he's jealous of anyone who's more successful at keeping the ladies coming back.
 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 23
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 1:52:22 PM

I don't think it's possible to gauge it correctly simply because a woman who has a deep connection with her man may think he's amazing in bed, his ex may think he was useless, it's more about the emotional or spiritual than it is about the physical or mechanical. Sometimes what's on paper just isn't the sum of it's parts.

As far as giving her an orgasm every time....bollox to that. I used to stick by that rule rigidly (pun intended) through my 20's 30's and 40's in all my long term relationships but i worked out eventually that it gets boring, it gets predictable and formulaic and if i'm honest it is a little bit sappy (no offence orange) these days i'm just as inclined to chase her upstairs grabbing at her knickers and then banging her as i am to give her the whole 3 hour orgasmarathon. Variety......plus sometimes it feels good to be a bit selfish.


When did you learn so much about the female sexual phsyc? Have we one of those really weird and unicorn like men who actually listen?

Kirks is right. It is about emotional connection. Its far easier to let rip and let go with someone you are emotionally attached to and trust than just some random bloke.

Also sometimes sex isn't just about the orgasms. Its about fun, attraction and adding a bit of spice.

Sometimes no matter how good and attractive and emotionally connected you are a quick sneaky bang as Kirks puts it is just as much fun and just as enjoyable even with out the big O. It still releases the endorphins that create happiness and boost the immune system etc.

Sex isn't text book. Sometimes its happening, others not. Sometimes its great to have three hours of exploration, sometimes to bend over the bonnet of the car. Sometimes its multiple screaming and sometimes a quiet sigh.

Sometimes I will admit that I don't want an orgasm. Sometimes I will be too tense for them or so wound up that they will be so big it will hurt and cause pain...

Never had any complaints (except "I don't want as much as you do"), so I figure men need the variety too and to mix it up a bit and keep it fresh. I figure sometimes sex is just about bonding and not all just about getting your rocks off. Best lover I had understood that. He was amazing in bed not just because he knew how to listen and watch and get those marathon sessions just right but also because he understood that sometimes it wasn't about the end result. We would often have small quick sessions lasting no longer than a few minutes several times a day that would keep us both on boil the whole time ready for when we were ready later for something longer. Each of those was just as good, exciting, erotic, fullfilling even if nothing "happened" at the end of them.
 Jo van
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 24
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 2:00:17 PM
Well, from what I can remember.............
If you're doing it "right", you won't need to ask......
Jmo
 scareymush
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 25
A metric to gauge a man's s3xual prowess
Posted: 6/2/2017 2:45:09 PM
haha an indignant leonsky is an hilariously funny leonsky, oh stop it's the best laugh ever to see that yoke make such an eejit of himself.

Here's something veryyyyy important, woman:
Good s3x is all about instinct. It happens by itself. You don't have to do it. You (desperately) want to do it. If you disagree with that, then you've never had a good shag in you life. The rest (dynamics, sharing and yada yada) simply don't matter one wee tiny bit. Me word. x

....that's us ladies told, we've had the wrong attitude all along. I'll just sit here quietly then and wait for instinct to kick in for sex to happen all by its self ....Catholic nuns have been doing it like that for years, no wonder the wooden floors and banisters are so well polished at the convent.

I've invented a gizmo for measuring the optimum velocity of a thrust and the time such thrusting can be sustained for before it can be claimed a rutting young buck does actually have any stamina. Inside the gizmo, there will be a spot that must be reached otherwise points will be deducted. When this mystery spot is reached things will start to happen which may distract the thruster and make him lose focus, these distractions will be the true test of the buck's stamina.
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