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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 StarryWishes
Joined: 5/27/2017
Msg: 1
Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?Page 1 of 1    
Last night; which happened to be my birthday, I went out on a first date/initial meet up with this guy I had met in a public group on a chat messenger. We texted almost every day, some days more texts than others and also spoke on the phone at least once a week. There was a stage last month where he did go MIA for a little while as he was studying for his exams and was quite stressed. I did find this quite weird however he did explain the situation. Anyway the connection that we had over the phone was what I thought genuine. We bounced off each other in a positive manner and our values aligned. The only thing is he has never been in a relationship, slept with a girl or even kissed a girl before. For me that wasn't an issue.

Eventually it came to that time where we decided to bite the bullet and meet in person to go on a date. He picked me up from my house; I was extremely nervous, and we went for dinner and a movie. I could tell he was nervous aswell as he has somewhat of a nervous laugh. As we eased into it, the conversation we had was light hearted, jovial and getting to know each other. He even stated during dinner that usually he is a little more reserved but I bring out a good side to him where he is more confident. Overall I thought the date itself was enjoyable and alot of fun.

Where I began to start doubting the date we just had was when he dropped me off home. Days prior to meeting he did say that he would hope that he could come in for cuddles. This obviously placed a bit of pressure on the situation so as he drove me home I did become quiet. As we pulled up and sat in my drive way there was a bit of an awakward lingering and silence on my part. I did say to him" obviously we have discussed certain things (referencing the cuddles) and I'm not sure what to do". He was quick to respond in saying it is a first date and thought it would be best if we just called it a night. He did however get out of the car and gave me a hug. I feel as though it was a bit short. As I walked to my door he said he hoped Id had a good birthday. Still being in shock from his rejection of not coming in I said something like "yeah it was fine". He drove off and I went to bed.

When he got home he texted me saying " I'm home and thank you for the night and your company. It was lovely to meet you and hope you have a good night :)". I texted back pretty much straight away thanking him for everything, including spending time with me on my birthday and that I appreciated it. He did text back again emphasizing how he enjoyed my company. This then lead into light hearted texts but every so often. This continued throughout the day today but now I haven't heard from him after responding to his last text. There was a question attached.

Despite him texting like we used to, I really feel as though his initial message indicates he's not interested in me. There was no mention of a second date or seeing each other again. I'm actually quite upset about it as I really felt a connection to him. What do you guys think? Am I right to think that he isn't interested in me? Is he just being polite continuing to text me?
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 2
Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 6/24/2017 6:32:13 AM
This is a new one? My legs are closed for random hook ups? LMAO
Why mention that? You will encourage the players and make guys think the opposite
It's like No players, no cheaters, no married...why mention it at all...So many female profiles have the same thing and it tells me, that those women, made the wrong choices before and had sex with a guy on the first date and wondered, why he was not around in the morning? Answer...he was a player, just after sex and nothing more...I consider any profile with generic saying's in it...to be a big red flag and I would never bother to message that person

Sounds like the guy you dated was just after sex and he got the vibe, that you were not...A guy won't try to talk a woman into anything, these days and with fake rape culture it's no wonder...if a woman, don't jump on a guy, she is attracted to, then the chances are, he will walk away
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 3
Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 6/24/2017 6:50:37 AM
He didnt ask you to go on a second date so I would assume he is not interested.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 4
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Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 6/24/2017 7:08:13 AM
I know I'm not a guy but would like to throw in my two pence.

How old is this guy, OP? He's never been in a relationship, slept with or kissed a girl. This could mean that he doesn't know how to behave around women. Nevertheless, if a guy likes a girl (regardless of his previous dating experience), he'll be determined to ask her out again very soon.

It's not quite clear in your post, how many days since you had your first date. If it's been just a few days, don't text him anymore. He's probably needing space and time to think and reflect on the date and whether he wants to see you again. If he's busy with other things, he'll sure let you know and ask you explicitly to wait until he's free to go out with you again. If it's been more than a week and he's been texting random stuff without mentioning going out with you, I think one can assume that he's not that interested.

There could be reasons why he's never been in a relationship. But his past and present issues shouldn't be your concerns. In the mean time, I think it's sensible to date other guys and don't wait around for this guy to text you (or not).
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 5
Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 6/24/2017 10:25:45 AM
It might be too early to definitely say. Lack of immediate response doesn't necessarily mean someone is not interested. He may not have received the text right away or he may decide to respond a little bit later after some reflection about the date or when he has more free time. If the OP doesn't hear him within a week since their last text exchange, then most likely he's not interested.

If he does respond, the OP can ask him out. Put the ball in his court and see what his response is. If he claims to be busy without mentioning a general timetable for when he would available, then he is probably not interested in that scenario either.
 IBup4it
Joined: 6/15/2017
Msg: 6
Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 6/24/2017 2:04:06 PM

I did say to him" obviously we have discussed certain things (referencing the cuddles) and I'm not sure what to do"


He could have been all eager and ready to go inside waiting for you to invite him in, and he gets the ease brush off as you not being into him, politely. You basically told him you dont know if you found him attractive or not. You should have just said do you want to come in? If of course you wanted him to come in, if not then it worked out the way you wanted it.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 7
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Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 6/27/2017 11:03:07 AM
THIS^^^ IBup4it. Spot on. Shit or get off the pot. You got quiet and reserved. You were the one that seemed indifferent at the end of the date. You got wishy washy. What's a man supposed to think? You turned into Negative Nelly and you wanted him to be Romeo. I bet he is off looking for Juliet. You fudged this one. Stop trying to figure him out and take responsibility for how you behaved.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 8
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Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 7/16/2017 8:31:40 AM
I know it's been almost a month since this started, but did anyone notice that the opening post was a nervous bunch of worry because the guy hadn't responded to ALL of the texts she sent, THAT SAME DAY?


This then lead into light hearted texts but every so often. This continued throughout the day today but now I haven't heard from him after responding to his last text.


Jeez Louise. Calm down. The rest of our lives might well all start right now, as that old annoying adage goes, but that doesn't mean we have to nail it all down in advance, right this second.
 U21984
Joined: 2/17/2017
Msg: 9
Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 7/16/2017 3:20:53 PM
He will TEX for SEX.


Get it. Good. Didn't think so! haha

Now, any other questions.

Sheesh, this is easy as pie.

Folks,

These regular posters have the WORST advice. hahah
It’s crazy! This place is NOTHING but losers – not counting me and a few other guys, of course!
Others have said This Forum is the BIGGEST COLLECTION OF LOSERS known to the Internet!
For documentation, google =POF FORUMS= People have known about this place for 10 years and running! LOL
Better Choice - Listen to me fellas, and read my threads. I GET chicks. Just. Like. That!

Not always, but steady..........Everyone knows it, too. Well, game knows game.
 not_a_faker
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 10
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Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 10/7/2017 5:41:21 PM
Ya know what ask him out. Matter of fact if you like do show him something likable that he would like. He still has some interest because he'll stop contacting. If it was just a thing he'd eventually stop contacting you. It also could be a budget thing.
 webejammen
Joined: 9/1/2014
Msg: 11
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Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 10/19/2017 8:35:20 PM
I think this is fake
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 12
Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 11/13/2017 8:33:09 AM
He texted after the date so chances are he's still interested. I'd give it some time.
 JivkoEnev
Joined: 5/19/2018
Msg: 13
Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 5/23/2018 9:16:41 AM
I agree. You've mentioned what you've discussed in the past and your insecurity on the matter was like a red light for him. You are surprised that he did not come in and spent the night, but then you were not sure about it either. I think at that very moment he decided to give you some space to figure things out.
And believe me for him to still text you after that particular moment is a clear sign that he would like to try again.


Despite him texting like we used to, I really feel as though his initial message indicates he's not interested in me. There was no mention of a second date or seeing each other again.

He was. And probably still is. You both could have made the step and see if a 2nd date is on the menu after that goodbye hug, but probably what happened minutes before played as a factor and you didn't. Same thing could have happened over the text messaging.
Don't be afraid to make the step and ask him if he would like to meet again. If he still haven't asked you then find out for yourself.

so as he drove me home I did become quiet. As we pulled up and sat in my drive way there was a bit of an awkward lingering and silence on my part.

If all through the date you've been talking and laughing and stuff and all of a sudden you stopped, he picked on it. There I am having fun for hours with that girl and all of a sudden she becomes quiet, withdrawn. I'd have my doubts too to be honest.
My advise, if you want answers - go get them :)
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 14
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Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 5/24/2018 12:33:30 AM
I know this is an old post, but wtf? Wtf is wrong with women? You state in your profile to keep convo pg, then you're upset he didn't come in for "cuddles", commonly known as sex? Cuddles? Maybe he didn't want to bed down with someone that shows no common sense to invite a stranger into their home for sex.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 15
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Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 5/28/2018 8:48:39 AM
That "my legs are closed for random sex" is strangely exciting. I'm a little bit 'bothered' if you know what I mean.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 16
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Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 5/28/2018 8:58:45 AM
The old close the legs technique☺
 Starion
Joined: 1/23/2012
Msg: 17
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Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 6/11/2018 12:14:15 AM
This is silly. Threads drag on forever here & leave readers hanging with no follow up.
---------------------------------------------
A year later, I'd hope the OP learned to shut down any talk of cuddles BEFORE even MEETING someone!??
Chalk it up to this guy being totally inexperienced, if his story of no dates or kisses is even true...but regardless, that's very presumptuous for someone to expect to come in after a date (for sex/cuddles/"coffee").

I'd love to be a gentleman and pick up a date at her door just to share company to & from, but seems like creepy guys like this have scared most women away from such things, especially on first dates. I always seem to end up meeting my dates at the location so they have a safe way out at any time.

Can't say I blame them. A first date doesn't have to be over the top either. Just a chance to meet & see if things are promising for a second. Maybe I'm old school, but take it as it goes. Don't assume or make deals on what will or should happen on a 1st date, unless it's a clearly established and both party accepted hookup date.
 Bristolian
Joined: 3/13/2018
Msg: 18
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Is he texting me because he's interested or polite?
Posted: 10/16/2018 5:03:23 AM
Say what you want. Do what you want. Just let the chips fall where they may. All the dancing around proper dating etiquette likely ruined the date. If I'm judging a date, I want her to be real, present and uninhibited. That confidence often comes with age, but being reserved only leaves out the best parts of your personality. I think the date failed because you failed to say exactly what you wanted and he's immature. Ergo, I don't think you're missing much in the long term, but if you get in that situation again, take charge.

Life is too short to play by the rules. Make your own rules and break them as necessary.
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