Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 sleeps_in_mouse_pajamas
Joined: 6/26/2016
Msg: 1
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?Page 1 of 29    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29)
Twice the same conversation about breast size has come with someone I am getting to know. This man has told me twice about how big his former girlfriend's breasts were stating they were like melons and if she applied to work in Vegas she'd be accepted right away. I looked at him unimpressed stating I don't' feel any less attractive because I don't measure up. This man went on to say if a big breasted women who was all dolled up went to a party she'd get the attention of the rich CEO and that I wound't stand a chance (okay, that makes sense because I am average looking, but he wasn't referring to that.)

Then we went on to talk about breast implants and I stated I feel it is wrong that flat chested women feel so badly about themselves that they are willing to go under the knife and put their health at risk. He told me there is nothing wrong with a women trying to improve herself especially if she is married and she and her husband both think implants will enhance their relationship (this means having bigger breasts is an improvement). I sat there extremely frustrated because we were not on the same page. He was drilling it in despite my aversion to this ongoing trend and said wouldn't I be happy if my husband who had a 3" penis went and had it made bigger? I told him penis' and breasts cannot be compared and that breasts are for babies. He looked at me like I was an alien...again.

At the end of the evening we hugged and I told him the ice cream I eat goes to the bottom half of my body. He told me it's too bad it doesn't go to my chest. I pulled away to look at him with disapproval and he said he was just kidding. I think he is in shock that I feel confident (it's like how dare I). I believe most people, even those who are below average in looks, feel confident. We have to. We only have ourselves. Confidence is attractive.

He and I get along so well. He helped me pick up furniture for my place and I make apple pie in return. However, despite this I am so put off when he brings up the conversation and am having trouble accepting what he told me. How do I continue with a man who feels as strongly as he does about a woman's body?
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 9:50:14 AM
This seems to be an ongoing issue you have. Are you sure you are comfortable with yourself? Could these men be feeding off your insecurity?

I wouldn't want to be around someone who felt the way this man seems to feel about you. Why surround yourself with a parson like this? Why does he want to be with a person who he seems to want to be someone else?
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 10:02:07 AM

He helped me pick up furniture for my place and I make apple pie in return.


Well, if that's not the best foundation in the world for a deep, fulfilling relationship, I don't know what is.


How do I continue with a man who feels as strongly as he does about a woman's body?


Um.....you don't?


He was drilling it in


I sat there extremely frustrated


Well, if you're frustrated while he's drilling it in, it's definitely time to move on.
 sleeps_in_mouse_pajamas
Joined: 6/26/2016
Msg: 4
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 10:03:57 AM
Yes, men pointing out my lack of assets is an ongoing issue and in the past have:

1) Reached over the table to touch my chest to see if I am a woman
2) Asked me if I would consider implants
3) Asked me (not in person) what happened to my chest
4) Mentioned how well endowed their former partner was
5) Talked bout how a woman has more value if she has big breasts

"Well, if you're frustrated while he's drilling it in, it's definitely time to move on."

In a relationship two people are not always going to agree on everything. I got frustrated maybe inappropriately because I wasn't in the mindset to agree to disagree and perhaps was a little taken off guard. So this frustration may or may not be unwarranted.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 10:16:00 AM

Although I don't meet today's standard of beauty this doesn't mean I am not confident and engaging.

A person who is confident does not start a sentence about how confident she is the way you have.

You need to work on the way you feel about yourself. I can't imagine that your insecurity doesn't come off you in almost tangible waves.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 6
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 10:27:05 AM
This is the chick that once had a pic of her kissing a rodent.

Probably Natalie's cousin.

Back on topic, I can't imagine how demeaning it would be if a woman grabbed my crotch and said how lacking I was...
 sleeps_in_mouse_pajamas
Joined: 6/26/2016
Msg: 7
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 10:27:28 AM
This post isn't about my profile or a profile review. The man I am getting to know I did not meet on POF. I state things how they are with no holds barred even about myself.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 8
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 10:31:06 AM
No 2 ways about it, the bigger is always better mentality will always apply.

Will always apply to SOME men. But... just like penis size or HEIGHT, breast size is vastly overated and it's VERY easy to verify when you ask people on the sly.

Honestly, if you have had this problem more than once...men trying to coerce or shame you... into doing something you clearly have no need or desire to do...

Your picker is in bad need of a tuneup or possibly a complete replacement.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 10:42:29 AM

This post isn't about my profile or a profile review. The man I am getting to know I did not meet on POF. I state things how they are with no holds barred even about myself.

No, I know that. I was just trying to make a point. If you write that about yourself and put it out for the world to see in print then that is clearly how you feel about yourself. You can't tell people you need improvement (or don't live up to standards) and then be surprised when they say you need improvement. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 10
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 11:01:06 AM
Why are you wasting time on him? And I agree with Spot.. this seems a major issue with you.
 sleeps_in_mouse_pajamas
Joined: 6/26/2016
Msg: 11
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 11:09:39 AM
"Why are you wasting time on him? And I agree with Spot.. this seems a major issue with you."

It is a major issue with some of the men I've run into. I hope this clarifies things and can we please stick to the topic at hand?

I don't have an issue with myself (it seems you and other folks think I should). Why men continually touch on this is a mystery. I think you and the other poster are way off. Sorry. It seems you've misunderstood my post and are trying to read between the lines instead of trying to contribute to the topic at hand to help understand the mentality of these individuals. I hate to break it to you, but I am confident. Yes, this pisses some people off because they think I shouldn't be and have no right to be.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 12
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 11:11:44 AM
Do earwigs have wings?

And women looking frumpy in pajamas all day are a leading cause of infidelity
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 11:16:48 AM

I hate to break it to you, but I am confident.

A person who is confident does not pursue or remain with someone who constantly tells them they need improvement in a non-constructive criticism way.
I have never purposely spent any amount of actual time with a man who put me down in any way be it physical or otherwise. If a man or woman seeks out that sort of relationship the issue they are having is with themselves.

You have posted about these sorts of issues for years under this and other profiles.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 11:21:35 AM

but I am confident.


Then why do you feel the need to ask a bunch of strangers on the Internet how you continue a relationship with a man who questions your value as a woman with smaller breasts?
 IBup4it
Joined: 6/15/2017
Msg: 15
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 11:29:36 AM
You shouldn't waste time on guys who compare you to other women who have been in their lives. As well as they were with you knowing full well you had none and try to change your appearance, or suggesting it, to make you feel uncomfortable and attack your self esteem do away with them quickly. You want the right guy not someone who is going to give you something to live upto but one who accepts you for who you are.

The minute a guy says well my other girlfriend had big melons, you pack up and say well I guess I am not her maybe you should go look her up then see ya. Dont worry what people here say and how they attack you, just go out search for the right guy who accepts you and all you have to offer a man. Your assets are not as important as the person you are best of luck in your search.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 16
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 11:31:25 AM
Some women are all about assets

NY58, are you listening?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 17
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 11:58:43 AM
Not reading between the lines
you meet and date men who mock your smaller sized breasts..
happens often according to your own words
You the one missing the point ....
if you think letting people insult you and paw you is showing confidence you may want to revisit what that word means
ACtually beginning to think you bring up the subject not them
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 18
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 12:06:22 PM
I find it odd that you continue to see these men after they've continuously insulted you and objectified you. I would say something extremely backhanded but this isn't the forum for that so I'll just say: stop seeing them. It's really just that easy.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 19
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 12:24:28 PM

This man has told me twice about how big his former girlfriend's breasts were stating they were like melons
LMAO....beautiful, big breasts:))) but she might have a preference to penis size?
 qtoons13
Joined: 2/10/2017
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 12:26:11 PM
Apparently, yes, you are "being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets.'" Meaning, you let this moron get to you.

Except that no one "makes" us feel or do anything. Unless someone is in physical control of your brain, they cannot have this power over you. HOW WE THINK about things determines how we feel.

Example: My sister rags on me about not coloring my hair and how it looks gray. I think my hair is beautiful, and I LOVE the way my hair is changing and feel sorry for her that my sister can't see the beauty in it and is struggling herself with issues of aging. Someone else might think their sister is "right," and go color their hair. See? Same event--two different ways of reacting based on what the person THINKS when they hear the message.

This is why people are questioning your self-confidence. How can someone "make you feel less than a woman" if you really ARE confident?

I see the guy you describe as being a buffoon whose sexual identity (masculinity) is so weak it requires an exaggerated version of what is "female" to validate it. I don't know the guy, of course, but my experience leads me to think there is something wrong with a grown man who is so obsessed with larger breasts that he thinks he has the right to bring up this subject in any way, shape, or form. It smacks of a sense of entitlement and immaturity. I'd be totally turned off by such a person--sure, he might make a decent friend (we all have flaws), but I would have zero sexual attraction to him, so he'd be friend-zoned. And, if he was a friend, I'd tell him to knock off the big breast talk because it makes him sound like a neanderthal and no smart woman is going to fall for him.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 21
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 4:29:59 PM
sleeps in mouse pajamas- I read your original post and all of the replies.
I'm not sure I've ever seen a case of "There is a river named denial" being more accurate than this post.
Me thinks you doth protest too much.

You asserted people aren't addressing the topic, ok, let's do that.

"Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of assets"?

It certainly seems so.
I get what you are asking. You want to know if he's making you doubt yourself. Further, you want to know if he is doing it on purpose.

I'll address him, first.
At best, he's about as tactful as a three year old asked about someone's looks. He doesn't get any points for sensitivity, either.
He sounds like a bore. The kind of man that says things like, "Have you gained some weight?" and THEN says, "Not that you are fat, or anything."Later, when you go to bed and don't want to have sex, he'll ask you what's wrong with a straight face.
At worst, he knows darn well how this makes you feel and he's doing this to pressure you into doing something HE wants, but trying to make YOU own it so he doesn't have to take responsibility for what is tantamount to emotional abuse.
Either way, HOW is this someone worth keeping in your life?!

Which leads me to who we REALLY need to be talking about here, YOU.
Let's examine how you phrased this, to start with.
Am I being MADE to feel.
I could write a psychology dissertation on just those words.
You are feeling something, no doubt about that.
You think it's him and it a way, it is.
You have a wound, somewhere in your past, likely childhood and you are drawn to this person to play out the same drama, either in hopes of "fixing" whoever REALLY hurt you, or in an attempt that things will go different and this time someone who is hurting you will realize you are a good person and stop hurting you.

Yeah, I know, who do I think I am? Dr.Phil? Not hardly.
This is the voice of experience talking and I am being as real with you as I can get, because I have been there and done it and come out on the other side, a bit beat up and bruised, but somehow whole, again and much, much wiser, thank goodness.

I had to get tired of being sick and tired and ask myself some HARD questions. This led me to seek counseling and it was there that the truth came and slapped me in the face and I had to deal with my past.

You are in a pattern and you will STAY in this pattern until you deal with what is truly going on with you.

As trite as it may sound, or cliche, or whatever, love doesn't hurt. Not true love, healthy love.

I can't make you do anything, but I hope, so much, that you at least take a break from this person and go talk to someone.
Get counseling, get help. There is NO shame in it. I just admitted to everyone I did it and I still go, to keep myself in the right frame of mind and on the right path.

Please do it. It won't be easy, this isn't about him as much as it's about you. If you don't do the work and change, even if you leave him, another him just like him will find you, it will happen, over and over.

Healthy people attract other healthy people, so reach out and start getting healthy.

You will be glad you did, I promise.
 NoxzemaWA
Joined: 2/19/2017
Msg: 22
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 4:51:00 PM

In a relationship two people are not always going to agree on everything.


You're not in a relationship with these men. They're just internet strangers who get off on hurting a woman's feelings. You look small-breasted in your pictures so if these dudes had such a problem with your flat chest, why would they contact you or agree to go on a date with you? It sounds like they're going out of their way to be hurtful. Don't talk to them again or give them the benefit of the doubt.
 2ufo2
Joined: 8/29/2016
Msg: 23
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 4:52:34 PM
Forumslady used a lot more words but I think explains the nail on the head that so many others have pointed out.
So I won't go there.


How do I continue with a man who feels as strongly as he does about a woman's body?

Why would you want to continue?
Kick him to the curb.
Friend-zone him.
Tell him - in point blank words - "I do not wish to ever hear you refer to a woman's breasts in my presence again. I have made that clear to you in previous conversations. If you do mention breasts again, you can take yourself and get out of my life." Then follow up because he will refer to breasts within a few minutes to see if you are serious.

However, I doubt that
(1) you've made it clear to him that you find his breast fascination offensive,
(2) that you will confront him directly and
(3) that you will get him out of your life once he launches into yet another offensive diatribe about breasts.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 4:53:51 PM
You have had this conversation twice with men who are not your partner?

If I had a man talk like this to me, I would have thanked him for the ice cream. Said 'bye'. And NEVER had have contact with him again.

No man is going to comment on my body who is not my partner...beyond a generic compliment such as 'it's a plus that you keep yourself in shape' and even a comment like that would be in some context such as us both enjoying hiking or dancing.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 25
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 6:13:48 PM
you may enjoy how well you two are getting along, and you may be hoping to find a way to get around the fact that, yes, he IS insulting you and objectifying you. If enough people said he wasn't, then you could talk yourself into believing it, and then continuing on this friendship thinking, "oh well, its just one thing that bothers me, but everything else is peachy."

Your problem is...EVERYONE is pointing out to you, that this is no small thing. you wish it was, so you could enjoy every other part of the relationship that seems to be going well. but everyone is telling you, that this disrespect is so big, it nullifies every other thing that you think is good about the relationship. they dig into it, b/c it calls into question what you think is so great about the relationship, if you're willing to overlook such blatant disrespect. yes, your judgement is being questioned, b/c no one puts up with this bullshit from a man in order to get the other scraps. to put the shoe on the other foot, if you had a brother who kept hanging out with a woman who kept talking about how small his penis looked and they hadn't even disrobed yet....would you conclude this woman is belitting your brother for some nefarious reason, and wonder why he's putting up with some women looking to destroy his sense of manhood by questioning its size, over and over and over again? would you wonder about his thought process, to continuous put up with women who tried to demean his physical appearance?

that's why people keep focusing on the part of your post you wish they'd ignore.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?