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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?      Home login  
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 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 1
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material? Page 1 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
If you sleep with someone the first date, would you consider them LTR material? Or would it depend on many other factors? I'm interested in reading the male vs. female perspectives on this. Or maybe they'll be more similar than previously believed.

Discuss.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 2
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/16/2017 8:41:28 PM
My hand is very reliable and thus LTR material
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 3
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Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/16/2017 9:06:16 PM
A first date is still that; A FIRST date. Doesn't matter if it lasts thirty minutes or three days. Relationships are proven over time. Repeated exposures and breaks in between to decompress and consider the possibilities are always needed to judge long term potential. I think far too many people have stuck to the video game style of living life too fast and too many things at once to comprehend much beyond next week, much less next year. Sex is not a free pass to avoid building a relationship. It's just another space on the chess board.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 4
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Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/16/2017 9:09:18 PM
I know couples who have been married over twenty years who did the deed on the first date and couples who "waited" and didn't make it a year.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 5
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/16/2017 9:40:24 PM
The problem is that if you sleep with someone on the first date, usually it will be just a sexual fling. Yeah, you may bang a few more times but rarely will there be a LTR that comes from it. It seems that all they do is bang for a couple of weeks and then it fizzles out, they don't really make an effort to get to know each other as people. Contrast this with hanging out with that person for a few times before sex, at least you get to know them as people and learn if you even like them or not.

I know of married couples/LTRs who slept with each-other very early but I wouldn't go advocating that (esp. to women) in hopes that you'll be the 1% whose fling turned into a marriage.

I've had three LTRs in my life and we slept with each other pretty quickly but the kicker was that we were already friends before ever going out on our first date. These weren't online strangers/new people.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 6
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Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/16/2017 10:15:58 PM
Isn't that how arranged marriages work? You meet, you get married, you do the deed, and you're locked in bondage forever.
 spanking_dolphin
Joined: 8/10/2017
Msg: 7
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 1:52:27 AM
Every ltr i found, we banged right away. Women like banging just as much if not more and some women are aware of what guys want. Those women bang first. We gotta like you before we grt into ltr anyways and anything before banging is just a plan to bang. You get it out of the way so you can see who she really is. Thats why for some, it fizzles away because they found out they didnt like each other for whatever reason.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 8
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 5:54:20 AM
A woman who sleeps on the first date for "mentally healthy" reasons, may stick around b/c they aren't disappointed they didn't get more than sex. IE, they weren't trying to get a man to love them by "giving it up so soon". The chemicals released may bond her closer. Or the sex may be good, she sticks around, and finds the guy has his stuff together (if he does). OR she gets pregnant from that first time, and they both decide to give the child a good name :)

A fellow may have talked with a woman online for a long time, or maybe knew her in real life for a long time, and so the first date isn't the first contact. Or the sex is good and the brain chemicals released yada yada yada. First time sex doesn't have to be a relationship killer, we are descended from animals and they tend to stick together after a successful pregnancy. BUT it requires both humans to have a good mindset, and a willingness to stick around to get to know each other, AND find what they are looking for in the other person. I have an ex who still calls me, she had sex with me the first time after we met on a forum (not this one) and she planned the marriage on the first date. she got along with me, her rent was increasing and she couldn't afford it, she wanted a kid...you get the idea. I sure did.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 9
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 6:01:52 AM
It would be wise to get to know a person before jumping in all the way. You are at higher risk of a few things if you go to bed on the first date, including disease, unplanned pregnancy, and heartache and pain of rejection. Only fools rush in.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 10
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 6:10:59 AM
Irellevant

Bottom line, you're either compatible or you're not, so if the sparks fly on the first date and you wanna boff then have at 'er !
 forumfishonly
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 11
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 6:21:10 AM
Seems like a silly question to ask here, if you follow the forums you'd realize most of the forum undateables have never had a message, or a first meet, let alone a hookup on the first date, but I guess ya never know till you ask.

But on topic, Sex complicates things if done too early imo
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 12
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 6:45:05 AM
The solution to hopping in the sack too soon is date someone you're not physically attracted to.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 13
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Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 9:38:26 AM
i can't think of any reason why someone who enjoys sex would not be LTR material, unless they are just lying about wanting a relationship to get sex.

i hate the concept that sexually easy people are not relationship worthy. not all are cheats, liars, or horrible people.

it's a risk to have sex early on as you might later discover you're not compatible as you thought you were but this doesn't mean you're not worthy of love.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 14
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 9:53:07 AM

i can't think of any reason why someone who enjoys sex would not be LTR material


just because you **** on the first date does not mean you enjoy sex. it could be because you're just easy or using sex as a means to get attention or validation. I'm not opposed to sex on the first date if it's someone I already know, like and am familiar with. However, with online strangers or new people, I'd wait.


it's a risk to have sex early on as you might later discover you're not compatible


Word. I think of this as a "wasted notch".


if you follow the forums you'd realize most of the forum undateables have never had a message, or a first meet, let alone a hookup on the first date, but I guess ya never know till you ask.


There is an entire world of dating not on this forum though. I've known of men who used OLD and got sex on the first meet/date. Those dudes aren't the ones whining on the POF Forums about how no one will respond to their messages.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 15
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 9:59:56 AM
"it's a risk to have sex early on as you might later discover you're not compatible as you thought you were "



If you're not compatible and you wait a week, a month, whatever before doing the nasty you will find the same thing out ANYWAY

Hence :

I R E L L E V A N T
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 16
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 10:49:27 AM
Yeah but if you find out you're not compatible, you can avoid the nasty
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 17
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 1:43:34 PM

it's a risk to have sex early on as you might later discover you're not compatible as you thought you were


It's a risk not to have sex early on as you might later discover you're not as sexually compatible as you though you were.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 18
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 2:28:52 PM

I've had three LTRs in my life and we slept with each other pretty quickly but the kicker was that we were already friends before ever going out on our first date. These weren't online strangers/new people.

....and yet, you aren't together with any of the three...so what have you proved by being "friends" first? I'm not advocating one way or the other - it's just that the above quote isn't proving anything other than you were friends with three people, had sex for a time and then split. Just like with those who have sex on a first date, the time between the first date and having sex is proof of absolutely nothing. One has to wonder, as well, what the definition of a LTR is - to some it's a month and to others it's a number of years.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 19
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 4:29:51 PM
siisaa- I don't care what anybody else has said.
Just the way you asked this tells me you are male.
If she's a ho' for sleeping with you on the first date, guess what, you are a ho' too.
I'm fed up with double standards.
Enough with the Madonna/whore complex, that horse is beat to death and beyond dead, at least to anyone with sense.
 Darwin1971
Joined: 1/31/2013
Msg: 20
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Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 4:37:09 PM
LONG TERM? like over a year or like marriage?

Nothing wrong with 1st date sex. Least you know if the other person can get the job done. From the sounds of it your trying to say that if she/he is ok with sex on the first date he/she is not worth the effort because she/he is a whore or loose and therefor not worthy? WTF !!!
MAYBE they just really find the other person sexy! or they just enjoy sex and want to share a moment with you.

Your way overthinking this shit. Iv'e had many relationships 1+ years or more with women that I have slept with on the 1st or 2nd date. Matter of fact if she is playing the 3 date rule and other stupid mind/body games **** that.

1st kiss I tell them I'm a FWB kinda guy (well thought out and yes I do tell them all), if they want to keep going after I have talked to them about this and answered every question they have. Then yes sex is on the table. I don't judge them on when they want sex. Silly thinking that 1st date sex= not a good person WTF
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 21
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 5:17:54 PM
Darwin1971- Good God, where have you been with this bit of the truth?! ^^^^^
I'm not much into FWB, myself, but it's not my business if other people are, to each their own.
Thank you, seriously, for being honest and ESPECIALLY thank you for taking ownership of your decisions and not joining the butt hurt, anti-woman, brigade.
I wish there were more here like you. :)
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 22
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 6:33:53 PM

A woman who sleeps on the first date for "mentally healthy" reasons,


LOl, Acccctuuuualllyyy, there were numerous times, I fell asleep during a first date, away from home ..........Oh believe me I was much more "mentally healthy" in the morning!

Now to be more specific, there were several times, I enjoyed sex, with a first date. Two adults, answering to no one, no guilt trip, just enjoy. Follow no rules.
Are they / were they LTR worthy? Sure why not? Sex, .................. did not make or break the possibilities.
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 23
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Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/17/2017 9:39:03 PM
I read somewhere someone said like this: "Some men pretend to give love to get sex. Some women pretend to give sex to get love."

To me, having a rushed sex (sleeping with someone on the first date) is because that person is either hormonal or pushing too hard, trying/hoping it will make a LTR, because that person is desperate.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 24
Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/18/2017 6:37:03 AM
"there were numerous times I fell asleep during a date"

the gf I lost my cherry to, used to ask why we didn't go out on more dates. I pointed out that she fell asleep by 9pm, so paying to watch her sleep while paying my way thru college wasn't exactly fun. To her credit, she had to agree to that. Interestingly enough, sex DID keep her awake until midnight. Go figure! At least we found something that worked.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 25
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Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?
Posted: 8/18/2017 7:42:11 AM
Some can be long term material and some may not. There's no exact science to this.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Sleeping with someone on the first date...are they LTR material?