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 sarahlouise2412
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 1
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice? Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Me and this guy loved each other but for reasons couldn't be together.
It took me a year to feel strong enough to date someone.
We cut contact as being friends was too messy and messed with our heads
Sunday night I was in a pub with my boyfriend and I spotted 2 of his good friends staring over at me.
At this point I felt nervous and knew he would be here.
I spotted him and we kept catching each other looking.
I walked to the bathroom and on the way back his friend grabbed my waist and said "stay here"
I smiled said hello and walked back to my BF.
My "ex" then came and stood right next to our table talking on his phone then made eye contact again.
Then his two friends came right to our table and started talking to each other and looking at my BF..it was just bizzare.
Me and my boyfriend left and my ex was still looking over.
Basically it was just a bizzare situation
What do you make of it?
I don't even know if his friends knew we had a thing for each other.
Do you think he might have been bothered seeing me with another man?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 2
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 5:38:01 AM
OP...You have a boyfriend. Why do you even care about anything concerning your ex? To answer your question, it probably bothered him and obviously has occupied space in your mind.



From your other thread a little over 2 months ago...


If you know this ex has a wandering eye so could possibly be tempted.
History of short terms things
If you still have feelings for him and it didn't end badly just distance that ended things
Would you try and rekindle it?


If I was your boyfriend, I would get as far away from this drama as possible.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 3
Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 5:49:57 AM
you were in a bar, and saw someone who makes you nervous. That's a good excuse to leave (the next time it happens). But you stuck around, and he kept catching you looking...so he looked. Then his friend got physical with you. Yep, it was bizzare, and next time...take the initiative and leave. why stick around, when you know you two can't even be friends? what do you have to gain...except attention? as cooldog said, if I was your BF, i'd be on a website asking strangers if this is a red flag.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 4
Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 6:09:19 AM
It sounds like the OP actually enjoyed the extra attention. She put up with the ex's friend grabbing her by the waist as she's walking by, the constant looking at each other, the ex going over and standing next to the table, and the friends going over to the table and checking out her date. And it was only then she and her date left. Chances are it was her date's idea to leave. If I was her date, it would be the last date.
 sarahlouise2412
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 5
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 6:19:42 AM
It was my idea to leave as my new BF was wondering why people were standing near us when the bar was nearly empty.
I do still have feelings for the other guy but I'm trying to give things a chance with the new guy as I hate feeling this way.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 6
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 6:38:19 AM
Your posting history shows what dysfunction looks like. Yikes.
 sarahlouise2412
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 7
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 6:43:47 AM
If your not going to offer advice or opinions why bother replying being judgemental?
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 8
Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 7:08:38 AM
It's an intimidation tactic.

If the pub was a place that he knew YOU knew he hung out at, here's the msg he was sending :

DON'T COME HERE ANYMORE
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 9
Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 12:34:48 PM
Sounds like another five-stage clinger!
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 10
Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 12:57:15 PM

It's an intimidation tactic.

If the pub was a place that he knew YOU knew he hung out at, here's the msg he was sending :

DON'T COME HERE ANYMORE








Spot on !
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 11
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 1:00:23 PM
"If your not going to offer advice or opinions why bother replying being judgemental?"

IMO, offer advice or an opinion it is necessary to make a judgement about the situation.

My advice:

1) Grow self esteem so that you don't need to be clingy.

2) Grow self esteem so you can become mature enough to see relationship for what they are, without causing drama.

3) Grow self esteem so that you can learn to get over one relationship before you get into another.

4) Grow self esteem so that everything isn't just about you. It is cruel to get into a relationship while you are on the rebound.

At your age OP, you should have figured out these things a long time ago.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 12
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 2:33:02 PM
DAMN - Maybe you should have just left after you saw the EX, and then explained to your NEW BF who was there and why it's uncomfortble...

...instead of letting your NEW GUY be surrounded by ENEMIES and not know it.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 13
Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 2:34:44 PM
Butterchickenchuck- I was thinking, what the odds were that her and the new man would wind up at the same pub as the ex ??? Then you said..........
"It's an intimidation tactic.

If the pub was a place that he knew YOU knew he hung out at, here's the msg he was sending :

DON'T COME HERE ANYMORE"

Of course, it was NOT a coincidence he was there, she went there, hoping to see him and subjected this poor smuck to this crap.
If he figures out what she did, she will wind up alone, again.

OP, I'm with Moraima, this is cruel. Drop him before you hurt him even more and don't go out with anyone else until you are TRULY over your ex.
 sarahlouise2412
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 14
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 2:44:40 PM
How am I clingy?
I didn't know he would be in the pub
It was a busy night and in a year I've never seen him anywhere.
I didn't know he would be in and why should I avoid when of my favourite places just incase he is out
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 15
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 2:59:27 PM
"How am I clingy?"

You refuse to mentally let go of the ex.

You posted here hoping people would tell you that the nonsense at the pub meant the ex "Loved" you.

"I didn't know he would be in and why should I avoid when of my favourite places just incase he is out"

Part of getting over someone is staying away from places you have seen him/her at.

OP, you are 31. Surely you know you are on the rebound. Surely at 31, you know what it takes to get over someone.
Surely you know, stringing a new boyfriend along is just wrong. Please no bs about about getting under a new guy to get over the ex.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 16
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 4:04:49 PM
If you still have feelings for your ex the most honest thing to do would be remain single until you know your heart is free to truly be a friend and lover to someone else.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 17
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 5:22:02 PM
They managed to chase you out. Don't want to be confronted again? Don't go back.

Sounds a bit like my ex. Her and her new husband have come into places that I go to occasionally. When they spot me-he hovers. I don't stare at them. It's free country, they can go wherever they like, like me.

This stopped happening one night when he followed me into the men's can. In simple words, I told him-" You married that mess- I don't want her back." I said. Since then, he hasn't bothered me. I think I struck a nerve.
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 18
Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 5:36:38 PM
purplerider1200 wrote:
Sounds a bit like my ex. Her and her new husband have come into places that I go to occasionally. When they spot me-he hovers. I don't stare at them. It's free country, they can go wherever they like, like me.

This stopped happening one night when he followed me into the men's can. In simple words, I told him-" You married that mess- I don't want her back." I said. Since then, he hasn't bothered me. I think I struck a nerve


It struck me you said, "You married that (fill in blank), etc.

Should it not be "WE both married that (fill in the blank)?
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 19
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2017 8:12:24 PM
Maybe. I was through with her, so through that I didn't want lay claim to even admitting that I knew her. Perhaps he just needed to know that I could care less about her. Or, I was looking at them like total strangers. Ether way, he stopped bugging me. That was all I wanted.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 20
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/23/2017 2:06:00 AM
It was bizzare. When the ex's friend grabbed your waist and said "stay here", you should have said "Whoah, hands off. I'm with a guy I've been dating, sorry," and walked off. I would have opted to close out the bill and go to another pub as soon as I saw the 2 friends staring. By that time, you'd be pretty much walking out the door right after one of his friends grabbed your waist and asked you to stay there.

Yes, he was wondering what was up with you with another guy, of course. He was bothered in the sense that it prevented him from at least having a chit-chat, seeing you show up after never seeing you in forever. Even if he wasn't that into you -- heck, even old friends wonder, at least. You shouldn't be perplexed or pining about it. You should be more upset that they were acting like that -- not "what do I make of it?" What happened is pretty simple. You were out with a guy, preventing any confrontation, and it was weird for him (and his friends) and for you. They were around and staring because they wanted to talk to you, but were over the top and kinda weird/rude about it.

There's really nothing to make of it -- you just move on. But I think your feelings don't want to. Sucks. :)
 inspired2dream
Joined: 4/11/2016
Msg: 21
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/24/2017 5:04:05 PM
Is the bar a place that you and you ex frequented in the "good old days"? Sounds like a territorial deal. He was with his wolf pack and they had already marked their territory lol.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 22
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/25/2017 1:41:11 PM

Is the bar a place that you and you ex frequented in the "good old days"? Sounds like a territorial deal.

Well, Louis CK, I thought the same thing... but she said that it's one of her favorite places and she hasn't seen him in a year. So I can deduce it wasn't one of His hangouts, otherwise she would have seen him within a couple weeks after their breakup. But possibly it was the opposite way around -- he knew it was one of her favorite places, he recently broke up with a gal he was seeing, and wanted to keep his eyes peeled for her, and ended up running into her. But I wouldn't assume that though. After a certain amount of time, you'll run into an ex at a popular place that wasn't either one's main hangout.
 Charmisassi
Joined: 7/3/2017
Msg: 23
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 8/26/2017 11:34:47 AM
Me and this guy loved each other but for reasons couldn't be together.
It took me a year to feel strong enough to date someone.
We cut contact as being friends was too messy and messed with our heads
Sunday night I was in a pub with my boyfriend and I spotted 2 of his good friends staring over at me.
At this point I felt nervous and knew he would be here.
I spotted him and we kept catching each other looking.
I walked to the bathroom and on the way back his friend grabbed my waist and said "stay here"
I smiled said hello and walked back to my BF.
My "ex" then came and stood right next to our table talking on his phone then made eye contact again.
Then his two friends came right to our table and started talking to each other and looking at my BF..it was just bizzare.
Me and my boyfriend left and my ex was still looking over.
Basically it was just a bizzare situation
What do you make of it?
I don't even know if his friends knew we had a thing for each other.
Do you think he might have been bothered seeing me with another man?



^^^^

Oh sheesh, ......... grow up
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 24
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 9/24/2017 4:59:02 PM
What were the reasons you could not be together?
If they cannot be changed, put them out of your head.

If it took you a year to date again -and you are feeling all of this after just seeing them, you might want to ask them what it was all about.

The "stay here" part was probably his friend setting you up to talk to each other because he has probably been talking about you incessantly to his friends -and they were probably encouraging him to express his feelings to you.

The timing was horrible -but you were both wise and respectful of the new relationship -though he may have been trying to see how you reacted when he was near.

Anyway -figure it out or forget it altogether.

Just a guess, but I'm a really good guesser
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 25
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Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 9/24/2017 5:58:55 PM
By this point in time you should be able to greet each other cordially and then each go on your way.
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