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Joined: 7/11/2017
Msg: 1
Does Christian/Secular Dating or Relationships Ever Work?Page 1 of 1    
I've been dating secular men my whole life and it never works. Not only are we not on the same page when it comes to sex/marriage/divorce, we're not even in the same book. However, Christian men are few and far between. Anyone else having this problem?
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 2
Does Christian/Secular Dating or Relationships Ever Work?
Posted: 8/27/2017 10:14:10 AM
No, i do not experience such a problem. only if spirituality whatever kind or absence creates judgment and prejudices in my mate or absence of decency. many supposed spiritual people have no civility or integrity so, character means everything. I have dated many humanist or secular and did enjoy the journey not a destination. so if you feel it would be more effective to date christian men- join a christian dating site. there are many of them.
In addition, on other sites specify you want a christian in dating requirements, you may be less popular. You also might want to explain the tenets and principles of your spirituality, guaranteeing a closer chapter in your life's book.. It is all about enlightenment. I can send the christian men that hit on me then spend an hour on the phone challenging my beliefs and letting me know how i believe in a different Jesus than they do. lol So christianity probably is not the real problem related to your unhappiness with outcomes.
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 3
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Does Christian/Secular Dating or Relationships Ever Work?
Posted: 8/27/2017 1:25:21 PM
Plenty of Fish is an open net of possibilities. They don't restrict based on beliefs, or much of anything outside of age limits and a few code of conduct rules. We get Sunday school teachers and Grunge musicians in the same search sometimes. Sometimes they are the same person.

OP - your profile reads a VERY long list of declarative statements... "He IS..." this, that, and that, and that, and that, and seventeen other things. What you are doing is throwing up a series of walls - of hurdles - and really, no guy, short of a miracle is going to find his way through all of that. Take 100 guys, and with each statement, divide the possibilities in half. You're at less than two after maybe six declarations. You may believe in miracles, but it's kind of like counting on winning the Powerball to finance your retirement. You DO have to buy a ticket to win, but your true chances of retiring that way are astronomically small. Most people invest more conservatively, and wisely. From a man's perspective, it's way too much work to weave through that entire pile of hay just to prove we can be that shiny needle.

It's OK to have discriminating tastes - just don't ADVERTISE it that intently. Soften your online stance a bit.

As far as wanting someone with the same religious beliefs, I think people weigh that stance far too heavily for an open forum like POF. People very devout about their beliefs tend to be one-track minded, which means they are better off searching for a match after services on Sunday, because that is what they want - the EXACT same church-goer as themselves. It's kind of silly - people under the same roof on Sunday doesn't remotely prove their beliefs are the same - but people want a 'match' so badly they ignore obvious differences because they want that one 'key' thing to matter. Chemistry always wins over a checklist. Proof is only found over time.

I grew up an Irish Catholic and married a Lutheran - and even after the divorce still continue to volunteer at the Lutheran church. I identify with that community and the people in it - not because of a strict belief system, but because they have a need that I can fulfill, and enjoy what I do. For me, the religion is secondary to being a volunteer - but sadly, for many I've encountered, they believe that MY belief is the other way around (probably because it is for them) and refuse to accept the possibility.
Joined: 7/19/2017
Msg: 4
Does Christian/Secular Dating or Relationships Ever Work?
Posted: 8/27/2017 1:55:50 PM
I dated a woman in college for two years. We were very close...I was a secular Jew, she a non practicing protestant. We rarely went to religious services. She told me she would convert to Judaism once married but I was not interested in marriage at that point in my life and our relationship thus died.. Towards the end of our relationship, she complained to me that I did not believe in God.

Decades later we reconnected. She had married a diehard Catholic and had not only converted but became a diehard Catholic herself. I barely recognized the woman she had become. I doubt we would have made it if she had become so religious...and I suspect she became that way due to trauma in her family. But different religions by itself never would have made a difference to me. If I had been older and more set, I would have absolutely married her...but youth got in our way. Otoh..if we had married, I doubt she would have ever bought into the religious dogma which changed her as a person. That religious person and I never would have fallen in love to begin with I am betting. Hope that helps.
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 5
Does Christian/Secular Dating or Relationships Ever Work?
Posted: 8/27/2017 10:01:38 PM
@ OP

Christian men are few and far between.

It will be a virtual miracle if you find a genuinely practicing Christian on a site like this
your best bet is through your church, or dedicated Christian sites/matchmakers.
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