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 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 1
Odd man outPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Can anybody relate , either in the past or now, to being at a stage in your life where all your friends are in couples and as a result you feel like a leper ?


I am in this circumstance right now. I used to have one other friend who was also single in the past so at least I wasn't the only single loser in a social situation. But, ever since he met someone last year....wow....arctic circle !


It's hard not to feel like " hey, you're my friend while I'm single but now that I met someone you are obsolete = SEE YA "
 JS3344
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 2
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Odd man out
Posted: 9/4/2017 5:30:05 PM
I can relate Chuck, its like being left out of the party. Just know that, many people, male and fem feel the same way. I loved being a couple and all the things that came with it, but since I'm shut out of that scene, I just embrace my life of sexual debauchery, work and sports.......
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 3
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Odd man out
Posted: 9/4/2017 6:16:26 PM
Of course. Don't you just love how they sorta forget to invite you to a social gatherings? Or they just forget you exist? I've had people ask me where I was, why didn't I come to some affair. You can really catch them flatfooted when you tell them you weren't invited. People tend to shut up very fast. They start searching for another topic they weren't ready to talk about. What really bugs them, is saying nothing after you mention that you weren't invited.
 forever_live_and_die
Joined: 6/6/2017
Msg: 4
Odd man out
Posted: 9/4/2017 7:27:13 PM
"so at least I wasn't the only single loser"

Single loser? Interesting choice of words. Think something often enough and your mind may begin to believe you.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 5
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Odd man out
Posted: 9/4/2017 8:40:09 PM
I'd rather be the odd man out. Couples aren't always as happy as they may appear to you.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 6
Odd man out
Posted: 9/5/2017 5:47:31 AM

It's hard not to feel like " hey, you're my friend while I'm single but now that I met someone you are obsolete = SEE YA "


By your posting history you have been in a few relationships, have you not done the same thing to your single friends?
I know I have every time I get into a relationship.
 grover14
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 7
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Odd man out
Posted: 9/5/2017 5:53:54 AM
Yes, Chuck, I experienced this for many years. And it doesn't get much better the older you get. Luckily, I was accepted into a group of guys my age that are into hotrods and streetrods. We go to 3 or 4 cruise-in's every week. In the winter, we meet for breakfast every Saturday.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 8
Odd man out
Posted: 9/5/2017 7:20:40 AM

I'd rather be the odd man out. Couples aren't always as happy as they may appear to you.


Maybe couples that don't appear happy together are actually happy, or vice versa. There are times when I've been surprised to learn of a couple breaking up who appeared always happy together, and other couples who I thought for sure would break up, who are still together decades later . How many people have parents or grandparents who weren't lovey dovey or passionate all of the time with each other, but stuck it out to the end? I've become more of the guy a friend will call to go a sporting event with, where not having a spouse tagging along is OK.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 9
Odd man out
Posted: 9/5/2017 7:36:53 AM
Purplerider
"Don't you just love how they sorta forget to invite you to a social gatherings? "


In the past, what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me but thanks to FB I get to see all these pix of the couples getting together for lunches, dinners - even camping trips FFS !

So, would it kill these couples to have a lunch or dinner with me too ?

Sigh







Dragracer
"have you not done the same thing to your single friends? "


If I did, that would make me a hypocrite - I'm NOT a hypocrite.







Grover
" it doesn't get much better the older you get. "





I understand it's not the same as when you're in your 20s. People get busy with families and/or careers. But to act like some love sick teenager who forgets all about his friends....I believe that falls into the fairweather category.





"Luckily, I was accepted into a group of guys my age that are into hotrods and streetrods. We go to 3 or 4 cruise-in's every week. In the winter, we meet for breakfast every Saturday. "




Yes, you are lucky.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 10
Odd man out
Posted: 9/5/2017 9:43:25 AM

Maybe couples that don't appear happy together are actually happy, or vice versa.


It can definitely work both ways, but I've witnessed more of the unhappy couples putting on the facade more than anything else lately, especially with Farcebook. My family has made it an absolute art form. They soak up all the positive comments, and I just think to myself "wow, if these people only knew."

As for abandoning friends while in a relationship, it can easily happen, and I fell into the trap quite a bit when I was younger, but as I got older, I started making an effort to not let it happen.

However, one thing that always irked me was having a few "friends" who would only come sniffing around when I had a girlfriend to see if she had any friends they could move in on.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 11
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Odd man out
Posted: 9/5/2017 10:54:30 AM
Most of my friends are married but I don't feel left out. They ask me out either with them on their own or with their family/partner. We all get along. But the outing is usually a day trip or a meal rather than a long holiday. Some with little children might not get to go out that often but they still make time for me and other friends.

If any of my friends leave me out, they're not my friend no more. Simple.
 JS3344
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 12
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Odd man out
Posted: 9/5/2017 4:36:03 PM
do yourself a favor and stop looking at facebook. All the couples, anniversaries, pda, traveling, bragging....will make you feel bad, isolate yourself from that crap, and get on with your life.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 13
Odd man out
Posted: 9/5/2017 5:56:09 PM
2 OP


It's hard not to feel like " hey, you're my friend while I'm single but now that I met someone you are obsolete = SEE YA "


oddly enough....that wouldn't have bothered me all that much, considering I never liked being a "3rd wheel" in a gathering.................you kinda feel that you are there because somebody feels sorry for you.

That couples tend to congregate is not unusual...even if some are not all that happy with each other; they just feel more comfortable with their "peers".

If you are saying that none of your coupled friends never call or contact you anymore...then they are just Faux friends.

But what is of more concern for you...is why you see yourself as a loser
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 14
Odd man out
Posted: 9/5/2017 7:06:00 PM
I had a long period about 13 years without any real SO, i was able to maintain friendships or make friendships, with singles and couples. However, i remember a particular family function, with married family members- it was extremely salient- the couples were doing those private "couple eye signals" about different typical family dynamics. i felt very alone overwhelmingly so. Several years later i had, what i thought was an intimate significant other, realized my delusion- when he called my private eye signals out in the gathering and called me rude. felt more alone than i had as a single person. we all laughed but nothing was clearer about our relationship than that action.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 15
Odd man out
Posted: 9/6/2017 12:27:25 PM
There is a get together this Saturday for someone's birthday but I'm seriously considering not going so I don't have to be the lone single guy aka worthless POS who should be taken out back and put out of his misery



....now somebody is going to tell me I shouldn't feel like a worthless POS who should be taken out back and put out of his misery because some people are incapable of detecting SARCASM


....I mean come on
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 16
Odd man out
Posted: 9/6/2017 12:55:46 PM
for me BCC i rarely detect self pity in your forum post- sometimes i am ignorant or thick in understanding the wit expressed- i am hoping through further exposure to understand some of the very clear wit expressed between many frequent forum posters. not going to hide in my odd man out condition-from the party! lol
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 17
Odd man out
Posted: 9/6/2017 2:42:33 PM


Dragracer
"have you not done the same thing to your single friends? "


If I did, that would make me a hypocrite - I'm NOT a hypocrite.


I am not trying to start anything here but I am missing something.
What do you do with your single friends when you get into a relationship? How do you think the dynamics should work?
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 18
Odd man out
Posted: 9/6/2017 2:45:04 PM
To add to the above, edit never works for me

I have been single the vast majority of the last 25 years and cannot say I have seen a lot of what you describe though for most of those years my work and hobbies left me with a very limited social life.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 19
Odd man out
Posted: 9/6/2017 2:53:34 PM
"What do you do with your single friends when you get into a relationship?"




I continue to see them AS WELL as the new person.

It ain't rocket science.
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 20
Odd man out
Posted: 9/7/2017 10:55:26 AM
I've been single 4+ years. I've been feeling more and more like the odd one out lately. My married girlfriends are great about the occasional girl outing- dinner, coffee or what ever. But, its the fun weekend things that I see them do with other couples that make me feel left out. Maybe they think I'm so busy dating that I don't want to be included? I've been working at adding more singles to my list of friends lately.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 21
Odd man out
Posted: 9/7/2017 11:16:42 AM
" But, its the fun weekend things that I see them do with other couples that make me feel left out. "


Ya, which is why a single person needs to have at least one single friend.

I'm invited to a birthday get together this Saturday and I know they're all couples.

Maybe I'll look off into the distance at one point and say quietly " what a bunch of douchebags " and if someone hears me and says " who are you referring to ? " , I'll say " oh....did I just say that out loud ? ....oops "


haha
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 22
Odd man out
Posted: 9/7/2017 3:34:07 PM

Maybe I'll look off into the distance at one point and say quietly " what a bunch of douchebags " and if someone hears me and says " who are you referring to ? " , I'll say " oh....did I just say that out loud ? ....oops "






Dude ! You should like totally do that ! I dare ya !



( I got tired of waiting for someone else to say it )
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 23
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Odd man out
Posted: 9/7/2017 6:52:49 PM
^^^Chuck is such an attention whore...
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 24
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Odd man out
Posted: 9/8/2017 12:56:58 PM
Chucky oxoxox I liked keeping my FWB on the down low so for the past 8 -9 years most of my friends think/thought I am single. I get invites but I don't usually accept. The real friends I had ( i should mention just 2 ) didn't dump me over the years just because they had a spouse or a boyfriend. The rest were "fairweather" friends.. or friends that needed a wing woman for ladies nights out. Once they got hitched, I was discarded. Kindly discarded but excluded first.

I'm sober anyway. I had one relapse Feb.14,2012 but other than that I have been sober since Dec. 29, 1989. All my married friends drink. Drink a lot. Some of them don't get along so well when they are drunk. The last time I went out with all couples I wanted to dump an ice bucket on my friends husband.( not for the ALS challenge).. He was ogling me on purpose to piss off his wife. He succeeded.
His stupid drunk wife got mad at me instead of sticking her foot up her husbands ass.

When I think about it..I don't find a group of married couples all that entertaining. I find you get some of this, that or the other:

1. Couples that rank on each other all night,
2. Couples that brag, vacations, houses, vehicles, children, everything.
3. Couples that all they do is talk about their kids
4. Couples with no kids but 199 pictures of their dog on their phone ( furbaby)
5. Couples that bicker all night about nothing
6. Couples that fight over who is drinking to much and counting each other's drinks.
7. Couples that argue over who drives home, or rank on each other's driving skills.
8. Couples that are too touchy feely and to much PDA... uck ( get a ****ing room!)
9. Couple that go on and on about their ailments and Drs appointments and hospital visits...zzzzzz
10. Couples that give TMI information about their finances or other problems
11. Couple that keep trying to one up each other with the put downs or funny anecdotes about how stupid the other one is, was.
12. Couples that have to follow each other around all night so you can't even talk to the one that was your friend in privacy at all...

You see my buttery Chicken man.. I agree. Hanging out with just couples when your single sucks. I could go on. I could give more examples of how painfully boring it is. It's sad so I don't usually tell them they are about as stimulating as taking 1 ten milligram valium. So I don't. I grin and bare it. Try to enjoy my night and usually leave early.

I get a lot of sympathy and the same old questions. When the guys or gals say things to me like "why are you so beautiful and your single?" or " when are you going to find Mr. Right" of "I have a cousin Joe who has a friend who was blown away when I showed him your picture"..... When the matchmakers come after me or just the ones that find me so pathetic because I don't have a man. I have found a strange solution that nips it in the bud...and it works every time.

I LIE.

I tell them that my Sensei made me promise to stay single for 7 years. I have to do it as part of a special Martial Arts training program.
For some reason this shuts people up. I don't have to feel like a third wheel or a "loser". I stop getting those sorry puppy dog eyed looks. Woman stop tilting their head at me and saying " There's someone for you" " There is a lid for every pot" " blah blah ". I don't know why... but this Martial arts answer has been the most effective way I have been able to stop the pity party for poor lonely loser me. With no boyfriend for all these years..

OP.. My buttery chicken man... A few things I did do to brighten up my social circle was to join a fellowship. I joined two. I went back to church regularly. I joined an online local group that does outdoor nature activities.. I think apple picking or hayride is next event. I joined an online book club... a few more.

There are other ways to be social. You are charming and handsome. I think with your charisma and great sense of humor you could fit into any group. What's your hobbies? What do you like to do? You might meet someone you have a lot in common with.

I just found a group of guys that jam together on Tuesday night at a music store. We can use any instruments we want that are second hand. They are older guys but they are fun. We play a lot of music from the late 60's. I play keyboard. They are a group of old hippies. One looks like Keith Richards. True story.

There are plenty of ways to get out. When I felt discarded and excluded, God just put better people in my life. You might even find friends to bring along to these friends events that seem to be only for couples. I usually decline invites except for children's birthday parties , weddings or house parties where I know there will be some other singles to mingle with. You know real people that are still horny and fun because they aren't married.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 25
Odd man out
Posted: 9/8/2017 1:17:17 PM
Thanks Penny, I appreciate the effort !

Two of the couples that will be at the get together this Saturday are category number 8 because they're in the Honeymoon phase. UGH !

Rub it in why don't they ?

Get a room is right !

I had to " unfollow " one of them on FB cuz I had to run and vomit everytime I read his sappy posts about his wonderful, perfect honey bunny.....

Ok, I just made myself nauseous just remembering so I think....ya...I gotta go


Edit :

Ok, I feel ok now...

Ya, I have considered lying about having someone but " she had to work tonight " and then later I just say it didn't work out. Hmmm. Maybe I'll think of some outrageous things to say about a new fictitious gf to amuse myself in case I do end up going.


" Ya, she's a WELDER. She's got a temper , though , and punches really hard ! "

I dunno, I have til Saturday night to think up some goodies.
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