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 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1
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Decoding A Profile - HonestyPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
What has been your experience with how honest a person was with what they wrote in their profile? When they said they don't like or want someone who will bring drama into their lives, did you find they already had drama? Was the person as active as they said they would be? Did they really do any of the interests they had a listed, or were they just filler for their profile? Did they fit their personal personality description of perhaps being honest, caring, good-natured, have a sense of humor or being light in spirit (easygoing)? Did affectionate really mean clingy or needy? What did the person say vs. how they really were?
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 2
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/9/2017 10:07:16 PM
Been many years, but my experience was mostly that people wrote a Wish List of the things they wanted to do ... things they had a mild interest in, but never persued. Things they needed to be dragged to in order to experience because they were too afraid to do it alone, or simply lacked the patience to plan it out, or the dedication to follow through.

This is true of weekly workouts, walking on the beach, travel, going back to school, finishing projects around the house, ALL that back-burner stuff outside the daily routine of working, eating, and making sure your family is alive. Most people suck at going that extra mile and making the effort to check off things on their Goal List.

"I like to do X" more frequently means "I would like to experience X, or be a spectator of X to see if I really like it". Tough as nails to really get them out there, though. People do the easy stuff - meet at a coffee shop, go bowling, see a movie, sit on a couch and watch NETFLIX.

The real outgoing types are rare - and they will do what they like regardless of company or approval. EVERYBODY wants to tag along, but dammit, you've got to get off the couch. All too often it seems too scary for most people, that makes it hard to meet new people with new habits, or activities outside your social circle.

How to decode a profile? It's all just words until they show up. Every time, all the way to the altar or the shared home.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 3
Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/10/2017 5:02:32 AM
To determine the answers, correctly, to the questions that are being asked within the OP, I would think we would have to really, truly know the person that the profile was trying to reflect. And to actually know a person, time spent with them is a major requirement. That means more than a few "dates".

And that hasn't ever happened in here in the pond for me.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 4
Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/10/2017 5:37:36 AM
I read a few local profiles who mentioned they didn't want drama...and then talked about the experiences in drama they had, as a reason. There was a woman who said she couldn't stand men who BS, and listed her occupation as "mixologist". I figure she met plenty of BSers as a bartender. I did meet w/ a lass who mentioned sushi and diving as interests, and figured out correctly that she had tried them on vacation and decided she liked them....but not enough to actually pay to do them. I met another lass who claimed she no longer had first date sex, but we couldn't find anything else to do (and I took her at her word, so I didn't bother to offer Netflix and chill, tho of course that saying didn't exist back then). A third woman listed "engaged" on her profile, but she admitted she used that to scare men off and only responded to those she was interested in.

I figure if someone looks good enough in their photos, we'll still take a chance on them. so long as we listen well to what they say, we might catch some red flags...and decide if they are worth overcoming or not.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 5
Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/10/2017 5:40:41 AM
On-line dating is not much different than job hunting. The profile is the resume, the initial contact is the interview, and the first few dates is the probationary period. Everybody is on their best behavior and have their guard up until after they feel the probationary period is over.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 6
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/10/2017 8:20:39 AM
I have encountered many women who list museums, opera, theatre, all kinds of high brow stuff. In the beginning, 7 years ago, I would skip over all such profiles. Then I started contacting some of those women, to see if they really meant it. It has been my experience that only about 1 in 3 women who mention museums actually go to a museum on any kind of regular basis. Less than 1 in 3 for opera, and perhaps slightly above 1 in 3 for theatre.

And the good news is – you don’t actually have to go with them, even if they do go. The ones who actually do the high brow stuff usually have friends / support group that they go with already. I did meet one woman who was fairly active in fund raising, both political and charity. She wanted a male companion, someone to dress up, take her to these events, and be socially acceptable.

https://www.wmagazine.com/story/history-of-walking-companions

Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last long.

I have found that the women who list really athletic endeavors (extreme hiking, kayaking, scuba diving, etc, etc) actually do tend to do exactly what they talk about in their profiles.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 7
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/10/2017 6:49:28 PM

The profile is the resume, the initial contact is the interview, and the first few dates is the probationary period. Everybody is on their best behavior and have their guard up until after they feel the probationary period is over.


This is precisely why I tell people to write their opening letters the EXACT same way they would write to a FRIEND. After all the pretense is dropped and you get to the weekly chats and visits - what kind of stuff are you going to talk about? The daily grind, what went wackly at work, the outrageous thing your Dad said, etc.

So...write you letter this way - it's your DAILY LIFE - and this is the world someone will be walking into, so let them know how it fits.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 8
Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/10/2017 7:11:36 PM
I learned early on ................to pay little heed to the 'Looking for' or 'About Me' section, and only slightly more to the 'Interest' list.
Mostly fluff and filler.

I wanted a man on a motorcycle, ready for 2 riders. I joined an OLD site for bikers.
I needed a man, close to his children / family.
I desired a man ready and willing to be a partner in a LTR.

I viewed his pics, and listened carefully to every word he wrote or spoke.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 9
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/10/2017 7:30:09 PM
Jellybeans, that was so funny!

For interests, I could see one guy that I dated listed things to pad his list of interest, because he really didn't want to do anything. The tip-off is when someone lists affection as an interest, lol. Sometimes it will say I have too many interests to list or I have the same interests as you. Then there's the good old "loves to laugh" as an interest. I know some people think they need to wait until retirement to do anything entertaining. I was never like that and started traveling and doing things as soon as I had a job and could afford to. I do like the profiles where the guy will say he is open to trying new interests and what you do.

Then there are the men and the woman that list their weight as average and take a picture from their chest up like no one is going to catch on to that. The last thing I'd want to do is lie about who I am and then see a look of disappointment on someone's face.

When I see a man put the effort in to craft a decent profile, I think wow, he's got a lot going on. Those profiles are so interesting and engaging. Not every guy is a wordsmith, but I love reading a profile where you can really get a sense of who the person is.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 10
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/10/2017 10:49:05 PM
Online dating profiles are ADVERTISING. Nothing more, nothing less. It's an IMAGE created to show a person as being attractive enough for someone else to take an interest in it - and how much of that is truthful really doesn't matter. Anything and everything can be creatively tilted to sell an image. A clown sells cheeseburgers. A tiger sells frosted flakes. A hot bag of air sells an image that gets him elected President. What the heck does an ad that looks like Transformers movie have to do with shaving every morning? Nothing - but repeated exposures to that image and that message creates an ILLUSION that keeps us tied into the product. How much of 'More' or 'Better' can be used until a person is genuinely fraudulent?

Someone who has biologically produced offspring IS a parent - even if they haven't seen them in 15 years.

Someone who competes competitively at a sport can qualify as an 'athlete', even if what they do is bowling or golfing with a cart.

Someone who has been in prison for 20 years and recently paroled can possibly be 'debt free' and ready to travel - right?

No matter how these ads are worded and presented - the perception of the reader is all that matters. That doesn't mean they are always right. The same sentence with no context and be translated six different ways (or more) by six different people. The trick with being a good READER of profiles is realizing the other possible angles one could see into the same text, and not selfishly realize that their first translation is the ONLY translation that could possibly be right.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 11
Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/11/2017 5:42:40 AM
yes ^^^, but....

sometimes, what a person puts in their profile, is what THEY think they see in the mirror. Some people may hype themselves up, knowing they have to do it to seem more interesting (otherwise they wouldn't be here looking for a date, they'd have met someone IRL). But other people honestly believe what they put down about themselves. You may not be able to "read" their lie during a convo, b/c they don't think they are lying so they don't hesitate, etc. so you have to judge what they say, rather than how they say it.
 PinkyAndTheBrain83
Joined: 3/14/2017
Msg: 12
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/11/2017 6:20:33 AM
Well in my personal experience i haven't talked to many who told total truth. I have met people who proved to be honest. And when we finally met they were being honest. I guess go with your gut if you can trust it.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 13
Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/11/2017 6:51:37 AM
I tend to be skeptical about the weekend warrior profiles. People that mention they go camping, hiking, skiing etc almost every weekend. They might do these things. But probably as often as they claim. I also had dates with multiple women that claimed to be big sports fans. But they didn't know some of the basic rules or facts about these sports.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 14
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/11/2017 9:42:37 AM
On the subject of sports fans: I have found this to vary considerably, the biggest spread being between those who mention a college team versus those who mention a pro team. For most women who claim to be fans of the local NFL franchise, what they’re actually trying to communicate is, “I don’t mind if you watch football on Sunday afternoons”.

On the other hand, those who mention their alma mater actually do tend to be fans.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 15
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/11/2017 2:00:00 PM

For most women who claim to be fans of the local NFL franchise, what they’re actually trying to communicate is, “I don’t mind if you watch football on Sunday afternoons”.


Also in that realm are people who SAY they like the sport, but what they truly LIKE is that the sporting event is an opportunity for Family & Friends to gather and hang out - either at home, a park, or a stadium. In short - the sport creates the opportunity for a SOCIAL EVENT - and that is the event they actually like. The sport is irrelevant.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 16
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/11/2017 3:07:13 PM

What has been your experience with how honest a person was with what they wrote in their profile?

You take it as a grain of salt. Depends on what they write, etc.

When they said they don't like or want someone who will bring drama into their lives, did you find they already had drama?

I think everyone's had drama. If they make that the mantra of their whole profile, yeah -- usually butt-hurt over a past relationship or series of dates and is dramatic. But saying it in passing, ehhh -- maybe not that much. Skepticism from an online newbie isn't something to run from.

Was the person as active as they said they would be?

If they looked in great shape, yes. If not, ehh -- standard exaggeration via shedding lots of light, like a resume -- see hobbies/interests as well. Same boat.

Did they fit their personal personality description of perhaps being honest, caring, good-natured, have a sense of humor or being light in spirit (easygoing)?

There's a difference between honesty & accuracy. Higher level of lacking accuracy. Plus, people don't know themselves as well as they think, and how they are varies based on who they're with, much of the time.

Did affectionate really mean clingy or needy?

Not really, but you'll find them there, sure.

What did the person say vs. how they really were?

Usually not much to go on. Many times profiles are vague, so you can't say they didn't hit the dartboard much of the time. Point is, don't put too much stock in it -- which upsets some people on here because they expect what they write to be worth it's weight in gold and GASP at someone writing them that doesn't fit line-item of their very specific stuff - lol. But substantial differences like "no [race] men/women" when you clearly are, or "must be taller than me" when you're shorter, or "must live within 50 miles" when you live 100 miles away -- yeah, I can understand some eye-rolling there.

In the end, if it's just standard with nothing really weird jumping out of the profile, don't start putting much stock in anything about them until you meat.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 17
Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/11/2017 3:08:33 PM
Typo on an earlier post. Correction in caps.

I tend to be skeptical about the weekend warrior profiles. People that mention they go camping, hiking, skiing etc almost every weekend. They might do these things. But probably NOT as often as they claim.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 18
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/11/2017 4:02:02 PM
People who like college teams are pretty passionate about them, maybe more so than NFL teams. I do like my football (Seahawks), but also admit I'm sure I don't know enough about the rules, even though I have been watching it for years. My ex didn't like watching any sports, so it's something that I did afterwards and mostly on my own. I have gone to a Superbowl and then following that the Pro Bowl in Hawaii. That was with an x-bf. I cut the cord with cable last year, but I used to love that Showtime football show that was hosted by Phil Simms and Boomer Esiason. Those two are so funny together!

south city, When I was married I was hiking and camping almost every weekend from April to September. Then randomly during the winter. I have great weather here to be hiking and camping year round. During vacation, I used to do longer camping trips. When I say camping, I'm not talking about driving up to a state park and plopping there. Most times it's in the wilderness, except for when I had a pop-up camper and did go to state parks. Most of my camping spots with a pop-up were right on the waterfront with views a person couldn't afford if they lived in a house facing them. To wake up surrounded by nature and see no one is a wonderful thing!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 19
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/12/2017 2:19:12 PM

People who like college teams are pretty passionate about them, maybe more so than NFL teams. I do like my football (Seahawks), but also admit I'm sure I don't know enough about the rules

It's more passionate because there's more, and it's where they went -- or if not going to college where their parents went to, visited a lot, right near-by. It's more "niche". The biggest college stadiums hold over 100k. You don't know the rules?! :) It's easy. Rules differ very little between college & NFL. But here's the basic rules:

You get 4 tries (downs), to go 10 yards -- to get a "1st down" -- or a New set of 4 tries (downs) again, to go another 10 yards. On your last "try" aka "down" -- the 4th one -- you either Punt it, or you kick a FG if you're in FG position, where you think your kicker could get it thru the uprights (for 3 pts). When you score a TD (6 pts) by getting it into the endzone, you can then either kick an extra point -- which is an easy FG -- for 1 point, or you can "go for 2" -- where the ball's placed just a few yards before the endzone and you get One try to get it in for 2pts instead (ya only do this if you Need to).

In college, the main difference between that and NFL is the clock stops on a getting a "1st down" (getting a new set of 4 tries/downs). And also, unlike the NFL, they don't have a 2-minute warning game timeout when there's only 2m left in each half.

There, that's the basic rules. :) Canadian football is more complex and funky in their rules. It's due to the maple syrup, I believe. ;)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 20
Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/12/2017 3:26:22 PM

south city, When I was married I was hiking and camping almost every weekend from April to September. Then randomly during the winter. I have great weather here to be hiking and camping year round.


Okay. So maybe some people are being honest about being weekend warriors. However I still think there are many people that at least exaggerate about the frequency they take part in these activities and others that maybe went hiking, skiing, or camping a handful of times in their life.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 21
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/12/2017 6:03:50 PM
NG, I do understand that stuff, I guess it's about when they say things like someone is offsides, and if they didn't say it, it isn't something that I would notice from watching the game, and other calls that they make that I wouldn't realize unless it was being announced. Then there's the 2 pt conversion. When I was in New York I was a big Mets fan, but now I am really into football big time, which happened to coincide with my Seahawks winning the Superbowl a couple of years ago.

South city, it would come down to how passionate people are about doing those things, because if you are, you have seasonal constraints and want to get in as much time doing those activities while you can. For men that love to do things like ski or hike. You can tell that they do it all the time, because they specifically say they want a partner for skiing or hiking or maybe golfing because they love to do it. When it's a passing fancy, they may just list it as an interest. The thing is, if you are an avid hiker it's not easy to have someone just come along with you like that on a weekend hiking where a person would have to have certain muscles built up and aerobic fitness along with a mindset to push through tough hikes.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 22
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/13/2017 12:03:42 AM

I guess it's about when they say things like someone is offsides, and if they didn't say it, it isn't something that I would notice from watching the game

If they say it, but didn't say it? :) You mean if an offsides was called, you wouldn't notice it unless someone you're sitting next to pointed it out? Not watching the TV? :) They'll display it on the screen, and many times the ref will blurt it out too. And a 5 yard penalty, and they'll put their hands on their waist, then point to the side it's off on for offsides. Easy to deduce even when the sound's off. But it sounds like you know the Rules -- confused on the calls when the sound's off or something?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 23
Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/13/2017 9:41:00 AM

South city, it would come down to how passionate people are about doing those things, because if you are, you have seasonal constraints and want to get in as much time doing those activities while you can. For men that love to do things like ski or hike. You can tell that they do it all the time, because they specifically say they want a partner for skiing or hiking or maybe golfing because they love to do it. When it's a passing fancy, they may just list it as an interest.


I still don't think you can completely tell just from a profile. They may claim that want an activity partner. But don't take part in these activities as often as they claim because of money, time, or other constraints. I know a woman that likes hiking. But even when there is optimal weather, she does it on average about twice a month because of her work schedule, children, and other commitments that prevent her from going hiking more often.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 24
Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/13/2017 10:09:39 AM
and just to throw in some devil advocacy...someone might be doing all those outside-the-house events in the hopes of meeting someone. so once they get a partner, they may decrease the need for the activity.

the cynic in me wonders, however...if we were honest, how many of us would still be successful at dating? :) Not to defend telling whoppers, but many turn to OLD b/c they aren't meeting people in real life. Either they don't come off well in person, or anyone who could hook them up with a friend refuses b/c they know that person too well to make a friend suffer.

I know, i'm a pessimist, but I didn't say ALL, I said many (I could have said a few, except for the number of people here who complain about what they find online).
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 25
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Decoding A Profile - Honesty
Posted: 9/13/2017 11:06:48 AM
No drama...Has lots of drama.
No games...Only applies to you not to them.
No liars or cheaters...Only applies to you not to them
No one night stands...Tired of being pumped and dumped.
Likes to travel...As long as you pay.
Likes fine dining...As long as you pay.
Likes the finer things in life...As long as you pay.
Kids are my world...You'll be squeezed in when there's time.

Expect to invest a lot to get back very little.
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