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 elsumadiola
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 1
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What to do with this woman! Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
So your partner of 5 years talks to an ex lover residing in another state for 5 months behind your back. Then she breaks up with you and want's her own place because yours isn't good enough. After you're broke up for a month you start to rekindle things but then you find out about the phone calls and texts to this ex lover. Because you love her and you're an ugly idiot and she's pretty hot, you have little choice but to allow her to try and rebuild the trust, she agrees to transparency to her social media sites as a way to prove she isn't hiding things/ "relationship probation/building back the trust by giving you a warrant to check up on things if your mind starts to wonder if she's up to no good". You never had her phone or email passwords but you had her FB password. HOWEVER, recently you got in a small blowout and broke up for a day and 2 minutes after you tell her you're going to find out if she's up to no good she immediately changes her password claiming you would have done something stupid on her page since you were angry; even after she acknowledged you never abused the access to her account. You re-mend the relationship after the last fight but now she says she isn't giving the password back as if she rebuilt all the trust she broke OR you're supposed to extend her a full line of credit in the trust department. She rarely got on FB when you had the password but recently she's on FB on and off ALL DAY.. She gets on every 20-60 minutes and usually stays on for 5-60 minutes or more (I only do this when responding to messages or in some discussion on a post but I use my account for business and her's is pleasure/entertainment). When you seen she got on FB for about the 5th or 6th time in one hour and she hasn't posted any discussions or anything you call her and interrupt to see how she reacts.. and telling me what it was she was doing on FB and make a conversation out of it that defuses the situation and clears the suspicious behavior, of course she acted annoyed that I was calling her, saying we just talked an hour ago (well ok, I think... kind of understandable but what in the **** is drawing her back to FB every 5-20 minutes?????, )

My most logical solution is that she's messaging people, commenting and liking cute guys photo's, etc. (otherwise she would've shared the interesting things she's been doing on FB) She's been happier lately and even hornier this past week, I'm assuming it's probably from all the flirting she's doing with different guys through messenger. I think she's shopping around for a replacement, especially since she gives me the minimal/just enough to keep me around as long as I don't question her or try to have any serious conversations. Then when you you question her recent excessive online presence (But she complains about all the things she has to do that she doesn't get done when you're around but has all this time to be on FB) she gets defensive and angry... then she'll turn the subject saying "you did this and you did that so... " She is absolutely refusing to give her password so I can verify things and check randomly so you can start to trust her again she says she's an adult, you're not her father and she isn't giving it to you but will let you look at her account when you're together.. (meaning plenty of time to clean any dirt and messages up, and then she'll sit and question, harass, throw guilt and rush you to check her account while she's staring at you sulking.) Many times when you randomly check her account every two weeks to a month she'll say to you "You're not going to find anything/told you you wouldn't find anything".. To me this isn't something an innocent person would say.. I'd believe an innocent person wouldn't try to avoid the subject and wouldn't be angry but more concerned about proving and convincing their partner that "they aren't and won't do anything else to betray your trust".. They would give you the information to check all their accounts if and when you want to because they want you to trust them again and they ****ed up so that's the price to pay to earn the trust back and therefore since they "love" you it's a small sacrifice to make until enough trust is built back up.

I have to add that she seems to be building her new life in a new home and is real bossy when you're there. She's wanting her privacy, doesn't/won't give you a key to her place, and when you use her vehicle to run to the store she give's you the spare keys now instead of the main key chain which has the house key on it (doesn't want you making a copy) She gets mad as hell when you question her about online activity and how it looks from your end. She freaked out lately because you were going to stay 3 days, telling you she wants her "me time"/"alone" time. (You guys lived together for 5 years , Then six months ago she got her own place against your approval) Sex patterns have changed for the worse and you literally get reamed when you ask for sex and have to approach the subject very delicately when you want some. This past week she's been kind of giving regarding sex (meaning she'll let you do stuff to her but you have to suggest and straight out ask for her to do things to you).. Funny thing is she hasn't been normal downstairs... meaning she was all horny and worked up monday through wednesday but couldn't get off and made it to where sex happened where there was a limited amount of time. Thursday her **** isn't wet and open/ready to receive like it was Monday and Wed but on top of it she was sore, dry and tight.. (all signs of a **** that's just been ****ed good very recently).. She wasn't sore from me because we barely had any sex on Monday and Tuesday. Friday she blew off sex till she was too exhausted, and Saturday we screwed around for a few hours but unlike usual I couldn't get her to squirt and she couldn't get as wet as she was in the beginning of the week. In addition I've been having problems keeping it up with her, not like usual.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 2
What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/18/2017 4:40:12 AM
I think you should write her a long letter telling her how conflicted you are.

Then mix 3 heaping tablespoons of Metamucil in a glass of water. Consume.
 MizPurl
Joined: 6/11/2016
Msg: 3
What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/18/2017 5:02:05 AM
Doesn't sound you like each other very much.
No trust would be a big issue.....no way to live. Constantly checking on each other.
Do you both a huge favour and leave.

I had a guy friend tell me once he stayed with a cheater because...."He considered what he had was the best he'd ever get"....smh
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 4
do the letters PW come to mind?
Posted: 9/18/2017 5:29:36 AM
Some people let their schlong be the pointer on their moral compass. You know very well, if she was in your league looks-wise, you wouldn't put up with her behavior. But her hot looks make her seem irreplaceable in your life. So what is the high price you pay for this? You risk catching an STD and getting your nerves shot, while she walks all over you knowing she has you wrapped around her...finger.

There is absolutely nothing broken on her end of this, that she needs to fix. So why would she fix it? YOU have to fix your end, by deciding you are worth more than a piece of arm candy. A guy who puts up with crap from a hot chick, doesn't impress winners. I used to work w/ a guy who dated a girl like you described, b/c when he took her into dive bars he got props from...the types of guys who were in dive bars. Everyone else lost respect for him ignoring signs his good friend was getting some on the side while she leading him around by the nose. Some women ovulate and get frisky when their body tells them there's an egg to fertilize, once a month around the days you mentioned the behavior last week. You're likely not getting the erections you used to b/c your head is not getting in the game, but getting in the way of the game. ie, You're thinking about all the downsides.

No one misses what won't go away. For whatever reason, she doesn't respect you as much as she did, if she did. Get your legs under you, tell her things aren't working, and you don't need her anymore. and then mean it. Find someone in your league, get treated with more respect, and wonder why you put up with all this.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 5
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do the letters PW come to mind?
Posted: 9/18/2017 9:27:25 AM
Constantly surprised by the TMI levels of personal stuff that people put on a forum that's available to view by anyone at any time, for as long as it's in existence. Too late now, of course...

As has been pointed out, OP: you don't like each other very much, don't trust each other very much, and aren't getting your needs met very much. Is your self-esteem that weak?
 AKA_Nobody
Joined: 9/4/2017
Msg: 6
do the letters PW come to mind?
Posted: 9/18/2017 10:08:45 AM
Dear god. Forty-one years old and this is your life?

I suggest you reevaluate. Everything.

PS: You are just a smidgeon controlling/obsessive.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 7
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What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/18/2017 10:11:21 AM
You don't like her, she doesn't like you, but you both like to use each other. You are both guilty of the same thing, whine if you must, but please stop pretending. Lots of people love drama.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 8
What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/18/2017 10:49:13 AM
The Op says:



Thursday her **** isn't wet and open/ready to receive like it was Monday and Wed but on top of it she was sore, dry and tight.. (all signs of a **** that's just been ****ed good




Its amazing how disillusioned some pple are!

have you ever heard of the term "trading up"?
This is exactly what it seems that she is doing...she is trading up.
I am surprised she is still dealing with you

Partner of 5 years?
In those 5 years did she think of you as more than just a walking penis?
Were you engaged? Did she ever say she loved you? Or were you just FB's all this time.

Man, get real; be glad you got all this sex from somebody outta your league, and move on...before you get any older!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 9
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What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/18/2017 11:04:30 AM
Amazing that this thread is posted 3 times.

OP...She'll keep coming back to you when her other options are dry. She seems to bring out your worst insecurities. You'll be better off without her.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 10
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What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/18/2017 12:31:47 PM
Basically, you've been caught up in this long-term relationship you emotionally can't get yourself out of, because you're hooked. You're frustrated, and focused on winning her over, because she's better looking than you (but a little craziness goes along with it, which is NORMAL for that when they're social gals). You're not happy, she's not happy. She'll go thru period of time chasing down guys (or allowing them to on her) -- and you'd be a Fool to think she hasn't been plowed by another guy, during this defunct relationship.

She wants out too, but attachment's with her as well. You're not going to ride off in the sunset with her. In this elongated period of time of the relationship prior to breaking up, you can ride this wave or aim to move on. Do the latter. Don't focus on winning her over. Don't follow your "gut" -- as your "gut" wants the Attachment thing. It's tough, yes. Tough for her, too. She moved out, she's different -- she's starting to move on which will make the actual Full breakup feasible in the future. I suggest you do the same. You're not going to ride off in the sunset with her, and you logically know it'd be the worst bet in Vegas that you would. You're just following your emotion not to Feel like you lost. But in the end, that will be More painful. You break up with her, suddenly she will change some -- and you will feel Much Less like you're losing -- but don't do it to win her heart. It's feasible for a Temporary basis, as that's all it'd be. Focus on getting your feet wet in the dating scene with others, and break it off with her. Be in the OFF-AGAIN portion for a good while. You'll probably kinda see her here and there, etc -- but you want to ween yourself off as much as possible and NOT focus on winning her over. Focus on Moving On as your goal. Don't follow your "gut".
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 11
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What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/18/2017 2:51:27 PM
Grow some self esteem.

Yours is one of the worse unnecessary drama threads ever posted.

You are a prime example of a drama king.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 12
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What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/18/2017 2:56:59 PM
OP, before you can think about"what to do with this woman" please think about what to do with yourself first. Stay from dramas and people who create them. Why would you want to surround yourself with such headaches?

You've been given great advice by other forumites here. Best of luck
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 13
What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/18/2017 3:23:01 PM
OP wrote:
So your partner of 5 years talks to an ex lover residing in another state for 5 months behind your back. Then she breaks up with you and want's her own place because yours isn't good enough. After you're broke up for a month you start to rekindle things but then you find out about the phone calls and texts to this ex lover. Because you love her and you're an ugly idiot and she's pretty hot, you have little choice but to allow her to try and rebuild the trust, she agrees to transparency to her social media sites as a way to prove she isn't hiding things/ "relationship probation/building back the trust by giving you a warrant to check up on things if your mind starts to wonder if she's up to no good".


OMG This woman moved on long ago. She's got her own place, talking to men she likes< yes you are an ugly (and rather dim) idiot. Spare yourself any more humiliation and just DON'T GO THERE< She does not want you. She does not want to have sex with you ever again. Hence the 'dryness'<<< Lordy
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 14
What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/18/2017 3:37:42 PM
This one time at band camp.......
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 15
What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/18/2017 3:41:15 PM
I stopped reading after this :

". Because you love her and you're an ugly idiot and she's pretty hot, you have little choice but to allow her to try and rebuild the trust "




You need professional help
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 16
What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/19/2017 6:09:38 PM

So your partner of 5 years talks to an ex lover residing in another state for 5 months behind your back.



I stopped reading after this
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 17
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What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/19/2017 7:12:59 PM
You're 41 and can't figure this out? I hope after writing that novelette it made things a little clearer, sometimes seeing things in print helps. You need to learn to have adult relationships, this reminds me of high school.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 18
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What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/20/2017 9:59:47 AM
It was over when you thought you needed her facebook password to trust her. All over then. Somethings can be fixed. Somethings get completely shattered and there is no way to pick up the pieces and glue it all back together. Your relationship is now a relationshit. Flush it.

You couldn't get her to squirt? Whoa. Way too much info... but if she disrespects you in the ways you have described in your diatribe here than how could the sex be worthwhile. You can't keep it up but you are putting up with all of her bull shit. You see how that is working for you?
I don't.

Pffft... Getting her password isn't going to stop her from f8cking around if that is what she is capable of and wanting to do. It's infantile to even think that will give you some kind of security. You are insecure and nothing on the outside is going to fix that. It is an inside job!
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 19
What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/20/2017 10:27:40 AM
This thread has been posted 3 different times??? - makes us wonder if the OP is a troll.......

but since he IS seeking attention and "advice"

here is my post I placed in the "Broken hearts" forum

My eyes are bleeding after that "wall o' text".......

but that being said.....I stopped reading it at the point where you said "she's pretty hot". - that speaks volumes of what she gets away with because "she's pretty hot".

Buddy.....she is doing nothing but "breadcrumbing you" with this on/off crap.

What you need is a REAL woman with some intelligence and substance. Move on and find one who has that.

If you need to have her passwords for social media and check her phone.....that means you don't trust her........no matter how "hot" she is. - She almost sounds like a garden variety whore since she is flirting and shopping around for your replacement.

You want to be with this "pretty hot" gal......yet.....you are on a dating site.....so you must be looking for someone to replace her......-so which is it? Are you BOTH looking for replacements?????

You are 41 years old - or so your profile states......in other words.....you aren't in high school anymore......and this type of behavior is what both of you are engaging in??? Sounds like a soap opera with loads of drama to me.....all because "she's pretty hot".

P.S. You ask what to do???

Well......you can start by using the brain between your ears.....not the one down below.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 4/3/2017
Msg: 20
What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/20/2017 11:49:47 AM

So your partner of 5 years talks to an ex lover residing in another state for 5 months behind your back. Then she breaks up with you and want's her own place because yours isn't good enough. After you're broke up for a month you start to rekindle things but then you find out about the phone calls and texts to this ex lover. Because you love her and you're an ugly idiot and she's pretty hot, you have little choice but to allow her to try and rebuild the trust, she agrees to


I had a snack and a tasty beverage, so I had hunkered down figuring I'd try to read this whole post.
But I stopped reading after the above.

You're ugly, she's hot and you have little choice?

Gads.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 21
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What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/21/2017 6:20:47 PM
I think Mustang pretty much nailed it.

My 2 cents, you were together for 5 years and you never proposed or try to do anything to solidify the relationship (?), so that could be why she moved on. Ever think of that? She's not sitting around and waiting for you, but I guess she will throw you a few crumbs if you stick around and if that's what you want, then by all means hang around, but you will never be elevated to the status you once had. If all you are offering is sex, a woman can get sex anywhere. Too little too late, she has moved on.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 22
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What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/21/2017 7:10:50 PM
I think we're supplying field research for someone's term paper.
 omgbeckyyy
Joined: 12/8/2016
Msg: 23
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What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/22/2017 1:47:17 PM
hmmmmmmmmmmmm
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 24
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What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/22/2017 2:00:40 PM
That initial post looks like far too much to read.
Maybe he will return to write a shorter version.
What to do with this woman!
Posted: 9/23/2017 2:55:17 PM

I think we're supplying field research for someone's term paper.


In the time it took to read the OP, I carried a baby to term ...
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