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 JeansAndTux
Joined: 10/19/2017
Msg: 1
Proper Messaging Etiquettes?Page 1 of 1    
The more I'm messaging women the more I get frustrated. Why? Because it's usually a one-sided "conversation".

If ask you about something, ie." Are you from these parts?" "How long have you been here" "How was your weekend".

They usually always answer but do not reciprocate the question, such as "I grew up north, YOURSELF?" "Only been here for a few weeks, YOU?" "Weekend was good, I did blabla, how about YOU?".

It's becoming frustrating enough for me to discontinue "conversation" after 3 to 5 questions.

For me, it's hard enough to adjust to the fact that messaging lacks many elements that constitute a stimulating conversation. But it makes it a lot worse when it's one-sided.

Am I being unreasonable?

d
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 2
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Posted: 10/24/2017 2:03:43 PM
Sadly "reason" has nothing to do with it. Just as with office memos, packing "instructions" or "user guides", common sense language doesn't apply.

It is what it is - and that is very, very, informal, and mostly incommunicative. Most people don't answer. Most who answer, do so in single words, or single sentences. Finding a coversationalist is a fool's task on a dating site. ( ---> See Political Boards for long-winded diatribes )

The goal of a dating site is to get dates and get OFF THE SITE. So, ask for a date ASAP. Get a phone number ASAP, and USE your phone AS a phone, and call to speak with your vocal chords, rather then send endless half-thoughts known as "texts".

Abandon your quest for "proper" form in Dating Messages, and also in this Forum. Do your best to a least find someone who can communicate in more than two syllable words. There are no language masters here.

Good luck!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 3
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Posted: 10/25/2017 1:57:24 AM

If ask you about something, ie." Are you from these parts?" "How long have you been here" "How was your weekend".

They usually always answer but do not reciprocate the question, such as "I grew up north, YOURSELF?" "Only been here for a few weeks, YOU?" "Weekend was good, I did blabla, how about YOU?".

I can understand that. You'll need a more not-heard-so-many-times question when it's so short. I would ditch the "How was your weekend" -- you don't know them. Only when it comes to some Holiday weekend I could understand, but still. You're relying on Them to tell you a bunch of stuff, or for them to just "ping" back, which you can't complain.

You don't want to send it like a text though. Not an essay, but not just 1 sentence. Your opener could many times be 3 non-long sentences... if her profile is pretty bare, two is fine. ("I came across your profile as your smile caught my eye. I like [what you said about (this) | (that thing) in one of your pics]. Are you originally from [our area]?")

The usual problem is to get a 2nd response. Usually if they're not interested, they'll give you the shortest answer possible, and won't respond to your next. But if they are responding to your next, and they're just 3-worded responses, then you may just be sending her bland heard-it-before-blah one-sentence texts.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 4
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Posted: 10/25/2017 12:35:30 PM
I have been down this road many times. It can be very frustrating, and I have adopted the following technique - I simply ask straight out, "Are you interested in meeting?"

If the answer is yes, then my next question will be, "How about Saturday morning, 11 a.m., for a casual brunch at the Empire Cafe, 1701 Westheimer? A nice little place with outside tables and interesting people watching."

Asking them what they do, did they have a nice day, are they enjoying this beautiful weather will work if and only if you have a real conversationalist on your hands. And most people aren't.

When you're getting one or two word replies, with no real efforts, just ASK. Go for it. What in the h-e-double-l do you have to lose at that point?
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 5
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Posted: 10/25/2017 2:18:58 PM

Am I being unreasonable?


I'm no Brad Pitt but I'm no Brad Shitt either and I know how to treat a lady 'very' well. It's a passion.

Consider the end of the first paragraph of your long profile^^^ I think that is as far a typical respondent is getting if they read at all. Now, don't you even feel better, considering you wrote all that, and only one or two are reading? I would not write this in my profile but will readily concede it is an example of good bait if you want to catch something. A little bad boy attitude, and the real curiosity of what "getting treated 'very' well" means. We can't say who's responding, but if you are getting two word answers, they are waiting for you to make the first move, if you pardon me for saying my second double entendre in this paragraph: whether it be trick or be treat - a unresolved question.

The rest of the profile is too detailed to hold the attention span of someone responding as you describe - do you see where I'm going with this? Try some women closer to your age and you will likely get longer conversation, if you like that, and maybe even friend-zoned before you meet them ;-)
9
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 6
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Posted: 10/25/2017 2:33:57 PM

Because it's usually a one-sided "conversation".


They usually always answer but do not reciprocate the question

This indicates a lack of interest.

It's becoming frustrating enough for me to discontinue "conversation" after 3 to 5 questions.

Yes, this is proper messaging etiquette.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 7
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Posted: 10/26/2017 1:19:21 PM
I like the reply from ohenryx. It's what I would expect a guy who's interested in meeting me IRL does. The sooner you meet, the better. Will weed out a lot of flakes. Meet somewhere public and just a quick cuppa for the first time. If you both click, there're plenty of opportunities to get to know each other later.

I'd been through something similar as well, OP. Guys who could hold convos and ask me out early, would get to meet me. One of them is now my bf.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 8
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Posted: 10/26/2017 1:27:42 PM
I agree with the ones who said stop wasting your time and theirs with useless questions and just ask them out.

If they're interested in meeting you, they will, and if they're not, you're better off knowing it sooner rather than later.

Times have changed. Nobody is interested in endless online back and forth anymore - at least the ones who are interested in meeting real people aren't. The ones who want to chat don't meet. The ones who want to meet don't chat.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 9
Proper Messaging Etiquettes?
Posted: 10/26/2017 2:32:11 PM
^^^Add to that, leave the cell phone off, in the car, or purse, or home. If you can't give someone undivided attention for a short period of time without reaching for the phone, date your phone instead.
 Texans8708
Joined: 4/3/2017
Msg: 10
Proper Messaging Etiquettes?
Posted: 11/3/2017 11:32:22 AM
I don't even know why guys still ask this shit. Just give it up and realize that these women on POF aint shit.....I just come to the forum to read the threads and laugh lol. WOmen come on here and give the worst advice to guys its hilarious
 EpitomeofaQueen
Joined: 10/24/2017
Msg: 11
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Posted: 11/3/2017 12:00:07 PM
"...at least the ones who are interested in meeting real people aren't. The ones who want to chat don't meet. The ones who want to meet don't chat."

I actually prefer to chat a little before jumping up and meeting someone that has shown little interest in me besides my photo. I have enough about me on my profile to start a quick chat. MANY will show interest in an attractive person, but what makes either special?

I usualy ask questions based on what's on their profile. If it's about them, I hardly find that information "useless." I agree that "Hello beautiful! How was your day, weekend or anything of that nature is reason to move on to the next message. If I want to know more about them based on our quick chat, I will meet with them.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 12
Proper Messaging Etiquettes?
Posted: 11/6/2017 9:15:15 AM
Maybe I'm missing something, but if they are putting the word "you" or "yourself" at the end of their reply, they are asking you a question?
 funfl31
Joined: 8/10/2017
Msg: 13
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Posted: 11/7/2017 5:49:27 AM
If you are looking for proper messaging, please simply use this, "I find you very attractive and think we could have fun together. Can we meet at (insert the where) on (insert a day this week) at (insert a time) for (insert the what dinner, drinks, coffee, etc)?".

Best opening line is always can I take you out with specifics whether online, in the bar, or at the grocery store. It shows actual interest, confidence, and the ability to make decisions. All very sexy assets in a man. At the worst, you are going to get no or I am busy that day/time which is easy to fix. It works in public even if you don't know if she is single. She'll mention that her husband/boyfriend would not like that, but she will be complimented.

Anyone who is offend by this is looking for a chat buddy and not worth your time. If you actually would like a little more information before meeting, ask specifics. The ones you are referencing are not that interested and a little rude or they would want to know about you as well.
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 14
Proper Messaging Etiquettes?
Posted: 1/5/2018 10:53:31 PM

I actually prefer to chat a little before jumping up and meeting someone that has shown little interest in me besides my photo. I have enough about me on my profile to start a quick chat. MANY will show interest in an attractive person, but what makes either special?

I usually ask questions based on what's on their profile. If it's about them, I hardly find that information "useless." I agree that "Hello beautiful! How was your day, weekend" or anything of that nature is reason to move on to the next message. If I want to know more about them based on our quick chat, I will meet with them


Exactly what she stated. I don't meet men just because they ask. What person in their right mind would even do that? I prefer some type of correspondence first. I'll be damned if I use my time, energy, gas and money to meet up with dud after dud just because I wanted to prove to him that I wasn't a flake. I need to make sure there's some kind of chemistry there first and that he is capable of holding some kind of conversation. Is he interesting because outside of physical appearance, what reason is there to meet up?

And as for the other reply that said write and express your attraction, that's redundant and stupid AF. Common sense says if a person is messaging you then it's clear that they find you attractive. You wouldn't walk up into Greek restaurant and tell the cashier "I'm here for Greek food". Duh, of course you're there for Greek food, why else would you have gone there. Same thing with messaging someone.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 15
Proper Messaging Etiquettes?
Posted: 1/6/2018 8:01:31 AM
On the second day of messaging, ask for her phone number. If the call goes well, set up a meet at the end of the call.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 16
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Posted: 1/8/2018 2:54:11 AM

If you can't give someone undivided attention for a short period of time without reaching for the phone, date your phone instead.


She shows up at the date looking pretty and seems excited. I marvel at my good fortune as she smiles at me as we are seated.
She pauses for a second, takes the cell phone out of her purse to place it face up in front of her.

The meal will continue, but the date is over.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 17
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Posted: 1/8/2018 12:28:45 PM
We are seeing some very diverse opinions here, which is reflective of the different attitudes and mindsets that people have. Which brings us back around to, “not a match”. I try to be reasonably flexible. Even though I prefer an early meeting, I will exchange a few messages before meeting if that’s what the lady wants, and if she appears to be worth the effort. But there are definite limits to my patience.


And I have to say, to message 14: you really, really sound like an entitled princess.


Seki1949
She shows up at the date looking pretty and seems excited. I marvel at my good fortune as she smiles at me as we are seated.
She pauses for a second, takes the cell phone out of her purse to place it face up in front of her.

The meal will continue, but the date is over.

Not if she’s pretty! Now average, ho hum, yeah, okay. But if she’s pretty, I can forgive / overlook a LOT.

But probably not the attitude exhibited in message 14. That kind of attitude is much worse than cell phone usage.
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 18
Proper Messaging Etiquettes?
Posted: 1/8/2018 1:38:46 PM
"And I have to say, to message 14: you really, really sound like an entitled princess."

I can't argue that but I completely understand and can relate to some extent to what she is saying.
 Bearfish13
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 19
Proper Messaging Etiquettes?
Posted: 1/8/2018 2:33:43 PM
there is no proper message etiquette,

since we are using a website that is, unfortunately very superficially based, your best bet is to hope the girl in question is attracted to you. If that is established and you guys message frequently and by that you can move from this site to the phone depending on how you gauge it.
 sasssysaskia
Joined: 1/6/2018
Msg: 20
Proper Messaging Etiquettes?
Posted: 1/9/2018 11:06:40 AM
If she is interested enough she’ll reciprocate, if not then it’s just a fleeting interest which you can change by making meaningful conversation.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 21
Proper Messaging Etiquettes?
Posted: 1/10/2018 3:55:10 PM

And I have to say, to message 14: you really, really sound like an entitled princess.


I can understand wanting an email, text and/or phone conversation with someone before setting up a date/meeting. But the tone or how she expressed her statement could be off putting.
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