Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Rejection...      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 2
Rejection... Page 1 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
I just graciously tell them it was GREAT fun getting to know them......but it's just not a match.
 Robyn143
Joined: 7/19/2016
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/26/2017 3:54:05 PM
I just ignore them and hope that they ignore me. I dont owe a stranger an explanation of why I do not want to spend time with them..and the same for someone not interested in me. But I have gotten to a point in life where I dont give a crap what people think...so I have that going for me, lol.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/26/2017 4:19:17 PM
I have never came up with a good reason to give someone. Never. Sometimes they just bore me, should I say, “You bore me, so I’m dumping you?”

Other times, I might have reached my limit on the number of dates with no sex, or no real movement towards sex (sexual tension should ALWAYS be escalating). Should I just say, “You didn’t put out, so I’m dumping you?”

On several occasions, I have failed to follow up after an initial meeting because they made some racially derogatory statement. Shoud I just say, “I’m dumping you because you’re a bigot”?

Maybe I meet her, and in person her looks do absolutely nothing for me. Not that the pictures weren’t real, just that in person, she doesn’t really move me. “I’m dumping you because I think you’re not attractive enough?”

I think you get my drift. “Just not a match” is probably as good as you can do.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 5
Rejection...
Posted: 11/26/2017 4:44:30 PM
I think honesty with tact is the best approach. However, unfortunately, there are people who will want to push you to the point of having to be blunt. When they do, unleash the f*cking fury.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/26/2017 5:46:43 PM
I favor in person whenever expectations are raised and it is feasible,. But it really doesn't matter to me on either end, as long as it is courteous. If something is not to be, it is senseless to pine over it. The world is a great place and we're lucky to be alive. Everyone is entitled to their own pursuit of happiness, including me.

If I could solve world hunger I would, or the secret to immortality. Since I can't, I don't worry needlessly. I generally feel good when people get what they need & want, and my peace of mind is best not to depend on another person unless I willingly took the vow and had to deal with untangling that.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Double Down
Posted: 11/26/2017 9:58:58 PM
"I just ignore them and hope that they ignore me. I dont owe a stranger an explanation of why I do not want to spend time with them..and the same for someone not interested in me. But I have gotten to a point in life where I dont give a crap what people think."

Double Down on THIS
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 8
Rejection...
Posted: 11/27/2017 6:14:38 AM
as the responses will show, each person prefers their own way of rejection. In a perfect world, if we can pay attention to the person on the other side of the restaurant table, we can figure it out. Assuming they aren't the stalker who never goes away, of course (the solution I had to two of them was, I slept with one b/c she was hot, and I stiffed the other with the bill for the weekend, which convinced her the "happy ever after" story she had concocted in her head before we ever met wasn't going to happen with me, so she glommed onto the next dude).

In terms of manners, the deeper the relationship, the more effort should be in the breakup. You took on the responsibility of someone's heart, so take on the responsibility of breaking it gently. They gave you a gift, don't be an ass with it. on the flip side...if someone's going to treat you poorly, then they just gave you permission to treat them with the same level of lack of respect. Take their lead. If they're happy doing that to other humans, then...turnabout is fair play.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/27/2017 7:09:26 AM
The quicker I'm told, the less time and money I'll waste.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/27/2017 10:12:36 AM

I think honesty with tact is the best approach.

Ehhhh, that style might make me end up with a GF! I don't want that! ;)

what is your preference for someone to reject you?

When she tells me that she only wants to have sex with me, and never want to see me again. That's my preference. I don't think any guy could complain. I still can't see why many gals complain! I mean, you're going to be rejected -- mine as well go out with a bang, right? :)

Before we meet - Just go quiet, don't bother to respond or say you are not interested.

Depends. I actually don't agree, entirely. If it's just a few small cute message exchanges that are status-quo, no response necessary, I agree. But I will say that if you have long fruitful message exchanges for quite a while bantering (maybe you two don't live so close and/or bad timing on schedules in that period of time) -- you owe them Something, as far as being normal is concerned. They can make something up like they started getting back together with their ex, or if there was something stinging by you that screamed incompatibility, they could reference that -- whatever. But the Disappearing Act, at a certain point, even if never meeting -- isn't kosher.

1.-3 dates - Say you are not interested. Text is fine, message is fine. Actually just not responding is also fine.

I wouldn't say never responding is fine, Necessarily. It can be. Or maybe not. Again, like above, it depends on the depth leading up to it. You talk fruitfully for a good while, then meet, and it's after date #3, and then disappearing? Not cool At All. That out of the way, a lot is based on how things unfolded. Obviously if date #2 or #3 went Weird, yeah, not much needs to be said. If the uninterested party was projecting themselves, as before leading up to it, as Truly Interested -- being open for (chill+brief) Q&A I think is the kosher route.

3 dates -1 to 2 months (depending on frequency) - Say you are not interested. Text is fine, message is fine but actually say something rather than just disappear

Big difference between 3 dates and 1-2 months! :) You're going on 2 months, umm, you certainly can be an item. But assuming you implied it'd be with low frequency, where expectations shouldn't be high, you're not "rolling", etc -- yeah, I see it doesn't require a big "sit down" -- but still bears weight just because it hasn't had the "glue" to make ya become a new couple.

But in the end, it's not about merely saying "I'm not interested," and leaving it at that. That's roughly the same as the disappearing act -- which can be not a mystery (could see it coming) or Is a mystery, as it contradicts how they've been leading up to it with a sudden 180? The whole Laughable "We're not a good match, good luck in your search," is pretty low-ball, IMO. I'd rather have someone just disappear.

If it's objectively pretty obvious that they aren't "biting" -- yeah, no speech/confession needed for the person. Whether you're the more interested party or the lesser one, you can step away without saying anything and let it "fizzle out"... and only say anything short & sweet if the other's pressing about it or something.

But even on the scale of having "only 3 dates" -- it can still have some weight to it, building up even before that 1st date sometimes. Talking all the time, No clues that there's a lack of interest by the person who suddenly isn't interested -- all this over a span of nearly a month, to suddenly "poof" disappear (by a one-liner text or by none at all).... that IMO isn't cool at all. You can be suddenly distant, but Step Up to the plate when questioned about it, and explain. Otherwise, don't Invest so much time & effort over several weeks with someone.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/27/2017 6:02:45 PM
I see and hear the ghosting seems
to be the new way....I get it but still.
Texting/email is so in personable.
I rather tell and be told in person
with the truth, no sugar-coating it.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/27/2017 6:50:15 PM

what is your preference for someone to reject you?


Set me up with a stunning substitute.



I go on dates expecting nothing.


Whatever happened to the Power of Positive Thinking?
They wrote books about that.

or

"If you believe it, you can achieve it".

Apparently it's all psychobabble and there's a bunch of depressed walking wounded populating the streets.

Reminds me of an episode of the tv show "Happy Days" where Richie is lamenting his dating slump, and Fonzie says,"Ok, let me see your approach to get a date", and Richie goes up to a girl and says in a defeatist tone, "You don't want to go out with me, do you?"
 JS3344
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/27/2017 7:24:45 PM
the pattern.....she likes me, then she loves me, then she wants to know why she is in the friendzone.........then she hates me. I have a million complex reasons why I can't continue, or go further with someone, and I got tired of sugarcoating it. The other night a girl wanted to sleep with me, but I told her look, I know way too many women, i dance with some, have sex with some, and some are real solid friends, whatever happens happens, or it doesn't. Why does everyone need a fvcking explanation? I don't! And don't put me on the spot like that. Ghosting is most efficient, unless it was serious in some way, then you owe them the talk (rule 42b).
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 14
Rejection...
Posted: 11/28/2017 5:33:49 AM
Like a couple of peeps here, nothing really beats honesty with some form of tact. And if you think about, just being honest is actually tactful. Personally, I find it much better than trying to listen to a bunch of ca ca spewing out of someone's mouth who is hiding behind the fact that are trying not to hurt my feelings. I'm a big boy and have big shoulders. Plus at my age, I've been called a lot of things in my lifetime by a lot of different people, and yet, I'm still here.

Ghosting sucks.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 15
Rejection...
Posted: 11/28/2017 5:53:11 AM
Honesty can also be tactless depending on the individual and whether they're wanting to be direct or just an insulting a$$hole.

Tactful and honest - "Hey, I'm just not feeling an attraction."

Honest, but tactless - "I would f*ck Ron Jeremy's dirty gym sock before I would f*ck you, you hideous swamp donkey."
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/28/2017 9:37:54 AM

HS3344
The other night a girl wanted to sleep with me, but I told her look, I know way too many women, i dance with some, have sex with some, and some are real solid friends, whatever happens happens, or it doesn't. Why does everyone need a fvcking explanation? I don't! And don't put me on the spot like that.


Did that make any sense to anyone? Or is just me, and it was perfectly lucid to everyone else?

Maybe I just need to drink more, and then it would all be perfectly clear. Yeah, that’s the ticket, more alcohol!
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/28/2017 10:11:27 AM

Did that make any sense to anyone? Or is just me, and it was perfectly lucid to everyone else?
Let me sleep on it
Will you love me forever!

Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god and on my mother's grave
That I would love you to the end of time
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you to the end of time!
So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive

It was long ago and it was far away
And it was so much better that it is today
It never felt so good
It never felt so right
And we were glowing like
A metal on the edge of a knife
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 18
Rejection...
Posted: 11/28/2017 4:17:05 PM
Prior to OLD, in person, face to face, "I'm done, don't call me, / "Get out, it's over."......................worked pretty well. The expression on my face, left no question of my sincerity. I said it, I meant it. No explanation needed.

The "fade" only came into play with OLD. I did it, I recognized it. No explanation required.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/28/2017 8:42:05 PM
Prior to OLD, women wrote "Dear John" letters or moved away without notice.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 20
Rejection...
Posted: 11/29/2017 5:54:03 AM
"did that make sense to anyone?"

>>given the context of the post, I guessed he forgot to mention she wanted to make love, not sleep with him, and he said, hey, I don't do strings. but then, I guess what a few people really mean when they post something :)

i'll agree with Pig, there are a few people who love to use "honesty" as an cover to be mean. When they were accurate, other forum members would like the person for "saying it like it is." the amusing part is when the tables turn, and someone tells that "honest" person some honest things about themselves...then the skin gets really thin, they get really personal, and forever hate the person who was "honest" with them :)

what did children use to say on the playground, about dishing it out but not taking it?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/29/2017 2:46:23 PM

Prior to OLD, in person, face to face, "I'm done, don't call me, / "Get out, it's over."......................worked pretty well.

That's quite rude in any venue. I have no idea how wanting to step away (or dump) someone would differ from where you initially communicated. Both are still IRL!

When I date people that I meet in real life its a very different thing to OLD. OLD actually takes longer, its far more artificial.

See above. But after you go out on dates, it's just as IRL as if you didn't first communicate online. I don't see why anyone would see it any different. As a side note, I would see online just the same, as say, IRL, going to a "singles" event where the venue is "go up and talk to someone who you're attracted to". If you're just limiting it to That -- first engagements under that umbrella of "dating event / site" -- yeah, then I see where you're coming from that it's a little different. However, online or at a singles meet-n-greet event, the weirdness of how you two interact can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. That's why one way to break the ice well with a gal online, is to talk NOT "getting to know each other", but to jump right into banter as if you're sitting at a bar.

In real life you either do or you don't and there is no pre arranged date without that initial interaction that attracted you in the first place.

Well, IRL, there is a pre-arranged date when he asks you out (or vice versa). If you meet some guy at a bar or event, and you chit-chat, and he asks for your #... and you text... you're in the exact same boat as someone you chatted with online and exchanged #s. From then on, It's The Same.

It's the INITIAL interaction which is different. But beyond that, once you meet or exchange #s -- from that point on, same thing.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 23
Rejection...
Posted: 11/29/2017 5:53:09 PM
The More Words You Use to Get Your Point Across, the Less People Listen


Have you noticed that the more a person talks, the less connected to the listener he or she seems to be? There is no give and take. People like that think the listener finds them as fascinating as they find themselves. They are not fascinating. They are boring.


Every word you say diminishes the power of the previous word. The more you speak, the less your listener hears. The less you speak, the more grateful your listener.

When someone talks too much, we don’t hear a word they say.



The cure for this, of course, is getting our message across succinctly; no verbal spamming.



Look for the one idea that best reflects the point you want people to remember.



If you want folks to pay attention to you, give them reason to do so.



Thomas Jefferson put it quite well:

“The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do."
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 24
Rejection...
Posted: 11/29/2017 6:56:23 PM
you listen to NPR in the morning, don't you? :)

https://www.npr.org/2017/11/29/567133944/people-like-people-who-ask-questions

meanwhile, just for no reason at all:

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/whats-hot/if-you-have-these-12-characteristics-youre-a-member-of-the-kindest-personality-type/ar-BBFPsk4?li=BBmkt5R&ocid=spartandhp
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/30/2017 12:06:55 AM

Thomas Jefferson put it quite well:

“The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do."

Well, you should have not written so much then! ;)

Every word you say diminishes the power of the previous word. The more you speak, the less your listener hears.

I don't agree with that necessarily, but...

When someone talks too much, we don’t hear a word they say.

.... that's definitely a fallacy of mine on these forums. Pleading guilty. :)
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Rejection...
Posted: 11/30/2017 3:13:55 AM

Thomas Jefferson put it quite well:

“The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do."


Very true....but I still like two words bye bye
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 27
Rejection...
Posted: 11/30/2017 4:43:22 AM
N'SYNC took it to the next level with "Bye, Bye, Bye" back in the 90's.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Rejection...