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 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 1
Is this thing on? Ha ha!Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Plenty of Fishes, Ok Cupid, Tinder: I've not got this online dating thing figured out. Any suggestions? I've got like ~150 likes over on OkC and zero mutual matches, though I've liked a bunch of profiles myself (I'm running out TBH).

OkC, here (I'm mostly using that particular app): https://www..com/alpha__waves
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 2
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/26/2017 5:31:08 PM
Damn, I thought you were John Petrucci for a second.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 3
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/26/2017 5:45:14 PM
Nah, he's the one true Chuck Norris of guitar playing. I'm more of a low-rent Fredrik Thordendal, ha ha.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 4
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/26/2017 6:12:16 PM
A few quickies...

Delete the extra guitar picture and include a well lit smiling shoulders-up head shot. We really respond to great smiles.

"Prefer not to say" for the kids question, combined with 'happily child-free' could imply you don't like kids. Whatever, if you don't like kids or don't want kids, just put No and don't contact or respond to women with kids.

At your age, what would you talk about with an 18-yr old? Your age settings indicate you'd date a teenager and her mom. Eew.
There are restrictions on how young/old you can be for initial contact anyway, why not just remove the incoming email restrictions until you're actually overwhelmed with incoming emails to remove the ick-factor?

There are certainly some areas in the profile you could surgically edit, but the photos are going to be what opens the door. Start there.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 5
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/26/2017 6:13:46 PM
I am currently pissed at him and his band for avoiding Florida on two of their last three tours.

But as far as your question goes, I don't know what the issue could be. Phoenix is what I would classify as a major city. Getting messages/responses should be fairly easy in a major city if you're average looking or above and have some sense of style or anything to separate yourself from the rest.

But if this online shit consistently fails, it's better to go off into the real world and hit the dance floors.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 6
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/26/2017 6:20:13 PM
Oh, I have no interest in 18 year olds. Who said that?

I'm open to having kids and or not. It says that on my OkC profile. I'm not even bothering with PoF, to be honest. Ignore that stuff.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 7
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/26/2017 6:23:33 PM

I am currently pissed at him and his band for avoiding Florida on two of their last three tours.


Dream Theater have been awful for well over a decade now. Great musicians, but I don't even bother. Sooooooo many better/newer prog metal bands out there right now worth my hard earned dollars.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 8
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/26/2017 6:28:21 PM

That is true. As much as I love them I don't feel they have "progressed" quite as much as they could lately, even though a lot of other fans vehemently disagree with me. I'm at a point where I need to hear something new from them and be shocked it's actually them.

And yes, about 10 years ago, I couldn't envision any bands coming along to steal their thunder, but it is most certainly happening.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 9
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/26/2017 7:04:04 PM

That is true. As much as I love them I don't feel they have "progressed" quite as much as they could lately, even though a lot of other fans vehemently disagree with me. I'm at a point where I need to hear something new from them and be shocked it's actually them.

And yes, about 10 years ago, I couldn't envision any bands coming along to steal their thunder, but it is most certainly happening.


The average DT fan is well into his get-off-my-lawn phase of life. I wouldn't put much thought into it.

It guess depends on what you're looking for in a band: There's plenty of bands (and solo artists) with with silly levels of technical prowess, but few integrate it into the sweeping landscapes of well-written conceptual songwriting. There's a lot that do the latter, like Riverside, Karnivool, or Leprous/Ihsahn, but sans all the wank. Between The Burred And Me, for my money, is the best encapsulation of what DT does/did, particularly the more recent stuff... balance both. Periphery, too, though they don't resonate with me for some reason.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 10
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/26/2017 7:20:27 PM

I saw Between the Buried and Me with Devin Townsend and Fallujah on 9/11 last year. All three were great, but finally seeing and meeting Devy and the band was the highlight of my life. I've met tons of people in the music business in my lifetime, but no one was as cool as Devin and his band. Not even close.

Leprous is great, too. Einar Solberg has a unique and versatile voice.

Dream Theater needs to completely divorce themselves from the past with their next album or they're simply going to dig the hole deeper in being seen as a nostalgia act more than anything else.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 11
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/26/2017 7:43:54 PM
Saw the same tour, though BtBaM were even better on their own headliner, IMO. And Devin is my spirit animal. Ha ha. His music has been a constant source of inspiration since I first heard the Infinity album way back in the day. Flew up to Red Rocks to see Devy + Opeth + Gojira. Effing brilliant show.

Agreed on DT. The odd thing is, I've always been a big Fates Warning fan too, and they've managed to keep it fresh, particularly Matheos with (ex-DT) Kevin Moore and Gavin Harrison (Porcupine Tree) in their OSI project. I'm a massive fan of electronic music as well (I figured I looked cooler holding the guitars and bass than my NI Maschine Studio controller in my profile pics, ha ha) and the style that they got going is so far out there and underappreciated, both by the prog rockers and the electronic music crowd, IMHO. Moore is simply an alien.

You know Dream Theater guys have got more influences than they wear on their sleeves these days, but you're 100% right, it's up to them if they want to take the chances or not. I'll still watch JP interviews and playthoughs either way. :-)

Awesome convo about bands, ha ha. I wonder if anyone's gonna come in here and help me with my profile, LOL! I think I'm probably just too ugly for this online dating chit anyway.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 12
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/26/2017 8:08:16 PM


I'm open to having kids and or not. It says that on my OkC profile. I'm not even bothering with PoF, to be honest. Ignore that stuff.


Unfortunately you posted your request for suggestions on Plenty of Fish not . Consider yourself ignored.

Good luck.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 13
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/26/2017 9:24:19 PM
The suggestions are for all of the aforementioned (plus any others that I might delve into). What difference does it make? Looking for the same results either way. I'm as open to meeting someone on PoF as I am anywhere else, just haven't found the site as user friendly and convenient as some others.
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 14
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/26/2017 11:45:28 PM
Well this is the POF forum, we review POF forums. Sure the advice might be similar but suggestions will be based on your POF profile. We're not going to go digging up your OK C profile to review that, and neither will your viewers.

The "happily childfree" definitely implies you are NOT open to dating someone with kids. That will be a red flag to almost anyone with kids. It's not necessary to say you've never been married (marital status already says single, not divorced or widowed). Similarly not necessary to say you have no issues with commitment. And don't talk about previous relationships. In fact that whole paragraph can just be cut, it doesn't achieve anything positive.

The first date / conversation starters, I would really CUT this down. It's more often used as a "first date" than conversation starters. There are already plenty of conversation starters in your main profile.

Pics could use some improvement. The main is OK, the 2nd one is a bit of a duplication of the 1st. #3 and #4 aren't great pics, I would remove these 2 and replace with a closer-up headshot.

REMOVE all message restrictions, especially the age one. Message filters achieve NOTHING positive. Many people think putting a filter will increase traffic from those that fit the filters, but it doesn't it just prevents messages from those who DON'T fit. And it can put off those who do fit, too. For example a 40 year old might see that you're open to dating a 27 year old, and assume you're looking for a younger woman, and press NEXT.

Apart from that it's pretty good.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 15
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/27/2017 12:26:10 AM
I'm NOT open to dating anyone with kids. That's why it's there. :-)

Otherwise, good suggestions. I'll tweak a bit. The conversation staters ate basically a cut and paste job from OkC. Just the music, books, movies, etc. section. I don't know what women really would want to talk about with me on here. I feel like I've got a dynamic enough set of interests and qualities and they only write "hi" or "you're handsome".
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 16
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/27/2017 1:00:30 AM
Oh OK. You said in message #6 that you are open to having kids so I thought you were. Maybe it was a typo.

As the male you are going to have to start the conversations anyway.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 17
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/27/2017 1:13:50 AM
Having kids of my own, that is... not inheriting an insta-family. I guess I've got to find a better way to say that. :-/
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 18
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/27/2017 4:20:57 AM

I feel like I've got a dynamic enough set of interests and qualities and they only write "hi" or "you're handsome".


That's because the vast majority of people on POF don't read profiles. They don't look beyond the pictures and stats at the top. Do a search here and look at all the posts bellyaching about profiles not being read. It's an endless sea. You'll be here an eternity reading all of them.

If you go through the profiles in my area, most have a single sentence, nothing more, although there are a rare few with a single paragraph and an angry headline that says "READ MY PROFILE FIRST!!!" People have opted to not read profiles anymore because they know it's almost always the same trite bullshit and glowing self-praise. A dear friend of mine who is also a forumite here tried to prove me wrong on this, and it didn't go well for her.

On top of that, my profile states I am only here for the forums, yet I have exactly 10 messages in my inbox right now.


Flew up to Red Rocks to see Devy + Opeth + Gojira.


I wanted so badly to see this, but couldn't make it. I'm a big Gojira fan, too. Mario is probably my favorite drummer out there right now.


Moore is simply an alien.


Rudess is a f*cking monster, as anyone who has ever heard him knows, but I have always missed Moore's focus on atmosphere and his songwriting contributions.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 19
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/27/2017 2:11:17 PM

Having kids of my own, that is... not inheriting an insta-family. I guess I've got to find a better way to say that. :-/


I think you should be direct and state in your profile that you're seeking women without children. You could add that you'd like them to be open to starting a family at some point in the future.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/27/2017 3:24:35 PM
Ahoy, Ryan not Brain, a.k.a. DreamPig Jr.,
Just three comments to add whatever I can. I really like this profile.

Ryan/Bryan/Brain thing, nah, the Starbuck's thing - being the funny part. You probably are a brain, but did you mean Brian anyways?

I understand where you are coming from with the child-free business, and see the rationale of others who want you to spell it out. I personally disagree that is best - It really depends on your thoughts, though. At your age,plenty of quality women are out there successfully raising a kid with their heads on straight, and if they don't have kids and want them, don't worry, you'll hear from them since the clock is unfortunately ticking.

In rejecting them flat out you are telling us a little about how accommodating you are, too, with just another (negative) filter, IMO, along the lines of "I hate cats". Bad example but you get the idea, that she might not want this type of father of her (your) children. I would ask myself if I were willing to accept a women with one young child, but otherwise, terrific. We're not assembling a computer on the Dell sales site, and a substitution here and there may be fine with you. Your profile doesn't have to volunteer that information, for the benefit of catalog shoppers you are not interested in. It is a tool for your benefit alone.

Lastly, all those interests clutter up the profile. There are people that swear by listing all 500+ of their interests including things they rarely do, they want to do but haven't done, or things they did when they were in high school 20-25 years ago. That is all nice but I think there is a happy medium -12 to 15 here- based on priority and importance, rather than getting people lost, since many are flipping through profiles quickly in hectic circumstances.

That's for your PoF version
Cheers,
9
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 21
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/28/2017 12:48:58 AM

I think you should be direct and state in your profile that you're seeking women without children

Nah, for a guy the solution to this is simple. No need to mention it at all. Simply, don't message women with children.

If you receive an incoming message from a woman with children then simply ignore it.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 22
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/28/2017 7:01:43 AM

Lastly, all those interests clutter up the profile. There are people that swear by listing all 500+ of their interests including things they rarely do, they want to do but haven't done, or things they did when they were in high school 20-25 years ago. That is all nice but I think there is a happy medium -12 to 15 here- based on priority and importance, rather than getting people lost, since many are flipping through profiles quickly in hectic circumstances.


Oh, okay. I leaned them out. I was trying to stand out a bit (I was told that this was the key to online dating success), and give plenty of options to engage me on.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 23
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/28/2017 7:10:57 AM


Nah, for a guy the solution to this is simple. No need to mention it at all. Simply, don't message women with children.

If you receive an incoming message from a woman with children then simply ignore it.


I don't find messaging women very effective at all (like really bad results/no replies), and most apps rely on swiping/matching first to contact. I do get the very occasional message, but it doesn't seem to be from anyone I'm attracted to/compatible with.

To be honest, I'd rather just meet people in the real world, unfortunately everyone's gone to this online stuff. I never seem to meet available women out there though.
 flyover_boy
Joined: 12/28/2016
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/30/2017 9:50:28 AM

That's because the vast majority of people on POF don't read profiles. They don't look beyond the pictures and stats at the top. Do a search here and look at all the posts bellyaching about profiles not being read. It's an endless sea. You'll be here an eternity reading all of them.

If you go through the profiles in my area, most have a single sentence, nothing more, although there are a rare few with a single paragraph and an angry headline that says "READ MY PROFILE FIRST!!!" People have opted to not read profiles anymore because they know it's almost always the same trite bullshit and glowing self-praise. A dear friend of mine who is also a forumite here tried to prove me wrong on this, and it didn't go well for her.

On top of that, my profile states I am only here for the forums, yet I have exactly 10 messages in my inbox right now.


Nailed it again Pig !!! So true, particularly those ‘...Read my Profile...’ lines !! Got news sweetie, it’s about as interesting as reading a small appliance instruction manual. And you don’t come with product liability.

To the OP, the three sites you mentioned, POF, and Tinder are all free with voluntary paid components. There’s been a wide debate on pay vs free, clinging to quality vs quantity. But, speaking to what you described, I think people tend to paid sites with more attention and interaction than freebie ones. Every day is costing on the pay site. With POF...set up a profile/pictures and never sign on again for three years, doesn’t cost a dime. Personally I wouldn’t want my pictures on an open site like that for that long.

It’s been mentioned, on another thread, POF should flush profiles which are inactive over a certain time period. It’s getting to the point of what was called ‘dead matches’ on sites like eHarmony. A problem, by the way, which is less severe for them in recent years than it has been.

You live in a decently populated area, try some of the other sites, maybe paid ones just for a few months. Google the coupons.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Is this thing on? Ha ha!
Posted: 11/30/2017 6:28:25 PM
Don't rely on "Likes" or "Mutual matches", that doesn't work at all.

Your main photo, looking up at you, sitting, I thought you were overweight. The one full body shot shows you are not. So take out the first photo.
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