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 LS7uru
Joined: 5/22/2014
Msg: 1
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CheatingPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Hello,

I was dating a girl who told me that she was single, and after sometime I found out that she has a boyfriend. If you found out that the girl you were going out with was actually cheating on another person with you this whole time, would you tell her boyfriend about it, or would you just leave it.

thanks!
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 2
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Cheating
Posted: 12/2/2017 10:22:34 PM
I would not tell ... I'd feel terrible but run away very quickly and try to not look back ... if the party being cheated on was my dear friend, I MIGHT tell ... probably not ... people being cheated on quite often know already and haven't come to grips yet, pretending not to know ... if you tell them before they're ready to deal with it, they might not appreciate your "help" ...
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 3
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Cheating
Posted: 12/3/2017 5:08:33 AM
I've been cheated on and members
of my own family knew...
I was pissed and hurt they didn't
tell me.
I had no idea he was cheating for
I trusted 100%.

If it is family or friend I would be inclined
to tell.

I once was the other women...
I was lead to believe he was on his way
out, this was after I had fallen in
love. I told his girlfriend only to
be labeled the homewrecker.
I wished I had just ended it and
said nothing.

If it's a stranger I would be inclined to
keep my mouth shut.

So personally I would just walk
away and stay away from interfering
in any way.

Sorry about your luck.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 4
Cheating
Posted: 12/3/2017 5:22:06 AM

If you found out that the girl you were going out with was actually cheating on another person with you this whole time, would you tell her boyfriend about it, or would you just leave it.


That might depend on the relationship agreement you have with her.
Certainly if she is going out with you pretending to want a serious relationship, then I would leave if I found out she was cheating on her boyfriend.........But, if you have a FwB agreement (or something not serious), then there aren't gonna be too many guys who will leave that................the biggest concern you have would be who her BF is, and what he would do if he found out she was cheating with you.

The best thing might be for you to end it and keep your mouth shut about it.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 5
Cheating
Posted: 12/3/2017 5:34:08 AM

...would you tell her boyfriend about it, or would you just leave it.


I would leave. But how would you find out who the boyfriend is and how to contact him? People who are caught cheating usually don't give out details about how to contact the person they were cheating with. Is the boyfriend a random stranger or someone you know?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 6
Cheating
Posted: 12/3/2017 5:49:34 AM

I was dating a girl who told me that she was single, and after sometime I found out that she has a boyfriend. If you found out that the girl you were going out with was actually cheating on another person with you this whole time, would you tell her boyfriend about it, or would you just leave it.


No matter the gender, if you start considering the "stuff" you find out about that other that is not true, and then the add ons, do you really want to be part of the never ending drama/tale that will continue to grow with or without you????

Can't count how many times I have walked away from these types of situations, if for any reason, I don't want to be part of the shiat show. Shiat shows never, ever, end well without someone getting dirty. And it never seems to be the main participant that gets hit with the dirt.
 LS7uru
Joined: 5/22/2014
Msg: 7
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Posted: 12/3/2017 9:15:24 AM
Well definitely we were working towards something serious. I personally don't know the guy but I've found out about him and with all the social media available at your fingertips, it was easy to track him down. She turned out to be a jerk to me towards the end, so Im torn between telling the guy or not
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 8
Cheating
Posted: 12/6/2017 3:02:10 PM
Leave it be, walk away, don't look back.............No seriously, don't give her another thought. Move on.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 9
Cheating
Posted: 12/6/2017 3:13:24 PM
"She turned out to be a jerk to me towards the end, so Im torn between telling the guy or not '"



So, what you REALLY want to ask is this :

" If you were seeing someone who was cheating on someone else and they turned out to be a jerk in the end, would you tell their SO out of spite ? "
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 10
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Cheating
Posted: 12/11/2017 5:29:12 PM

"If you were seeing someone who was cheating on someone else and they turned out to be a jerk in the end, would you tell their SO out of spite ?"

Exactly right -- that is his real question. This is the Broken Heart forum, and he's not the one being cheated on --- although, as no surprise, she re-melded with her BF. OP shouldn't see that as any surprise. Any time you talk to & hang out with someone who has a BF/GF -- even with the whole "we're breaking up" or even if they're in the off-again stage of on/off -- Don't expect an actual Relationship.

OP, you want revenge. Not necessarily a good thing, though. It could easily make you the enemy, and/or laughed at by the BF. Don't take what she said as the truth about the situation -- we all lie or don't tell the full truth when we describe our relationship situation that'd ward people off, while we think we're breaking up.

They could have easily had a temporary time-out, he porked some chicks, he gets mad that she porked someone else -- but maybe he figured she did, and just tells you you're causing trouble, and yeah, she dumped your sorry arse as she came running back to him. :) You don't want salt on the wounds. And you don't want to base how-they-were based on Facebook pics, either.

You only tell the Significant Other when you are Damn Sure they had no idea, figured at-worst they were just in a bit of a rough patch, they were the "good guy", and you had No Idea they were even on the rebound, let alone in a relationship.... all while you Know Of that person at least. Even then, depending on the circumstances, it may not be ideal. The only time you jump the gun is if the word's out they suspected you being "the other guy" and they were Pissed -- then you do a pre-emptive strike if what unfolded was innocent on your side.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
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Cheating
Posted: 12/12/2017 4:47:32 AM
Was she cheating? Really? Did she "have a boyfriend?" Really?

What I'm asking is, was this a case of someone saying they were single, because they were not married, and not living with someone else, but were dating you and someone else as part of deciding who to get serious with? If so, no cheating occurred. You were the one who made the mistake in how you viewed what was going on. Did you ask before getting sexual, whether or not she was dedicated to dating one person at a time, or was following a plan of dating multiple people? Again, if you didn't get a commitment from her before hand, then she wasn't cheating.

And if you burst into the guy's life to get revenge for your disappointment at not being the one and only, you might well cause them to have a bad time of things, but that's about all.

Actual cheaters are vile human beings, who damage everyone they fool into caring about them. However, they are never going to be caused to "straighten up and fly right" by someone punishing them, as you propose. If they cared in that way, then they wouldn't have cheated to begin with.
Just leave, and learn from your own mistakes, how not to get emotionally attached to someone who actually isn't available.
 zsuzsa62
Joined: 1/31/2016
Msg: 12
Cheating
Posted: 12/12/2017 10:08:53 AM
"Shiat shows never, ever, end well without someone getting dirty. And it never seems to be the main participant that gets hit with the dirt."

^^^ I'm with this thought, from what you posted.

It's a really tough one though and I think often depends on the the whole circumstance. I was in a situation with a friend's husband who asked me if I'd like to have sex with him. A new experience for me ( not being asked for sex but as in the married guy, of my friend no less, asking...) and I also was unsure whether to tell her. I asked two of my sibs... one said "yes of course...wouldn't you want to know?" and the other something like "nah, don't get involved." I asked in these forums and got hugely varying opinions. Personally, yes I'd want to know. In this case he was so suave and relaxed about it I guessed he was probably doing this often and maybe she even knew? They still had two teens at home...I had a lot on my own place and I just let it go. It still bothers me to this day, wondering if I did the right thing or not. And when I see the "happy family" pictures on facebook, and get the lovely family x-mas portrait every year....ugh. We live far apart and haven't seen each since this event, but she did invite me to her home when I was recently close by. I made up an excuse and declined. Sad for everyone.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 13
Cheating
Posted: 12/12/2017 10:43:19 AM

and I think often depends on the the whole circumstance.


Yes, it does, for the most part, though, I've made the decision to keep my mouth shut. The person you make the revelation to almost never responds to it rationally and ends up making you out to be the villain with motives in the scenario. People never want to hear they've been duped and will deny it even with a mountain of irrefutable proof.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 14
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Cheating
Posted: 12/12/2017 10:47:45 AM
There are students of two schools here:

#1 If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; If they don't, they never were.

and

#2 If you love someone, set them free. If they don't come back, hunt them down and kill them.

I'm with #1. All people have faults. It is not for me to judge them or put my hand to further upset he balance of their relationship and potential to find happiness. That is their private domain to work out one on one.
 saintclara
Joined: 5/30/2017
Msg: 15
Cheating
Posted: 12/16/2017 7:12:03 PM
I'm with #1. All people have faults

Faults ?ARE YOU SERIOUS do you know how much effort goes into cheating constant lies ,sneaking around and having sex with others is not a fault all people have it's a deranged psychotic MONSTER
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 16
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Cheating
Posted: 12/16/2017 8:57:48 PM
LS7, maybe she's cheating on you with him?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 17
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Posted: 12/19/2017 2:28:37 AM

was this a case of someone saying they were single, because they were not married, and not living with someone else, but were dating you and someone else as part of deciding

Well, it doesn't take living with someone or married to be Taken. So there's a big gap between living with/married --> just-dating, where you can be seeing more than one person at one time, but it'll erode things swiftly if the other finds out (but can't call it Cheating; but they may call them a player).

I think your question of "did she Really have a boyfriend?" is a good one to ask, and to make sure one has it down pat before they get PO'd. I know when people FEEL like they got screwed over, they many times WANT to believe they did in the way their "gut" tells them they did.

I was dating a girl who told me that she was single, and after sometime I found out that she has a boyfriend. If you found out that the girl you were going out with was actually cheating on another person with you this whole time

Now, the way the OP phrased it, I wouldn't Assume she was just-dating him & another possibly another guy who she ended up Then settling down with after parting ways... but by assumption, which isn't a rarity, that she had a BF. I think your question to ensure it is good -- but also -- are you SURE they weren't in an off-again stage or in a problematic stretch where it seems to be breakING off, but doesn't? Not that it makes her OK, but it at least puts things in perspective as to what happened.

And it could be similar to what you point out -- a BF she did break up with shortly before they met, but, while seeing each other, she was still in touch with him and shortly went out here and there together... so from some POVs, it's like they never broke up.

OP should clarify what he knew/found out -- and what the situation was between himself and the gal.
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 18
Cheating
Posted: 12/27/2017 11:20:39 AM
Personally I would tune in and turn this on and keep on rolling nice song for you!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuauRyX-G8k
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 19
Cheating
Posted: 12/27/2017 6:04:12 PM
ls7uru- This, from ButterCC: " If you were seeing someone who was cheating on someone else and they turned out to be a jerk in the end, would you tell their SO out of spite ? "

What he said, x2!

If you contact him, you could be stirring up a hornet's nest. You don't know how he will react.
I know you want to get her for what she did, hurt her back, but this could backfire on you. He could be the type who would find a way to blame everything on you, not only that, he could come looking for you.

Walk away and be glad you are rid of her.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 20
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Cheating
Posted: 1/13/2018 2:08:39 PM
DO NOT TELL. Do not do this. WARNING!!! Do not tell the bf/gf. Let him or her find out otherwise. You could be opening up a can of worms that will make your life miserable while he or she goes back to the big bed with their SO. Do not tell. Walk away. You were duped but you aren't dead. Worse things could happen. Forget about her. The jerk.
 forever_live_and_die
Joined: 10/3/2017
Msg: 21
Cheating
Posted: 1/13/2018 8:59:34 PM
You don't have to tell him anything. Pretend ignorance and if you have her on facebook just make a few posts about your adventures togetherand how you hope to see her soon. Then she'll have to deal with the boyfriend who may or may not exist.
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 22
Cheating
Posted: 1/13/2018 11:16:16 PM
^If he does exist he might have to deal with the boyfriend depending on the type. lol
 forever_live_and_die
Joined: 10/3/2017
Msg: 23
Cheating
Posted: 1/14/2018 12:05:43 AM
^^^^
It will really make it interesting if she's seeing more than the two of them.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 24
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Cheating
Posted: 3/7/2018 6:33:04 AM
don't tell them, they usually want all the gory details and then it becomes awkward.
 pepperstrand
Joined: 1/25/2015
Msg: 25
Cheating
Posted: 5/27/2018 11:25:42 AM
I think some people assume you are together without the words. I have in the past dated 2 guys at once as neither asked for exclusivity. If there is no communication as to what the situation is, then one has to be a mind reader to figure out if they should or should not keep themselves out there. What I find, men are infamous for doing this. Until he tells you you are the "only one" then don't assume! That means, date others. He has to show his intent by words and actions.
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