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 JohnO1916
Joined: 5/26/2017
Msg: 1
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I dont know what I am doing wrongPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hey guys and gals,

So I've been using online dating for 3 years. I'm 22. I've used POF, Tinder, and Craigslist.

I'm posting this because I'm extremely frustrated. I know I may sound desperate, but tbh I'm lonely.

I'm a 22 year old, attractive white guy. Slim, blonde hair, blue eyes. I met my only girlfriend I ever had on POF but the relationship ended because she was controlling and used me.

I have a very outgoing personality, I'm not an ***hole, but not a pushover either. I'm sweet and I feel like every person I have gone out with, we hit it off great.

I have hooked up with a LOT of women offline. But the frustrating thing is, my goals were actually to find a real relationship. I hooked up with them, and then they ghosted me shortly after. Most of these were women claiming they wanted something real as well, I believed them, we texted and talked on the phone for hours, we went out, had sex, and then I never heard from them again. I wanted something of substance. And it's frustrating that nearly every person I hooked up with claimed she wanted a relationship and was looking for a boyfriend. This just happened again at the beginning of this month. I've become so used to it, I just roll with it now. But it really bothers me.

Seriously, I like sex. But it is terribly frustrating the dishonesty I have dealt with. I want something of substance.

Anyone have any ideas on what I'm doing wrong? And how to get a real relationship and not a quick ****? Will I ever find a girl that's serious? This gets very depressing and its getting me extremely down.


Thanks.



John
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 2
I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/18/2017 3:10:39 PM
write down a list of what a woman, who wants the relationship you want, acts like. Before you hook up with the next gal, court her. that means, date her for a while, see if she acts the way a woman wanting a relationship would. Also, if you hold off on the sex, then you may find she bolts quick if all she wants is sex. but some will hold on for a while, if you're really good looking. but, the fact is, both men and women can be so blinded by how good the other person looks and how good they think the sex will be with a good looking person...that looking for those characteristics of a relationship I mentioned..go right out the window.

which is why I say, write them down, so they are not abstract. they should be like a checklist, and you should make yourself go thru it. make finding a relationship far more important than hooking up. then you won't have an excuse to overlook red flags, in order to hook up. this is advice I have given women your age, but hey, like you said...sex is damn fun :)
 Kj521
Joined: 11/16/2016
Msg: 3
I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/18/2017 3:15:57 PM
My advice, John?

Relax. You're 22.

Try just focusing on the moment with the next young lady rather than acheiving the goal of a relationship.

It will happen. Be patient and just enjoy!


Wishing you love and happiness. :)
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 4
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I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/18/2017 3:25:39 PM
JohnO1916 isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment.
*looking for something casual or serious, it doesn't matter, I go with the flow*

but

I want something of substance.

Wait, which is it?
 JohnO1916
Joined: 5/26/2017
Msg: 5
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I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/18/2017 3:59:05 PM
Thank you GTO. That's some good advice and I will try that. I appreciate the reply.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 6
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I dont know what I am doing ----
Posted: 12/18/2017 3:59:53 PM
I agree with BlackBeauty - your profile reveals you're a pushover. At 22, GirlZ Rule, Men Drool.

You need to define what "stable relationship" means to you, and you have to sit still for it. The flipside is it means less sex until you find a keeper.
 JohnO1916
Joined: 5/26/2017
Msg: 7
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I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/18/2017 4:00:30 PM
BlackBeauty, I am looking for a relationship. However I removed it from my profile and added what you mentioned. As I said in my original post, I'm so used to this kind of treatment, I've just started to roll with it.
 Kj521
Joined: 11/16/2016
Msg: 8
I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/18/2017 4:24:26 PM
Ok. Fine!

If we are going to go with the...oh...so....romantic....checklist....then start with making sure.....you....meet the checklist requirements.

Be the man....a woman imagines a long term relationship with. :)
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 9
I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/18/2017 4:48:18 PM

Anyone have any ideas on what I'm doing wrong?


Yes. You're looking for a relationship.

That'll be $100.00. I accept cash.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 10
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I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/18/2017 4:58:41 PM
my advice? be honest and straight forward ...
sell yourself in the " real " world, not on - line ...
be cordial and polite, not aggressive in any sense ...
the harder you try here, the least likely you'll be ~ to succeed ...
no need to reach out in desperation, let " them " come to you ...
it will be ~ worth the wait

best of luck, my friend

heart / sun
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 11
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I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/18/2017 5:06:24 PM
Wellll, ya are still looking for something casual. Your profile as is,,, thats all your gonna get dude.
 saintclara
Joined: 5/30/2017
Msg: 12
I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/18/2017 5:35:09 PM
You got to check what you have to offer for her to give up all the other dudes wanting same thing
Like do you have enough money for a house , bills a good job and nice car and if she has emergencies will you be able to cover her bills if she gets pregnant can you pay for childcare are you good at fixing things like plumbing,electrics,heating,can you cook,clean and run errands and are you emotionally mature can she rely on you for anything she needs ? And on list goes and if not better learn
Ps I wondered what happened to Bros:)
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 13
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I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/19/2017 8:36:16 AM
Women with some substance will tend to search out men with some substance. If girls are ghosting after meeting you, it's fairly obvious that you aren't grabbing their attention.

Your profile says 22, yet you look 15. Your cheekbones might help you twenty years on but for now, you're still a boy.

Live a little. Get some life experience. Find out what you truly want and importantly, what you really have to offer someone else.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 14
I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/19/2017 8:47:44 AM
"make sure you are the man she wants to be with"

>>>just for the sake of argument...he's apparently already the man women want to have sex with. he's met that requirement. But to be the man women who want a relationship, want...well, that depends upon what those women want in a relationship, right? Isn't it better for him to seek out the woman he wants, than to try to be all things to all women?

admittedly, in our twenties, we want to be liked by everyone and when we reach our middle age, we've got cynical about the general population and just want to be ourselves and those who can't handle it, can go to hell as far as we are concerned. Also, how many women in their 20's truly know what a relationship is? Are they still getting cues from Disney princesses and TV shows and such? At that age, they seem to define a "great relationship" as what they can show to others--look at us shopping together! look how well we stick together at parties!

it seems like a good relationship, is something to present to the world for a positive response. now, that said, the cynics who think the OP is losing women b/c of the way he presents himself...well, that could be happening, and hopefully the OP has some female friends who can be honest with him. they may see things that naturally, we don't from here.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 15
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I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/19/2017 9:00:18 AM
Spot on, GTO. A relationship isn't something to aspire to for its own sake. One has to be able to relate to someone to make it a relationship. It doesn't happen with everyone, and it's something that can't be forced.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 16
I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/20/2017 2:37:29 PM
Could it be you didn't satisfy them in bed?

Seriously, slow your roll and get to know the women a little better before becoming intimate with them.

Also, you need to be honest with women about whether or not you want kids. "Prefer Not To Say" is not an answer.
 Kj521
Joined: 11/16/2016
Msg: 17
I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/20/2017 3:43:42 PM
"Could it be you didn't satisfy them in bed? "


I wasn't gonna go there but since it was already brought up by the very insightful, Ms. Skies.....


Op....you might want to reflect on, precisely, what is occurring during and after such physical encounters. :)
 forumzfishonly
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 18
I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/20/2017 4:55:29 PM
Lose the cigar for starters
 Darwin1971
Joined: 1/31/2013
Msg: 19
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I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/20/2017 5:26:16 PM
ok you kinda look like a dumb ass but I'll give you this. First "outgoing" can quickly go straight to ass, player, or just plain old**** so keep it in check being smart witted is better.
Now for me Dancing has been great. Learn how to do it, don't over drink and don' t dance to get laid. Dance for the fun of it and to improve yourself (THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!). Getting laid because you can dance is far better trust me!!!

Now you say dancing!!?? WTF that is for (fill in what you want)

But trust me
most dancers have great bodies
most dancers get out and are active
Care about looking good.
Most dancers do not drink a lot so cheaper dates

Tell me another hobby that can say that? oh by the way most good dancers have seen a bunch of you dumb asses that just dance to get laid(been there done that). SO AGAIN DO NOT DANCE TO GET LAID!!

And AGAIN DO NOT DANCE TO GET LAID DANCE FOR THE JOY OF IT! Trust me getting laid because you can dance is WAY better!!!

Types of dance you can google to start; west coast swing(i dance this), country swing(I do this), bachatta, salsa, tango. and so many others!!!
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 20
I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/20/2017 5:50:50 PM

Types of dance you can google to start; west coast swing(i dance this), country swing(I do this), bachatta, salsa, tango. and so many others!!!


Kids in his age bracket aren't engaging in these styles of dance. They're doing simple step dancing in 4/4 time to EDM and hip-hop.
 JohnO1916
Joined: 5/26/2017
Msg: 21
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I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/20/2017 7:23:36 PM
@SaintClara You are an obvious manhating troll, so I have nothing more to say to you.

@imanorangetiger Yeah , I know I have a baby face haha, but I like to think that's a good thing. Thanks for replying. I guess you are right in that I have not met someone to truly "relate" to.

@GTOmustang. You make some very valid points in your post and I really appreciate your insight. I will keep what you said in mind. You are right. A lot of people my age have relationships to "show off" as you said. I'm going to make a list like you suggested.

@Skies. I'm quite positive I satisfied them, I mean a couple of these women we did it multiple times in the course of a few hours, and I always make sure and make it a priority that the woman is happy. Like I said in the OP, I feel many of the women I did it with were just looking for sex and were lying about desiring a relationship.

@ForumzFishOnly Um, why should I lose the cigar? Cigar smoking is one of my passions and a major hobby that I'm a part of. I can't change who I am.

@Darwin1971 Whoa! I look like a dumbass? How, why, and where did this come from? Is there a way I can teach myself dancing? Or do I need to take a class? As I said, getting laid isn't an issue, its just having something of substance I'm struggling with.

@PerfectPig. EDM and hip hop is garbage lol. I really don't like that type of music. I was going to say, its not common to see women into dancing, unless they go to clubs or raves. At least I haven't seen it.
 whosmeow
Joined: 10/19/2017
Msg: 22
I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/20/2017 8:09:43 PM
John- You are young, but I was with the late father of my children for years by the time I was 22. Never lose faith or hope sweetness. The perfect partner is out there waiting to be found. Just how do you go about that? That's the funny thing about love. It kind of just happens. Relationships on the other hand take work, communication, and patience. I like cigars. Try finding local groups involved with activities you enjoy. Older folks like me have kids with friends. You never know who you might meet in the path of doing things you like.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 23
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I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/21/2017 5:23:30 AM

I feel many of the women I did it with were just looking for sex and were lying about desiring a relationship.


That may well be the case. Or it may simply be that they didn't want one with you. Refine your picker, and don't jump into bed straight away if you're truly after something that'll last longer.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 24
I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/21/2017 6:38:18 AM
corny as it is, a free way to learn dancing is YouTube. don't type in "how to dance", you'll get some weird stuff :) type in "dance lessons", and take the time to go thru the beginner vids. get the basics, then toss on some freestyle moves of your own to stand out a bit as an individual. Like Pig would say, if you're attractive, women will do the rest. You just get the confidence to get out on the dance floor, and when they get some liquid courage, they'll approach you.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 25
I dont know what I am doing wrong
Posted: 12/21/2017 10:45:04 AM

@PerfectPig. EDM and hip hop is garbage lol. I really don't like that type of music. I was going to say, its not common to see women into dancing, unless they go to clubs or raves. At least I haven't seen it.


I didn't say you personally liked either one. I was stating what is popular in your age bracket. I would bet my life west coast swing, country swing, bachata, salsa, and tango classes aren't typically overrun with twenty-somethings.


corny as it is, a free way to learn dancing is YouTube


Exactly. There's more than you will ever need on Youtube. I've been a musician the vast majority of my life, so I already had rhythm and timing down. It was just a matter of knowing what to do with them, and I actually learned from video games at first.
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