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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?      Home login  
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 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 1
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Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Recently back in the dating world. I want to feel relaxed about dating. I'm not looking for a LTR, not looking for "the one", or a steady FWB. I just want to be relaxed and meet people and let my mind be at ease.

In this frame of reference, I'm thinking - what would I do if money was not a consideration? ME? Once a week, I'd take someone different to dinner. A sit-down restaurant, trying some different tastes. Every week, a different guest. I'd be looking for someone fairly compatible, but not necessary someone I'd target for a romance. I'm thinking - someone who'd just be great at conversation. I would be paying for the meals, so that's not up for discussion. Guest pays for her own drinks. I don't drink, I'm not paying for drinks. They want tea or soda, that's fine. When the check comes we go our separate ways, and I expect to ghost or be ghosted by the guest.

It seems that what people do in texting and OLD messaging cannot be accepted as reliable as to whether they are good at conversation. And it also seems that most people in this age where everyone has a personal phone - prefer to not use the phone to talk. Okay. So, it seems to be a total crapshoot on the conversation company.

Well, the only way through it is to do it. So, I'd pick dates as best as I could, offer a choice of restaurants, or choose where I wanted to do if they are indecisive. We meet, we eat, we talk, and we split. Just a one-date & done dinner thing. What do I expect to hear? What do I expect to learn? I don't know....for me it's more like a conditioning thing....I want to hear stuff first-hand and just get a face-to-face sense of what people are thinking about.

In the long run I may discover that my picker is broken, and I make very bad choices for conversation, and perhaps worse choices for dinner menus. Hope not!

So....my questions to everyone here:
Do you think women would accept a one-time-only dinner date?
Does it sound creepy?
Is there a way to avoid that and have good dinner-only dates?
What pitfalls could I encounter?

I see two concerns on my part:
- I get stood up. But OTOH, I still get to eat at a nice place and save $$ I would have spent.
- I can't afford to treat someone every week. Well, I'll have to face that when it comes. I mean, I can make excuses, or I can think in terms of abundance, and decide to avoid all fast food snacks in exchange for one nice meal at the end of the week.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 2
Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/23/2017 9:45:17 PM
Hi OP,
it depends on both parties' worldwiew... if it is a match, the date will go well. There is this ebook sold online "She Ain't It" where the author compartmentalizes women into top tier, and you should take them out ("if you can't afford dinner dates you should not be dating") and "Chipotle and Netflix level" and with them anything goes. I did mention this same quote in another post recently. Lots of people prefer to start with coffee or drinks; some women won't accept anything less than a date; so many different approaches. I would not feel comfortable with a man of average means suggesting dinner as a first date. (I got asked out to dinner as a first date by a head of a law firm with two Porsches, that's a different story, if he wasn't much older the answer would be sure.) No way to avoid bad or blah dates, that's why best to start with coffee or a quick drink. A good date is a person of heart, intelligence, and one who cares how you feel, you don't know any of that until you at least meet.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 3
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Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/23/2017 11:18:15 PM
I use the word "date" to mean an agreed-upon time, location, and activity - NOT - to infer a meeting to intiate some kind of romance.

I say 'One & Done', because a subsequent date is not intended. One reason I posted here is that I suspect that people may not understand my goal = dinner conversation with someone who want do that. It's something I miss from a relationship, but I'm not ready for a relationship. I just want to chat over a meal - it's a different dynamic than messaging, or trading quips on some message board. When the bill arrives, the party is over, and we part ways. Yes, it could be a short discussion if we eat fast.

How best to explain it? That's what I'm trying to work out. Perhaps NO ONE would be interested in such a thing. That's something I'm curious to know. I like to hear stories of peoples good times and stuff that worked out.

This idea may be a disaster in the making, and perhaps the only people interested are only people who'd like to VENT-VENT-VENT about the Ex or OLD or some specific incident they can't let go. I hope my guest-picker would be better than that, and I wouldn't sit with such people. Worst-case scenario, someone tells the waiter "to-go", and I eat alone, to think about my method of selection and how to improve it.
Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/23/2017 11:18:28 PM

Recently back in the dating world. I want to feel relaxed about dating. I'm not looking for a LTR, not looking for "the one", or a steady FWB. I just want to be relaxed and meet people and let my mind be at ease.


wow... from my moments of lurking and watching your posts and profile, it seems (to me at least) that you're getting over some angst you've had from a previous relationship? encounter... (sorry, I haven't retained the fine details but that's just my perception
but now that you're getting relaxed, it's a great feeling isn't it??

Anyway - on topic - the 'date' you describe - is what I relish - I have learned to go out expecting NOT to see the person again... (that is if I were to go out.... as it's not happening at the moment) - heck, I'd even go halvsies with the meal.. if I could hope to walk away with knowledge of something I didn't know before... a new perspective of 'something'.

However, in the mind of others, I wonder they might find it too low of an investment (participation & involvement wise) - to enter into... knowing they won't see someone again.

I'll follow this one with interest....
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 5
Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/23/2017 11:50:22 PM
OP, I see you're here in Phoenix. Good luck. This town is dating handicapped to say the least.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 6
Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 3:35:38 AM
If that is what you want to do - do it. Just be sure that you are up front about the fact that it is one and done for the most part. You could also go to these restaurants and sit at the bar (you don't have to drink to do so) and have a few dinner companions. I love sitting at the bar in nice restaurants. Always a great cross section of people. Interesting conversations and I have parlayed those dinners alone into more than a few dates. Dinner clubs still exist in the form of MeetUp. A great way to try new places and make new friends.
 magicstillaroundme
Joined: 10/2/2017
Msg: 7
Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 6:22:46 AM
OP, what you want to do is easier than you probably think and not as expensive as you think. I know because I did that very thing for a couple of years... yes, in Phoenix.

Dates won't be hard to get and you really don't have to worry about being up front about anything. It won't matter because if you stick to the plan of just innocuous conversation then women who really are into it for an LTR won't consider you a prospect and you will never hear from them again. They will think, "nice try but no spark" and you stay off the hook by their choice.

Pick three or four places that you know are reasonably priced and rotate between them until you run out of things on the menus. I used Cooperstown downtown, Palermo's in Moon Valley and Teresa's in Litchfield Park. Didn't cost much at all. You can really get away cheap with buffets like Old Country or Golden Corral but I thought that tacky.

Good luck man. You'll do fine.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 8
Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 7:00:43 AM
Oh okay, I understand now. Well since you're saying in the profile you're not looking for a relationship, your approach is fine. If you had said you were looking for dating or a relationship, it would be misleading.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 9
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Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 7:32:36 AM

So....my questions to everyone here:
Do you think women would accept a one-time-only dinner date?
Does it sound creepy?
Is there a way to avoid that and have good dinner-only dates?
What pitfalls could I encounter?


The biggest problem I can see, is one you seem to have passed over without noticing:

you are looking for hit it and quit it conversation dates, in places where most people are looking for something else, almost the opposite.

I obviously can't speak for the females, but I know that if the genders were reversed, that I wouldn't be interested in arranging a formal meet up with someone, no matter whether they paid for everything or not, just to provide them with personal entertainment for an evening. I'm trying to guide my own life forward, and though I am fine with helping others along the way, the amount of investment required for your dinner date scenarios is a bit much.

After all, meeting up for dinner and conversation, doesn't just involve the time required to eat and chat. It requires advance scheduling, including travel time and parking and the costs of all that; it requires effort in choice of appropriate dress, which might be simple for people who have 100% nice clothes, but isn't for me; there's the time to get home again. And most of all, there is the overall pointlessness of the whole experience. Not that I wouldn't enjoy a good conversation from someone like you, who has many times here shown an excellent grasp of humanity, but in the framework of an entire evenings structured enterprise, that's not enough for me.

Personally, I have already had my fill of being a guy who an otherwise wonderful woman decides to use as a "healing companion" for a while, and then drop.

What I would suggest instead, is that you look in your area for social groups of some kind, which are usually made up of people who are there for the activity, or even for exactly what you are describing: fun chat over dinner with no expectations of anything more. I'm lucky in my area to have found exactly that. A group of people of various ages who arrange to meet up in the evenings for "happy hour," at various local restaurants. They get together and just eat, drink and chat. The attendees change from week to week. You can ntry and start such a group yourself, if you don't find one.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 10
Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 7:56:58 AM
Sounds too scripted.

Your expectations of a stranger will keep you disappointed.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 11
Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 9:37:57 AM
OP, I think you should just hang out at the airport. There are plenty of restaurants and bars there, where you can strike up conversations with lone female travelers, whom you'll never see again.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 12
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Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 10:05:36 AM
An interesting thread, an interesting question, and I would expect nothing less from aintnodeal.

I don’t think your basic plan is really feasible unless you are hiding your intent from the women. Message 7 describes a scenario which would work


Dates won't be hard to get and you really don't have to worry about being up front about anything. It won't matter because if you stick to the plan of just innocuous conversation then women who really are into it for an LTR won't consider you a prospect and you will never hear from them again. They will think, "nice try but no spark" and you stay off the hook by their choice.

But I don’t think you would feel very good about yourself if you were basically misleading all of these women.

Igor, in message 9, makes several good points. The most important is the last one: Join Meetup. There is a Meetup group here in Houston called “Dining Adventures” that would be perfect for you.

Halcyon_skies, in message 11, has an interesting idea. But it will not work unless you of above average appearance. Women really don’t like being hit on by men that they don’t find attractive.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 13
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Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 11:06:03 AM
I think that the idea by HS is a really good one.
 magicstillaroundme
Joined: 10/2/2017
Msg: 14
Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 11:27:06 AM

HS: OP, I think you should just hang out at the airport. There are plenty of restaurants and bars there, where you can strike up conversations with lone female travelers, whom you'll never see again.

TC: I think that the idea by HS is a really good one.


I think that it is a good idea too... almost anywhere else. Sky Harbor Airport in Phoenix stinks as far a restaurants and bars go. He would have to chat up girls while they were standing at small, chest high, round tables in front of Pizza Hut Express or Chester's Chicken.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 15
Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 1:20:35 PM

Halcyon_skies, in message 11, has an interesting idea. But it will not work unless you of above average appearance. Women really don’t like being hit on by men that they don’t find attractive.


He wouldn't come across as "hitting on them", since he wouldn't be asking them out. It's easy for one to strike up conversations with people at the airport---both men and women. They don't have their guards up.


I think that it is a good idea too... almost anywhere else. Sky Harbor Airport in Phoenix stinks as far a restaurants and bars go. He would have to chat up girls while they were standing at small, chest high, round tables in front of Pizza Hut Express or Chester's Chicken.


Cheuvront Restaurant & Wine Bar, Terminal 4.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 16
Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 1:40:52 PM
I think its enough of a good idea...I wonder why it doesn't exist already. Like Henry said, its an intelligent proposal and no surprise coming from the OP. I might label such a thing an "outing" rather than a "Date", b/c dates are expected to have a goal. an outing is...an outing :) In my generation, I could have sworn there was a group for people who worked so hard they didn't have time for a relationship, and just wanted intelligent company. Googling "professional matchmakers" of course came up with some attempts at doing this, but why pay for someone to do it for me and fail, the internet should allow me to list a profile somewhere and go from there. I tried "dinner dates" and got this:

http://www.dinnerdates.com/faqs.aspx

And, specializing in individuals who have lost a partner:

http://thedinnerparty.org/partner

but maybe the younger generation just doesn't have the time:

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/the-death-of-the-dinner-date-2016-12-28

I wonder, if it works, what the protocol would be for people who already have a "Two for one" coupon, but no one to use it on? or maybe that's the hook to use, if someone starts a website connecting people, and wants a Public Release to draw attention?

I suspect, of course, that if it took off in a city of busy professionals, like NYC or wherever, that the single wolves would take it over, hoping to use it to "pick up drunk chicks".

 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 17
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Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 3:18:06 PM

halcyon_skies
He wouldn't come across as "hitting on them", since he wouldn't be asking them out. It's easy for one to strike up conversations with people at the airport---both men and women. They don't have their guards up.

I don’t know about that. If you’re standing in line, and make some comment about the departure being late, and have a short conversation about the weather and airline travel, okay. But once you ask her to have dinner with you, about 95% (or more) of the women out there are going to perceive that as “hitting on them”.

YMMV, as always, but I have real doubts about this one.

Gto, you were right that it does exist already. Well, almost. Drop the “dinner”, substitute lunch, google it, and you have:


https://www.itsjustlunch.com/

Dating for busy professionals

Chemistry happens face-to-face.

It’s just lunch. Or maybe the best date of your life.

I thought I remembered seeing an ad for this, and there it is.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 18
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Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 5:53:27 PM

Recently back in the dating world. I want to feel relaxed about dating.

I dunno. When it comes to expectations, rebound sex-adventures are the first thing that come to mind... ;)

I'm not looking for a LTR, not looking for "the one", or a steady FWB. I just want to be relaxed and meet people and let my mind be at ease.

Well, apart from one being (knowingly or unknowingly) over-eager to get into an LTR ASAP -- I think many people want the 1st date with someone they first meet to be relaxed and chill as the "motif". It's certainly not restricted to "I don't want a 2nd date, b!tch." :)

Speaking of which -- you just want a play-date -- like "playing house". Handshakes & lemonade, and "see ya later". That's not really a Date, pre-empted like that.

I'm thinking - someone who'd just be great at conversation. I would be paying for the meals, so that's not up for discussion. Guest pays for her own drinks. I don't drink, I'm not paying for drinks.

As a side note, if you're going the route of I'll-pay-for-dinner -- I would at least put her 1st "intro" drink on the tab (your tab). You not drinking doesn't really matter. You're not eating chicken -- why pay for hers if she is, is your rationale there. Now, as far as "getting a buzz on" -- while you're not -- that, I understand. But a drink or two through the course of the evening that doesn't put her on any other level than you -- that's part of it. Just sayin'.

Do you think women would accept a one-time-only dinner date?

Certain circumstances, yes. Most circumstances, no. It's not that it's creepy per se, it's confusing. It's just-friends -- but I don't even want to be your friend. Huh? You're wanting to "play house", where, it's really Weird. I can see you saying "Hey, I just want a date, with no Aim to be DatING if things go swell," but to purposely go out of your way to Not see them ever again, after a good outing? Ummmm, I can only think you're just game-practicing. Which is what it will do, and if money were no object, fine. However, them preemptively knowing this makes this too weird for most.

Instead, don't announce this intention, but set Up the situations where it's pretty much guaranteed she won't chase you and there's "chasing" effect. Just go out as friends, your treat. Kind of like what Henry did with a stunner in one of his Meetup groups after her place was flooded... here, I'll take ya out, my treat. But of course, no $200 dinners, but more like Applebees. You get your feet wet in the "dating" scenario, even though it's not really a date but the aura & setting's similar -- and you get to jive with a hot girl.

But if you plan on, no matter Who the gal is, to Ghost her -- it's not Really a date. It's a baby-set toward real dating game, sure. But is that so necessary? And do you have to tell them "BTW, I'm never going to want to see you again, toots. But I hope our 'date' goes swell!"? :) I have a hard time believing you'd be going out with the gal, and if she's hot & you two click, and she seemingly Liked you, and texted you after to suggest chilling to grab something to eat at Jimmy Johns then go to a cool movie coming out -- and she'll get the Jimmy Johns, that you wouldn't bite. :)

Is your motive to not feel lonely, or is it a method to sharpen 'game', that some people do need to do?
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 19
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Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 6:18:34 PM

Dinner clubs still exist in the form of MeetUp. A great way to try new places and make new friends.

Actually, I like this suggestion. I've done Meetups before.


OP, what you want to do is easier than you probably think and not as expensive as you think.

Dates won't be hard to get and you really don't have to worry about being up front about anything. It won't matter because if you stick to the plan of just innocuous conversation then women who really are into it for an LTR won't consider you a prospect and you will never hear from them again. They will think, "nice try but no spark" and you stay off the hook by their choice.


Nice to know the concept works and I can relax about that.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 20
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Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 7:30:59 PM
....sorry I'm getting back to this thread so late - I was at a football game all day!


What I would suggest instead, is that you look in your area for social groups of some kind, which are usually made up of people who are there for the activity, or even for exactly what you are describing: fun chat over dinner with no expectations of anything more.



I don’t think your basic plan is really feasible unless you are hiding your intent from the women.


Interesting to read all these perspectives. Myself, I can't misrepresent what my purpose is, that's why I label it 'One & Done' to be very clear that it isn't about finding a partner, a relationship, some repeated event where I have the goal of being your best friend.

"Dining Adventures" sounds like something I should investigate. Again, I've done Meetup before and it's worked well for me. My purpose is to kind of see what's out there and what people are thinking without the intent of hooking up. At the same time, I would be going on real dates with the purpose of finding someone to hang out with on a regular basis. The two are separate, and I'd like to keep them distinct, also not hidden. It's okay if women I date know I'm doing the "Dining Adventures" or something similar.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 21
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Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 7:35:37 PM

He wouldn't come across as "hitting on them", since he wouldn't be asking them out. It's easy for one to strike up conversations with people at the airport---both men and women. They don't have their guards up.


The airport concept just would not work for me. I'm a task-based person, I like a clear definition of activity and scope, then I work within that. I'm not the type to wander around and interrupt the business of other people. I walk/ride in local parks a lot, and I say "Hi" to people who pass, but I don't usually get in their business unless there is something very unique going on, and my interruption is just for information - "What is this?" "How does it work?" "How are people reacting to it?"
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 22
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Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 7:38:27 PM
From above: It's Just Lunch.

I had a friend that used this service. He had lunch with about 5 of 6 and married the last one about 20-25 years ago. As I recall, he told me that all the ladies were quite clear about wanting to be married (as was he.)
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 23
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Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 7:46:59 PM
"I don't want a 2nd date, b!tch." :) - omg, LOL!!!!


It's not that it's creepy per se, it's confusing. It's just-friends -- but I don't even want to be your friend. ... It's a baby-set toward real dating game, sure. But is that so necessary? ... Is your motive to not feel lonely, or is it a method to sharpen 'game', that some people do need to do?


Yes, I'd say it IS a kind of baby-step, because I feel I'm somewhat out of touch with attitudes in general about dating/relationships. Although I'm not aiming at a relationship at this time, it's useful to know the lingo so as to not be misunderstood or make statements that indicate something I don't intend.

And yes, I'd say it's a kind of "sharpening" - NOT that I want to play games, but that I want to be more accurate and precise in how I communicate. That's a big thing for me.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 24
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Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/24/2017 7:48:38 PM
"There are plenty of restaurants and bars there, where you can strike up conversations with lone female travelers, whom you'll never see again."

That actually worked for me recently. Mechanical problems on the plane delayed my flight for 2.5 hours. I struck up a conversation with a beautiful woman at the bar, we had a fun dinner, and went our own ways. I told her that she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen which worked because she could tell that I meant it and it wasn't just a "line".

I gave her my card, she smiled, and I never heard from her, but it was a lovely 90 minutes.
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 25
Dinner Dates - One & Done - Feasable...?
Posted: 12/25/2017 1:28:29 AM
Yes it's very feasible provided you tell them your exact intent in profile, would also recommend switching it to "friends" cause well that is exactly what that is for. I know it's easily do able because I been doing it off and on as the mood hits, I don't actually date to get a relationship but to actually just have some adult company and nice meal on occasion. Can't afford those high roller dates all the time but when the mood hits now and then I like to be able to treat a nice lady to one who might not had one in a long-time or never had one.
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