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 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 1
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Match.com: All about the money(?)Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hey All,

Happy New Year! So, being that it is a new year, and I keep getting the "it's time to get serious about finding someone", or "you're 35, and are a great catch" crap, I decided to make a new profile on match.com. I already have one, but I wanted to change my screenname, add a new picture or two, etc. A fresh start, if you will. Anyway, the big difference with this profile is that I listed my salary, which has increased significantly, since my recent job change. Now, when using the old profile, I e-mailed quite a few girls that I found interesting/I thought was a good match. As you can most likely conclude, I probably put in way too much effort, and had somewhat unrealistic results. Last time, I got zero returned messages. Not from the really attractive girls, average girls, etc. This time around, I am putting in no effort, literally, and expecting nothing/to fail. I signed up, but I have not e-mailed anybody. Needless to say, my inbox is packed with messages. Many of which are from the same girls I e-mailed previously, and did not get a response from. Some of the girls are even stunningly beautiful. My "interests" are more then I have ever had before, etc. So, my question is this: is this all because I listed my salary? I seem to think it is, but what do you think?

Secondly, if my strong results are because I listed my salary; how/why can single women make it so obvious they are interested because I make decent money? There's even one girl that e-mailed me that looks the part, who invited me to her apartment. Even though I am convinced the profile was made by a guy, that's out for a laugh, what if it isn't? If women complain about guys for such a behavior, why is it that they do the same thing when they(presumably) see dollar signs.
 YouRAWancar
Joined: 12/29/2017
Msg: 2
Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/3/2018 11:50:53 AM

So, my question is this: is this all because I listed my salary? I seem to think it is, but what do you think?


I think you are making most of this up.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 3
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/3/2018 11:52:44 AM
Try not to over-think it too much. A lot of people set searches what they believe is an 'ideal' match - and generally forget about changing it. People also generally forget to keep their old profile updated with newer pics and modern updates, so it's no wonder people see the same thing again, think they've gone stale and ignore them. Creating a newer profile with new pictures that gets placed in the 'hot off the press' shuffle with other newbies puts you in the 'fresh meat' category - so everyone generally gets more hits the first few weeks out.

Crossing an invisible income line probably did result in pings on searches that didn't know you existed previously, but changing up a current profile with a single major statistic like height or income level and leaving the rest the same is what you SHOULD do to accurately measure your Gold digger theory. Changing up too many variables like you did weakens the argument.

Women don't push for specific income levels in their profiles just like men don't push for bra sizes in theirs. It's tacky to do so. Doesn't matter if it's true or not.

Women that have been 'programmed' to fish for wealth are usually blatantly obvious with their actions, much the same way guys drool over a fitness babe who shows up at a bar instead of her 'average' friend. Showing up in the same place in two totally different outfits and getting two totally different reactions from the same person (or their friends) is usually an easy tell.

Have you ever gone to a smoky, blue-collar bar in an expensive suit and nice shoes? You are guaranteed to stand out. But does that attention help, or hinder your goal? Unless you precisely know the audience that dwells there, you are probably just trying too hard. The same goes online. At this point, you are still guessing 'why' with little or nothing to go on but a hunch. It really does not matter. Dating is a real-life activity. This online crap is pretty much a video game with stupid aliases.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 4
Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/3/2018 2:08:47 PM
OkC took the income entry off their site because the results were pretty depressing. Grab the book Dataclysm for an interesting read on online dating and statistics. 20% of people would ever couple up as opposed to 80% if online dating salary demands were met, ha ha.

I have my salary listed here ($75,000 - $100,000) and that's pretty decent for my area, but it's not really made any difference in my contact/reply rate. Maybe $400k is the sweet spot for all these women with just a high school degree.

Match itself is a waste of time. It has crap for a user base (at least around here), they leave all sorts of inactive profiles around as active, and you have to pay for the same garbage you can get on a free site. Skip it, IMO.
 NCsc85
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 5
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/3/2018 7:04:01 PM
While you do have to pay to use Match I have found it to be a MUCH better dating website.

For example, POF doesn't even do email verification which results in many profiles being fake which is quite annoying. Also, by Match being a pay site it also tends to attract a better range of singles.

Remember: You get what you pay for.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 6
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/3/2018 7:38:24 PM

So, my question is this: is this all because I listed my salary?


YES!


I seem to think it is, but what do you think?


You have to ask?
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 7
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/4/2018 10:03:53 AM
Hey, Roscoe -
This is the very scenario you have been fantasizing about for YEARS, is it not?

Remember when you were phinatic14 and you incessantly ranted about getting into medical school, and/or blowing your inheritance on a fancy car and Rolex watch? Just so the gals would give you a tumble?

https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16091454.aspx

Well, you know what they say, Nothing is real until you meet.

Sooner or later, you will be required to actually MEET a girl to find out if she is the shallow, money-grubbing user you have been fervently hoping for and working your way up to with all your might.

You've never been out on an actual romantic date have you?

Here's some of your own advice, as phinatic14:

Brother, I kind of know where you are at. I'm 34, never had a LTR, still carrying that card, etc. Been on dates, but always end up getting the "nice guy" speech. As another poster mentioned, I think you have accepted the fact that you don't meet a woman's standards(often unrealistic), and have learned to live the single life. I've gotten interests on match.com, but with the exception of going on a few dates with girls that were somewhat attractive/not bigger then me, you can guess the type I was getting messages from. Sorry, I'm not that desperate. If we fly to Hawaii, I don't want to have to buy another seat. I've accepted the fact that I fall seriously short of what most moderately-attractive women are looking for, and am prepared to fly solo until my last day. Take into consideration that I've had a hard life: over half of my hearing is gone, I've had six surgeries "up top", and was bullied mercilessly growing up. I'm a different person now. I've got a big mouth, am in great shape, and I've got the intelligence thing licked, etc. will say I'm not really an easy person to get to know. I'm very cautious of someone who isn't part of the "usual suspects". You really have to prove yourself to be genuine before I let you "in".


You also mentioned dating being about what someone else has. That's true for sure, with both genders. Take this for example: as my profile indicates, I am the director of community outreach for the Cleveland Cavaliers. When I am out with friends, and they introduce me to some girl, they always ask me what I do, just after my name. I assume this is to measure my net worth. When I tell them what I do, they are all of a sudden "fascinated". When they ask me if I know the team(I do), they always show so much interest in me it's ridiculous. Touching my hand, sitting in my lap, etc. Do I know you well enough for this to happen? When I show them pictures of me with the team in Las Vegas after they won and then on the plane home, it's like they go over the edge. I honestly could sleep with each of these girls if I wanted to. They are that interested; not in me, but in my job and what it could possibly bring them. That's just my assumption though, and I could be wrong. I suppose you could say I am using my experiences with online dating as a measuring stick: if these type of girls ignore me online(where I don't mention what I do), something must be wrong here. When I leave for the night, thank them for talking with me and wish them well, they offer me their phone number. I "unfortunately" have to tell them that I'm rather busy, but thank you for the offer. The utter look of disappointment on their faces is crazy. I suppose you could conclude that my experiences with online dating have turned me completely rotten.

Now, in terms of living the single life: as I said; you and I are probably sitting in the same boat. We have accepted the fact that we don't meet a woman's standards/are not what they are looking for, and are prepared to live life alone. All that I could offer you is what my mom told me, and that is to be open to the possibilities. Don't go out of your way to make yourself attractive(you could, but it's your call), but don't close yourself off to the possibilities
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 8
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/4/2018 10:58:27 AM
Hey All,

Thanks for your advice, both positive and negative. I'm open to criticism, so no worries/hurt feelings. Anyway, I've been thinking about all this in the time I posted this question, and I have drawn the conclusion that it's really something I shouldn't be concerned with. So what if people keep asking me the same question? Not everyone's life follows the same trajectory. Through none of my own fault, I am a bit behind in life. Some would say I am at least five years younger than my chronological age, as far as experiences are concerned. I really should only be concerned with myself/improving myself personally. Why I keep drifting into this relationship/dating thing I will never understand. Call it a function of Freud's psycho-sexual development, or Erikson's "intimacy vs isolation" stage of development. I'm cool with being alone. I won't say I prefer it, but I don't despise it/can function just fine in solitary. Yes, the prospect of dating someone that is a great match for me does strike interest in me, but honestly at my chronological age, most of them are off the market(according to me), and dating just for the purpose of saying you are isn't appealing to me. So, thanks to all of you for your advice.
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 9
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/4/2018 11:56:46 AM
I rather think your insistence that women are only interested in you for what you offer, materially, is your way of discounting any real interest they may have in you.

It is o.k. to be single.
I know you are fixated on everyone else who has a marriage and kids (particularly your brother).
People will continue to poke you about "settling down," but you have to be clear in your own mind what is right for you.

Nothing is worse than getting married to make someone else Happy.

Please try not to waste any more time on decoding other people's motives. Who cares?

You do you.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 10
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/4/2018 3:03:08 PM
It may be something as simple as showing up on their search because of criteria they entered, or criteria the application applies before they highlight you on the search of women who fall within certain parameters. Try not to read so much into it that it could lead you to dismiss some very good matches.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 11
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/4/2018 5:55:42 PM

Also, by Match being a pay site it also tends to attract a better range of singles.

There's a huge portion of people that are repeat offenders on multiple dating sites. I refuse to see Match as 'Better' when about 60-70% of their clients are still fishing on other sites. The other 'kicker' about Match is that they don't distinguish between paid members that can actually message or use the services and the unpaid 'lurkers' who only use it for a scouting opportunity.

Being on a paid site and expecting more BECAUSE it's a paid site is a rampant and popular belief - at least for those who actually PAY for it. A lot of other people are just eye-rolling. I think it gives a lot of stooges an excuse to be pretentious about what they want because there is money on the line. Kind of like assuming they look better in more expensive clothes. Not much credibility can be proven by cost.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 12
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/4/2018 6:11:58 PM

If women complain about guys for such a behavior, why is it that they do the same thing when they(presumably) see dollar signs.


It's called self-serving hypocrisy.


Some would say I am at least five years younger than my chronological age, as far as experiences are concerned.


Really.
What particular experiences do they think you are supposed to have had in that 5 year span?


Nothing is worse than getting married to make someone else Happy.


I'm thinking being burned to death at the stake would be worse.


a lot of stooges


There's 3 Stooges in particular that I'm a fan of.
Nyuk nyuk.


Kind of like assuming they look better in more expensive clothes.


A lot of people do.
Doesn't make them better human beings, though.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 13
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/5/2018 12:29:52 AM
Successful men are attractive, and that successfulness is sometimes measured by income, but not always.

He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days — Ani Difranco

You can love a rich man as much as you can love a poor man.

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 14
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/5/2018 7:58:49 PM
In response to message number 8:

Wow. Just wow. Are you sure that’s the same guy, aquaandorange14 and phinatic14? I will say, I remember that post you quoted from phinatic14. It was just possibly the strangest post I have ever seen, in my nearly 8 years here on the forums. In the very same post he stipulates


We have accepted the fact that we don't meet a woman's standards/are not what they are looking for, and are prepared to live life alone.

And, in the very same post, says


they always show so much interest in me it's ridiculous. Touching my hand, sitting in my lap, etc.

I honestly could sleep with each of these girls if I wanted to.


Now NewYorker58 has recently shown some very strange tendencies, shifting 180 degrees. But it’s always in different posts. Leading one of the other ladies here to guess that she is leaving her computer on when she goes shopping, and someone else is posting using her account.

But this guy, phinatic14, it was all in ONE post. Amazing. It’s like MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder), and someone flipped his switch while he was typing the message to be posted. Amazing.

 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 15
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/5/2018 10:58:25 PM
Henry:

Now NewYorker58 has recently shown some very strange tendencies, shifting 180 degrees. But it’s always in different posts. Leading one of the other ladies here to guess that she is leaving her computer on when she goes shopping, and someone else is posting using her account.

To be fair Henry, NYer is a completely different story. She already told us, in the following post she hade two months ago, why she was setting herself up for a meltdown, and that it was just something she was bound by love to do, which saddens me all around.

ref:
forums.plentyoffish.com/16658326datingPostpage3.aspx#16664097

Cheers
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 16
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/5/2018 11:09:28 PM
I'm in a constant state of mini-meltdown with my dog, though it's not uncommon for me to use salty language from time to time. I don't know why that would seem odd.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 17
Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/6/2018 8:07:43 PM
aquaandorange14- There was a God awful reality show a while back, I can't think of the name of it anymore.
I watched it, a guilty pleasure, I admit. It was alternately awful/ hilarious , cringe worthy/fascinating. I was hooked. :D
Anyway, the premise was that a bunch of women were told they were on a reality show to meet a very wealthy man (He was supposed to be a prince of somewhere, or some such, I can't remember that part very well).
Turns out, he wasn't wealthy at all, but an average, although super hot, guy who had a blue collar job and make 10.00 dollars an hour, if I'm remembering right.
They were not told this, of course. He was coached to act wealthy, whatever that entails. (Using the right fork, chewing with his mouth closed, learning to ride a horse and a few other sundry things seemed to be in order. I would love to meet the person that did the coaching, that would be VERY interesting, I'm sure. :D)
Cue the women. Oh Boy, were some, ok most, of them, a real piece of work. There were one or two that were tolerable, another one or two that I felt sorry for, because they seemed like truly good people, the rest I'm not sure I can do justice to. If anyone sees this post and knows the name of the show and says it., watch an episode or two. Some things have to be seen to be believed. :o :D
Viewers knew whomever he wound up with at the end would be told the truth, to see if they still wanted him, once they knew.
The one left at the end was one of the ones that seemed like a good person. She decided to accept him, as he was, cue the violins, all was well.
Except, it wasn't, of course, because as awful as most of the women were, the whole thing was built on a lie and the guy they were vying for was as bad as they were in ways that had NOTHING to do with income.

What is the relevance? Think about it and get back to me when you figure it out. Here's a hint: Focus on the last sentence, before this one.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 18
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/6/2018 9:35:45 PM
^^^Joe Millionaire was the show. There were a couple of others around the same time...Joe Schmo and Average Joe.

I can't believe I watched it. It exposed the gold diggers...
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 19
Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/6/2018 10:27:21 PM
cooldog65- e: "^^^Joe Millionaire was the show. There were a couple of others around the same time...Joe Schmo and Average Joe.

I can't believe I watched it. It exposed the gold diggers..."

Thank you! That's it. :)

Me either! It was kind of like watching a slow motion train wreck, I couldn't seem to help myself. There were a couple of them that it is a GOOD thing we will never meet. Jesus, what vapid twats. It was the two who went far enough they found out the truth, before the finale with the final two. They proceeded to sit outside drinking wine together, talking about what an awful person HE was. The blond and the brunette??

I hadn't thought about the show in forever, until this post and then there it was, gold diggers brought back to haunt me like some bizarre version of a Charles****n's tale. :D :D

Maybe we can both plead temporary insanity brought on by bad tv? I still can NOT believe I watched the whole thing. ;)
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 20
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/7/2018 1:57:59 PM

I still can NOT believe I watched the whole thing. ;)

Why the hell does 'The Bachelor" still get ratings? It's been running for 16 seasons. Because MANY women buy into the fantasy all too easily... that the ONE guy that ALL the other women want... wants ONLY her. What a tremendous crock of fake rubber doggy-doo.

It's no wonder that's the most common lie a man uses to get into their pants. That slow motion train wreck plays itself out in full high-resolution 3-D just about every weekend at the bar of your choice. Of course, minus the dramatic background music and commercial breaks to heighten the phony anxiety.

Does she accept his indecent proposal to 'Netflix 'N Chill' this evening with the Rom-Com of her choice? He's already made her Besties Jill and Jane insanely jealous. Find out in two minutes and two seconds after a word from our sponsor... Beer Nuts and Budweiser
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 21
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/7/2018 2:11:29 PM
Dan, I started watching those shows, because a pof guy I dated was pretty excited about the shows and asked me to watch it with him. It's only a fantasy for those not chosen, because someone does get chosen at the end of the show. I think there are 3 married couples from that show that live in my state. All have kids now. It's a crapshoot, but sometimes it works. I like how some of the guys got all Hollywood and segued to DWTS. Many seem to want to use the show to enter the entertainment industry.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 22
Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/7/2018 2:37:53 PM
Sweet Danimal- "Why the hell does 'The Bachelor" still get ratings? "

Beats me. (Shrug) When the whole "reality" show thing got started, I watched the first year of a lot of them, the second of some of them, three of a couple, none of the rest, except for the singing competition shows.
One of my passions is music and I LOVE watching the singing competitions. I'm not sure who else knows this, some people I'm sure, but Miranda Lambert got her start on a country singing competition called "Nashville Star." She came in third place, which goes to show that the most talented person doesn't always win.

Big brother was one I watched for 3 years, then stopped. The first year, there was a good representation of ages and some diversity, same with the second year, but less so, even less with the 3rd. I saw where it was headed and stopped watching.
Survivor I lasted two seasons, The same with The Bachelor.

The only other train wreck things I got into were "The Rock of Love", the second season, not the first and one year of the reality show that tried to "reform" some of the "bad" girls from other reality shows, Sharon Osborne was the host.

There is one I don't consider a guilty pleasure that I watched 2 seasons of: Ink Master. I think tattooing is an art form and there were some super talented people on there.

"Because MANY women buy into the fantasy all too easily"
True enough, but not all, of course. I watched out of curiosity. I stopped believing in fairy tales a long time ago.

"It's no wonder that's the most common lie a man uses to get into their pants"
Once again, some of them. I mean both the men who use the tactic and the women who fall for it.
Let's not forget that predatory men are no better than the women who buy their act.
Also, women can be predatory as well.

Thankfully, there are those of both genders that conduct themselves authentically. :)
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 23
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/8/2018 3:26:36 PM
Everytime this subject comes up, I remember a scene and punchline from the old "Dick Van Dyke" show-

"She could be a lot uglier for 20 million dollars." It's funny. And true.
 northwildwoodnjman1969
Joined: 9/18/2012
Msg: 24
Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/8/2018 5:22:08 PM
All dating sites are about the almighty dollar. If they cant make money they wouldn't be able to stay on the internet. Some sites might be better then others in matching people, but all dating sites are out to make money.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 25
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Match.com: All about the money(?)
Posted: 1/8/2018 6:17:28 PM

purplerider1200
"She could be a lot uglier for 20 million dollars." It's funny. And true.

Which makes me think of Bill Maher, doing his standup on Real Time. Talking about Bill O’Reilly settling a sexual harassment claim for 20 million dollars. Bill Maher asked, rhetorically(?), “What could you do to a woman that would be worth 20 million dollars????”
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