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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?      Home login  
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 cranberrybree
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 1
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How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?Page 1 of 1    
I see help written for guys having this issue but I'm specifically looking for help for a partner of someone having this issue particularly since I don't feel me educating him is going to help the situation and I want to help him in some ways that seem like no big deal that this is even an issue.

I have been dating a new guy whom is 30. We've had three sleep overs and are planning our forth but we've been having some erection issues around condom use. He's been spoiled by a LTR and hasn't had to use condoms for some time but used to be OK with them and is using his favored brand. ED is not always a problem, we're at about 40% success with penetration but it seems to be getting worse and I think it's a bit of frustration on his part. Erections and orgasms aren't an issue without the condom when it's oral and manual sex.

I've told him it's not a big deal. I've put the condoms on him and talked dirty to him to try and help things along. I can put condoms on with my mouth which definitely has helped guys before but can't with his favored brand due to the lube on them. Last time I brought a female condom which can be inserted and forgotten about while foreplay goes ahead and then doesn't rely on 100% on him keeping firm the whole time but he wasn't able to get past about 60% hard and semi wasn't working and I wonder if he viewed me bringing out the female condoms as my losing patience. Anyway he was pretty frustrated with himself and stroked himself until he was sore and never even got to PIV activities but has some other fun and lots of cuddles so it was still nice.

Anyway... what can I do to help him without it seeming like a big deal that I'm proactively involving myself here?
 Call_me_Handy
Joined: 12/27/2017
Msg: 2
How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 1/19/2018 5:42:03 PM
Erectile dysfunction is a vicious circle, once it happens the thought is in the brain and it will not go away. Would suggest backing off and make sure he knows you are fine with whatever intimacy he can offer.

On the other hand the condoms causing the ED may also be caused more by porn addiction then his history. The non vaginal sex is no issue but no condoms in porn hence the fantasy loses its luster.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 3
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How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 1/21/2018 1:37:05 PM
Wonder if he is looking to have sex w/ out condom, and using the erection issue to push fwd his needs/wants?
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 5
How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 1/22/2018 2:27:25 AM
Viagra. They don't call it the miracle pill for nothing.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 6
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How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 1/22/2018 3:08:19 PM
Several thoughts here. If the guy likes porn (and who doesn’t), and if he masturbates watching porn (and once again, who doesn’t?), then tell him to start wearing a condom during the porn masturbation episodes. This will get him used to the condoms, and will probably be all the help that he needs.



Erectile dysfunction is a vicious circle, once it happens the thought is in the brain and it will not go away.

The term is “performance anxiety”.


Viagra. They don't call it the miracle pill for nothing.

Back a number of years ago, when I first started dating after a long marriage, I had some problems with performance anxiety. My doctor prescribed Viagra, and once I saw how well it worked (and boy, does it ever!), then I didn’t really need it. Just knowing that I had it, and could use it if needed, relieved me of the anxiety.

If you believe your equipment is going to work, then it does. If you start to have self-doubts, then those doubts become self-fulfilling prophecy.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 7
How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 1/22/2018 3:22:18 PM

Wonder if he is looking to have sex w/ out condom, and using the erection issue to push fwd his needs/wants?


That could be the case. Years ago, I had a man tell me he was allergic to latex, and couldn't wear condoms. Later on, I spotted him wearing latex gloves as he was handwashing some pots and pans after dinner.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 8
How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 1/22/2018 7:59:26 PM

That could be the case. Years ago, I had a man tell me he was allergic to latex, and couldn't wear condoms. Later on, I spotted him wearing latex gloves as he was handwashing some pots and pans after dinner.


That wouldn't be a valid reason to go bareback even if someone actually was allergic to latex. There are non-latex condoms.
 snot2L8
Joined: 1/21/2018
Msg: 9
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How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 1/24/2018 7:49:45 PM


Wonder if he is looking to have sex w/ out condom, and using the erection issue to push fwd his needs/wants?



That could be the case. Years ago, I had a man tell me he was allergic to latex, and couldn't wear condoms. Later on, I spotted him wearing latex gloves as he was handwashing some pots and pans after dinner.


Completion is often a physical issue for guys when it comes to condom use and in his mind if completion is not a probability then interest in the journey may prevent the erection gods from convening. When I was 30 years old it would have taken several klydsdales hauling a wagon full of condoms to prevent an erection.

Anyway...over the years I’ve also developed a sever allergy to both latex and dish soap.......
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 10
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How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 1/24/2018 9:32:55 PM

That could be the case. Years ago, I had a man tell me he was allergic to latex, and couldn't wear condoms. Later on, I spotted him wearing latex gloves as he was handwashing some pots and pans after dinner.

Could be a mild allergy where his mucous membranes could flare up, but his hands can take it like a champ. I know with most condoms I'll want to hop in the shower to wash it off ASAP. Not that it'll be the end of the world if I wait until the next morning, but, it'll feel like I wore some weird underwear the previous day that's irritating the heck out of my pee-pee. Latex gloves are fine.

That said, it's not an excuse to go bareback with a new girl ya bring home. If anything, it's more an excuse to just "fool around" and not rush to intercourse, if there's not a shower at your convenience right there.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 11
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How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 2/8/2018 1:07:15 AM
I don't care for condoms either.
But to not get it up because of one...
Sounds like an excuse.
Only fix:
No sex till tested.
If for birth control...snip snip.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 12
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How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 2/8/2018 1:40:55 PM

But to not get it up because of one...
Sounds like an excuse.

Especially when not in the horny-20s, it may sound like it to some -- hence some guys nibbling on some Viagra when not really necessary -- but it's actually an issue with many out there, where they have semi-ED issues where things like that can happen all the time. Enough to throw off the mood, and a self-fulfilling prophecy they can't help, due to past experiences, as he's seen a gal's interest Drain due to it ("just an excuse, huh? wait -- call me!").

No sex till tested.

More preached than executed, but sure, for those already dating and wanting to ditch the condom thing. For all practical purposes, you're not going to be launched into becoming an item until the game of hide-the-salami's practiced, tho. My advice for the guy who's met with condoms being an erection-blocker, notably after drinking -- elongate the foreplay. May be hard with an impatient gal who wants to be "boned" immediately after the clothes come off, tho. Things get complicated then.

If for birth control...snip snip.

Well, if they're both single, it'd be a bad idea for the gal willing to hop in bed without being on the pill. People use condoms far less than they say (or think), when the rubber meats the road. :) And snip-snip ... the guy may not be counting out having kids and/or are a new couple -- not an already-LTR toward the sunset.
 Luke79AUS
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 13
How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 2/13/2018 8:15:03 PM
Remarkable cynicism here. Some people really let their hangups and baggage show.

They are a massive turn off for us guys, because they dramatically reduce sensitivity. Try making sure he's far more aroused first. Tease him so much he'll be super horny.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 14
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How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 3/1/2018 8:44:35 AM
Buy a book. There are many ways to climax without penetration. Mutually masturbate. Some men prefer the woman to put the condom on him. If you don't know how to do that practice with a cucumber. Is he not getting hard or staying hard. If he can't get hard I would urge him to see a doctor. If he can't stay hard I would urge you to get more creative. Enjoy the experience without having anxiety about the outcome. (pun intended)
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 15
How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 3/10/2018 7:25:15 PM
Might be a cop-out for not wanting to use condoms. We've all heard that shit before. Viagra isn't the cure-all for every man. Some men have heart conditions or other issues which, if mixed with Viagra, could have deadly or disastrous results.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 16
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How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 3/11/2018 4:40:55 AM
Tell him to put one on and then try giving him a blow-job. If he cums bite him for being a liar.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 17
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How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 3/11/2018 9:14:28 AM
OP =-

If you've got your mouth all over his penis (ie putting condom on, oral) there's probably no need in his wearing the condom anyway.

There are more effective means of birth control. But Oral is not safe from STDs.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 18
How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 3/13/2018 5:52:14 PM

But Oral is not safe from STDs.


It's not. But in general unprotected vaginal and in particular anal sex are higher risk than oral sex.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 19
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How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 3/24/2018 2:03:04 PM

It's not. But in general unprotected vaginal and in particular anal sex are higher risk than oral sex.



I'm not sure what the source of your information is. Maybe just something guys want women to believe.

But I would say that Oral is still VERY HIGH risk.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 20
How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 3/25/2018 7:27:14 AM

I'm not sure what the source of your information is. Maybe just something guys want women to believe.

But I would say that Oral is still VERY HIGH risk.


I'm well aware people can get some diseases such as herpes from oral. Heck people can get some diseases from kissing such as herpes and mono. My point remain unprotected vaginal and anal sex is higher risk for more diseases including HIV.
 sundress1
Joined: 10/29/2017
Msg: 21
How can I help him when he had condom related erection issues?
Posted: 3/25/2018 11:12:59 AM
^^^
Getting herpes from kissing is true. Although oral herpes is most commonly caused by kissing. While genital herpes is caused from sexual contact.
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