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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)      Home login  
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 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 1
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)Page 1 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
Today, the most significant relationship with anyone other than my family ended. After close to 15 years, my dog (Bailey) has left my side. I can honestly say I have never felt lower. My entire family has me on suicide watch, because they know how much Bailey means to me, and that I really think I will not be able to go forward without him. Some of you will recognize me, and recall all my rants about dating failures, etc. Bailey would always smack me in the face with his tail, and tell me to "get over it, it's her loss", or sniff my ear until I couldn't take it anymore. Every time I have come home today, I find myself looking down the hall at his pillow, or on my bed, where he usually is when I come home. I've called his name out numerous times. I've been trying to cuddle with stuff that belonged to him(his blanket, house pillow, etc). I'm even wearing his ID tag on a fold bracelet around my wrist. I also plan on getting either his name, or his face inked over my heart. That's how much he means to me. My life hasn't been the easiest. I've come up short many times, in many cases. He didn't care about any of that. I was always his #1. He didn't care how tall I was, how much money I make, whether I am deaf in one ear, and wear something in the other. He loved me for me. He thought more of me than I do of myself.

So, the question is this: how do I recover from this? I honestly think I will not survive this, because it's too painful. Never mind the dating/marriage/kids stuff. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, that's fine too. I have the memories Bailey and I made to make life complete. I'm beyond lost right now. Does anyone have any experience wit this? How did you get through it?
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 2
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/19/2018 6:34:14 PM
I am so sorry for your loss of Bailey. :-( I have always liked seeing his pictures on your profile.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 3
Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/19/2018 6:38:25 PM
aquaandorange14- It's never easy, loosing a beloved pet.
Only other people who love animals this much can understand another person who does.
I got my first dog around the age of 10 and I still have one, now. A mixed breed male named Groucho, who is 10 years old. I love him like a child. The ones I had before him, 3 dogs, 2 females, one male, have all crossed the Rainbow bridge.
It's SO hard, loosing them, heartbreaking, so I can relate. You won't ever forget Bailey, but it will hurt less, with time.

I'm sure you have been asked the same thing I have, why we continue adopting when we know what is coming, eventually. The only answer I can give is that they give just as much to us, as we give to them.

Your Bailey was your friend, your companion, it's ok to grieve, it's normal, but if you are feeling suicidal, please tell someone, seek help.
Here is the number for the national suicide prevention hot line: Call 1-800-273-8255 They will answer any day, any time, if you need to, call!

Here is another resource, specifically for those who have lost a pet: https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/hello.htm

I'm not sure about heaven, but if there is one, Our sweet pets have to be waiting for us, otherwise, it wouldn't be heaven.

Somebody might make fun about me saying this, but I don't care, Bailey loved you enough that he wouldn't want you to harm yourself over his loss.
He would want you to continue living your life, to be happy, to eventually adopt another dog who needs your care and your love.
Hang in there, for Bailey, for your loved ones, for yourself.
(If you need to talk, please feel free to pm me, I'll do all I can to help)

(((HUGS)))
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 4
Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/19/2018 8:41:38 PM
Im sorry for your loss. It sounds like you gave him a good life and he gave you love and acceptance in return. Ive been in your place. It does get better eventually but youll always miss your pet. When my cat passed after 22 yrs, I slept with her picture so she would still be close. She had a throw blanket that had her smell on it. It was comforting for me to have that. I still have some of her old toys and bowls that I use for my new cat.
 afinewineandyou
Joined: 12/1/2017
Msg: 5
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/19/2018 8:59:03 PM
(((Hugs)))

Pets are family members and the loss is great! My heart goes out to you. Sometimes getting another pet as quickly as your heart will let you helps! Of course Bailey will never be replaced but another pet that will soon love you would help ease the pain. (Friends have told me they get another right away and how much it helps.)

So sorry for your loss.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 6
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/19/2018 9:15:22 PM
My heart goes out to you...
They are like children. Mine are 15 and 13 and as
much as I try to brace myself for the end I can't.
They mean the world to me. So I completely
understand your loss.
I believe there is a book called "The Rainbow Bridge."
I also agree with getting another dog as soon as your
heart allows.
I'm so sorry.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 7
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/20/2018 12:34:41 AM

My entire family has me on suicide watch, because they know how much Bailey means to me,

Because of this I'm going to ask have you begun thinking about suicide or is it your family's assumption.


So, the question is this: how do I recover from this?

Considering Bailey was the most important person (yes person) in your life the pain you feel will always be there though it should diminish over time as you grow to accept it. Easy to say, difficult to do since you are now suffering from depression which can affect your thinking in unbelievable ways.

These are the symptoms:

Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism
Irritability
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
Decreased energy or fatigue
Moving or talking more slowly
Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
Appetite and/or weight changes
Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause and/or that do not ease even with treatment

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml

This the only way to monitor your depression without seeking outside help. If to many symptoms become a part of you, you either get help or your mind may descend into hell.

I imagine when your mind is unoccupied it begins to focus on your loss so much that you think of nothing else. Of course when you are doing something before you know it thoughts of Bailey begin to intrude. If it hasn't already there is a chance you will begin thinking about him subconsciously.

Advice?
1. Avoid downtime. Try to keep your mind occupied with other things. I imagine when you're showering all you think about is him for there is nothing else to think about it.
2. Avoid driving long distances. It doesn't keep your mind occupied at all and your thinking about Bailey may overwhelm you. Not fun at 60 mph if it happens.
3. Discuss your feelings with someone as you are doing here. Do not keep this bottled up inside. Depression will affect your thinking so solving this dilemma yourself may be almost insurmountable.
4. Seek counselling before medication. That candy isn't magical and it can take some time to find the right one or ones.

Finally if none of this is understandable let me know and I'll write it in English next time.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 8
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/20/2018 3:59:40 AM
Ahh, you lost a loved critter. A lot of us have. So sorry for your loss, I feel for you.

Somewhere in this world, there's another critter that's in a cage, hoping that someone will take him or her into their pack. You should go find that critter. They won't take the place of your loss. But they're more than willing to console you over your loss. Go rescue that critter. They will be eternally grateful that you did.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 9
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/20/2018 5:06:41 AM
Sorry to hear about your pet. Closure and healing comes from time. In time, you'll get over it.
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 10
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/20/2018 6:12:53 AM
I am so sorry to hear this! -hugs-
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 11
Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/20/2018 7:41:50 AM
purplerider1200 wrote in part:
Somewhere in this world, there's another critter that's in a cage, hoping that someone will take him or her into their pack. You should go find that critter. They won't take the place of your loss. But they're more than willing to console you over your loss. Go rescue that critter. They will be eternally grateful that you did.


+1000000000000
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 12
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/20/2018 8:03:34 AM
Society does nothing to prepare us for what you are experiencing though i'm sure you can name the capitals of all 50 states. Most of the posters have offered condolences, some advice none of which, including mine has really touched your questions.

forumslady has shared her understanding having had to deal with this but the circumstances are vastly different. Your relationship with Bailey was all encompassing and despite what you stated was probably as significant to you as the relationships with your family. Unfortunately it appears that your grief over Bailey is now more significant than your family and though you can't avoid it the place you want to be. I'll reiterate, do not keep your feelings bottled up inside. Now one question.

Did you sleep last night?
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 13
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/20/2018 8:11:57 AM
^^^^
" Unfortunately it appears that your grief over Bailey is now more significant than your family and though you can't avoid it the place you want to be."

should have read

Unfortunately it appears that your grief over Bailey is now more significant than your family and though you can't avoid it is not the place you want to be.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 14
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/20/2018 9:58:36 AM
First things first...Give yourself the time to grieve your loss.


I honestly think I will not survive this, because it's too painful.


You will because you've overcome obstacles to make it this far in life. You're stronger than you think.


I have the memories Bailey and I made to make life complete.


Focus on this positive. It's about how Bailey enhanced your life. Hang in there.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 15
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/21/2018 3:09:43 PM
Oh i am so saddened to hear of Baily passing, i know how difficult it is to move forward. This was a long term relationship,, even if a beloved pet, still true.
When my cat that had been part of my life for 19 years, (was three years older than my daughter) died, i was so despondent. Pandora had been w/ me through so much w/ me. My daughters earliest memories were of that cat.
 nba24
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 16
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/21/2018 11:07:37 PM
I had a dog from the time I was like 6 to like 19 a gold retriever and I still miss that dog to this day and I wish I had a dog again. I love dogs but I cant really affored one don't have a great job and can hardly get by with out having the extra cost of a animal + the whole apartment dog issue. I think losing a dog is a hard thing at any time and you get very close to your dogs when you have them. I think when you have a dog you like really do grow up with like I used to have it makes it even harder. I have a hard time my self with felling depressed a lot just not where I am in life right now but don't kill your self please don't.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 17
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/22/2018 3:56:51 AM
In the coping and surviving department...

this is the exact reason why many of us have death rituals for those we loved. The rituals are not for the sake of gods, or for the sake of the society around us, they are designed to allow us to participate lovingly in the transition that our friend has made.

I suggest that you fashion a ritual of your own to mark this transition, one that includes resolution as well as continuity for yourself, into the future.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 18
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/22/2018 6:44:20 AM
OP, I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. Losing pets is one of the hardest things I had gone through. My family used to have 2 dogs and one cat, I helped bring them up after we took them in (they were stray). We loved them to bits nonetheless. Every pet is special to their owner.

I lost 3 of them in a space of 2 years due to old age. It was very difficult and I felt like they'd left a large gaping hole in my chest. I did all sorts of things in your post and cried a lot. I miss them terribly still and don't want to get any more pets for fear of having to go through it all again.

I agree with Igorfrankensteen above that having a little funeral is a good idea. Please allow yourself to grieve and if you're not ready, don't think about getting a new pet to replace him.

Maybe getting professional help is a good idea if you're struggling to cope with Bailey being gone. This will ease your family's worries and benefit you long term. Speaking from experience though.

I wish you all the very best.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 19
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/22/2018 8:42:27 AM
Thank you all for your very heart-felt messages of sympathy and encouragement. I appreciate everyone overlooking any of my previous dating rants, and focusing on the topic at hand. It's only been about three days, but I can honestly say life sucks right now, and I don't see it getting better in the near future. Just yesterday morning, I woke up fine. I walked out into the kitchen, looked out the window, and started sobbing. Why you ask? The snow is melting, which means perfect opportunities for walking. Even this morning, I woke up ok. Somehow, the topic of having tacos for dinner at some point drifted into my head. That didn't go over well. Bailey loves tacos, among a lot of other things. He will rip them right out of your hand, if you give him the opportunity. I can't have those for dinner again. So, let me try and answer each of the messages you were all gracious enough to send me.

[Your Bailey was your friend, your companion, it's ok to grieve, it's normal, but if you are feeling suicidal, please tell someone, seek help.
Here is the number for the national suicide prevention hot line: Call 1-800-273-8255 They will answer any day, any time, if you need to, call!]

I wouldn't say that I have one foot in the door....yet. Funny ting is, Bailey stopped me from doing it twice in past years. Life was difficult at those times. I was going through a tough time in 2007, and probably would have gone through with it. The only problem is Bailey would never leave me alone/let me out of his sight. If I left a room, he followed. If I was in the shower, he would bust the boor down. Pretty impressive for a dog that weighed 45lbs. He just meant so much to me, I know that a large piece of me left when he did. I just can't imagine being whole again without him by my side. I know he won't be here forever, but last week at this time he was still Bailey. How did things go so far south in 2.5 days?

[Here is another resource, specifically for those who have lost a pet: https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/hello.htm]

This is very helpful. I didn't even know something like this existed, and I will be looking into it for sure. I am also looking for opportunities to volunteer to combat canine cancer, or something similar. Although Bailey had cancer, he was checked at a specialty hospital a few weeks ago, and things were still progressing slowly. If anyone is from the Cleveland-area and knows of opportunities, please let me know

[I'm not sure about heaven, but if there is one, Our sweet pets have to be waiting for us, otherwise, it wouldn't be heaven.]

There's definetley a Heaven. That's kind of where the suicide thing comes in, at least for me. My two best friends are up there, Grandpa and Bailey. I know the will be waiting, whenever I get up there.

[Somebody might make fun about me saying this, but I don't care, Bailey loved you enough that he wouldn't want you to harm yourself over his loss.
He would want you to continue living your life, to be happy, to eventually adopt another dog who needs your care and your love.]

Believe me, this is what my family is telling me whenever my thoughts drift into "that", or I feel really sad about all of this. I'm asked continuously if Bailey would be happy to know I am in so much pain, or that I am thinking of doing something I should not. I agree I should think about what Bailey would want, but it's just hard.

Thank you for your post.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 20
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/22/2018 8:52:52 AM
[Im sorry for your loss. It sounds like you gave him a good life and he gave you love and acceptance in return. Ive been in your place. It does get better eventually but youll always miss your pet. When my cat passed after 22 yrs, I slept with her picture so she would still be close. She had a throw blanket that had her smell on it. It was comforting for me to have that. I still have some of her old toys and bowls that I use for my new cat.]

First, I am sorry about your cat. I will say that I think I gave him a good life. My Aunt told me that Bailey was one pampered pet. He was really. For Christmas, I asked the question: what do you get the dog that has three of everything? He also walked all over me; but I let him of course. I also have plenty of his stuff. I am holding his blanket, house pillow(small pillow in the shape of a house, with eyes, a chimney, door, etc), his elf pillow(got for Christmas, etc. The carpet in my bedroom always seemed to dirty-up quickly, as a result of Bailey. Instead of vacuuming it like I usually do, I am going to leave it the way it is. This might sound stupid, but he was sheding a lot in the few days before Friday. I collected it all, and it's in a bag. Whenever I need a little reminder of his smell, which is also on all that other stuff I mentioned, I can always open the bag. It's not going to be easy, but I am going to at least try for a little bit. We will see what happens after that.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 21
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/22/2018 8:56:15 AM
[Pets are family members and the loss is great! My heart goes out to you. Sometimes getting another pet as quickly as your heart will let you helps! Of course Bailey will never be replaced but another pet that will soon love you would help ease the pain]

I have also heard this in the lat few days. I even took a peak on the website of the county animal shelter, where Bailey came from. I would want a rescue dog. Maybe a puppy, but we will see. It's not going to be easy with another set of paws walking around the house, but I do agree that it will help. Should I go similar to Bailey, or different sex/breed, etc?
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 22
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/22/2018 9:00:18 AM
[My heart goes out to you...
They are like children. Mine are 15 and 13 and as
much as I try to brace myself for the end I can't.
They mean the world to me. So I completely
understand your loss.
I believe there is a book called "The Rainbow Bridge."
I also agree with getting another dog as soon as your
heart allows.
I'm so sorry.]

Thank you for your sympathy. Bailey was like a child. At this point, I don't see myself having the human side of children, so I treated him as one. He also meant the world to me. I always said I would take a bullet for him, no questions asked. I stand by that. He is one-of-a-kind, but all dogs are special in their own ways. I will be checking out that book your mentioned, right after I finish what I am on now; ironically titled "Bailey's Story" Take care of those kids of yours, and cherish every day you have with them.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 23
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/22/2018 9:10:42 AM
[Because of this I'm going to ask have you begun thinking about suicide or is it your family's assumption.]

Since Bailey's passing, I have been thinking about this, and my family is very worried about me. Everyone knows how close Bailey and I are. I lost the best friend I have ever had. The human kind in the past have always ended up being users(not the drug kind). Bailey gave more then he received, which was a lot anyway. I doubt I would ever go through with it, but the fact that I lost someone so significant, that meant so much to me, is hard to comprehend. I lost my grandpa in 2003, and it was nothing like this. I don't know if I can, or even want to go on without him. In the last few days, I have been asking myself why it couldn't have been me instead. Let Bailey go, and take me instead. He will be up there soon enough. I'm sure over a long period of time this might pass, but I don't know. He just meant that much to me. Waking up this morning, and not seeing him sleeping on his pillow was upsetting beyond words. All the professional help I can get will hopefully help ease the pain of loosing my Pawsy.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 24
Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/22/2018 10:09:09 AM
My advice would be to go to animal shelters to see other dogs, or even volunteer at one, to see that there are other dogs who have as much love to give as Bailey, but don't have the opportunity to give that love to anyone, like your dog did. Then you'll see how lucky Bailey was.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 25
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 1/22/2018 12:08:30 PM

Since Bailey's passing, I have been thinking about this, and my family is very worried about me.

It's nice that you calmed down a bit and are feeling a little better. All I saw in your opening post was panic which will fade quickly and despair which is much harder to overcome. In fact if it were to get strong enough it could lead to disaster.

Once again do not drive long distances because it takes no brain power to drive on a highway and your thoughts will quickly turn inward and you'll end up thinking about your beloved companion the entire time. You won't be able to avoid it.

How are you sleeping? A disturbed sleep pattern can exacerbate your moods
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