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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone "REALLY"      Home login  
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 storm8862
Joined: 3/8/2017
Msg: 1
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone "REALLY"Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I mean I just dont get it... if a man has been like a serial dater his whole life and only has a long list of broken relationships how does this make him good husband material.

Somebody help me because coming from a marriage of over 30 years I guess I am just not getting this one?

A- You likely have no idea what being committed means
B- Chances are you need a new women once your grow tired of the one your with
C- You are not marriage material if you can stop looking for someone better

What am I missing here?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 2
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/23/2018 6:37:30 AM
A) because..."he's changed". And you just have to have faith :)

B) Edison failed many times to make a lightbulb. But he claimed they were not failures, he just had to find out every way a lightbulb, wasn't a lightbulb, to figure out what did make a lightbulb.

:)

C) They've sown their wild oats, and they lost their insurance co-pay for Viagra. As long as you keep the pills in your cabinet, they can't ever cheat.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 3
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/23/2018 7:11:49 AM
It sounds like he has a bad track record.

People sometimes change, but not usually. If you want to give him a chance, wait two years to get married so you can get to know him well.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 4
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/23/2018 7:39:24 AM
First of all, this is not gender specific. The same question can be asked of women who never married.
What about people who lived with a common-law partner, but never went through the ritual of a marriage ceremony, and at some point, the relationship ended? Are they in the same category as never married? There are a million different reasons why someone didn't follow the rule of being married at a young age, and now seeks marriage-they were married to their career or had a job that involved constant traveling, never found someone they considered "The One", lives in an area where the proportion of single men to single women is not 50/50, which means some are left out in the dust, etc.

What about people who have several marriages and divorces in their portfolio? Are they a better catch than the never married because they show they can commit-at least temporarily? Like any other perceived notion about a segment of the population, it's best to look at it on a case by case basis.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 5
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/23/2018 8:46:24 AM
I agree, this is not gender specific. I have seen a number of women’s profiles, women in their 50’s and 60’s, who have never been married, have no kids, and are looking for a LTR, a “partner for life”, “my last first kiss”, etc.

And I always wonder, were they married to their jobs? Or did they have a series of dating relationships / boy friends / affairs, but never actually commit? And now they want a commitment?



Like any other perceived notion about a segment of the population, it's best to look at it on a case by case basis.


+1
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 6
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/23/2018 9:14:33 AM

A- You likely have no idea what being committed means
B- Chances are you need a new women once your grow tired of the one your with
C- You are not marriage material if you can stop looking for someone better


D- He may have realised if he doesn't change his situation he may end up dying alone.
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 7
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/23/2018 11:15:12 AM
I've always wanted to find the one and get married. Most women I dated cheated on me and the few that didn't just weren't the right fit. I have an absolute zero tolerance on cheating and have the uncanny ability to get women to confess without ever accusing or suggesting that they did.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 8
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/23/2018 11:32:25 AM
I believe it's possible for people to look for a mate their entire lives and just miss out again and again due to different reasons and no fault of their own.

If you are going to point the finger of BLAME at someone before even speaking to them, then I suppose every person on Earth has some critical fault in your eyes. I mean, why be nice to someone when you can kick them in the teeth the moment they say "Hi".
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 9
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/23/2018 7:01:11 PM
There could be perfectly "legitimate" and not so "legitimate" reasons someone hasn't been married. Both genders get this "sudden urge." I had several men tell me outright that they wanted to get married to have a stable home, and good health insurance. I laughed. At least they were honest.
v
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 10
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/24/2018 11:48:31 AM

I mean, why be nice to someone when you can kick them in the teeth the moment they say "Hi".

Simple - because never hanging around to find out the truth means they can't be proven wrong. People get fixated on that 'power' as their source of confidence.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 11
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/24/2018 2:12:03 PM

Like any other perceived notion about a segment of the population, it's best to look at it on a case by case basis.


Agreed. Don't make generalizations about people based on martial status WITHOUT any other type of info. There are some people in long term relationships and marriages that were content at best to outright miserable. They stayed in the relationship because of kids or they didn't want to alone or felt that they couldn't find anyone better. I would rather be single or never been married than be in that type of a relationship.
 snot2L8
Joined: 1/21/2018
Msg: 12
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/24/2018 4:14:50 PM



A- You likely have no idea what being committed means
B- Chances are you need a new women once your grow tired of the one your with
C- You are not marriage material if you can stop looking for someone better




D-You’ve been telling women you want to marry someone REAL because saying you just want to date around is self-limiting on your chances of being a successful player.

Hmmmmmmmmmm
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 13
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/25/2018 1:50:14 AM
Never married by choice.
It's just a piece of paper.
But to each their own.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 14
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/25/2018 8:24:08 AM
I was married really young...stayed married 29 years.
I thought I wanted to get married again.
But, I've been single 18 years.
Not sure I could be married again.
I like having my own room, space, and snacks.
I'm pretty okei with compromise, but I've learned to say NO
and mean it.

Maybe being married is on some people's bucket list?
I dunno.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 15
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/25/2018 9:49:37 AM
I should also add that men, in general, are not as interested in marriage as women are.

Generally, women want to move the relationship along. Conversely, men want things to stay the same.

I'm not saying one way is right or another is wrong, I'm just saying it's reality.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 16
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/25/2018 12:01:00 PM
While I enjoy being in a committed relationship, I see no reason to make it legal. I'd get no benefits out of marriage to my partner, that I don't already enjoy with him now.

Marriage is fine for younger people who want to have a family, or people looking for financial security. That's not me.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 17
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/26/2018 11:31:40 PM
I never want to get married. I guess that makes me odd in terms of mature men.

In my last long term relationship of 15 years (out of which I have three great now teenage kids) I was not married and had no intention of it. My ex partner got married (after she and I split up) to the guy she was sleeping with behind my back which was the main cause of the relationship ending. They now live together with my kids. My kids hate it.

I suppose it would seem strange to a woman for a guy who confesses to having never being married before wanting to get married now when he's 50+ (I'm 49 btw).

I cannot stand people who equate 'marriage' to 'showing commitment' and if someone's never been married they cannot fathom or conceptualise what a religious person sees as 'true commitment through marriage'.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 18
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/27/2018 12:53:53 PM

I cannot stand people who equate 'marriage' to 'showing commitment' ...

Everyone has some measure of flawed math in their arguments. I could name fifty people without children that are better parents than their friends or co-workers with offspring could ever be. It doesn't mean squat if someone decides to make that 'Yes/No' profile option a lifelong deal-breaker. I believe in most cases, the longer the grocery list of requirements for a mate, the less likely the relationship will have staying power. Each new item on the checklist is a level of fear they have in anything NOT preferred. People comfortable in their own skin don't fear the word 'marriage' any more than they fear inviting a date to their place for the night. There's a level of risk involved in ANY choice you make, be it cooking dinner or crossing the street.

Wanting to commit to a marriage is still a noble goal, but anyone who's been there can tell you it's not something to brag about or start flag-waving. It's not an advertising point on a billboard. It's more than a piece of paper - it's a contract that can both bind - and gag.
 Platinum_Blonde_Angel
Joined: 1/23/2018
Msg: 19
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/27/2018 1:06:37 PM
OP, I get where you are coming from. But what are you getting out of focusing on such men?

Focus on the ones who share your goals, otherwise you'll just frustrate yourself even more.

And while being frustrated, you may turn off a potentially good partner.

Best of luck to you in your search. May 2018 be your year!
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 20
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/27/2018 1:41:37 PM

(Msg 18):
People comfortable in their own skin don't fear the word 'marriage' any more than they fear inviting a date to their place for the night. There's a level of risk involved in ANY choice you make...


On the same token, people who are comfortable in their own skin should not fear the word "pre-nup", if someone wants that before marrying, because there's a level of risk involved in ANY choice you make.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 21
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/27/2018 2:56:36 PM

Everyone has some measure of flawed math in their arguments.

Then you follow this statement with this?


I could name fifty people without children that are better parents than their friends or co-workers with offspring could ever be.

How could you possibly know this if those fifty people have never been parents. What are using for a comparison?

Do the math.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 22
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/27/2018 7:30:32 PM

I never want to get married. I guess that makes me odd in terms of mature men.


Not really. As I look back on why I got married to begin with, I started to realize that if I hadn't, I'd be retired right now. That 20/20 hindsight again.

I'll avoid the "Why it's great to be single" speel again. Women, from what I can see, will treat a guy that's never been married at age 50 like a leper. You can read most of the reasons, just by reading the various posts. And I'd just bet a gazillion bucks that none of them ever met the poor schmuck. Or would want to. I guess they don't want to catch his cooties.

I was getting those little signals of being undesirable back in my thirties. (When most people were married by age 25) By the time I finally started dating, the only women available at that time were divorced ones. And my family was busy telling me that divorced women were TOTALLY unacceptable choices. They were quite good at pointing out their faults, but never offered any alternatives, or guidance.

Kinda makes me wonder about two friends of mine. Both were decent sorts, and seemed like they could talk to anyone. Yet they never had many dates that I ever knew of. Both were killed in auto accidents, both were alone when it happened. Was there an ulterior motive?
 Platinum_Blonde_Angel
Joined: 1/23/2018
Msg: 23
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/27/2018 7:58:27 PM
^^^


I guess they don't want to catch his cooties.


Was that the guy in the thread about STDs/HERPES in the relationships section?

how did he get from that thread to this one?

;0P
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 24
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/27/2018 8:42:26 PM
The institution of marriage...I would need to be institutionalized if I even thought about doing that again...

Marriage...Been there, done that, threw away the t-shirt!
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 25
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/28/2018 12:00:21 AM

Somebody help me because coming from a marriage of over 30 years I guess I am just not getting this one?


I don't have your answer... but simply see that these kinds of men don't gel with your values... so meh... pass 'em by.... Plenty of Fish out there, right??

* personally, I'm hell bent on not marrying again... When I see profiles that indicate looking for marriage or actively seeking a relationship, (to which I perceive as pulling out all stops towards that ultimate title of 'relationship' ) I recognise that those are profiles I have to either skip by, or tread very carefully around.... self responsibility not to get involved with them...

(to steal the common quote here: YMMV)
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