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 eab400
Joined: 1/2/2018
Msg: 1
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I'm 58 & the man I'm talking about is 68. I've know hm for 10 years. It's gone back & forth the whole time- we're friends, then I'm interested, then he is but I hold off, then I am, then he just wants to be friends, which is where it's at right now. We live 200 miles apart yet stay in touch. Then both of us started talking about how much we like to travel. I said that it'd be fun to go with someone & he jumped on it, not what I'd meant it to be. So, we're now on for 2 weeks in a couple of months. I've done a lot more than he has. I said we can stay in airbnbs with 2 beds. Now he's been in touch a LOT & even texted that he can't wait until next month, when he'll be coming through town to see me. He's come before, but never said that.

Is he interested in more? I feel I can travel with him as just a friend, but wouldn't mind more.
 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 2
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Posted: 3/1/2018 11:04:29 AM
Here's an idea......

ASK HIM!

You are both grown ups, talk to him about it, get it out in the open how your are feeling before you go so you arn't worrying the whole trip about 'will we won't we'.

You are talking like a love sick high-schooler, be an adult about it.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 3
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Posted: 3/4/2018 1:44:31 AM
Let me put it this way, line up a place to get a waxing, because he's going in.

Your real issue isn't having lackluster sex, then being stuck on vacation with him?
 eab400
Joined: 1/2/2018
Msg: 4
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Posted: 3/5/2018 11:16:20 AM
You mean having lackluster sex but still being stuck with him?
Strange as it probably seems what I'd really like from a guy is affection, hugs, and attention without the idea of just being friends. It'd be nice to wake up in morning to someone besides my (wonderful) dog!
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 5
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Posted: 3/5/2018 4:13:34 PM
You want a non-sexual relationship, so you want to friend-zone him or someone else? You would have to make that clear to not lead anyone on. Most male friends will not want to lay in bed with you in a non-sexual way. For this guy you're talking about, don't run him around with him thinking its the beginning of a sexual relationship, and I'm guessing he is thinking its meant to be sexual eventually if you click.

You did say you may want more. If that's based on getting to know him, that's one thing, but if you've already decided you don't want sex in your life with anyone anymore, represent yourself that way. You may have takers that think you will eventually acquiesce. Sounds like you could use an activity partner, but that person may not want to provide affection the way you want it. If you want affection with no sex, volunteer to spend time in a nursing home with the elderly.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 6
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Posted: 3/7/2018 10:55:11 PM

If you want affection with no sex, volunteer to spend time in a nursing home with the elderly.


I hear that the elderly men who survive to live in a rest home are pretty frisky. Not very fast, but pretty frisky.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 7
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Posted: 3/7/2018 11:05:31 PM
It's said that stds are on the rise in old age homes. You have to pick and choose who you get that hug from, because it may come with a boner
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 8
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Posted: 3/28/2018 2:11:41 AM

Is he interested in more? I feel I can travel with him as just a friend, but wouldn't mind more.

Why only travel with him as Just a friend? Is that due to your comfort zone? I'm guessing it is. You two live 200 miles apart. Sure, a Relationship is not in the cards. It Can't work out. And since you two, over two 10 years in touch, have had on-off exchanges of the possibility of being more than friends -- there Is Attraction, but not enough where you two would be moving or expecting to, where a Relationship Could be in the cards.

So in a way, it's a great no-strings-attached situation. You could agree that you two could be more-than-just-friends, and enjoy the vacation... but have a little "pre game" discussion. That although you two would of Course continue to talk after the trip, and if anything, pretty fruitfully afterwards -- you both wouldn't try and start a LD Relationship and talk non-stop all the time... that it would remain pretty much how it has been. With the option once in a while to see each other in person, If/When single. But in the end, there's Some feelings there, and, sure, why not. You've both known it, and have been talking for 10 years. Why not?

Oh, but that still "complicates things", you may say. Well guess what? You're already in an Odd situation anyway! :)

You're talking to a guy for 10 years, and you both have on/off interest in one another. All you'd be doing is just turning one weird situation into another. At least you'll get 4.5" of Real affection out of it. ;)
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 9
Is he interested
Posted: 5/3/2018 2:11:32 AM
You have to understand how love truly works. When people go back and forth between feelings of friendship and feelings of attraction, it means they are on the line.

On the line between friends and lovers means you are friendszoned.
 eab400
Joined: 1/2/2018
Msg: 10
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Posted: 5/3/2018 4:25:47 PM
Thanks for everyone's input. Interesting but just learned that he's looking at houses in my area. Again, I'm ok with it, but wouldn't mind knowing what the odds are he's looking at being more than friends.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 11
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Posted: 5/9/2018 5:56:01 AM
What are the odds? After 10 years? I would say slim to none. He might want a **** buddy, in that case considering your feelings you would be better off just remaining friends.
 Bristolian
Joined: 3/13/2018
Msg: 12
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Posted: 10/16/2018 5:30:23 AM
I'm not even sure I understand this conversation.

Traveling together implies a sexual relationship. If you're not fully comfortable with that, it's a poor extended dating choice. If a woman was emphatic that there are two beds, I'd pass on the trip. Unrequited love is for children. Explore your emotional and physical needs before going away with someone. If he hasn't "tested" your sexual interest with questions, treat that as a warning flag. It's simply not natural.

Ask. Have fun. Ditch the inhibition.

Good luck!
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