Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Casual sex and dating...      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 1
Casual sex and dating...Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
With so much emphasis on sex and very few finding successful long-term relationships, let alone marriage. It's so easy to get sex now, people don't even need to date to have sex. For those that either want something significant, do you still have casual sex?

I got this topic from a guy who was talking about a situation with a female he had been going out with, when they discussed sex, he explained that he hadn't sex since his last committed relationship. Whereas she had a fkbuddy that she was currently having sex with.

If you want a committed relationship, do you believe in casual sex until you get into one? Would you have an issue if someone you were seeing was currently having sex with someone else while you're not having sex with them?
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/2/2018 5:15:31 PM
I would definitely have an issue if someone I was dating was having sex with someone else. If you're not dating anyone casual sex is fine if that's what you want. The minute you bring someone else into the picture it should stop. How do you foster a new relationship while sleeping with someone else?
 MichaelD1974
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/2/2018 5:18:08 PM
I was never a casual sex guy. I never had the interest in it. I wanted a relationship right from the start.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 4
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/2/2018 5:40:35 PM

I would definitely have an issue if someone I was dating was having sex with someone else. If you're not dating anyone casual sex is fine if that's what you want. The minute you bring someone else into the picture it should stop. How do you foster a new relationship while sleeping with someone else?


Marie: I agree. I share those same thoughts, but surprisingly many were scrutinizing the guy for wanting the female to stop having sex with the guy while they were still getting to know one another to see if there was potential for a relationship. I feel like many have gotten way too casual about sex and because they don't even have to date anymore to have sex, many have very lax views about even attempting to date.


I was never a casual sex guy. I never had the interest in it. I wanted a relationship right from the start.


Micheal: that mentality seems to be becoming more rare as I'm observing how some move in regards to dating.
 MichaelD1974
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/2/2018 5:52:21 PM
Hello. I have had that view since I was a teenager in the late 1980s/early 1990s and it was considered rare back then too.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/2/2018 6:52:35 PM

I would definitely have an issue if someone I was dating was having sex with someone else. If you're not dating anyone casual sex is fine if that's what you want. The minute you bring someone else into the picture it should stop. How do you foster a new relationship while sleeping with someone else?


Nailed it! My point of view, too.

Sex may be there in terms of quantity, but is it quality? Pumping and dumping doesn't seem very fulfilling. If I wanted empty sex, I have plenty of porn and a hand or two for that...
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/3/2018 3:41:37 AM
Some would say until exclusive they will have sex with whom they please.
Dating is a double edge sword.
One may feel more exclusive than the other until it's cemented....it's a free for all.
I personally would hope if someone wish to spend the time to know me they could keep it in their pants.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/3/2018 8:47:08 AM
I dont have Casual sex, as of the last and only time i did. Was a six month FWB w/ a friend of a friend this was in 2011, but i am just a woman who needs more.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 9
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/3/2018 10:04:16 AM

Sex may be there in terms of quantity, but is it quality? Pumping and dumping doesn't seem very fulfilling. If I wanted empty sex, I have plenty of porn and a hand or two for that...


Agreed Dog. Sadly, that seems like that happens often to people hooking up with someone via OLD, then only to get ghosted. You better give 'palmetta and handela' a break. 😂


One may feel more exclusive than the other until it's cemented....it's a free for all.
I personally would hope if someone wish to spend the time to know me they could keep it in their pants.


My thoughts too, Cynderella. I can hope that someone will have enough self control to keep it in his pants instead of having sex with someone else during that phase.


I dont have Casual sex, as of the last and only time i did. Was a six month FWB w/ a friend of a friend this was in 2011, but i am just a woman who needs more.


Same here TEXASCHICK I would prefer more too. It seems difficult for many to find that something, especially online.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 10
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/3/2018 10:18:14 AM
The definitions of casual sex are interesting. One of the reasons we may not want to be on someone's sexual buffet, is the worry we're going to catch something due to THEM running around. But we can get that in a committed relationship, as well. Another reason we don't want to feel like we're casual, is we want to feel we're worth something to someone. But, again, there are people in marriages who feel taken advantage of.

Sex is easy for those who are physically attractive, and at the opposite end of the spectrum, for those with basement-level standards. For an average-looking fellow, to find a woman attractive enough to create a reaction he can hang a condom on to have sex with him, may not be that easy--it may be why they call it, "getting lucky". But let's roll with the idea that casual sex is easier than say, the Victorian Era. If while we were waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right to come along, would we accept an offer from a hottie to roll in the hay?

I think a ton of people would. After all, we want to live in mansion, so why are we living in an apartment? B/c this is good enough for now until we make our fat wad and get our dream home. But we may not live in just any apartment, we got one in a good neighborhood, we like the wood accents, the coffee shop is close by, etc. I think someone who can get casual sex on a weekly basis rather than a yearly basis, tends to be picky about the casual sex--in other words, we're ONLY accepting offers from hotties right now, sorry. Why wouldn't they? When you have $20 for lunch, do you waste time with the Dollar Menu?

Of course, someone may not be all that interested in sex, but very interested in what a committed relationship DOES TO THEM. maybe the "ability to lock someone down" signifies they are totally fly (does anyone use that word anymore?), and casual sex doesn't say much about themselves. Or maybe a CR is a sign they are a success in life, that they "have arrived" at adulthood. Or maybe their biological clock is ringing--casual sex won't get them a family, CR will. or maybe they've had enough casual sex, and they want to move from the hors doerves to the main meal.

there can be a healthy reason why someone eschews casual sex for something real. there can also be a healthy reason someone says, "damn, its been a few years. Screw patience, Momma's gettin' her groove".

someone can say, "I don't want a relationship in order to get sex, I want a relationship in order to get a relationship. And sometimes, the medium to deliver that connection, is thru making love to each other". That's cool. Like posters said, they "Want more". To use another food analogy, some thirsty people get water from the faucet, others go to the fridge or store for a "Taste" in their mouth. They want lemonade, or iced tea, or something to satisfy more than a basic, biological thirst. Their brain wants, as much as their body wants.

PostScript--I get your point, full moon :) I think you get mine as well, however.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/3/2018 10:25:53 AM

It's so easy to get sex now, people don't even need to date to have sex.


I was just thinking the same thing when I saw all those women pulling up to my house in limousines, looking for a rose.

Not.


When you have $20 for lunch, do you waste time with the Dollar Menu?


Yes.
Then I still have $19 left for future lunches.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 12
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/3/2018 10:39:29 AM
Mustang: Those are only some reasons. Some are emotionally void and don't want anything more than just sex. I don't even think looks have much of a bearing on those that seek out casual sex, much of what I've observed - looks definitely did not play any factor. Many are okay with instant gratification like you mentioned.

Then you have some who opt for casual sex and then develop feelings for someone they've been sexing for whatever period of time and hope to build a relationship around it. It seems to seldom ever work out, but to each their own.


I wish people would stop saying that.
I feel so left out.

Yes.
Then I still have $19 left for future lunches.


Fullmoon: Well it's any consolation, I feel left out too, but I know I want more.

And, I'd have $20, because I'd just cook. lol!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/3/2018 11:43:12 AM
My entire allegedly adult life, I have been reading and hearing about how "easy it is to get sex." Never found that to be the case myself. No doubt due to my many defects.

All my life, I've been hearing people blame the inability to find a marital partner on the ease of getting sex. I've never seen that to be the case, even for the people who WERE having sex all the time with various people.

The reason why it's hard to find a person to be married to, in my opinion, is that marriage is extremely hard to "do." And more and more people don't want to "do it." Or, they want to "do it" for the wrong reasons.

Anyway. Back in college, I saw that it was the thing to do, to have sex with multiple people, and for that sex to be "casual." So I tried to do that. I not only had to work ten times harder than everyone around me to arrange it, I didn't enjoy it at all. The sex was sometimes okay, but I rapidly found that for me, it mattered a LOT that I did or didn't care about the other person. I guess I was born conservative or something.

Anyway, no, since college, I completely discarded the idea of even attempting to arrange a casual sex relationship. And no, if I were considering someone, and I found they were having sex with others as they dated me, I would end things promptly. Not because I disapprove of such behavior per se, rather because I already know from previous experience, that someone who thinks that way, isn't a good match for me. So there's no point to try to convince them to switch to me.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 14
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/3/2018 1:02:29 PM
I think what people are referring to based on not finding their compatible match as easily due to casual sex, because many people don't even attempt to date, because they know they can get sex easily. I see it and hear it n a large social media group of 50K people that discuss different dating issues.

It's like if one person wants something more significant and the other that's getting all of the ideal things that they want - sex, cooked meals, attention, someone to sleep with...without what they consider the confines of a relationship - they will and do. Hence fkbuddies. The adage: why buy a cow when you get everything you need without ownership.

Marriage is harder to attain - along with functional mutually monogamous relationships. Another reason why some try to push poly-amorous situations, which equates to an STD-fest in my mind. And, some feel they want those sexual needs met by someone instead of handling those matters themselves. I agree, I can't do it. I'd feel they have no self control.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/3/2018 9:09:49 PM
Personally I have done fwb but it was with an ex and I ended up feeling like it was unhealthy and risky for both of us so I discontinued it.
He prefered it continue.

A major thing with fwb is it actually impacts future dating and relationships. At some point you're going to have to either tell the person you are dating you either have or had a fwb. Not to mention you have to basically stop your fwb arrangement every time as well.

Most guys who are actually serious wouldn't want to date someone who's already screwing another guy or even thinking about it as a prospect. Like if a fwb is hanging around and available.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 16
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/4/2018 6:24:12 AM

A major thing with fwb is it actually impacts future dating and relationships. At some point you're going to have to either tell the person you are dating you either have or had a fwb. Not to mention you have to basically stop your fwb arrangement every time as well.

Most guys who are actually serious wouldn't want to date someone who's already screwing another guy or even thinking about it as a prospect. Like if a fwb is hanging around and available.


Agreed Sienna. I think the same that most would not want to deal with someone who is already dealing with someone sexually. It was eye opening to read some of the commentary regarding that guy that shared his current dilemma. Some that were scrutinizing him were telling him he was wrong for wanting her not to have sex with someone else, just because they weren't at that point yet. It's always interesting to me to read some of people's thoughts regarding dating, sex and relationships now.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/4/2018 7:44:45 AM
Is it reasonable to think those that are retired should play by different rules?

Seems like I should have 9 hours a day x 5 day = 45 extra hours a week Vs someone working. A lot more time to get to know someone.

Say if I were to be dating a still employed woman, I wouldn't want her to feel she needed to spend every free hour she has with me, having a casual sexual relationship on the side would be a benefit to her.

I am always thinking about other people, maybe I am just too selfless?
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/4/2018 8:18:23 AM

Those are only some reasons. Some are emotionally void and don't want anything more than just sex. I don't even think looks have much of a bearing on those that seek out casual sex, much of what I've observed - looks definitely did not play any factor. Many are okay with instant gratification like you mentioned.


I think casual sex is actually declining in current times, however, the stigma of having casual sex has been greatly reduced in modern times. I think what are seeing is people are less judgmental about all types of relationships, but the younger generation is having less sex than ever.

I am also not so sure for most men casual sex so easy to get, and even more so not so easy on an when you want it basis. For me, it happened but only when I wasn’t looking for it.

But to your concern.

Those you consider emotionally void can take up with others of a similar mindset. You wouldn’t want those men in your dating pool, just because they can date monogamously for a fleeting time to get sex, it won’t make them any more suitable for a LTR. Better that they self-eliminate from your dating pool and go for the easy casual sex.

So, this seems like a good thing.

Those interested in casual sex, those interested in a LTR and those interested in marriage now have their own dating pools that they can swim in.

No one must pretend to be in “love” just to get sex, so that means a lot of potential heartbreak isn’t going to happen to those looking for love.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Younger millennials are having less sex than previous generations did at their age. What gives?

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/wd7vj9/why-arent-millennials-****ing
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 19
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/4/2018 8:44:43 AM

A major thing with fwb is it actually impacts future dating and relationships. At some point you're going to have to either tell the person you are dating you either have or had a fwb.


Not necessarily. If the FWB was in the past, I don't have tell a woman that I'm dating my previous sexual experiences. I don't expect a woman to tell me her previous sexual experiences either.


Not to mention you have to basically stop your fwb arrangement every time as well.


That's part of the reason why 2 people in a FWB relationship need to be honest about their intentions and follow whatever rules they agreed to at the relationship. A FWB relationship can be mutually beneficial when these things happen.


If you want a committed relationship, do you believe in casual sex until you get into one?


I wouldn't aggressively seek out casual sex when I was looking for a serious relationship. But if a fairly attractive woman showed interested in me and wanted casual sex, I wouldn't turn her down. Provided that I wasn't dating anybody at the time.


Would you have an issue if someone you were seeing was currently having sex with someone else while you're not having sex with them?


It's okay to date other people if you aren't exclusive yet. But I wouldn't be having sex with any of them.


I don't even think looks have much of a bearing on those that seek out casual sex, much of what I've observed - looks definitely did not play any factor. Many are okay with instant gratification like you mentioned.


That depends on the person and the circumstances. Such as how long has it been since they last had sex. Some people will have sex with just about anybody. Some people will somewhat lower their standards in terms of looks for sex. But still have some physical dealbreakers. Others will actually increase their standards. They will only have casual sex with the other person is extremely attractive.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/4/2018 9:54:07 AM
I think personally I would find it a turn off if a guy I am dating is screwing someone until, what, I start screwing him?
I don't know, seems loose to me and I'm not just a replacement to satisfy his sexual needs.

I dont date guys with fwb or guys that seem like they have some girls on the hook to sleep with. I hold others to that standard so I decided I would be an absolute hypocrite to have a fwb myself.

I don't think fwb is EVER a healthy or good thing long term. I recently watched a video on a study, they aren't a long term thing and end due to break down in communication, feelings or negative emotions. Its like why do something that is a waste of time in the first place and is always going to end in some sort of annoyance or discomfort, not to mention how prospective partners would be turned off if you still have a fwb while dating them.
Sometimes you have to just wait for something good and healthy. Ita like you get what you put in. If you are going to be lazy and try to have fwb and crap dont be surprised if dating doesnt go well. You're just not in it to win it to be honest.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 21
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/4/2018 10:07:07 AM

I don't think fwb is EVER a healthy or good thing long term. I recently watched a video on a study, they aren't a long term thing and end due to break down in communication, feelings or negative emotions. Its like why do something that is a waste of time in the first place and is always going to end in some sort of annoyance or discomfort, not to mention how prospective partners would be turned off if you still have a fwb while dating them.


It's about personal taste and experience. FWBs and/or casual sex aren't for everybody. But they can and do work for some people in a right situation. I don't believe in generalizing FWBs as bad or unhealthy. When people do get hurt in a FWBs, it's often because they didn't follow what I had mentioned in a previous post. As a side note, people can get hurt in serious relationships as well. Based on the reason(s) why it ended.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 22
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/4/2018 12:34:37 PM
"I don't even think looks have much of a bearing on those that seek out casual sex"

>>>we want what we want, but good looks definitely offer more options. A good looking person might get enough emails to sort out the best ones...or try to bang as many as possible :) When your kitchen is full of good food, its harder to be on a diet. When its full of blah food, you only eat when you're bored. And when its only filled with the basics...you probably stick to your diet. Choices can lead to action, and theoretically, good choices can lead to picking out the best action. Though too much of a good thing can lead to paralysis, and sometimes, we just keep swiping thinking that if we can find goodness, we can also find the best and so we keep on looking for it.

"Then you have some who opt for casual sex and then develop feelings for someone they've been sexing for whatever period of time and hope to build a relationship around it."

>>>to use the food analogy yet again, its like your friend takes you to an Italian joint, and you decide you're really craving General Tso. you might get lucky, but...you didn't start out right. You wanted to stick Tab A into Slot B, and then you changed your mind (probably b/c good sex is releasing bonding chemicals in your brain, or its someone you've known for a while, so all that familiarity is rearing its ugly head as well--you never admitted to yourself before the potential for a crush) and now you want more things to be compatable.

relationships require two things...either you find someone compatable, or you keep quiet about the little things that bother you, in order to get the big things. and of course, you know...its the little things that end up mattering :) which is why some people just want NSA.

if you truly find your soulmate, will you walk away just b/c they got a little on the side once? If you think you have a lot of other options out there, you may actually play "Sour grapes". Otherwise, you'll tell yourself that everyone has skeletons in their closet, everyone makes a bad choice somewhere in their lives, etc. You won't let this great lifetime chance slip away...unless you're good looking enough to get them on a yearly basis :) but most people are only choosy until a 10 flirts with them. Then the little head handles the rationalizing.

BUT...if you rarely engage, if ever, in casual sex, and you meet a "soulmate" who doesn't have your problems, and your issues, with casual sex, then guess what?

you aren't soulmates. you two view the purpose of sex differently. and things work out the way they should.
 sundress1
Joined: 10/29/2017
Msg: 23
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/4/2018 1:24:19 PM
I don't have a problem with casual sex or FWBs. But pick either one of those things OR actual dating. NOT both. If I was dating a man that was having a FWB with someone else, I would tend to think he's not serious about having a monogamous relationship. Or maybe he is waiting for us to have sex. Then he would decide which woman or situation is better for him.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 24
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/4/2018 1:57:15 PM

Marie: I agree. I share those same thoughts, but surprisingly many were scrutinizing the guy for wanting the female to stop having sex with the guy while they were still getting to know one another to see if there was potential for a relationship. I feel like many have gotten way too casual about sex and because they don't even have to date anymore to have sex, many have very lax views about even attempting to date.


- Well sure, the guy was turned off because the woman is already intimate with a guy. You can't do that - or at the least, you have to have enough good sense not to blab about it!

I am surprised at how many women are open to casual sex relationships - I've turned them down. Actually, I'm not surprised, many are on the rebound, and it's therapy for them I guess - but not something I would recommend - they are likely to catch something!
 MadameBoisseau
Joined: 5/11/2017
Msg: 25
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/4/2018 2:11:58 PM
If you don't want to eat a sh*t sandwich you have to be willing to stand up and walk away from the table when it's being served.

I never had a one night stand of FWB situation in my life.
I ONLY have sex with people I'm in a monogamous committed relationship with.
Guys have course tried to beg, threaten, guilt and pressure me out of this stance - which I solve by abruptly letting them know there are plenty of wh*res they can go rent who would love the business.

It would sure be easier if more women out there respected themselves enough to do this. But until that time comes: i have Hitachi wand which is way more talented than any man I ever met.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Casual sex and dating...