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 ryan81298
Joined: 2/6/2018
Msg: 1
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Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow throughPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Hey everyone this is sort of an extension/update to my previous thread. Long story short my girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. We remained in contact she would initiate contact every 4-5 days usually short conversations. 2 weeks ago I asked her to get coffee to catch up and she said that would be nice and she would let me know when she's free. If you need more details feel free to refer to my previous post on my profile.

Well, 2 weeks went by, and I have not heard from her once. Not one text. Not one "Sorry i'm so busy". Not one explanation as to why she couldn't meet up with me yet. This has been by far the longest time we have not talked. I'm not even gonna try to initiate contact with her.To say the least this breakup hit me hard, I think I'm still holding on to the hope that we will get back together. I recently deleted her from social media and I already feel so much better about this. It is of course still hard but I noticed if I'm not seeing her snapchats of her out with her friends, it will help me out in the long run.

I guess my question is why would she have the never to accept a meetup and just not follow through? Maybe it goes to show that she is not worth my time, effort, and suffering. Its just crazy how you can put so much time, money, and love into someone, and they can't even follow through on their plans and basically show you that you mean nothing to them.

Maybe its really my time to listen to all of your advice and go no contact.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/16/2017
Msg: 2
Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/18/2018 12:15:19 PM

(ryan81298) Hey everyone this is sort of an extension/update to my previous thread. Long story short my girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. We remained in contact she would initiate contact every 4-5 days usually short conversations. 2 weeks ago I asked her to get coffee to catch up and she said that would be nice and she would let me know when she's free. If you need more details feel free to refer to my previous post on my profile.


No further details needed. She blew you off, end of story. If she has some sort of compelling excuse, the nonus is on her to inform you. Meanwhile: "Next!"


(ryan81298) I guess my question is why would she have the never(sic) to accept a meetup and just not follow through?


She said that'd be nice, in the hopes that you'd get the hint, and stop bothering her, because she doesn't have the backbone to say no, and she thinks she's "letting you down easy". It's a failing common to many women -- they think men think like they do, and hence what seems senseless and frustrating to a guy makes perfect sense to a woman.


(ryan81298) Maybe its really my time to listen to all of your advice and go no contact.


Yep (*sips coffee*)
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 3
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Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/18/2018 12:28:04 PM
This is something I've actually seen many times. Humans are fascinating, in that they often do things in a sort of a CONCEPTUAL way, without even realizing it, and I think this kind of act, or non-act, is that kind of behavior.

Basically, you have both been performing your breakup, in a sort of stumbling, step by step way. On her end, was the initiation of random short conversations every few days, as HER emotions were winding down. In the same way, you wound yourself down, by deleting her from social media.

The final agreement to meet up, which wasn't followed up on, was really just TALK of meeting up. You weren't specific about a when and where (at least you don't say you were), and she didn't come back with specifics either, she just made general positive noises about it.

Really, what you were both CONCEPTUALLY doing in that last conversation, was agreeing to part calmly on mostly friendly terms. Leaving things with a vague invitation given and accepted to coffee and chat, is kind of like one of you saying "I'll see you around?" And the other saying "absolutely, friend!" before you each go your separate ways.

It would be wrong of you, I think, to attack HER for not "following through," when it was YOU who came up with the not-entirely specific idea to get coffee sometime. After all, you didn't follow up either.

Any chance this is YOU conceptually continuing the breakup process yourself? Did you REALLY feel the need to "catch up?" Or was this really just another wind-down walk-through?
 ryan81298
Joined: 2/6/2018
Msg: 4
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Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/18/2018 12:28:43 PM
Completely agree here. She thinks she letting me down easy but in the end its even worse. Either way, I'm slowly starting to feel better about this every day. Maybe it was best that we didn't meet anyway
 ryan81298
Joined: 2/6/2018
Msg: 5
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Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/18/2018 12:35:53 PM
Not gonna lie yes there were unresolved feelings when I asked her. Either way the ball is in her court. She said she'd let me know when she's free and I find it hard to believe that she hasn't had a free hour in 2 weeks. But in the end like I said maybe it's best we didn't meet up if the feelings weren't there both ways.
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 6
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Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/18/2018 1:00:13 PM

2 weeks ago I asked her to get coffee to catch up and she said that would be nice and she would let me know when she's free.


Did you get a date, place and time?
NO!
She did NOT agree to meet. She gave you "nice girl" talk that translates to "Don't call me, I'll call you."
Women often do this to avoid confrontation, especially if they're afraid of making a guy angry or psycho.

You REALLY need to get more familiar with "woman 'splainin."

P. S.


2 weeks ago I asked her to get coffee ...


NOTHING lamer than a guy who asks if you want to do "Something sometime."

This is on you for not being specific in your invitation, such as ...

Would you like to meet at (specific) Starbucks on Wednesday at 2 pm?

THEN you have a better chance of gauging her response.

You need to take the reins when asking someone out. She probably thinks you're wimpy.
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 7
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Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/18/2018 1:17:03 PM
Ohh ... you're 19.

You better stand up to the Power of the P♡ssy, NOW, or you will be at the mercy of girls/women FOREVER.

Don't text, talk to, or see her again.

Start asking other girls out IMMEDIATELY, even if you aren't super into it.

I can't believe you are letting her write the story of your relationship by acting out her B. S. script about how "couples breakup and get back together all the time." Do you really like being her puppet? She is stringing you along, and making you perform like a dancing monkey.

She is just seeing what kind of P♡ssy Power she has over you and how far she can push you.

Wise up.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 8
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Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/18/2018 1:18:35 PM
I still remember your last post about this girl.

Actions speak louder than words. She's not interested. Move on. Don't waste your time thinking about her or "why" she does or doesn't do certain things. Don't let this type of person live rent free in your head. It's far better spending your time dating other girls out there to find the one who's really interested in dating/going out with and wanting to get to know you.

I speak from experience. I used to be like you when I was younger. But now, if anyone doesn't think of me as their priority, Caio.

Next!
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 9
Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/18/2018 1:25:40 PM

She did NOT agree to meet. She gave you "nice girl" talk that translates to "Don't call me, I'll call you."
Women often do this to avoid confrontation, especially if they're afraid of making a guy angry or psycho.


This makes no sense. If the guy is genuinely "psycho", he will snap on her weeks after asking and realizing she's not going to follow through.


You REALLY need to get more familiar with "woman 'splainin."


"Woman "splainin' "?? You mean lying? No, he really needs to get more familiar with the concept of telling women like this to f*ck off.
 HanoverFella
Joined: 1/16/2018
Msg: 10
Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/18/2018 1:47:27 PM
You’re her back-up plan in the event she can’t find someone else...my suggestion is even if she texts back, tell her you’ve been busy meeting other women anyway..they’re usually ex’s for a reason after all
Good luck
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 11
Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/18/2018 2:50:25 PM
Dude.....what part of LET HER GO AND MOVE ON do you NOT understand??????

She isn't into you anymore and has another guy in her life, but doesn't have the nerve to tell you.

Sure....she "agreed to meet you for coffee and would let you know when she was free" for such......You OR her NEVER set up a time for that and now she has basically ghosted.

NO CONTACT. Do NOT under any circumstances "meet her" for any reason. She doesn't want you and has told her via her actions instead of words.

I concur with the other posters out here when they have mentioned she is "trying to let you down easy" but in the end, it hurts. She should have just been honest and told you she was no longer interested instead of leaving you hanging.

I realize I sound rather harsh here, but I have personally been through that sh*t, and it isn't very much fun. People are so cowardly and your ex is no exception.

For your own sake, block her from any and all communications and do not let her back into your life. SHE ended it with you. YOU are now free to explore life, get an education, a vocation and a career off the ground. Get out and do it now before any further time gets away from you.

Get out there and live your life and live it well. Trust me.....in the long run, she will be nothing more than a blip on your radar. Leave the past in the past - and she is in your past. Stop allowing her to live rent free in your head.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/16/2017
Msg: 12
Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/18/2018 4:24:06 PM

(Ryan81298) Either way the ball is in her court.


One of the worst things you could say. You're implicitly giving her the authority to proceed to play with your emotions at *HER* convenience. And, she will.

But, the best way for you to learn that this is a really sh!tty situation, is to ride it to its ugly, messy conclusion. In your mind, no doubt, you're filtering everything that everyone is trying to tell you through, "But they just don't *UNDERSTAND* just how Super-Duper Neato-Keen this woman is; nothing like the other 3.5 billion women on Earth!" So, by all means, Opie, disregard everything that's being said here; disregard the literally centuries of collective experience in favour of your 19 years, hormonally-driven judgement, wherein you think that there's some Magic Bullet Third Way that none of us have even the merest inkling of, because your whopping 19 years trumps us, no question. Hint: there *ISN'T* any Third Way -- *SHE* calls the shots, or you do.

He's gonna do this. We should let him.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 13
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Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/18/2018 8:57:42 PM
This extension to your previous thread wasn't needed. The answers weren't going to magically change.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 14
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Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/18/2018 9:00:08 PM
she is your ex girlfriend for a reason and clearly she is not that into you. She has been very rude at the least and treated you badly. Let it go. Unless she is dead or very ill there is no excuse for her behaviour and you now see that she does not value you. . You are vcry young yet and have a lot of life ahead of you. You will get over her, she is no loss.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 15
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Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/26/2018 10:20:28 AM

Not gonna lie yes there were unresolved feelings when I asked her.

Of course, no sh!t. :) You're pining over her, like you actually have a real shot at something worthy with her ever in life. Very very sad. Because She doesn't want You, it makes You want Her (much more). Like in sports, you have to learn how to take a Tough loss -- otherwise, you'll become a Loser. "But this is different!" -- NO. No, it's not. The world doesn't revolve around you. Or she. At all. You're both going to rot in the ground in a split second in cosmic time. You (and she) are not remotely close to the center of the universe.

Either way the ball is in her court. She said she'd let me know when she's free and I find it hard to believe that she hasn't had a free hour in 2 weeks.

The ball is Not in her court. It's that you don't have balls. You're still pining over her, not taking it as a loss, but wanting to sit down and look at the game tape and argue about ref calls. She Of Course has had free time in 2 weeks. The most busy of people do. But you're not dating -- or remotely close to it. You're not Brad, who's peeling down her panties and giving her what she desires to wet her appetite.

You're No Different than a guy who had 1 date 1 year ago with her. Wake Up. She Had No Plans With You. You're so desperate for hope, you're turning a "Yeah" in reference to having coffee some time to talk post-breakup with being catfished online or something.

Dude, Game Is Over. Move the F On emotionally. Your pee-pee is never going to be in her, it's going to be other guys she's Actually excited about -- never you. If your first thought is "But it maybe could in the future," then you're still Chasing her. Stop. Punt the ball. Move On.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 16
Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/26/2018 10:32:10 AM
That's harsh but honest. Sometimes you just have to let people go if you don't want to be with them and she obviously couldn't do it which gave you hope. It hurts a lot and it changes you but the important thing to know is that there are plenty of fish in the sea. I'm a hypocrite though telling you this. I haven't figured out the magical formula for getting over someone. I still hang on for hope which is stupid and pathetic Don't be like me. You're young and you have options. Explore those options and eventually you might be able to move on.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 17
Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/26/2018 11:20:24 AM

I guess my question is why would she have the nerve to accept a meetup and just not follow through?


You claimed in your first thread that she had a habit of drunk texting you at 3 am. It's possible that she might have been drunk when she accepted your invitation to meet for coffee. Later on after she sobered up, she likely changed her mind and decided she didn't want to lead you on any further, so she cut contact with you.

If she ever drunk texts you again in a moment of weakness, don't reply. She just wants to keep you on the back-burner. As others have suggested, you need to sever all ties with her, and start looking for other women.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 18
Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/26/2018 1:10:23 PM

NOTHING lamer than a guy who asks if you want to do "Something sometime."

This is on you for not being specific in your invitation, such as ...

Would you like to meet at (specific) Starbucks on Wednesday at 2 pm?

THEN you have a better chance of gauging her response.

You need to take the reins when asking someone out. She probably thinks you're wimpy.


I completely agree with this. Nothing worse than a man who won't make plans and tries to leave it all up to the woman and then complains when they aren't being asked out. If you want something you have to be persistent, it shows the other person that you care and you really want this. If not they won't take you seriously at all.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 19
Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/26/2018 1:15:50 PM

Nothing worse than a man who won't make plans and tries to leave it all up to the woman and then complains when they aren't being asked out.


You know what's really awesome, though?? When the woman shits on his first 500 suggestions.

You know what's even better?? When she eventually starts whining about how they only ever do what "he" wants to do.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 20
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Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/26/2018 1:36:32 PM

I completely agree with this. Nothing worse than a man who won't make plans and tries to leave it all up to the woman and then complains when they aren't being asked out.

Guys don't complain that they're not being asked out by ladies, though. To be fair, OP was dumped, and has kept trying to get back with his ex. He was playing "soft" on her, understandably, because he didn't want her to have a direct No. And as an ex, it's Not A Date. It's a post-relationship talk that's not going to be of the highest priority for the one who did the dumping (she).

If you want something you have to be persistent, it shows the other person that you care and you really want this.

Bad advice to give to him. Really bad. This isn't a date. At all. He's been persistent, still dreaming of being together with her again after she dumped his a$$, wanting other guys. Sure you want to be giving that advice to someone after 2 months not giving up on an ex-gf who dumped him? Be more pushy? ;)
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 21
Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/26/2018 1:43:51 PM

You know what's really awesome, though?? When the woman shits on his first 500 suggestions.

You know what's even better?? When she eventually starts whining about how they only ever do what "he" wants to do.


If someone loves you they will compromise if you want to do something they don't particularly care for but they do it to make you happy and that should go both ways. I wouldn't shit on his suggestions because just the fact that he is asking me to do something instead of sitting on his ass watching television means more than anything. Everything you do is an experience and that's how I look at things. Some you wholeheartedly enjoy and others you might not enjoy so much but you do them because it would please your S/O/
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 22
Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/26/2018 1:51:49 PM

Bad advice to give to him. Really bad. This isn't a date. At all. He's been persistent, still dreaming of being together with her again after she dumped his a$$, wanting other guys. Sure you want to be giving that advice to someone after 2 months not giving up on an ex-gf who dumped him? Be more pushy? ;)


First of all dreaming of being with someone is not persistent because it's a non action and he's not doing anything to make that happen.

I'm sorry I didn't realize it had been two months that they are broken up. At that point I would tell him to move on if she is not giving him any indications that she wants to be with him because two months is a long time to "think" about stuff. What I meant was if someone wants something they shouldn't give up until they know that they have absolutely no chance and the person has told them that. But in most cases people wallow in self pity, they cry and they victimize themselves instead of practically laying things out and saying "I did this this this wrong, and I need to fix this this and this to make it work". Of course this is only if he is to blame for the break up and knows he's messed up in some way.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 23
Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/26/2018 3:05:48 PM

If someone loves you they will compromise if you want to do something they don't particularly care for but they do it to make you happy and that should go both ways.


Right. Couples get together and it's nothing but endless mutual compromise because that's just the perfect harmonious world we live in.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/16/2017
Msg: 24
Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/26/2018 3:14:18 PM

(ThatOneLady01) I completely agree with this. Nothing worse than a man who won't make plans and tries to leave it all up to the woman and then complains when they aren't being asked out.


You sure about that? I always thought drunk cheaters were worse, but hey, maybe that's just me...


(ThatOneLady01) If you want something you have to be persistent, it shows the other person that you care and you really want this


Or get falling-down drunk. I hear that works...
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 25
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Why would my ex girlfriend agree to coffee and not follow through
Posted: 3/26/2018 3:50:56 PM
ryan, Do you understand plain English?

Grow up. You seem like a 12 yr old in middle school.
I can't imagine why on earth ANYONE, would WANT to hang on to someone who obviously does not want you!
It's beyond pathetic. If you spent half the time, you spend on her, taking up space in your head, imagine the things you could accomplish!

If someone doesn't want me, I sure as hell don't want them. NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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