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 kraft58
Joined: 3/6/2018
Msg: 1
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Left heartbroken and confusedPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Me and my soon to be ex wife have been together for five years now and have been married for five months. Last week she decided to end it claiming she felt we were nothing more than best friends.

A few short hours before packing her bags, she began to talk about having a baby with me and raising a family. I suggested that if she would want to try we should make time to attempt once a week.

Seriously have no idea what happened. And any attempts to get answers are ignored.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 2
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Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/18/2018 9:27:34 PM
She doesn't want to be with you. So why does she want a family now? Do not get her pregnant! One squirt a week isn't worth a minimum of 18 years of child support.
 kraft58
Joined: 3/6/2018
Msg: 3
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Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/18/2018 9:39:04 PM
Her wanting a child was discussed a few short hours before leaving.

In a way she blind sided me. Going from I love you I want to have a baby. To we are nothing but friends. With no argument in that short amount of time.
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 4
Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/19/2018 9:44:26 AM
If she wants out of the marriage, let her go. The last thing in the world either of you need is to bring a baby into this mess.
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 5
Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/19/2018 9:49:07 AM
What are the details of the conversation? Is she flaky? Hot and cold? Does she give you ultimatums? Whatever you do, do not have children with her.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 6
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Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/19/2018 12:07:49 PM

Me and my soon to be ex wife have been together for five years now and have been married for five months. Last week she decided to end it claiming she felt we were nothing more than best friends.

So last week she decided to end it -- getting a Separation. Just last week. I'd put Separated as your status in your profile. She even mentioned having a kid together while packing her bags. If it's 6 months later + you Know divorce papers are going to go thru, you can put divorced instead... but putting "Single" -- you'll mislead some girl who you go out with. "I'm married. My wife, soon to be ex, filed for Separation a couple weeks ago. Sucks, right?" Not good. :)

It sounds like she knew you two were basically close friends before being married. I think she wants to have kids, and would with you as she sees you as someone to share a kid with, but this whole marriage thing + romantic/sexual Relationship? Not going to cut it, in her eyes. How she feels now, 5 months into being married, is how she felt when the idea of ring-shopping was occurring -- you're more of just a BFF.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 7
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Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/19/2018 4:58:26 PM
Join the "My wife wants out, and I have no clue why" club. I'm in it.

Mine denied sleeping around on me. When I asked, she couldn't look me in the face when she claimed she didn't. But then, mine claimed that she was close to blowing her brains out. I was ready to wave bye-bye then. She didn't want to be in our marriage, and I wasn't going to stop her. That was seven years ago. I still don't know why, but I stopped worrying about some years ago.

You won't get any satisfactory answers, so just stop asking. Start working on you.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 8
Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/19/2018 5:43:40 PM

make time to attempt once a week


OP, There are soooooo many things I could say but I will stick to just 2.
1. In the above partial sentence. Did you / are you suggesting you could "make time to attempt" ? to have sex?
????????????????once a week? ...............................I can see why she thought you were nothing more than friends!
2. You have been ?separated a whole week....................a WHOLE entire week? AND yet you are here, DAYS later looking for another wife?


Seriously have no idea what happened

Oh you know exactly what happened. It 's what didn't happen .............that happened.
 kraft58
Joined: 3/6/2018
Msg: 9
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Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/19/2018 8:12:23 PM
Now that I'm at a computer instead of a cell phone, perhaps I should explain it a little bit more clearly and in more detail.

A little over a year ago, I had been in an accident, fracturing my skull through my left eye, causing me to suffer major migraines and partial blindness in my one eye. Ever since then she had been acting weird, staying out later at work (the week she left she stayed out for 4 hours after her shift ended, normally she would be an hour and a half late due to co-workers being unreliable). She would call and say she would want sex, only to find any excuse whatsoever to not do it.

Anything from,
-she and her friends stayed out to late and she is tired.
-she feels there's no point because she was never going to get pregnant.
-she isn't feeling it (Despite minutes ago wanting it)

However she was the one who brought up wanting it. Any attempt by me to have sex with her was met with rejection on any other occasion would be met with rejection.

The Saturday she left, we went out for a nice lunch, and I made her a steak dinner. While eating she said, that she wanted to take her pills again to help regulate her periods. That she would start them on a day where she could remember taking them, so on the 14th day after taking them we could try to have a baby again. And made note that while on the pills her sex drive would go up so I would be rejected less.

I told her that the doctor we had been seeing also suggested that we should try once a week. That doing that would be better than once every 2-3 weeks. She agreed and said she'd make the effort.

When she went to her night shift that night, she sent a text that she only saw us as friends. That she should have told me before the wedding but she wanted to wear her dress so badly. That she is sorry but is never coming back.

The confusing part is, why? When she told me she'd make the effort, I have made an effort, and if she wanted to tell me before the wedding, why get my hopes up about a baby at all?
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 10
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Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/20/2018 6:18:06 AM

When she went to her night shift that night, she sent a text that she only saw us as friends. That she should have told me before the wedding but she wanted to wear her dress so badly.


That's downright cruel. I'm sorry you're going through this. It'll hurt, maybe for quite a while. Then one day you'll wake up and realize, an hour later, that you haven't thought about her yet that day. That's when you'll know that the clouds are parting.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 11
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Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/20/2018 11:49:19 AM
this is just my opinion but you seem like a nice guy, and women really do want nice guys. i wonder if you having the accident transformed her into your carer and switched the relationship to something else? it's also possible it scared her into thinking about a time when she will lose you, she seems to have started backing away from you then like she was preparing to lose you. but that seems to have set something off where things changed between you both.

on the other hand she also might be shallow and does seem selfish; wanting a wedding just so she could wear a dress? backing off because you got ill? wanting a baby but then messing about over having one (this last one isn't too bad because it is a lifetime commitment so can be scary to think aboutand yu should be 100% certain before you have them).

i think you'll only get your answers from her though and she probably still cares about you but if she thinks her answers will hurt you, or shame herself, i doubt she will be honest.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 12
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Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/20/2018 8:57:26 PM
what sort of a bimbo marries a man she is not in love with because she wants to wear a wedding dress? she is a flake and you dont want to have any of her children for sure.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 13
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Posted: 3/20/2018 11:56:01 PM
Something isn't right here, like there's more to this story. Why did you marry her? You sound oblivious to what was going on in your short marriage, like she's a stranger to you, but you knew her for 5 years.

Do you have a job you get paid for?
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 14
Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/21/2018 4:31:36 AM
Oh wow....just wow......Sadly, I HAVE heard of these types of stories before - where a couple gets married and in less than 6 months one of the parties is heading out the door.

OP......I agree with Purple (see message 7) and Chromis (see message 11).

What happened to you was very cruel and you really won't get any truthful answers from your ex so don't even bother.

IF she tries to come back....do NOT let her in and for God's sake do NOT try to have kids with her.

My own ex did this 2 YEARS after he left me for another woman. After it blew up in his face he wanted to come back but I flatly refused. I would sit in a chair tied down and take the WORST beating someone had to give me before I would go back to him.

Cut of all contact with her and only correspond with you via an attorney. If she has to return to the house to get her things, then have someone there with you as a witness and also to diffuse any possible altercations. If you really need to, get law enforcement involved.

But seriously......there is a good resource for you out here to help you heal from your very short marriage. It's called Divorce care - it's a Christian/Faith based group that can help. The website for that is divorcecare.org. There is tons of materials out there and even a group finder so you can find a group today.

Take a break. Do NOT get into another relationship while you are going through your transition. Focus on YOU at this time. - You need to face your pain head on and deal with it. Yes it's difficult, but in the long run, I guarantee you will be miles ahead if you do.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 15
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Posted: 3/21/2018 6:54:05 AM
What about an annulment? Have a consultation with a divorce attorney to see what is your best option.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 16
Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/21/2018 3:58:36 PM
^^^^ Cool - what a GREAT idea! - he was married less than a year so I wouldn't think it would be much of a legal issue........
 kraft58
Joined: 3/6/2018
Msg: 17
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Posted: 3/21/2018 9:38:11 PM
Been leaning for that. Thanks for the advice.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 18
Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/22/2018 4:11:36 AM
Well keep on keeping on.

Get out of the house and take on new interests as you are able. Mix it up a bit. Join a couple clubs, volunteer, join a sporting league. When I was newly single, I did all of these things and made a score of new friends who eventually became somewhat of a support group.

Stay busy and focus on what YOU want in your now new life. Yes, it will hurt for some time, but I think in the long run, you will be okay.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 19
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Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/22/2018 12:58:50 PM

That she should have told me before the wedding but she wanted to wear her dress so badly. That she is sorry but is never coming back.

Basically it's the Negative consequences of culture from maw & paw -- which makes many folks to be in love with the concept of being married & having kids ("accomplishment"). But this one's on steroids.

Thing is, you were probably emotionally chasing her throughout. Like a rich guy trying to buy a gal with trips to the mall for all the clothes she wants, you instead were her comfort zone and to provide what she wants too -- in the form of being married and having kid(s). To satisfy her need for that "accomplishment".

Thing is man, it's one thing when naive to the dating world to be dating a gal for a few months, emotionally chasing her, which is about 2 months and 2 weeks too long (but we learn).... it's another thing to be in a Relationship chasing them and knowing they aren't-that-into-us, but are into what the Relationship (not ourselves) can bring. Ouch.

Being "with" someone for you was your "accomplishment". Don't let it be like that. Be independent. Far too many gals get 'stuck' in those situations, don't be a guy doing the same thing. :)
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 20
Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/22/2018 1:26:39 PM
Norwegie you are completely against marriage aren't you? I used to be like that and I refused to get married for years because I was so cynical but now after being stuck in an awful relationship for years, I suddenly believe that a good marriage is possible. I've seen too many good marriages the last few years, mostly among the elderly, that it's really gotten me thinking. I think a major problem is with our generation. We buy into the romance of it and expect everyone to live happily ever after but when the going gets tough we bolt. As soon as the sunshine and rainbows disappear we think it's over. I refuse to believe that marriage is a maw and paw idea that people should give up on. Yes, people are too focussed on the wedding and not focussed enough on improving a relationship.

To the original poster, my ex left me after 9 years and 3 kids for another woman but I know why and I know we are both equally to blame. However, I have been in a relationship where things were going so good and then boom, you get dumped. Hurts like hell and closure is next to impossible. My advice is to write all your feelings out in a letter and then burn it and move on. Sounds like your wife lacks the balls to be honest with you and tell you the truth. Don't take her back if she changes her mind because she didn't make this decision to break up with you in vain. And honestly, try to go have a rebound fling with someone. It helps.
 kraft58
Joined: 3/6/2018
Msg: 21
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Posted: 3/22/2018 2:41:45 PM
Sadly I got the answers today at the court house. She had been secretly involved with her ex while claiming to be at work picking up extra shifts. She used me as the maid who would clean, cook and give foot rubs everyday after her job ended. Providing whatever she wanted financially. While she was receiving attention from the other guy. She told me that she left so I could truly be happy with someone who deserves me. And she hopes I have a good life elsewhere.

It's far from a satifactory answer but it's better than the BS I only wanted my wedding dress excuse she was giving me for the past little while. But if that's reality than that's what it is.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 22
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Left heartbroken and confused
Posted: 3/22/2018 6:55:34 PM
Wow, that sucks! Then why isn't she looking to have her baby with this other guy? Are you sure you have a job? You never answered that question. Were you doing something stupid at the time to get the skull fracture? You mentioned "she" changed after that, but did you? By no means am I suggesting any of this should be an excuse for her cheating. That's just low, and be grateful you didn't get her pregnant. Have kids with someone that wants to be with you and stay with you.
 kraft58
Joined: 3/6/2018
Msg: 23
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Posted: 3/22/2018 7:39:42 PM
No I wasn't doing anything stupid. I had an abscessed tooth that was overlooked by a dentist. By the time my tooth and gum started to hurt the infection had become severe and upon going for an emergency dental appointment they put me on an anti inflammatory and an antibiotic. That night I seizured and upon collapsing to the floor I struck my head off the corner of our antique record player. The impact broke part of my skull from my eyebrow straight through the eye socket and down into my cheek.

Because of that injury I suffered frequent fainting spells. Seizures. And my doctor recommended the Ontario disability support program since in his opinion I no longer could continue to do my job safely. I did however start to write. I sold a couple of manuscripts to online publishers.

However on a normal month I made 1700 a month. I was handling rent, both of our cell phone bills, our grave plot, and groceries on my own. She only had to worry about the car. Insurance. And fun money.

My behavior towards her never changed. I continued to make her feel what I would have assumed was wanted. I rubbed her feet and back daily. Made her warm meals for when she was done work. Did the house work so she could come home and not have to worry about anything except what was on tv.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 24
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Posted: 3/22/2018 8:03:51 PM
Gosh, I'm sorry to hear what you went thru with the tooth scenario. It sure sounds like she may be moving on due to your lack of money making potential. If so, she's an awful person. Marriage is to go thru good and bad together. She couldn't have loved you as she should have by treating you this way. It's a hard thing you're going thru, but it's probably better sooner than later that she showed her true colors. I'm not sure what the law is, but you may be entitled to get a little financial support from her.

Going forward, find a new place that's affordable on your disability, and so that you can afford to date too, and to live comfortably. You can always change places later if money starts to roll in. Good luck to you! Know that losing her really isn't a loss.
 kraft58
Joined: 3/6/2018
Msg: 25
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Posted: 3/22/2018 8:14:43 PM
Thanks. She took possession of the house but got my own place 2 months from now. Just staying with my sister till then.

My friends also were nice enough to donate new furniture. So in 2 months I'll be completely back up on my feet just have to get past the pain of heartbrake and loneliness
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