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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything      Home login  
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 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 1
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anythingPage 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I know this sounds bad and I'm a terrible person but last night I cheated on my boyfriend with another man and I don't regret it, in fact I would do it again. We didn't sleep together, just a long drunken make out session (I was piss drunk). My boyfriend and I don't have sex, I can say with absolute honesty that I can count on one hand the number of times we've been intimate in almost two years. He's not a sexual person and at first I didn't mind it but then my sex drive came back and he was doing nothing for me and I feel like an idiot asking him to sleep together.

Aside from no sex, he doesn't put in any effort into our relationship. I've done a lot for him and I've gotten very little back. I've tried to explain this to him and he tells me that he has no money and how he's living paycheck to paycheck so he can't give me what he wants to. I told him it doesn't have to be materialistic, just basically move your ass out of your comfort zone. He was single for 7 years before me so he's still getting use to being with someone but I would think in 18 months you would be used to things right? At this point we are on a break because I tried to break up with him and he started crying and telling me to give him a little more time and he will make changes. I'm tired of being told how lucky he is to have me while his actions show he takes me completely for granted until his back is against the wall because he's losing me.

The reason I'm giving him another chance is because deep down I do love him, which is why I'm confused how I could cheat on him so easily. Maybe it was because I was drunk but like I said, I would do it again. The man I cheated with actually wants to be with me, he treats me better than my boyfriend, he's invited me on trips with him and he's actually turned on by me which my boyfriend doesn't seem to be turned on by anything on the planet. He is a lot older than me though. My boyfriend is older too but the guy is 20+ years older, it doesn't bother me I just thought I'd mention that.

I guess I'm writing all this because I don't know who else to talk to about this, I don't know what else to do and is any of this normal or am I just a weird freak? Where do I go from here? Can I be with both in different ways?
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 2
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I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 8:31:11 AM
You wrote all that just so people can tell you to end the relationship? If you loved him you wouldn't do that crap no matter what.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 3
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 8:32:26 AM
But that's the problem, I do love him and I'm conflicted. If I didn't love him I would have ended the relationship already since I'm not getting much from it anyway.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 4
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I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 8:38:25 AM
Well cause of your sex drive which your boyfriend isn't satisfying you said you'd do it again. Don't you think breaking up with him now would be easier than the complete disaster it will turn into if he finds out? As you say you didn't have sex, well chances are you will eventually do it if you're drunk enough.
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 5
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 9:04:40 AM
Have a sit down with your boyfriend, tell him what happened, and see what happens. Come back to the forum if he still wants to be with you.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 6
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 9:10:10 AM
I can't tell him that he will be devastated. I would be shocked if he would still want to be with me but either way it would be too painful. His ex wife cheated on him after 4 years of marriage and got pregnant with another guy, granted we're not married but it would be too tough of a blow.
 HanoverFella
Joined: 1/16/2018
Msg: 7
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 9:21:50 AM
Keep cheating and give him an std, that’ll teach him for being in his comfort zone...how dare he! :O
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 8
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 9:38:21 AM
I've never had an std in my life or any other type of transmitted disease. You must have no idea what it feels like to be taken for granted and completely under appreciated.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 9
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I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 9:40:23 AM
Sorry to put this so bluntly, and you do know this anyway but ~ your boyfriend is a loser, when it comes to relationships - and maybe more ( & this has nothing to do with his lack of sexual desire, it's just the way things are )

" deep down I love him " < This means absolutely nothing because - love is only one part of a two part equation. The other part is compatibility, just as important - if not more so.

" Can I be with both in different ways ? " < my opinion is no, this being un-fair to either one.
" 20+ years older " < good luck with that, in my OP - this ( in a long term relationship ) can create it's own kind of problems, down the road.
" I'm a terrible person " < no your not, just human by definition ~ having faults and good points, nobodies perfect.

heart / sun
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 10
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 9:41:25 AM
Then I completely agree with _R_A_T_.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 11
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 9:48:31 AM

Sorry to put this so bluntly, and you do know this anyway but ~ your boyfriend is a loser, when it comes to relationships - and maybe more ( & this has nothing to do with his lack of sexual desire, it's just the way things are )

" deep down I love him " < This means absolutely nothing because - love is only one part of a two part equation. The other part is compatibility, just as important - if not more so.

" Can I be with both in different ways ? " < my opinion is no, this being un-fair to either one.
" 20+ years older " < good luck with that, in my OP - this ( in a long term relationship ) can create it's own kind of problems, down the road.
" I'm a terrible person " < no your not, just human by definition ~ having faults and good points, nobodies perfect.

heart / sun


Funny you say that without even really knowing him because my parents have called him a loser several times and they don't want me with him, they never have. I don't plan on having a relationship with the other guy, we're just FWB right now although he's told me he's falling for me. A part of me wants to break up with my boyfriend but he isn't letting me. It would be a lot easier if he just said ok and let me move on. But he makes these shitty attempts at fixing things and I accept it because I still have a weakness for him.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 12
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 9:52:40 AM
No matter what the scenario or how much of a shitbag someone is, break up with them before hooking up with someone else.

Trying to justify cheating just makes you look foolish.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 13
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I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 9:59:57 AM
Often in life, there comes a time when hard decisions must be made, this being one ( in my op )

" weakness for him " < life & self preservation ~ require difficult decisions at times.

It's time to exert yourself, your fully capable ~ this I know ...

^^^ " break up with him before hooking up with someone else " < wise advice

heart / sun
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 14
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 10:14:20 AM
I'm not trying to justify cheating, I'm admitting what I did and why I did it. I feel like a terrible person because I will most likely do it again because I'm unhappy with my boyfriend. He doesn't give me anything and he expects me to go visit him, we never go out we just sit at home watching tv and drinking. It's interesting that he has money for beer and liquor but not for me. It was fine in the beginning but now I'm bored. The other guy (who's name is John) at least excites me and makes me feel wanted.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 15
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I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 10:19:36 AM
What in the world do you love about him? Also you know darn well why his ex cheated on him, and so.does he. He puts nothing into the relationship, doesn't even pretend, he expects you to do it all, you are nothing more than a roommate. So why are you doing this? Tell him the truth and move on, or stay so you can use him as an excuse.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 16
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 10:46:00 AM
Well he has good qualities about him he's caring, he's loving, he's been there for me through a disorder I had to deal with, he's loyal.
He asked to see me in a couple of days so I'm going to lay everything out on the table for him. If he can tell me what steps he's willing to take to put in work and I see actual changes then I might take him back. If he can't or is unwilling to then I'm done.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 10/14/2017
Msg: 17
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 10:50:47 AM
^^^^Seems you didn't need to start a Thread after all....
You already know what you're gonna do.

He's probably unhappy...as well.
 HanoverFella
Joined: 1/16/2018
Msg: 18
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 11:03:53 AM

Well he has good qualities about him he's caring, he's loving, he's been there for me through a disorder I had to deal with, he's loyal.


LoL, yep, sounds like a loser ...smh
Just out of curiosity, what would his opinion of you be?? because there’s 2 sides to every story
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 19
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 11:18:28 AM
OP you cheated on boyfriend and it wasn't with me why does it feel like an insult and you plan on doing it again and still no call to me your doing that on purpose to make me jealous aren't you. I have no love for you no more if your going to be that way about that stuff, never call me I am officially forever busy from you there how do you like them apples.

End the relationship clearly you 2 are not compatible in the sexual department just saying.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 20
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 11:28:10 AM

LoL, yep, sounds like a loser ...smh
Just out of curiosity, what would his opinion of you be?? because there’s 2 sides to every story


Well he woudn't let me go when I tried to end things, that tells you his opinion of me.
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 21
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 11:38:34 AM


Well he woudn't let me go when I tried to end things, that tells you his opinion of me

what---that you're easily manipulated?
 Whisky_River
Joined: 10/14/2017
Msg: 22
I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 11:47:36 AM

what---that you're easily manipulated?

OR...He has pretty low standards...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 23
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I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 12:25:53 PM
I don't think cheating is ever a good idea. You're telling yourself
you don't regret it, but are you sure that's the sort of person you
want to be? I wouldn't even bother telling him what you did, I think you
should just break if off with him and leave never to look back.

Maybe he will be devastated, but my guess is he'll be relieved.
He'll talk you into staying because "he's doing the best he can"
(I'll bet he's said that to you more than once), he'll promise to change and
then he'll use your indiscretion against you and make you feel
worse about yourself than you already do. He manipulates you
because your weakness is you think you love him.

You can't fix him and he's not what you want or need.
 rollie1956
Joined: 8/16/2012
Msg: 24
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I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 12:51:00 PM
After 18 months and no intimacy? Move on.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 25
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I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything
Posted: 3/19/2018 1:16:02 PM
why do you want to be with someone who puts no effort into the relationship?

i don't think you're a freak, if you're polygamous then it's normal to want to be with more than one person at once. if you're monogamous then no it's not normal to cheat on someone and is considered deception (which is why you haven't told him). i think you have needs and they're not being fulfilled. i'd guess if you asked your boyfriend if he felt his needs were catered to he would say they are.

you might wanna self reflect for a while and ask yourself why you are with someone like this and why you're in love with him.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't feel anything