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 Blloo123
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 1
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Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a GirlPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Okay, so i'm a guy. I met a girl on here and we chatted for about a week before getting together on the weekend. I obtainted her number fast from POF chatbox and discussed by cell phone VIA text message. The first chats we had went on and off all day about hobbies, jobs, ect... basic things like that.

I'm good at texting woman around my age (20s) and know rules such as don't reply ASAP, take some time to reply, try to make comedy out of most text messages in a "jokey" because no one wants to discuss every day "How are U", "What are u doing".... Oh Yeah, the same thing every day mostly work, relax and repeat. So I try to say some outrageous funny things in response in a flirty way. I did that for the entire week, even chatted on cell phone for about a hour or so on 2 diff days prior to the meet up.

During the meetup, we ate food and saw a movie. During the dinner, we talked and laughed and I thought it was going well, then we walked a bit before the movies together. She for the most part would walk more in front of me (which got me confused) because normally on dates we walk together side by side. I took a chance and grabbed her hand and and we walked for a while connected, then eventually let go and later when she kinda pushed me in a Jokey way, I went for her hand again and we walked together for a long time. Then took a break from holding hands for like 2 hours. Then went to the movies and when we sat down, I waited till about 20 minutes in and wanted to re-test the waters, so I held her hand again and this time she "stroked" my fingers with hers for a while and I did it back too, then after a scene I moved her hand and mine connected up to my chest and gave her a smile look and let go and put my arm around her. She leaned toward me and I held her by the shoulder and rubbed her side arm a little. Eventually the movie came to a end and she kinda rushed out of there and we said goodbye in the parking lot and I didn't go for a kiss. She works really early, so she is always rushing to be asleep soon and it was pretty late.

Post Date, she texted a few hours later and sent I enjoyed it and some emotes. Anways, that now leaves me around this zone. So, I can't tell if the date went well or NOT. Do girls or woman allow u to hold hands, movie cuddle and stroke hands during the movie "IF" they are honestly not into u and just doing it to be nice or in reality would a girl just back off ASAP if I made a move and she didn't like it or wasn't into me?

Also, I'm having a bit of problems on topics to discuss post all of this for the next week or 2 before another potential date. So I aim to just keep saying jokey answers in response to her "how are u" questions ect.. and I even aimed to drag her questions into scenes that are made up of us being there together and I'd aim it toward us being "close" almost like to discuss cuddle or kiss (not sex), just basic intmacy flirting for example "I'd keep you warm" and the response I'd get it "sweet... OR awww thanks", she doesn't really flirt back by texting and I've tried this many times, her replies honestly are more serious and it's giving me problems to try and emotionally connect with her.... THoughts?
 Blloo123
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 2
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Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/20/2018 4:16:37 AM
EDIT:

So My questions come out to be:
Do girls or woman allow u to hold hands, movie cuddle and stroke hands during the movie "IF" they are honestly not into u and just doing it to be nice or in reality would a girl just back off ASAP if I made a move and she didn't like it or wasn't into me?

I even aimed to drag her questions into scenes that are made up of us being there together and I'd aim it toward us being "close" almost like to discuss cuddle or kiss (not sex), just basic intmacy flirting for example "I'd keep you warm" and the response I'd get it "sweet... OR awww thanks", she doesn't really flirt back by texting and I've tried this many times, her replies honestly are more serious and it's giving me problems to try and emotionally connect with her.... THoughts

We have been talking every day VIA text message since DAY 1 of meeting. It's not NON-STOP convo, it's more like She sends a message -1H-I reply-1H-She Replies-2H-I reply ect.... Sometimes many hours in between. I mainly reply LATE not that I don't read it early on or ASAP cause I don't want her to think I'm clingy or needy. So, Should I maybe take a day break and send no messages at all to her and maybe she won't send any to me and then hope she messages me something the next day? I know that the biggest attraction killer is needy or desperate and its usually conveyed by the guy OVER texting or chatting on and off every day or calling every other day... So It's been like this, should I take a break? No means do I want to push her away...
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 3
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Posted: 3/20/2018 6:08:26 AM

Eventually the movie came to a end and she kinda rushed out of there and we said goodbye in the parking lot and I didn't go for a kiss. She works really early, so she is always rushing to be asleep soon and it was pretty late.

Post Date, she texted a few hours later and sent I enjoyed it and some emotes. Anways, that now leaves me around this zone. So, I can't tell if the date went well or NOT.


It could have gone better.

Doesn't matter how late it is, how early she needs to be work in the morning, if your date is really into you she won't rush out to hightail it home. She'll linger.

I think you pressed too hard and made her uncomfortable at the movie (which, BTW, probably wasn't the best idea for a first date). I also think the daily texting is a bit much. Call her, make a date for the weekend, chat a bit, then give her space until the date. See how it goes. If I were you, I'd take my foot off the gas pedal.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 4
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/20/2018 7:07:14 AM

we said goodbye in the parking lot and I didn't go for a kiss.


There's no good reason for letting this happen. Even if time is an issue, a hot one minute kiss can make an enormous impact.


We have been talking every day VIA text message since DAY 1 of meeting. It's not NON-STOP convo


So many guys bring this up as if it is a positive. It isn't. You're digging your own grave with this. Save the texting for arranging to get together or just quick hellos. Full blown "conversations" need to be saved for when you're face to face.
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 5
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/20/2018 7:24:19 AM
^^^
Even if time is an issue, a hot one minute kiss can make an enormous impact.


+1
Make a memory~
Much more effective than a lame jokey text<<<

;-)
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 6
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/20/2018 9:47:44 AM
Pig is right, text is to women, what sports are to men. I have women who have zero interest in meeting in person...but damn they'll talk a day away if I let 'em. I'm good enough to waste time with, and that's it.

Her walking ahead of you, may have been body language. Right now, you are entertainment to her. You're funny, you take her places...but does she imagine you naked? that's where going in for the kiss, is a good idea. Unless you want to be entertainment from now until she meets a hot guy, going in for the kiss tells you--does she want to have sex with you, or doesn't she? you may not be building attraction, you might be giving her emotions to feel. Its like asking the boss for a raise, you can prep him all you want, eventually you have to ask and find out if you're wasting your time or not.

some women love to be courted, which is what you're doing. but it doesn't mean they always want to hop into bed with the guy courting them. Some guys can date a bunch of women, and never have real sex with them. Courting and dating are like gambling...you're making an investment, and you hope it pays off. But it only pays off when you go collect your money. if you keep gambling, you eventually gamble away the money. or work yourself into the friend zone :)
 Blloo123
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 7
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Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/20/2018 1:39:22 PM
We'll I didn't text her today at all and it's mid day. I suppose I'll not text st all today and see how it goes tomorrow.
I hid my profile, does that mean here is no way she can tell if I'm online at all even if she looks st prev chsts we had saved?

I see her online today btw after work instead of texting me. So idk what to say, it kind of bothers me that I'm wasting time talking to a girl etc. and she can't go one st a time at least....I searched for her in the Chet bar using exact stats and she never came up? Does that mean she hid her profile too? Ur she's still online .... according to our prev chats, says above it....
 DrivingHarmony2018
Joined: 2/10/2018
Msg: 8
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/20/2018 3:20:20 PM
OP:

You had one date. That's it. Right now, you and this young lady are nothing to each other. Don't be concerned whether she knows you hid your profile or not. Don't be concerned if she hid her profile or is online with POF and not texting you. Until you two are exclusive, none of this matters. It sounds like you two had a decent date albeit no kiss at the end.


I know that the biggest attraction killer is needy or desperate and its usually conveyed by the guy OVER texting or chatting on and off every day or calling every other day.


You two may have different communication styles. I imagine there are young women out there who love getting texts messages throughout the day or talking on the phone daily.

IMO, keep your options open. Continue to search out other women. She is not the only fish in the sea.

I do agree with another poster - a movie is probably not the best for a first date. IMO, first dates are where you want to talk, face to face.....preferably in a semi quiet location...get to know the other person.

She could be really into you, but does not want to appear that way.....for fear of being clingy? Who knows. .....
Seems to me, many people are too worried to be who they really are.......(ie - daily contact can be construed as needy or clingy when it is not the case....it depends on communication context)
 Blloo123
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 9
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Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/20/2018 3:50:13 PM
That what I really dislike about online dating, it's
Not a matter of being exclusive, it's almost as if I asked someone out and we dated and when we are apart they would flirt
With other guys they see or notice yet at the same time talk
Keep talking to me. I just have a harder time investing into many dates at the same time and prefer to give one my full attention. It always seemed like a child's thing to do to date many people at once.

I'm pretty sure she hid her profile for
The entire week
And few days post I can officially find her in the search bar and before I could not. So must be she's looking again or
Something is off, do u think
I should just come clean with what I'm thinking and if it
Works it does if not move on?
 DrivingHarmony2018
Joined: 2/10/2018
Msg: 10
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/20/2018 4:07:00 PM
OP:

Remember, you just had one date. That's it. You cannot expect anything out of it.
I get it....you want to date one person at a time, give your full attention to one person. You can do this but you cannot expect the other person to do it right off the bat.

If the other person is right for you, it will click. If not, move on. Sounds like it might be time to move on.

Come clean with what? Telling her you see her online so she must be looking for other guys? If yes - then yes.....this is where you would appear clingy or actually exhibiting stalker qualities.

There are women out there who want to date one person at a time too. You just got to find her. Be patient grasshopper. :)
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 11
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Posted: 3/20/2018 11:30:41 PM
She probably thinks you're sending mixed signals by not texting now, so she's waiting for your cue to show continued interest. Don't listen to these old farts here that don't get texting, because they're old. It's not like she's texting instead of meeting you.

I don't think holding her hand was necessarily too soon.

You shouldn't be running out of topics already. Think about what you have in common. Talk about things, activities, that go on where you both live. Think of questions to ask in a natural way about her and let her talk. Talk about your next date and what you may do, and secure that next date. You know she's waiting to be asked out again. Tomorrow is Wednesday. It's too close to the weekend to wait any longer to ask her out.
 Blloo123
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 12
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Posted: 3/21/2018 12:30:53 AM
So to update,
I just took it into my own hands and discuss on call. Literally mentioned another date and she was totally giving a reaction like YES, I said I wasn't t sure about the first meet up we had and talked about it, she thought I was not interested in her, so we concluded to meetup again in a few coming days. She also said she liked all the stuff I did physically to her on the first date, so yeah. She just isn't good as sending the right messages or body signs-lang when by text or meeting up, so that's why I'm having a trouble some time to figure her out. Usually I can tell right away if its good or bad and if it's bad I just end it asap cause if a girl wouldn't let me touch her hand on the first date I wouldn't pursue that any few minutes longer because of no initial attraction.
 Nezz123
Joined: 9/6/2011
Msg: 13
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/21/2018 6:17:22 AM

I just took it into my own hands and discuss on call. Literally mentioned another date and she was totally giving a reaction like YES, I said I wasn't t sure about the first meet up we had and talked about it, she thought I was not interested in her, so we concluded to meetup again in a few coming days.


Congratulations for open communication, listening/observing her responses, and on Date #2! Especially early on, it's hard for guys/girls to ascertain each other's feelings and intentions without asking. And yet asking feels awkward with someone who is still a new acquaintance! But it sounds like you did good, so cheers!
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 14
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/21/2018 6:23:36 AM


Don't listen to these old farts


Said the woman who is more than a DECADE older than me. Wow, could you possibly look any more foolish? You are not a man and have zero experience in trying to attract women. Unnecessary ping-pong texting does *not* increase attraction. It does the opposite for a myriad of reasons.


You shouldn't be running out of topics already. Think about what you have in common. Talk about things, activities, that go on where you both live. Think of questions to ask in a natural way about her and let her talk.


NO. DO NOT do this via text. As I said, stick to only texting quick responses to her contacting you and for setting up the next date. Let her know you're looking forward to it, too. She KNOWS you're interested at this point. There's no need whatsoever to oversell it. You JUST met and went out on one date. Let things reach the point where you're seeing each other multiple times a week by making your biggest impact in person.

There are two kinds of women who will actually try to lure a man into endless texting. One who is desperate and one who is shit testing you to see if *you* are desperate.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 15
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Posted: 3/21/2018 11:48:25 AM
I agree with Nezz.

Pig, pig, pig........I don't care for texting, probably partially due to my elevated age, but that doesn't mean I'm going to put my feelings about it on someone else. Texting is not sh!t testing. It's how people communicate these days, and I do it, but don't prefer to with dates. Your gray hair is showing☺

The way you're portraying women to him is negative, when there's nothing negative going on.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 16
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/21/2018 5:48:10 PM
Nutzo, nutzo, nutzo. Men are tested by every woman they pursue or who pursues them. That's not an opinion. You simply don't like the term for it. I have no idea if this girl, in particular, has engaged in it yet. He hasn't mentioned to what extent she's pushing for the texting.

Overexposure early on will lead to boredom before it will increase attraction, especially when it goes on for too long before the next meet. Sorry, but a man dropping his whole life to endlessly babble via texting after only one date doesn't make a good impression, no matter how great it seems at first. She will eventually come to the conclusion he has no life outside of her, and that's when her attraction goes right down the toilet.

He hasn't indicated whether this girl has pushed for the "non-stop text convos", but when they do, as I said, they are either desperate or shit testing. Period.

I've had literally dozens of women attempt to bully me into it in the last few years, and every last one was a shit test. How do I know? Because every one of them threw a hissy fit and blew me off when I refused to participate, but contacted me days or weeks later as if nothing happened. (and I ignored them)

I wish we could post screenshots here. You would see for yourself it's been the same pattern and almost the same exact words between all of them.


Your gray hair is showing☺


Wishful thinking. I don't have a single strand of gray yet.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 17
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Posted: 3/21/2018 7:50:24 PM
I don't have a problem with the words sh!t testing. If he didn't like texting, then I'd say don't do it, but he's been doing it, so it would be odd to stop just because you don't like it.

I understand what you're saying with over exposure, but they're young and excited about their new relationship. I think it would be game playing to temper that excitement thinking it will create interest. If they're not excited about each other now, there's no where to go but downhill. If a guy didn't show enough excitement over me, that's when I would be losing interest, and not visa versa.

The gray hair comment was not meant literally, just to denote your ways are showing your age. There's no reason to kick women to the curb over texting. You could simply tell them you're not into texting.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 18
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/22/2018 5:57:21 AM


then I'd say don't do it, but he's been doing it, so it would be odd to stop just because you don't like it.


No man *wants* to text. They do it because they feel like they have to be in her cyber face day and night to keep the woman from forgetting him.



I understand what you're saying with over exposure, but they're young and excited about their new relationship.


Their new relationship? There IS no relationship yet. That's my whole damn point. Smother her and there won't be one. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the "OMG! I don't know what the f*ck happened, we texted ALL THE TIME, and she just vanished!!" story from friends and the younger guys in my family.

Guess when it all turned around? When the focus was completely on setting up face to face interaction, not sitting there with a phone being her gal-pal "bestie" with a penis. You can't kiss, fondle, make eye contact, be seduced by the tone of someone's voice/spoken words, or F*CK through a phone.



You could simply tell them you're not into texting.


Yes, you *could*, but it doesn't guarantee a shit test won't follow.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 19
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/22/2018 9:35:30 AM
" Men are tested by every woman they pursue or who pursues them. That's not an opinion."

>>actually, its not every woman. a woman who thinks a man is a player, or he's so attractive that he can dump her in a second, she'll test his interest to see if its real or if he's just dangling his line to see who bites. Kinda like if someone offers you money or a favor...you won't test their sincerity unless you think they are a BS artist. Otherwise you'll be glad to get the help, that will be your focus, not to play games or ratchet up drama.

I've had average-looking women chase or date me, and then didn't bother to test...b/c they weren't going to risk chasing a guy away, or b/c they flat out didn't see relationships as a game, b/c it was a game they lost often. The women who invest in drama, are the ones who can get away with it. Either they are attractive enough that men will put up with it, or they can run home to daddy and mommy who will bail them out of the situation they've put themselves into.

I can believe an attractive man gets tested a lot. He could very well be chasing women in his league, who know they can play games (like pretending they didn't do anything offense that needs to be apologized for) and get away with it, so why not spice up their lives. Sex and romance aren't hard for them to find, so they can afford to annoy a man--there'll be another coming by soon.

Texting or email is really no different than talking on a phone (other than loss of hearing tone in a voice) in that its simply another medium for mindless communication. Its not as good as getting into a car, and going someplace for F2F--that takes a commitment of some level. Picking up a phone device, is little effort/investment.

that all said, the OP may have "interest" rather than "attraction", but we'll see how it shakes loose.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 20
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/22/2018 5:29:04 PM
Shit tests come in many forms and for many purposes. They are also testing a man to see if he actually *is* a man and not a pansy who gets defensive when she says something sarcastic, jokingly accusatory, or agrees with everything she says.

Hell, half the time, the men are oblivious to the fact the tests are even occurring and the women are oblivious to the fact they're conducting them.

Not to mention, doing everything to sell himself right away as someone who's "not like all the other guys" is the worst thing a guy can do. I want to puke anytime I witness it, myself. If she sees anything in him that reminds her of the ex she was absolutely crazy about but wrecked her f*cking universe, it's actually *not* a bad thing.


Picking up a phone device, is little effort/investment.


It depends on what it's being used for. Setting up a meet, yes. Spending ungodly hours texting back and forth when that very time could be spent face to face? Bad idea.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 21
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Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/22/2018 6:43:21 PM
Guys I met online were texting fiends, so I wouldn't say all men don't want to text. One guy was texting with me before, during and after he was called into work for OT. He had a trip planned prior to meeting me to go to Palm Springs and asked if I'd go, I said no, and he proceeded to text before, during and after the trip. You're diminishing the OP by intimating he's not manly, because he's texting, and it's simply not true. I feel you're sabotaging him with your comments.

If texting kills a burgeoning relationship, it wasn't the physical act of texting, but because the girl started hearing things she didn't like. Some men think that happens from saying too much in their profiles. If you're that awful and have to hide who you are, texting or the profile are not the issue.

I don't like texting, because I think it can lead to misunderstandings in print, and I'm old fashioned and prefer the phone or face to face. Texting does give opportunity to multitask, and not be stuck on the phone, though. It has it's advantages, like if you don't have time to get together during the week, but still want to communicate.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 22
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/22/2018 6:50:09 PM
I hate texting. It's all about mind games. 90% of us have our phone on us at all times except maybe at work so when you text someone you know they obviously got it but they aren't texting you back. When a guy doesn't text me back in a day then nonchalantly texts me back I go crazy reading everything into it. But then I also wonder if they aren't texting me back because they don't want to appear too eager. Every text message is like another test. More difficult then a math question on a test. Trying to answer in the right way with the right timing.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 23
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/22/2018 8:30:44 PM

Guys I met online were texting fiends, so I wouldn't say all men don't want to text. One guy was texting with me before, during and after he was called into work for OT. He had a trip planned prior to meeting me to go to Palm Springs and asked if I'd go, I said no, and he proceeded to text before, during and after the trip.


This proves you had a desperate fool with no life on your hands, and you're *defending* this behavior??? Again, he probably thought being in your face 24/7 was his best chance to gain your interest, not because he simply loves the act of texting. Gee, and it looks like that strategy failed for him, didn't it?


If texting kills a burgeoning relationship, it wasn't the physical act of texting, but because the girl started hearing things she didn't like.


Yes, she didn't like reading his whole f*cking life story after only the first date, and the thought of seeing him again just wasn't as exciting as it was before. Again, talk to me when you actually have some experience with trying to date women.


I don't like texting, because I think it can lead to misunderstandings in print, and I'm old fashioned and prefer the phone or face to face. Texting does give opportunity to multitask, and not be stuck on the phone, though. It has it's advantages, like if you don't have time to get together during the week, but still want to communicate.


I'm going to try this again. The valuable hours devoted to texting back and forth during the week after work could be put toward seeing each other. You admit to being old fashioned, yet think you, as an allegedly heterosexual woman, know something about dealing with women in the modern dating world. Hilarious.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 24
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Posted: 3/22/2018 10:22:21 PM
He was busy, because he has family, he golfs, had a house, a job where he was on call every other week and weekend, and the pièce de résistance, he had a gf. When that came to light, that's what did him in, not texting.

I don't expect anyone my age to necessarily have anything going on. After ending marriages where all they did was go to work, they may not have friends, and any hobbies/interests they pursued, many don't. I'm not going to hold that against anyone, but they do have to be open to doing something besides sitting on the couch 24/7. If I read profiles where men say they're homebodies and like to stay home watching tv, I'd have zero interest, even if they weren't into texting, so texting or no texting is not a deciding factor.

I'm 59, not 109, and I'm dating in the modern world☺ You're a fuddy-duddy that's raining on his parade☔
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 25
Keeping Attraction going & Weeks W/ a Girl
Posted: 3/23/2018 3:43:50 AM

he was busy, because he has family, he golfs, had a house, a job where he was on call every other week and weekend, and the pièce de résistance, he had a gf.


Wait a minute, he was busy with all of this, yet still had time to "text like a fiend"? Horseshit, horseshit, horseshit. I think you make this crap up as you go along.


and the pièce de résistance, he had a gf. When that came to light, that's what did him in, not texting.


Ok, if you were willing to endure all of the alleged "texting like a fiend", it made you *both* desperate.

Look, the multiple hours of texting and phone conversations per day are for teenagers brand new to dating, not grown adults who have been there before.
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